Disclaimer: Same as previous chapter

Rates: OOC, yaoi, fluff, language, hentai XD

Notes: Muaha, I didn't think people would actually read this, but I guess there's not a lot of mystery out there. O.O;; It's still as horrible as ever, I guess my writing skills aren't –that- bad anymore. XD

1 The Horrors of TV Part 4



Dilandau looked outside of the Zaibach Empire's floating Fortress. He stroked his cheek and blood spurted out. He sighed.

"I HATE Van!!!!" Dilandau screeched.

"Geez Lord Dilandau, don't hold a grudge like that." Gatti said calmly. His friend, Dalet, elbowed him in the ribs.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" Dilandau stood up and grabbed Gatti by the collar. He gulped.

"I said Geez Lord Dilandau, I sure wish a smudge like that was dead." Gatti thought up really quickly, which was highly unusual.

"Oh, right." Dilandau shrugged. He was too mad at Van to hit anyone.

"But si-i-i-r." Guimel stopped eating roses for a second to speak up. "He sa-a-a-a-id 'Ge-e-e--e-e--ez Lord Dilandau, do-o-o-o-n't hold a gru-u- udge like tha-a--at."

Dilandau turned to Gatti and slapped him and something came from the corner of his eye and decapitated him.

Wufei sighed. "This conspiracy giving me a headache."

Duo snickered and stomped on Wufei's foot from under the table.

"OW! What you do that for?" Wufei screeched.

"Well." Duo said matter-of-factly, "If you make a new pain somewhere else, you forget about the old pain."

"OW! But my head and foot hurt!" Wufei hollered holding onto his foot and falling off his chair from the table.

"Hm, I guess it doesn't work on the intellectually challenged."

"Hey! I not Intellecuuuuu-ummm whatever that is!" Wufei folded his arms across his chest.

"Will you two mind?" Noin asked.

Wufei glared at her. "Mind what, woman?"

"If you two don't stop fighting I'm going to take this TV out of the Dining Room."

"Eep! No!" Duo cried. He hugged the TV.

Quatre sighed. "If you don't stop fighting, I'm afraid I'll have to agree with Noin."

"But Quatre," Trowa inquired. "What about the conspiracy?"

"Huh?" Noin asked. "What conspiracy?"

"Well," Quatre explained. "Lately, on all the shows, something has been decapitating everyone."

"Oh, that is a conspiracy."

"Well duh, lady." Wufei snorted between mouthfuls of rice. "What else did you think it was?"

"I never watch TV, Wufei, for your information." Noin said calmly.

"WHAT?" Duo freaked. "You don't watch TV? HOW COULD YOU?"

Duo and Wufei clung to each other in fear and started crying.

Trowa shook his head. "You two need to do some serious growing up."

"Really" Quatre agreed.

"Quatre" Noin started. "If I may ask, Can I help you with this conspiracy?"

"Why certainly."

"Thank you. But I must be going. I have to meet Zechs in the garden in 10 minutes." Noin flushed slightly and left the table. Wufei and Duo burst out laughing.

"NOIN AND ZECHS SITTIN' IN A TREE! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

Wufei batted his eyes. "Oh, here's some advice. 'Have safe Zechs. Always wear a Gundam." Duo doubled over with laughter.

"Come on Trowa, the way these two act gives me the biggest migraine." Quatre sighed and silently he and Trowa left the table.

Duo and Wufei had both fallen off their chairs and were now rolling on the floor with laughter. Duo had accidentally knocked over the mashed potatoes and gravy and Wufei was now swimming in them.

Gene and Jim flew through space past Blue Haven. They had narrowly escaped the Space Pirates and now Gene started to feel really sick. He hated space a lot.

"Aw, come on Gene." Jim said, holding out his hand. "It's not so bad." he said sarcastically.

"Yes it is, look." Gene gasped. Jim turned around and saw something fly out form the corner of his eye and it decapitated him.

Trowa and Quatre were sitting on a branch in the forest near the garden. Trowa seemed to be deep in thought so Quatre sneaked a peek at Noin and Zechs. Yep, they were still at it. Quatre could feel his face grow hot and he quickly looked away.

His sudden movement jerked Trowa from his thoughts and he smiled at Quatre. Quatre smiled back.

"Hey Trowa." Quatre sat close to his beloved. "What's on your mind?"

"Nothing." was all he would say.

"Trowa...." Quatre sighed, his eyes growing big. "You can tell me."

"But that's it Quatre." Trowa looked down. "I can't."

"Why not? We never kept secrets from each other."

"I don't remember."

"What do you mean?" Quatre asked, getting slightly annoyed.

"I'm trying to figure out what I was going to tell you. I can't remember."

"Is it why you've been acting strangely?" Quatre asked for the second time that day.

"I'm pretty sure." Trowa laid his head on Quatre's lap.

Quatre stroked Trowa's bangs. He could tell Trowa was uncomfortable with this conversation so hastily, Quatre changed the subject.

"How much gel do you put on your hair to get it like this?" he inquired.

There was no response from him. He was asleep. Quatre sighed, leaned back on the tree, suddenly tired, and fell asleep.

Wufei had just gotten out of the shower and was getting dressed. He was going to kill Duo for spilling mashed potatoes all over him. At the moment, he had not known about it and ended up practically swimming in it. He never understood why Duo was always goofing around. But it was ruining his reputation. He used to be a good soldier, but after the war, things changed and he had no idea of what to do and lost his maturity. Of course it was no problem for Duo because Duo never was mature. He was afraid of scissors for Pete's sake!

"What are you doing?" Duo snorted. Wufei hadn't noticed him come in.

"Ah! I hate you! You made me use all hot water!" Wufei snapped.

"Well, soooorry. I didn't know." Duo piped. "Anyway, I was out spying on Noin and Zechs when I noticed that they aren't the ones K-I-S-S-I-N-G in the tree."

"Duo." Wufei glared at him.

"Nani?"

Wufei hit Duo in the head with the remote control and the TV turned on.

Miaka was roaming about the Suzaku Palace and was getting hungrier with every step. It had been so long since she had something to eat. Almost 2 hours! Then she saw Tomahomae.

"Tomahomae! I finally found you!" she cried. Then she realized she was looking for food and not Tomahomae. But she kept her mouth shut.

"Hey, look out!" Tomahomae cried.

"Huh?" Miaka saw something from the corner of her eye and it came and decapitated her.

Duo stroked his chin. "Nice interruption. Where were we?"

"I hit you with remote." Wufei explained.

"Oh, right." Duo winced in pain. "OW!"

"I was bout to say 'the K-I-S-S-I-N-G song is a song and not real'."

"Oh." Duo said dumbfounded. "Well Trowa and Quatre are

K-I-S-S-I-N-G in a tree. Wanna go an watch?"

"Aw, what the heck." Wufei agreed.

Wufei and Duo snuck very quietly to the garden and peeked around a corner.

"Yep, Zechs and Noin are still at it." Duo said. Wufei grimaced.

They turned a few more corners until they came to a group of trees. Wufei could see two pairs of feet dangling from a branch from one of them. Two of them were overlapping.

"Hey, Wufei, you can get a good view of it from here." Duo whispered and they went around behind the tree. Now Wufei could see Quatre and Trowa's lips touch.

"Ewwwwwwwwww." Wufei muttered.

"Tell me about it." Duo laughed. "Ack!"

Trowa and Quatre had stopped to take a breath of air and Wufei and Duo saw Trowa's tongue slide out of Quatre's mouth.

"I gonna get nightmares 'cos of this." Wufei gagged.

"Aww, but I think it's sweet!" Duo sighed. "Our friends are so happy."

"Shut up, crackface." Wufei retorted.

Then they both felt someone tap their shoulders. They whipped around quickly. It was a strange old man.

"Excuse me young men," He asked in a creaky old voice. "Can you tell me where the one called Trowa Barton is?"

"Aw man!" Wufei coughed. "You love him too?"

"Heh heh. He's popular." Duo snickered.

"No, I'm just an old friend of his." That was all he said.

"Okie dokie then." Wufei agreed. "He up there." He pointed to the tree. The old man disappeared.

"What a weird old fart." Duo mumbled.

Back up in the tree, the old man appeared in front of Trowa.

"Huh? Um, do I know you?" Trowa and Quatre asked together.

"Yes!" Then the old man mumbled something that neither Quatre nor Trowa could understand. Trowa held his head and screamed in agony. The old man laughed and hopped off with a green bag on his shoulder.

"Trowa!" Quatre held the collapsing Trowa in his arms. "Are you alright? Who was that?"

"Quatre?" Trowa asked shakily. "What are you doing?"

"We were um, just kissing and-"

Trowa, who suddenly got up and jumped from the tree, cut off Quatre. Trowa can off into the darkness.

Quatre sat with his mouth hanging open in the tree. Did that old man have something to do with Trowa's behavior? It was certainly obvious. He looked down and saw Wufei and Duo's faces peeking through the leaves.

"HEY! What are you two doing?" Quatre demanded.

They looked at each other. "Who, us?" Duo asked.

"Do you see anyone else here?" Quatre asked.

Wufei looking around and looked under his feet. "No."

Quatre sighed. "Well I know you two. You two were spying."

"Oh wow Quatre!" Duo exclaimed. "Nothing gets by you!" Quatre's eyes welled up with tears.

He and Wufei cracked up and ran off to leave Quatre crying in the tree.

Will Trowa ever tell Quatre he's thinking like Heero? Will Quatre always cry over everything? Are Noin and Zechs DONE yet? Find out next time on The Horrors of TV: Part 5!

Heero: I hope Relena's not here.....

Relena: HI HEERO!

Heero: AHH! NOO!

Old Man: Boo!

Relena: What's with the old fart?

Heero: Quatre....

Relena: Huh? I'm Relena....

Heero: Oh really? Hey I heard Heero was BI...

Relena: huh? YOU ARE HEERO!

/"I still will never ever approve of Relena Peacecraft." -The other other modification of a quote from Wufei/