The Day Off
It was Saturday once again. The child would be coming soon. I wonder what she would have me do today. I began to feed the cat when I heard the doorbell ring. She was here. I didn't want her to come. I want to be alone. To think. What has happened to me? A program does not fear death, deletion. I realize I fear death. A program does not feel. But I do. I opened the door for the child.
Isis- Hello Smith, how are you today?
I wanted to yell. I wanted to say I was confused. I wanted help. I wanted. . .
Smith- I am fine. I sis- So, may I have some food?
Smith- of course.
The child went off into my kitchen and made some cereal. She sat down across from me.
Isis- do you want some?
I looked at her like she was crazy a program does not eat.
Isis- I mean like a humanity lesson.
Smith- I am fine.
Isis- Are you sure? I feel kinda guilty.
Smith- I am fine.
Isis- So what did you do this week?
She sounded like my old therapist. Always asking that same question. And I would always reply:
Smith- work.
Isis- That's it? You didn't even play the piano?
Smith-no
Isis- well then you have to have some of this.
Smith- why? I will not.
Isis- because you didn't listen to me. You didn't do anything this week, so you have to have some food as part of you humanity lessons.
She pushed the bowl towards me. I had never eaten before, and I didn't want to. Stupid child. I wanted to be alone. I did not want to eat. Though I had to. I looked at the bowl full of cereal, then I looked at her. She was waiting. I am not sure what to do. I have never eaten before.
Isis- you have eaten before?
Smith- A program has no need for food.
Isis- so that's a no. Just pick up the spoon, put the food in your mouth, and chew, and swallow.
Smith- I know how humans eat.
Isis- sorry, geeze.
I picked up the spoon cautiously, and began the eating process. I put the food in my mouth and - - My god the flavor! The taste, the sensation. It felt so good. No. I do not want this. I tried to swallow quickly, but the flavor! I quickly backed the bowl away. My eyes widen in the surprise of flavor. Fortunately I had my sunglasses on. I did not want to feel that again. Never again.
Isis- what's wrong?
Smith- *cough* nothing.
The child raised an eyebrow at me.
Isis- fine.
A silence. The flavor so human, but so good. No. I don not want to think this.
Isis- Smith. What do you do in you free time?
I did not want to tell her. Tell her that I remembered. She would not understand.
Smith- I think. And remember.
Why did I say that? Why did I tell her? What made me do that? Why did I not stop myself?
Isis- that's it? No T.V.? No computer? Nothing?!
Smith- A program has no needs for entertainment.
Isis- You just remember the past? You remember what you could do huh?
Smith- what?
Isis- don't act stupid Smith. I know what you could do back then. Taking on Neo. You miss it don't you?
I looked away. I did not want her to know. How could a child figure that out when an adult cannot?
Smith- How could you figure that out?
Isis- I told Smith, I am no ordinary child. I am a genius remember?
Smith- I assumed you were joking.
Isis- I could argue with you about the theories of the fabric of time. But you do miss ti don't you? That sounds like a depression.
Smith- Programs do not feel sadness.
Isis- Shut up about the stupid program thing! You're depressed. All you do is think of the past.
I was not depressed! I wanted to be alone.
Isis- Well that's it.
She got up and started to push me to my door.
Smith- what are you doing?!
Isis- it's time you got you mind off the past. Take a day off! I'm taking your glasses, I'm taking your tie, I'm taking your suite, and I'm kicking you out into the world!
The child stripped me of my jacket, tie, and glasses. I felt naked.
Isis- Don't come back until sunset! Then tell me about your day, and I'll know if you're lying!
Smith- what am I supposed to do!?
Isis- I don't know! Go see a movie! Do anything!
Then she shut the door. I stood there for a moment in disbelief. A child had just thrown me out of my own house. . . I can't believe the nerve of that child! Why can't humans just leave me alone? I then tucked my shirt, and looked around. The neighbor across the street was watering his yard when he saw what had happened. He stared at me for a minute, and then quickly ran into his house. Not bothering to turn off the water in his hose. It is good to know some people still fear me. . .
I don't know what to do. I have not gone into the city often, only when I need to. I don't want to go there. There is nothing there for me. For a program. I saw then the child staring at me through the window. She looked at me, making a gesture saying go. I looked down my street. A started to walk towards a park I pasted on my way to work. It would be the only thing I could do.
I pasted many humans. None were afraid of me. They did not know, they did not know. If they knew. They would run. They did not know who- - what I am. I found myself at the park. Children playing, people laughing. Disgusting. I sat down on a bench. I looked around. Seeing only humans. They were having so much fun. If I had only killed Neo. . . If only I had. . . Damn! I am pitting myself again. I don't want this. If only I had killed Neo, this wouldn't be. If only. . . if only. . .
Child- Hey mister!
The voice broke my thought. I looked up and there was a child in the distance.
Child- Hey mister, can you throw us our ball!?
Near my feet was a red ball. I didn't want to help the child. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be near anybody. I wanted my power. I wanted my gun. Don't think of the past! Don't think of the past. Thinking of the past is what got me here. Maybe I was depressed . . . No! Programs don't feel that! I picked up the ball and threw it to the worthless child. And I went back to my thought. All my life comes to is this? All the power to this? Oh God. This is a depression. I am depressed. Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! I don't want this! Soon a pain in my chest erupted. It hurt. It wouldn't go away. It was sadness.
The day went on. The humans left. And I was finally alone. The pain did not go away. It lasted. And soon the fake moon and stars came up. And for the first time, in a long time, I looked up to see them. They were beautiful. I did not deny it. The moon and the stars were beautiful. And then the pain stopped. And I started towards my house, home.
I opened my door and there was I sis.
Isis- Smith! I was worried.
Smith- Why?
Isis- Smith, it's pasted midnight. I told you to come back at sunset.
Midnight? How could I loose track of time? How could a program loose track of time?
Smith- I- - I lost the time.
Isis had a very worried face. Then she looked a little confused at my answer.
Isis- Don't do that again! Do you want your stuff back?
For some reason I didn't.
Smith- I'll be fine.
Isis walked to my couch and started to watch T.V. I don't know why, but I sat next to her and watched as well. She looked at me more surprised than ever, then she relaxed and smiled at me. I didn't really know what to think.
Smith- should I report about the day?
Isis- Later. . .
And she fell asleep.
Next chapter: Brother? Smith gets reunited with his fellow former agents. . .
It was Saturday once again. The child would be coming soon. I wonder what she would have me do today. I began to feed the cat when I heard the doorbell ring. She was here. I didn't want her to come. I want to be alone. To think. What has happened to me? A program does not fear death, deletion. I realize I fear death. A program does not feel. But I do. I opened the door for the child.
Isis- Hello Smith, how are you today?
I wanted to yell. I wanted to say I was confused. I wanted help. I wanted. . .
Smith- I am fine. I sis- So, may I have some food?
Smith- of course.
The child went off into my kitchen and made some cereal. She sat down across from me.
Isis- do you want some?
I looked at her like she was crazy a program does not eat.
Isis- I mean like a humanity lesson.
Smith- I am fine.
Isis- Are you sure? I feel kinda guilty.
Smith- I am fine.
Isis- So what did you do this week?
She sounded like my old therapist. Always asking that same question. And I would always reply:
Smith- work.
Isis- That's it? You didn't even play the piano?
Smith-no
Isis- well then you have to have some of this.
Smith- why? I will not.
Isis- because you didn't listen to me. You didn't do anything this week, so you have to have some food as part of you humanity lessons.
She pushed the bowl towards me. I had never eaten before, and I didn't want to. Stupid child. I wanted to be alone. I did not want to eat. Though I had to. I looked at the bowl full of cereal, then I looked at her. She was waiting. I am not sure what to do. I have never eaten before.
Isis- you have eaten before?
Smith- A program has no need for food.
Isis- so that's a no. Just pick up the spoon, put the food in your mouth, and chew, and swallow.
Smith- I know how humans eat.
Isis- sorry, geeze.
I picked up the spoon cautiously, and began the eating process. I put the food in my mouth and - - My god the flavor! The taste, the sensation. It felt so good. No. I do not want this. I tried to swallow quickly, but the flavor! I quickly backed the bowl away. My eyes widen in the surprise of flavor. Fortunately I had my sunglasses on. I did not want to feel that again. Never again.
Isis- what's wrong?
Smith- *cough* nothing.
The child raised an eyebrow at me.
Isis- fine.
A silence. The flavor so human, but so good. No. I don not want to think this.
Isis- Smith. What do you do in you free time?
I did not want to tell her. Tell her that I remembered. She would not understand.
Smith- I think. And remember.
Why did I say that? Why did I tell her? What made me do that? Why did I not stop myself?
Isis- that's it? No T.V.? No computer? Nothing?!
Smith- A program has no needs for entertainment.
Isis- You just remember the past? You remember what you could do huh?
Smith- what?
Isis- don't act stupid Smith. I know what you could do back then. Taking on Neo. You miss it don't you?
I looked away. I did not want her to know. How could a child figure that out when an adult cannot?
Smith- How could you figure that out?
Isis- I told Smith, I am no ordinary child. I am a genius remember?
Smith- I assumed you were joking.
Isis- I could argue with you about the theories of the fabric of time. But you do miss ti don't you? That sounds like a depression.
Smith- Programs do not feel sadness.
Isis- Shut up about the stupid program thing! You're depressed. All you do is think of the past.
I was not depressed! I wanted to be alone.
Isis- Well that's it.
She got up and started to push me to my door.
Smith- what are you doing?!
Isis- it's time you got you mind off the past. Take a day off! I'm taking your glasses, I'm taking your tie, I'm taking your suite, and I'm kicking you out into the world!
The child stripped me of my jacket, tie, and glasses. I felt naked.
Isis- Don't come back until sunset! Then tell me about your day, and I'll know if you're lying!
Smith- what am I supposed to do!?
Isis- I don't know! Go see a movie! Do anything!
Then she shut the door. I stood there for a moment in disbelief. A child had just thrown me out of my own house. . . I can't believe the nerve of that child! Why can't humans just leave me alone? I then tucked my shirt, and looked around. The neighbor across the street was watering his yard when he saw what had happened. He stared at me for a minute, and then quickly ran into his house. Not bothering to turn off the water in his hose. It is good to know some people still fear me. . .
I don't know what to do. I have not gone into the city often, only when I need to. I don't want to go there. There is nothing there for me. For a program. I saw then the child staring at me through the window. She looked at me, making a gesture saying go. I looked down my street. A started to walk towards a park I pasted on my way to work. It would be the only thing I could do.
I pasted many humans. None were afraid of me. They did not know, they did not know. If they knew. They would run. They did not know who- - what I am. I found myself at the park. Children playing, people laughing. Disgusting. I sat down on a bench. I looked around. Seeing only humans. They were having so much fun. If I had only killed Neo. . . If only I had. . . Damn! I am pitting myself again. I don't want this. If only I had killed Neo, this wouldn't be. If only. . . if only. . .
Child- Hey mister!
The voice broke my thought. I looked up and there was a child in the distance.
Child- Hey mister, can you throw us our ball!?
Near my feet was a red ball. I didn't want to help the child. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be near anybody. I wanted my power. I wanted my gun. Don't think of the past! Don't think of the past. Thinking of the past is what got me here. Maybe I was depressed . . . No! Programs don't feel that! I picked up the ball and threw it to the worthless child. And I went back to my thought. All my life comes to is this? All the power to this? Oh God. This is a depression. I am depressed. Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! I don't want this! Soon a pain in my chest erupted. It hurt. It wouldn't go away. It was sadness.
The day went on. The humans left. And I was finally alone. The pain did not go away. It lasted. And soon the fake moon and stars came up. And for the first time, in a long time, I looked up to see them. They were beautiful. I did not deny it. The moon and the stars were beautiful. And then the pain stopped. And I started towards my house, home.
I opened my door and there was I sis.
Isis- Smith! I was worried.
Smith- Why?
Isis- Smith, it's pasted midnight. I told you to come back at sunset.
Midnight? How could I loose track of time? How could a program loose track of time?
Smith- I- - I lost the time.
Isis had a very worried face. Then she looked a little confused at my answer.
Isis- Don't do that again! Do you want your stuff back?
For some reason I didn't.
Smith- I'll be fine.
Isis walked to my couch and started to watch T.V. I don't know why, but I sat next to her and watched as well. She looked at me more surprised than ever, then she relaxed and smiled at me. I didn't really know what to think.
Smith- should I report about the day?
Isis- Later. . .
And she fell asleep.
Next chapter: Brother? Smith gets reunited with his fellow former agents. . .