Disclaimer: - for 1st chapter applies to rest of story Rates: PG-13, yaoi,
language, 1x2, 3x4, 9x6 AN: ::yawn:: sorry it took so long! I was never on the
right computer and... FF.net wasn't up for a while and.. yeah, you know the
classical crap that author's call excuses. ^.^
Shinji Ikari was walking down the dark hallway of the underground NERV headquarters when he came across Rei Ayanami coming from the opposite direction. Shinji's first reaction was to straighten himself out and walk normally. Soon, Rei passed him without speaking a word and Shinji continued down the hall until he ran into Kaworu Nagisa. "Hello, Shinji Ikari." Kaworu smirked. "Hello, Kaworu." Shinji returned the greeting. "Shinji, are you going to the showers now? I would like to go with you." "Nani?" Shinji's mouth gaped open. "I mean... uh.. sure..." Kaworu smiled and took Shinji's hand and blushing, they went to the showers together.
"I no get it. Why they not die?" Wufei blinked.
Then some condoms flew up and decapitated them.
"Ok, that better.. no wait..." Wufei sat staring at the TV confused.
Duo walked in at that precise moment and waved a hand in front of Wufei's face.
"Hola Fortune Cookie." Duo joked. "This conspiracy hard on you?"
Wufei didn't answer.
"Hey... FC?"
Wufei didn't answer.
"Quatre and Trowa are making out..."
Wufei sat up quickly. "They is? WHERE?" He bolted out the door at top speed. Duo blinked and looked at the TV. Shinji and Kaworu were decapitated on the floor of a bathroom.
"I don't want to know what happened there..." Duo shrugged and walked out of the room, colliding with Wufei.
Wufei glared at the braided Pilot. "You say they make out. They not."
"I got your attention, no?" Duo blinked.
"And why you call me FC?"
"It's easier than Fortune Cookie."
"I no like that nickname."
"Well, that's tough."
"What tough?" Wufei blinked.
"Life."
"What Life?"
"A magazine."
"Really? How much it cost?"
"Only $1.00." Duo smirked.
"But what if I no have that kind money?"
"Well that's tough."
"What tough?"
"Life."
"What Life?"
"I thought I told you already." Duo blinked.
Wufei stared at him for a moment and stuck his tongue out at Duo who grabbed it. "OW OW OW! Thuo schtop!"
"Say Uncle!" Duo jeered.
"IIE!"
"HAI!"
"IIE!"
"HAI!"
"IIE!"
"HAI!"
"IIE!"
"HAI!"
"IIE!"
"HAI!"
"IIE!"
"HAI!"
"IIE!" Wufei kicked Duo in the shin and ran down the hall. Duo ran after him and they collided with Zechs and Noin.
"Hey, when did you two stop?" Duo asked.
"Stop? Stop what?" Noin asked confused. Zechs and I have only been talking all day, right my little Zechsy-poo?"
Zechs kissed Noin's nose. "Yes, my little Noiny-kins."
"You two make me sick." Wufei gagged and quickly stepped out of the way.
Duo smirked and made an awkward gesture at Noin and Zechs and called out "Flaming Testicles!" Before running away laughing.
Roger Smith drove his black car down the highway of Paradine City, unaware of his surroundings because Dorothy was blowing in his ear and whispering sweet nothings to him.
Roger soon crashed into a tree and fell headlong into a bush, where he and Dorothy continued to make out. Three times the condoms tried to attack them, but Dorothy always sensed them and dodged.
But right when Roger called out Dorothy's name to ask why they were doing this in the first place did the condoms reach them and decapitate them.
"Hmm..." Quatre thought. "Why would that old man be doing this? And is Big O even an anime? And why is it called Big O anyway?"
Trowa shrugged. "I think it's Americanized though..."
"Figures..." Quatre agreed.
Sally thought for a moment. "Do you suppose there is another conspiracy behind this?"
"Oh?" Quatre sounded interested. "Like what?"
"Well..." Sally started. "I've got a feeling Duo and Wufei saw a show where the characters were engaging in sensual relations and this show was evidently showing the same thing. I believe the man is doing this to show that anime should start using protection."
"That may be so." Trowa said. "But no one ever uses protection anymore anyway. Well I know Wufei doesn't."
Quatre's face turned to a small look of anger. "How would you know that, Trowa?"
"Because. He's Chinese."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means, they reproduce way too much. Their population is overflowing because they never really use protection." Trowa explained.
"Oh... right. Sorry." Quatre blushed. Trowa kissed him.
"You look so cute when you blush!" Trowa smiled. Quatre blushed even more.
"Arigatou..."
Sally sighed. "As much as I would love to just watch Shounen Ai all day long, I don't have the time. So ok you two... back to business..."
"Oh, hai, back to the conspiracy." Quatre quickly recovered and thought for a moment. "I could have sworn that old man looked familiar..."
"Who then?" Trowa asked eagerly.
"I think I've seen him on one of the shows..."
"Which one?" Sally asked with the same amount of eagerness to get this mystery done and over with.
"I.... Don't know." Quatre blinked. Trowa and Sally fell over.
"Let's recap." Sally started. "There is a conspiracy and an old man is behind it. He's been making condoms decapitate anime actors without actually killing them because it goes to show that people should start using protection. He is also behind Trowa and Heero's behavior... and he's been switching their minds for some reason. That's what we need to figure out."
The old man popped up behind and Trowa suddenly and smirked.
"Trowa!" Quatre gasped. "The man! He's back!"
"Ha!" The old man shouted. "I am back! Because the last visit I made, I forgot to switch Trowa's mind!" He muttered some words and hopped out with a green bag on his back.
Trowa cried out in agony and sat up perfectly straight suddenly.
"Trowa! I mean... Heero... is it? Are you alright?"
"I'm fine." Trowa said quietly. "I know how we can stop that man."
"How?" Sally asked.
"Let's just kill him and get it over with."
"But he might retaliate. You've seen and felt his powers."
"I'll make sure he won't." Trowa said without moving a muscle.
"I believe you." Sally said.
"Someone does." Trowa glared at Quatre. Through Heero's mind, he didn't like Quatre one bit, and considered him a nuisance.
Quatre just sat there and looked at his feet, evidently deep in thought. He soon spoke up, though. "Why do you believe he will complete this mission?"
"Because he has the mind of Heero. And Heero Yuy can do anything he sets his mind to." Sally explained.
Quatre sighed. "Well, alright. Ok then Trowa... err... Heero. You may go after that old man."
"Mission Accepted." Trowa chanted and stood up to head out the door. Quatre suddenly gasped. Trowa turned around. "What is it now?" he asked rather annoyed.
"I now remember who that old man is!" The blonde youth smiled.
"Who?" Trowa asked.
"It's... Happosai. Japan's greatest Hentai."
Will Trowa really kill Happosai? What did Duo mean by flaming testicles? Were Noin and Zechs telling the truth when they said they weren't doing anything all day? Do I always ask questions at the end of these stories? Will I ever write another one? Find out next time on The Horrors of TV Part 8!
Heero: -=singing to Spiderman tune=- Quatre-chan! Quatre-chan! No one can do it like Quatre-chan!
Dorothy: What are you doing?
Heero: Dorothy? Hello...
Dorothy: I repeat. What are you doing?
Heero: I'm singing of my love for Quatre.
Dorothy: What about Duo?
Heero: I don't like Duo. Quatre's the one for me.
Dorothy: Heero? What's with you?
Heero: Heero? Who?
\"If you're joking that's rude. If you're being sarcastic I'll blow your head off." -a modification of a quote from Duo Maxwell/Endless Waltz\
Shinji Ikari was walking down the dark hallway of the underground NERV headquarters when he came across Rei Ayanami coming from the opposite direction. Shinji's first reaction was to straighten himself out and walk normally. Soon, Rei passed him without speaking a word and Shinji continued down the hall until he ran into Kaworu Nagisa. "Hello, Shinji Ikari." Kaworu smirked. "Hello, Kaworu." Shinji returned the greeting. "Shinji, are you going to the showers now? I would like to go with you." "Nani?" Shinji's mouth gaped open. "I mean... uh.. sure..." Kaworu smiled and took Shinji's hand and blushing, they went to the showers together.
"I no get it. Why they not die?" Wufei blinked.
Then some condoms flew up and decapitated them.
"Ok, that better.. no wait..." Wufei sat staring at the TV confused.
Duo walked in at that precise moment and waved a hand in front of Wufei's face.
"Hola Fortune Cookie." Duo joked. "This conspiracy hard on you?"
Wufei didn't answer.
"Hey... FC?"
Wufei didn't answer.
"Quatre and Trowa are making out..."
Wufei sat up quickly. "They is? WHERE?" He bolted out the door at top speed. Duo blinked and looked at the TV. Shinji and Kaworu were decapitated on the floor of a bathroom.
"I don't want to know what happened there..." Duo shrugged and walked out of the room, colliding with Wufei.
Wufei glared at the braided Pilot. "You say they make out. They not."
"I got your attention, no?" Duo blinked.
"And why you call me FC?"
"It's easier than Fortune Cookie."
"I no like that nickname."
"Well, that's tough."
"What tough?" Wufei blinked.
"Life."
"What Life?"
"A magazine."
"Really? How much it cost?"
"Only $1.00." Duo smirked.
"But what if I no have that kind money?"
"Well that's tough."
"What tough?"
"Life."
"What Life?"
"I thought I told you already." Duo blinked.
Wufei stared at him for a moment and stuck his tongue out at Duo who grabbed it. "OW OW OW! Thuo schtop!"
"Say Uncle!" Duo jeered.
"IIE!"
"HAI!"
"IIE!"
"HAI!"
"IIE!"
"HAI!"
"IIE!"
"HAI!"
"IIE!"
"HAI!"
"IIE!"
"HAI!"
"IIE!" Wufei kicked Duo in the shin and ran down the hall. Duo ran after him and they collided with Zechs and Noin.
"Hey, when did you two stop?" Duo asked.
"Stop? Stop what?" Noin asked confused. Zechs and I have only been talking all day, right my little Zechsy-poo?"
Zechs kissed Noin's nose. "Yes, my little Noiny-kins."
"You two make me sick." Wufei gagged and quickly stepped out of the way.
Duo smirked and made an awkward gesture at Noin and Zechs and called out "Flaming Testicles!" Before running away laughing.
Roger Smith drove his black car down the highway of Paradine City, unaware of his surroundings because Dorothy was blowing in his ear and whispering sweet nothings to him.
Roger soon crashed into a tree and fell headlong into a bush, where he and Dorothy continued to make out. Three times the condoms tried to attack them, but Dorothy always sensed them and dodged.
But right when Roger called out Dorothy's name to ask why they were doing this in the first place did the condoms reach them and decapitate them.
"Hmm..." Quatre thought. "Why would that old man be doing this? And is Big O even an anime? And why is it called Big O anyway?"
Trowa shrugged. "I think it's Americanized though..."
"Figures..." Quatre agreed.
Sally thought for a moment. "Do you suppose there is another conspiracy behind this?"
"Oh?" Quatre sounded interested. "Like what?"
"Well..." Sally started. "I've got a feeling Duo and Wufei saw a show where the characters were engaging in sensual relations and this show was evidently showing the same thing. I believe the man is doing this to show that anime should start using protection."
"That may be so." Trowa said. "But no one ever uses protection anymore anyway. Well I know Wufei doesn't."
Quatre's face turned to a small look of anger. "How would you know that, Trowa?"
"Because. He's Chinese."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means, they reproduce way too much. Their population is overflowing because they never really use protection." Trowa explained.
"Oh... right. Sorry." Quatre blushed. Trowa kissed him.
"You look so cute when you blush!" Trowa smiled. Quatre blushed even more.
"Arigatou..."
Sally sighed. "As much as I would love to just watch Shounen Ai all day long, I don't have the time. So ok you two... back to business..."
"Oh, hai, back to the conspiracy." Quatre quickly recovered and thought for a moment. "I could have sworn that old man looked familiar..."
"Who then?" Trowa asked eagerly.
"I think I've seen him on one of the shows..."
"Which one?" Sally asked with the same amount of eagerness to get this mystery done and over with.
"I.... Don't know." Quatre blinked. Trowa and Sally fell over.
"Let's recap." Sally started. "There is a conspiracy and an old man is behind it. He's been making condoms decapitate anime actors without actually killing them because it goes to show that people should start using protection. He is also behind Trowa and Heero's behavior... and he's been switching their minds for some reason. That's what we need to figure out."
The old man popped up behind and Trowa suddenly and smirked.
"Trowa!" Quatre gasped. "The man! He's back!"
"Ha!" The old man shouted. "I am back! Because the last visit I made, I forgot to switch Trowa's mind!" He muttered some words and hopped out with a green bag on his back.
Trowa cried out in agony and sat up perfectly straight suddenly.
"Trowa! I mean... Heero... is it? Are you alright?"
"I'm fine." Trowa said quietly. "I know how we can stop that man."
"How?" Sally asked.
"Let's just kill him and get it over with."
"But he might retaliate. You've seen and felt his powers."
"I'll make sure he won't." Trowa said without moving a muscle.
"I believe you." Sally said.
"Someone does." Trowa glared at Quatre. Through Heero's mind, he didn't like Quatre one bit, and considered him a nuisance.
Quatre just sat there and looked at his feet, evidently deep in thought. He soon spoke up, though. "Why do you believe he will complete this mission?"
"Because he has the mind of Heero. And Heero Yuy can do anything he sets his mind to." Sally explained.
Quatre sighed. "Well, alright. Ok then Trowa... err... Heero. You may go after that old man."
"Mission Accepted." Trowa chanted and stood up to head out the door. Quatre suddenly gasped. Trowa turned around. "What is it now?" he asked rather annoyed.
"I now remember who that old man is!" The blonde youth smiled.
"Who?" Trowa asked.
"It's... Happosai. Japan's greatest Hentai."
Will Trowa really kill Happosai? What did Duo mean by flaming testicles? Were Noin and Zechs telling the truth when they said they weren't doing anything all day? Do I always ask questions at the end of these stories? Will I ever write another one? Find out next time on The Horrors of TV Part 8!
Heero: -=singing to Spiderman tune=- Quatre-chan! Quatre-chan! No one can do it like Quatre-chan!
Dorothy: What are you doing?
Heero: Dorothy? Hello...
Dorothy: I repeat. What are you doing?
Heero: I'm singing of my love for Quatre.
Dorothy: What about Duo?
Heero: I don't like Duo. Quatre's the one for me.
Dorothy: Heero? What's with you?
Heero: Heero? Who?
\"If you're joking that's rude. If you're being sarcastic I'll blow your head off." -a modification of a quote from Duo Maxwell/Endless Waltz\