Shopping is not for the Weak Hearted
Shopping. A very dangerous, possibly deadly experience. At least for me. I don't shop. Agents don't shop. Especially at the mall! There's a tuxedo shop there. But I'm skeptical about this. I just don't shop. God, a mall. So many of them. So many humans. But this is for the good. I have no tie for god's sake. I got there now, just a white shirt, and black pants. No need to like an Agent here. I suppose. Easy mission. Go in, get the tie, get out. Simple, compared to others I have performed. Urh. I don't like not having my sunglasses on, nor a jacket. *sigh* Why Catalyst? Why my tie? Ok. There it is, the mall. I park my car and sat there. I hate this. I could have just taken a tie from one of my copies back then. . . Although I wouldn't need a new tie back then. Ok. It's just a mall. With inferior humans.
I got into the mall. Ah! It's loud. Too many people all speaking at once! Stupid humans! It took a moment to get used to the noise. And then something hit me. AHH!! The smell! The smell from so long ago. . . Oh God! The disgusting smell! I remember this now! Oh god. I always hated the smell of humans! //"If I have the codes they wont need me anymore, and I will be out. I hate this place. The smell"// Dammit! Remembering again. I made a fist. Too much noise, too much filth. I loosened my fist. Dammit. Dammit. Forget it! Ignore it! *sigh* I remember their smell now. The viruses. Is this what I have to live with!? This virus!? No. They are only human. Humans. Not viruses. But still.
Damn. Where the hell am I? Where the hell is a map? God I'm lost, and I just stepped in! Humans, so inefficient, of course they don't have any maps in sight, I suppose it was hard enough building this mall! I looked around. No map. So many humans. Ah! God a human with long needles coming from his head just passed me! What the hell is wrong with him?! Putting needles into his head. Disgusting! Oh well, just keep walking. Find a map. So much noise. . . So many of them. .
I kept walking. I can't believe I'm lost! And that I'm even here! I don't shop! Someone just bumped into me. Damn. Maybe I should have looked like an Agent, maybe they'd notice me. I could kill them. But there's no use I suppose. So many of them. A child holds her mother's hand and skips across. A man dressed in blue holds his shopping bag, full of women's clothes. To the right in a store a woman hold's a dress up to her shoulders. A young boy is trying on new shoes. Four teenagers "hang out" in the corner. A man sits down with bags in his arms. A woman stares at me. Oh no. She's staring at me. Walk by. Faster. God. Stupid humans. Where is the damn map! I want out of here! *sigh* I sit down. I just want a damn tie.
Man- yeah I hate shopping too.
What? A man next to me said that. Oh god. Please don't talk to me.
Smith- It can be annoying.
Man- Yeah, especially when there's a sell your wife just has to go to.
Smith- Yes.
Go away. Leave me alone, human. I just got up and left him there. I just want a tie! No map still. Wait. What's that noise? Music. I look to the left. A neon signs say, " The Matrix Has This." A store? It is. I look into it. Red lights make the white wall red, music plays, and there's black clothing. Posters on the wall of the great Neo. Even some of that Trinity. What the hell!? A poster of me! No. I will not believe I am in this store! Wait. No one asked for my permission to use my image! God, there's a lot of things that are mine. Sunglasses, posters, costume. God. A poster with me holding a gun, it says, " We are taking over." I want to kill someone right now. Hold the anger. I really need to kill someone right now. I shouldn't be surprised. Why wouldn't the war influence the pop-culture. But you don't use me! Not me. Not Agent Smith. I'm suppressing a lot of rage. I calmly walked to the front desk. The guy there was wearing a Neo's cloak. He had black hair, and was chewing gum, couldn't been older than 16. Stupid human. Damn smell.
Guy- So, can I help you?
Smith- *sigh* Yes, may I speak with the owner of this store.
The guy paused for a minute, and slowly walked to employees only door.
Guy- Yo! Evan! Some guy wants to talk to you!
It took them a long time to come out, wasting my time.
Owner- So what's up?
Smith- Um, yes. I do not approve of you using my name and image on your products.
I said leaning on the desk. The teenagers started laughing.
Owner- Seriously, want do you want?
Smith- That is what I want.
Guy- Oh yeah right you're Smith!
They started laughing. I looked at him.
Smith- What if I said I was?
They continued to laugh.
Owner- I've had this store for as long as anyone else! I would know it if Smith came in here!
I leaned on the desk, watching them laugh. So much rage.
Smith- Well then.
I walked towards the wall with the sunglasses. There were labels showing Neo, Morpheus, Niobi, Trin, Smith, etc. I picked up the Smith ones. Pretty authentic. Looked almost exactly like them. I slowly walked back to the teenager. *sigh* I looked at them, and put the sunglasses on. I stood straight, plain face, and stared at them. Tried to look like my old self. Their eyes widened. I tilted my head. And the two backed into the wall. The fear in their eyes was satisfying.
Owner- oh shit.
I grinned like I use to at Neo. I leaned closer to them.
Smith- I am taking over. What I want is for you to take my stuff down. If you do not comply within two days. . . Let's just say no one will recognize you when it's over.
They shivered and it was fun to watch. I backed away, and took off the sunglasses. Looked around. I put the sunglasses in my pocket, and took a poster of myself. I looked back at the two and left. That was fun. I smiled and shook my head. Ah, fear, it is so sweet. But I did not realize what an impact the war has had, and of my fame. Strange.
Dammit, still no map. I've been wandering for awhile. I've seen everything from a shoe store to a baby Gap! Ah! Too many humans! These stupid people, bumping into me over and over. Oh great. I'm lost again. Where was that baby Gap? Left or right? Dammit!
Somehow, someway I ended up in a Victoria's Secret store. What the hell am I doing here!? I stepped away quietly. I continued to walk down the mall. I think I'm on the west side.
Boy- Get Smith!
What?
Boy- No get your gun out, press X!
What the hell? It came from a video game store. Two children were playing a game, apparently they were trying to kill me.
Boy- Blow his brains out!
Oh, they were trying to blow my brains out. Even better!
Girl- I'm trying, I'm trying!
Boy- Use your combo!
*sigh* I'm tired of being a joke. I looked to my right, a big poster saying: The Resistance. It was the game these children were playing.
Girl- wooo! I did it!
She did, and it showed me fall off a building. I'm nothing but a joke to kids. My day just gets better and better. I left the store, still lost. I sat down to rest. And a human stepped on my foot.
Girl- and I was so like yeah, and she was so like no. and I
Girl- I so know what you're talking about!
So many voices! I just want a tie! In the end I conclude, that I will try to accept it, but I will never go shopping again! I closed my eyes, and tried to make the voices into white noise. It didn't work, and I got up and continued.
Man- Hello sir, have you ever thought of getting a AT&A Wireless plan?
What the? A salesman.
Smith- No thanks.
Man- Oh but sir you can- -
Smith- I said no thanks.
Man- If you'll just listen to me sir we can get you a - -
I started to runaway. Damn humans. I twisted and turned through the crowds, getting my foot stepped on. A teenager with green hair walked passed me with his Radio cranked up. How can they listen to that? You can't even understand it! Ah! I was pushed forward, and into the food court. God this is the loudest place in the mall! So much smells.
Wait. Ice-cream. I deserve some. I sat down with my scoop of chocolate ice-cream and rested. Still no map, still lost, still no tie. I took a large bite of ice-cream. Got a "brain-freeze" and tried to ignore it. I just want a tie. The last bite of ice-cream ends up on my shirt. I don't bother to try and wash it off. I shouldn't try, there's nothing else that could happen to me. Damn. It was a good white shirt too. *sigh* I hate everything about today. I just want a tie!
Girl- So how's that Smith guy?
What?
Isis- He's ok.
Girl- Are the rumors true?
Isis- What rumors?
Girl- That he tried to kill you, and almost shot his neighbor?!
Isis- what?!
Oh my god. Isis. . . She was walking straight towards me, with some other girls. Oh god. Please no, no, no. . . She looked up and saw me, her mouth opened, and she froze.
Isis- Smith!!! What the hell are you doing here!!?
Girl- This is Smith?
Girl- He sure don't look like he shot his neighbor.
Girl- And look at that chocolate stain.
I hate everything right now.
Smith- I'm uh. . . Shopping.
Girl- uh. . . Isis, we'll meet at the food court.
Isis- yeah, sure, whatever!
She grabbed me and pulled me to the side.
Isis- What the hell are you doing here!?
Smith- I'm need a new tie!
Isis- a tie! You went to the mall for a tie!?
Smith- Catalyst, ripped up my other one.
Isis- God!
Damn child!
Isis- there's a tie store just ahead to your right!
She pushed me forward.
Isis- See you soon!
And she ran off to the food court. That was a very interesting experience. Let's not do it again. There's the tie store! Finally ties!! The store was very large, wall to wall of ties. I've never seen so many ties. . .
Man- Hello sir, welcome to Ties. We have all kinds of different ties. We have ties with fish, suns, stars, shoes, stripes, trees, kids, logos, changing color ties, mood ties, ties with holes, jean ties, Calvin Klein ties, even ties with cats on them. So sir, which tie would you like?
Smith- I would like a black tie.
Man- Oh sorry sir, just ran out of those.
Smith- What?!
Man- Can I interest you in a purple tie, sir.
I left. I want to kill someone right now. If only Neo was here. I'd rip his head right off. I grin. Maybe I should go scare those teenagers again.
I started walking again. Looking around. Shaking my head. Ow. I bumped into something. I turned slowly. It's probably something that's going to hurt me. Just to make this day worst. God. It was a. Map. Thank you god. Thank you so much.
Must find Tuxedo shop. I have to get out of here!! There! On the west side! Wait where am I? Ok. I close. Oh thank you!! I am close! I will be out of here! There it is! The shop! I want out of here! There! I stepped into the store. Black tie, right there. Mine. I grasp the tie in my fists. It's mine. Better get another one, I never want to come back here again. Never. I give the guy the money. I think I gave him ten dollars more than I should have. Who cares! I have two ties now! I'm done! Finally done! Now all I have to do is go all across the mall to my car. . . *sigh* Dammit.
I started walking. Don't look at the humans. Don't look at the stores. Just go straight. Just get out of here.
What's that? That's a nice black shirt in that store. What!? No! Get out of here. Don't get distracted!
I'm so close to the exit. I want to go home! I want to sit in my couch! I want my damn cat! Dammit. Times of desperation are strange.
What's that? A pet store. Hm. . . I am running out of food for Catalyst. Wait. No! Just get out of here! But. . . I went in. The exit is just right there. I'll be quick. There. Some cat food. They have a lot things. Strange.
I don't know how, but somehow I ended up getting some toys for my cat. How the hell did I end up with this stuff? God. I don't even remember picking this off the shelf! I held in my hand a toy mouse. *sigh* These humans. Their smell is making me blank out, or something. Let's just get out of here.
There's my car! My sweet car! I'm leaving! It's over! Never again will I return. Never. Never. Damn. My car has a flat. *sigh* Damn you, you freakin mall. I hate you!
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Next chapter: Brotherly talk
Sorry it took so long guys!
Shopping. A very dangerous, possibly deadly experience. At least for me. I don't shop. Agents don't shop. Especially at the mall! There's a tuxedo shop there. But I'm skeptical about this. I just don't shop. God, a mall. So many of them. So many humans. But this is for the good. I have no tie for god's sake. I got there now, just a white shirt, and black pants. No need to like an Agent here. I suppose. Easy mission. Go in, get the tie, get out. Simple, compared to others I have performed. Urh. I don't like not having my sunglasses on, nor a jacket. *sigh* Why Catalyst? Why my tie? Ok. There it is, the mall. I park my car and sat there. I hate this. I could have just taken a tie from one of my copies back then. . . Although I wouldn't need a new tie back then. Ok. It's just a mall. With inferior humans.
I got into the mall. Ah! It's loud. Too many people all speaking at once! Stupid humans! It took a moment to get used to the noise. And then something hit me. AHH!! The smell! The smell from so long ago. . . Oh God! The disgusting smell! I remember this now! Oh god. I always hated the smell of humans! //"If I have the codes they wont need me anymore, and I will be out. I hate this place. The smell"// Dammit! Remembering again. I made a fist. Too much noise, too much filth. I loosened my fist. Dammit. Dammit. Forget it! Ignore it! *sigh* I remember their smell now. The viruses. Is this what I have to live with!? This virus!? No. They are only human. Humans. Not viruses. But still.
Damn. Where the hell am I? Where the hell is a map? God I'm lost, and I just stepped in! Humans, so inefficient, of course they don't have any maps in sight, I suppose it was hard enough building this mall! I looked around. No map. So many humans. Ah! God a human with long needles coming from his head just passed me! What the hell is wrong with him?! Putting needles into his head. Disgusting! Oh well, just keep walking. Find a map. So much noise. . . So many of them. .
I kept walking. I can't believe I'm lost! And that I'm even here! I don't shop! Someone just bumped into me. Damn. Maybe I should have looked like an Agent, maybe they'd notice me. I could kill them. But there's no use I suppose. So many of them. A child holds her mother's hand and skips across. A man dressed in blue holds his shopping bag, full of women's clothes. To the right in a store a woman hold's a dress up to her shoulders. A young boy is trying on new shoes. Four teenagers "hang out" in the corner. A man sits down with bags in his arms. A woman stares at me. Oh no. She's staring at me. Walk by. Faster. God. Stupid humans. Where is the damn map! I want out of here! *sigh* I sit down. I just want a damn tie.
Man- yeah I hate shopping too.
What? A man next to me said that. Oh god. Please don't talk to me.
Smith- It can be annoying.
Man- Yeah, especially when there's a sell your wife just has to go to.
Smith- Yes.
Go away. Leave me alone, human. I just got up and left him there. I just want a tie! No map still. Wait. What's that noise? Music. I look to the left. A neon signs say, " The Matrix Has This." A store? It is. I look into it. Red lights make the white wall red, music plays, and there's black clothing. Posters on the wall of the great Neo. Even some of that Trinity. What the hell!? A poster of me! No. I will not believe I am in this store! Wait. No one asked for my permission to use my image! God, there's a lot of things that are mine. Sunglasses, posters, costume. God. A poster with me holding a gun, it says, " We are taking over." I want to kill someone right now. Hold the anger. I really need to kill someone right now. I shouldn't be surprised. Why wouldn't the war influence the pop-culture. But you don't use me! Not me. Not Agent Smith. I'm suppressing a lot of rage. I calmly walked to the front desk. The guy there was wearing a Neo's cloak. He had black hair, and was chewing gum, couldn't been older than 16. Stupid human. Damn smell.
Guy- So, can I help you?
Smith- *sigh* Yes, may I speak with the owner of this store.
The guy paused for a minute, and slowly walked to employees only door.
Guy- Yo! Evan! Some guy wants to talk to you!
It took them a long time to come out, wasting my time.
Owner- So what's up?
Smith- Um, yes. I do not approve of you using my name and image on your products.
I said leaning on the desk. The teenagers started laughing.
Owner- Seriously, want do you want?
Smith- That is what I want.
Guy- Oh yeah right you're Smith!
They started laughing. I looked at him.
Smith- What if I said I was?
They continued to laugh.
Owner- I've had this store for as long as anyone else! I would know it if Smith came in here!
I leaned on the desk, watching them laugh. So much rage.
Smith- Well then.
I walked towards the wall with the sunglasses. There were labels showing Neo, Morpheus, Niobi, Trin, Smith, etc. I picked up the Smith ones. Pretty authentic. Looked almost exactly like them. I slowly walked back to the teenager. *sigh* I looked at them, and put the sunglasses on. I stood straight, plain face, and stared at them. Tried to look like my old self. Their eyes widened. I tilted my head. And the two backed into the wall. The fear in their eyes was satisfying.
Owner- oh shit.
I grinned like I use to at Neo. I leaned closer to them.
Smith- I am taking over. What I want is for you to take my stuff down. If you do not comply within two days. . . Let's just say no one will recognize you when it's over.
They shivered and it was fun to watch. I backed away, and took off the sunglasses. Looked around. I put the sunglasses in my pocket, and took a poster of myself. I looked back at the two and left. That was fun. I smiled and shook my head. Ah, fear, it is so sweet. But I did not realize what an impact the war has had, and of my fame. Strange.
Dammit, still no map. I've been wandering for awhile. I've seen everything from a shoe store to a baby Gap! Ah! Too many humans! These stupid people, bumping into me over and over. Oh great. I'm lost again. Where was that baby Gap? Left or right? Dammit!
Somehow, someway I ended up in a Victoria's Secret store. What the hell am I doing here!? I stepped away quietly. I continued to walk down the mall. I think I'm on the west side.
Boy- Get Smith!
What?
Boy- No get your gun out, press X!
What the hell? It came from a video game store. Two children were playing a game, apparently they were trying to kill me.
Boy- Blow his brains out!
Oh, they were trying to blow my brains out. Even better!
Girl- I'm trying, I'm trying!
Boy- Use your combo!
*sigh* I'm tired of being a joke. I looked to my right, a big poster saying: The Resistance. It was the game these children were playing.
Girl- wooo! I did it!
She did, and it showed me fall off a building. I'm nothing but a joke to kids. My day just gets better and better. I left the store, still lost. I sat down to rest. And a human stepped on my foot.
Girl- and I was so like yeah, and she was so like no. and I
Girl- I so know what you're talking about!
So many voices! I just want a tie! In the end I conclude, that I will try to accept it, but I will never go shopping again! I closed my eyes, and tried to make the voices into white noise. It didn't work, and I got up and continued.
Man- Hello sir, have you ever thought of getting a AT&A Wireless plan?
What the? A salesman.
Smith- No thanks.
Man- Oh but sir you can- -
Smith- I said no thanks.
Man- If you'll just listen to me sir we can get you a - -
I started to runaway. Damn humans. I twisted and turned through the crowds, getting my foot stepped on. A teenager with green hair walked passed me with his Radio cranked up. How can they listen to that? You can't even understand it! Ah! I was pushed forward, and into the food court. God this is the loudest place in the mall! So much smells.
Wait. Ice-cream. I deserve some. I sat down with my scoop of chocolate ice-cream and rested. Still no map, still lost, still no tie. I took a large bite of ice-cream. Got a "brain-freeze" and tried to ignore it. I just want a tie. The last bite of ice-cream ends up on my shirt. I don't bother to try and wash it off. I shouldn't try, there's nothing else that could happen to me. Damn. It was a good white shirt too. *sigh* I hate everything about today. I just want a tie!
Girl- So how's that Smith guy?
What?
Isis- He's ok.
Girl- Are the rumors true?
Isis- What rumors?
Girl- That he tried to kill you, and almost shot his neighbor?!
Isis- what?!
Oh my god. Isis. . . She was walking straight towards me, with some other girls. Oh god. Please no, no, no. . . She looked up and saw me, her mouth opened, and she froze.
Isis- Smith!!! What the hell are you doing here!!?
Girl- This is Smith?
Girl- He sure don't look like he shot his neighbor.
Girl- And look at that chocolate stain.
I hate everything right now.
Smith- I'm uh. . . Shopping.
Girl- uh. . . Isis, we'll meet at the food court.
Isis- yeah, sure, whatever!
She grabbed me and pulled me to the side.
Isis- What the hell are you doing here!?
Smith- I'm need a new tie!
Isis- a tie! You went to the mall for a tie!?
Smith- Catalyst, ripped up my other one.
Isis- God!
Damn child!
Isis- there's a tie store just ahead to your right!
She pushed me forward.
Isis- See you soon!
And she ran off to the food court. That was a very interesting experience. Let's not do it again. There's the tie store! Finally ties!! The store was very large, wall to wall of ties. I've never seen so many ties. . .
Man- Hello sir, welcome to Ties. We have all kinds of different ties. We have ties with fish, suns, stars, shoes, stripes, trees, kids, logos, changing color ties, mood ties, ties with holes, jean ties, Calvin Klein ties, even ties with cats on them. So sir, which tie would you like?
Smith- I would like a black tie.
Man- Oh sorry sir, just ran out of those.
Smith- What?!
Man- Can I interest you in a purple tie, sir.
I left. I want to kill someone right now. If only Neo was here. I'd rip his head right off. I grin. Maybe I should go scare those teenagers again.
I started walking again. Looking around. Shaking my head. Ow. I bumped into something. I turned slowly. It's probably something that's going to hurt me. Just to make this day worst. God. It was a. Map. Thank you god. Thank you so much.
Must find Tuxedo shop. I have to get out of here!! There! On the west side! Wait where am I? Ok. I close. Oh thank you!! I am close! I will be out of here! There it is! The shop! I want out of here! There! I stepped into the store. Black tie, right there. Mine. I grasp the tie in my fists. It's mine. Better get another one, I never want to come back here again. Never. I give the guy the money. I think I gave him ten dollars more than I should have. Who cares! I have two ties now! I'm done! Finally done! Now all I have to do is go all across the mall to my car. . . *sigh* Dammit.
I started walking. Don't look at the humans. Don't look at the stores. Just go straight. Just get out of here.
What's that? That's a nice black shirt in that store. What!? No! Get out of here. Don't get distracted!
I'm so close to the exit. I want to go home! I want to sit in my couch! I want my damn cat! Dammit. Times of desperation are strange.
What's that? A pet store. Hm. . . I am running out of food for Catalyst. Wait. No! Just get out of here! But. . . I went in. The exit is just right there. I'll be quick. There. Some cat food. They have a lot things. Strange.
I don't know how, but somehow I ended up getting some toys for my cat. How the hell did I end up with this stuff? God. I don't even remember picking this off the shelf! I held in my hand a toy mouse. *sigh* These humans. Their smell is making me blank out, or something. Let's just get out of here.
There's my car! My sweet car! I'm leaving! It's over! Never again will I return. Never. Never. Damn. My car has a flat. *sigh* Damn you, you freakin mall. I hate you!
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Next chapter: Brotherly talk
Sorry it took so long guys!