Awakening
Thanks once again to all my reviewers who have stayed with me (hopefully) over the past many months! I am sorry this has taken so long…life's been very crazy over the past few months. My goal now it to edit (or write a new chapter) each month, and possibly two over the summer months, until this is finished!
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"Don't you lose him, Samwise Gamgee, and I don't mean to. I don't mean to."
Sam awoke lying on a soft feather mattress, covered in spotless white sheets. Above him hung boughs of green and gold; the new leaves and blossoms were producing a sweet fragrance. Sam recognized the fragrance as that of Ithilien. He opened his eyes and bright sunshine streamed in.
"Bless me, Mr. Frodo! I must have overslept!" said Sam, closing his eyes again and thinking. "Why what an awful dream I had!" But when he sat up, and looked around his master was not there. "So it wasn't a dream," he whispered, "or at least not all of it." For he refused to accept the last part as truth, his master lying on the ground, gasping for breath, and then he was gone.
"Then where am I and what is the time?" he said louder, but not expecting a response.
"In Ithilien, in the keeping of the King of Gondor," said a deep voice from behind him. Sam jumped, and turned to face the voice. Gandalf stood before him in robes of pure white, his white hair and beard gleaming in the sun. Sam lay back onto the bed, his mouth wide in astonishment as Gandalf continued, "And it is around noon on the fourteenth day of the new year, or the eighth of April in the Shire Reckoning."
"But Gandalf," began Sam, confused but joyous, "You fell, you were dead."
"Yes, yes, but I am here now and so are you," said Gandalf smiling, "Now how do you feel?"
"I am not quite sure at the moment. I am still very confused," Sam paused for a moment, but Gandalf looked at him intently, urging him to continue.
"Where is Mr. Frodo, and how is he, nothing dreadful has happened to him has it, and was the Quest completed? And what of fellowship? And how did you get here, and me, how did I get here?"
"Slow down, Samwise!" Gandalf smiled and laughed, though Sam could tell that it was forced.
"The Quest has been completed; Frodo and you defeated Sauron. As for the fellowship, many of them are here; you will see them again soon. Many of them have already seen you. They have sat at your side as you slept. And you will hear my tale and yours in time." Gandalf turned and looked across the field, towards a city of tents.
"But Mister Gandalf, sir, what happened to Mr. Frodo," repeated Sam, hoping Gandalf had just not heard him the first time. But he feared that Gandalf was avoiding the subject, and his master really was gone.
Gandalf sighed, not knowing how to begin or how to break the news to Sam. His voice wavered as he began, "Frodo has…the Quest was too hard…he has...died."
The last word sent chills through Sam. He sat for a moment, petrified, his mind racing wondering how it could be true, before he broke down in tears.
Gandalf embraced him, tears in his own eyes. They sat for a long while in silence, the world seeming to halt as they cried. But all around them the world went on, birds chirping, soldiers of Gondor laughing and feasting, unaware of the grief their freedom had cost.
"I…I'm sorry, Gandalf," Sam said through the sobs, after they had sat in silence for a long while.
"For what, Samwise?" asked Gandalf, though he knew the answer. "There is nothing to be sorry for."
"For letting Mr. Frodo die," said Sam quietly. The whole thing seemed so unfair. What had his master ever done to deserve to go on such a horrible quest? Mr. Frodo had always been so kind. It was not his fault that he inherited the Ring from Bilbo. He had already been through so much in his life, losing his parents at a young age, and then Bilbo. And all he received for risking everything and saving all of Middle-Earth was death. Somebody had to be at fault for all of this, and it was easiest to blame himself. After all, he had been with Frodo the whole time. Certainly there was something he could have done.
"You did not let Frodo die, Samwise," said Gandalf, placing his hand on Sam's shoulder, but Sam quickly pushed it away. "You did all you could. It was remarkable that you and Frodo even got that far."
"But I let him go. I let him die…I killed him," said Sam, raising his voice and sobbing harder. "You told me not to lose him, and I did!" Gandalf sat silent, not knowing how to respond. "I let the spider attack him," continued Sam quickly thinking up reasons, "I left him for dead, and then the orcs took him. I allowed the creature Gollum to come. It was I who deserved to die, not him!"
"Now Sam, you are not to blame in all of this, and you certainly do not deserve death!" said Gandalf, raising his voice slightly. "No one is to blame for this." For Gandalf knew he could also be to blame. He had allowed Frodo to take the Ring to Rivendell, and then he convinced Elrond to send Frodo on the Quest to Mount Doom.
"I know it seems very unfair," continued Gandalf, seeming to read Sam's thought, "But Frodo is at peace now. And no one is to blame; it was all part of a great plan."
Sam sighed, and looked at Gandalf knowing he had lost. But he buried the guilt inside himself, and he would not forget it easily.
"Gandalf, where have they put him?" asked Sam quietly.
"I am not quiet sure myself," responded Gandalf, "But I do know that no one is permitted there. Now you must get some sleep."
Sam nodded and realizing he felt very tired, he did not have the strength or will to argue with Gandalf again. Gandalf walked around the bed to the other side where a small table sat, with a dark bottle of medicine, a few candles, and a glass of water. Carefully Gandalf poured a dose of the medicine and gave it to Sam, which he drank reluctantly, and then he lay his head down on the pillow.
"Gandalf," he said softly, "Will you tell me what happened to you now?"
"Yes, I guess now would be a good time for it," Gandalf said, hoping his story would help get Sam's mind off Frodo a little. "I fought the balrog as I fell, to the depths of Khazad-dûm, at last we plunged into the cool waters of the pool below, and onto hard stone. I searched for a way upward, out of the water, and at last, I found a stair, and raced up it, though the balrog was on my heels. We battled to the top of the stair, upon Caradhras, where we had our final duel. Finally, I cast him off the peak; he was defeated. But I too was in anguish, and passed out of consciousness and into death, but then feeling came into my body again. I had been sent back to Middle Earth, until my task was done." Gandalf paused for a moment, and looked at Sam, whose eyes were now closed. "And my task is now finished," he said in a whisper to himself.
Sam opened his eyes slightly to urge Gandalf to go on. "I lay struggling and cold, but then Gwaihir Lord of the Eagles came to bear me to Lothlórien, where the lady told of your stay there and where you had gone. And I tracked down Aragorn and the others until I met them in Fangorn. I shall tell you the rest when you are well."
The grass rustled, as the healer approached a few minutes later. Gandalf, deep in thought, heard him, but did not respond.
"How does he fare?" said the healer, as he stopped behind Gandalf and looked at Sam.
"He awoke earlier," said Gandalf.
"Good," replied the healer, as he bent to examine Sam more closely. "He is less pale, and sleeps deeply."
"Yes, I gave him the medicine, before he went to sleep," said Gandalf, and the healer nodded.
"What did he say when he awoke?" asked the healer after a short pause.
Sam opened his eyes in fear for a moment. He had been slowly falling asleep before, but he had caught some of the conversation. Now he knew Gandalf would tell the healer what he had said, and he would be guarded when he longed for solitude. As soon as his eyes opened, they shut. It was best to pretend he was sleeping.
"He took the news pretty hard. He said that Frodo's death was his fault," Gandalf replied and Sam cringed. "I was afraid of this all along."
"Yes, yes," said the healer thinking, "Then someone must stay with at all times, especially since the body is near by...only across the grove." The healer pointed, as Sam opened his eyes slightly to see. Gandalf nodded as the healer continued, "And the others wanted to see him today."
"Let them," said Gandalf. The healer gave him a questioning look. "It will keep his mind off things a little."
"What about the parties and feasts?"
"I do not know," Gandalf said and his face softened. "It is all too near, I don't know if I have the heart to attend myself."
There was an awkward pause and then Gandalf finally said, "Well, I must be going."
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Thanks for reading, and I hoped you enjoyed this chapter! Please review or e-mail me and tell me what you think. The next chapter (hopefully) will be edited by the end of April.