On The Yellow Brick Road
By Mr. Crash
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Chapter Two: The Tin Woodman
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"Oh, look! Apples!"
This is my chance. I'd enchanted the trees; if those two tried to pick an apple, they'd be thrashed and beaten until unconscious. Once they are knocked out, I'll step in and take the ruby slippers. And that'll be that!
"Ouch!"
Come on, what were the trees waiting for? Why didn't they hit her?
"Come along, Dorothy! You don't want any of those apples!" Yes, that's it, anger them. You stupid, brainless Scarecrow, get them enraged! That'll do it!
"Are you hinting as to what my apples ought to be?"
"Oh, no. It's just that she doesn't like little green worms!"
"Why you...!" The trees are doing it! They're attacking!
No! The two have danced out of reach! Now my trees...they're giving the girl and the Scarecrow apples! How stupid can those trees be, throwing apples like that!
Curses, curses! Those two trees were completely useless!
I'm just about to leave, when I notice the Tin Woodsman. I've seen him before.
The girl is about to pick up an apple when she notices him.
"A man! A man made out of tin!" The Scarecrow hurries over.
Great! Another companion for this wonderful group!
"The tinsmith forgot to give me a heart."
"No heart??"
"No heart. All hollow." He thumps on his chest, and stumbles slightly.
"When a man's an empty kettle
He should be on his mettle
And yet I'm torn apart"
He, too, explains his woes through song. How cute. How adorable. How absolutely disgusting.
So now this fine young lady has two friends to help her find her way through Oz! The Scarecrow doesn't worry me; he's too stupid to be of much use to her. But I don't like the thought of the Tin Woodman joining up with her. He's tough, smart, and dangerous with that axe; he could easily guide and protect her on the way to Emerald City.
Time to make my appearance. I hide on the roof of a nearby cottage, waiting for the opportune moment to make my enterance.
"Well, suppose the Wizard wouldn't give me one when we got there?"
"Oh, but her will. He must!" Her voice is so impassioned... How does a girl her age say something with such sincerity? "We've come such a long way already."
"Ahahahahahahahaha!" The three companions whirl around at look at the top of the cottage. There they see me, in all my wickedness.
"You call that long?!" I cry. "Why, you've only just begun!" While I say this, I stare at the girl. I'm talking to her, and her alone.
I shift my gaze to the Scarecrow. "Helping the little lady along, are we, my fine gentlemen?" I point at the Scarecrow. "Well, stay away from her! Or I'll stuff a mattress with you!" I laugh. I look to the Woodman. "And you! I'll use you for a beehive."
The Woodman and Scarecrow are trembling with fear, but the girl is not. She just stands there, a look of shock on her face. Time to really strike fear into her! "Here, Scarecrow! Wanna play ball?" I conjur up a ball of fire, and hurl it at the straw man.
He leaps back in terror. "Ah! Fire! FIRE!"
The Tin Woodsman falls to his knees, removes his tin hat, and stamps out the fire with it.
"Ahahahahahahaha!" I can't help but laugh at how weak and terrified they all are. I vanish in a puff of smoke.
***
After I put out the fire, I heard a terrible laugh, and then saw the Wicked Witch of the West vanish in a plume of orange smoke.
We stand next to one another. The Scarecrow turns to Dorothy. "I'll see you reach the Wizard now, whether I get a brain or not!" he says angrily. He looks at where the Witch just stood. "Stuff a mattress with me, peh!" He thumbs his nose at the roof of the cottage.
I turn to Dorothy. Scarecrow is right! "I'll see you reach the Wizard now, whether I get a heart or not!" I glare angrily at the roof. "Beehive, bah! Let her try and make a beehive outta me!" I snap my fingers, but they only clank.
A happy smile comes over Dorothy's face. "Oh, you two are the best friends anybody ever had," she says. If I had a heart, I'd be overcome with affection. Seeing that happy smile and hearing that friendly tone, I swear to myself, right then and there, that I won't leave Dorothy's side as long as that Witch is out there!
Her look suddenly becomes speculative. "And it's funny," she continues, "but I feel as if I've known you all the time." She looks at the Scarecrow, then at me. "But I couldn't have, could I?"
The Scarecrow frowns. "I don't see how," he says. "You weren't around when I was stuffed and sewn together, were you?"
She looks at me. I was surprised by her comment. We'd just met, hadn't we? "And I was standing over there, rusting, for the longest time," I add, pointing.
She frowns, but then smiles. "Well, I guess it doesn't matter anyway. We know each other now, don't we?"
"Yes," says the Scarecrow.
"We do," I say. And how glad I am that we do!
"To Oz?" the Scarecrow asks, holding out his arm for Dorothy.
"To Oz!" I say, holding out mine.
She links arms with both of us.
"We're off to see the Wizard
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
We hear he is a whiz of a Wiz
If ever a Wiz there was!
If ever, oh ever, a Wiz there was
The Wizard of Oz is one because
Because because because because because!
Because of the wonderful things he does!
We're off to see the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz!"