Disclaimer: We do not own any of the characters used here. Nor the ones satirized. Through some evil miscarriage of justice, no profit is made from this venture. However, we vow not to rest until these forces of villainy are conquered.
Description: Many mysteries of the plateau have their answer in the form of a mild mannered botanist for a great metropolitan zoological society. If only the other explorers had known….
Spoilers: We prefer to think of our references as improving rather than spoiling; but we're digressing, references abound across all three seasons.
Dedication: To Michael Sinelnikoff for the wonderful hours of enjoyment he has given us and his charming interpretation of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Summerlee. We raise our glasses of Amontillado in a toast to him.
The Secret Life of Arthur Summerlee
By Wicked Minds
Luckily no one noticed.
The brawny hunter was too dazed from the hallucinogenic fungus to even consider how the seemingly frail, elderly professor was able to drag him from the precipice on which he dangled to the safety of the ground.
"I really must be more careful, if I'm to protect my secret identity." Summerlee carefully placed his glasses back on, confident that they would disguise him.
***
It had all started with a bee sting. Not a simple bee sting, of course. No, when a bee is five feet long, there's nothing simple about it. It might not have done anything but killed him, except for the ingestion of the queen's royal jelly. Thanks to Marguerite's expert care and thanks to his friends' daring raid on the giant beehive, he was on the road to full recovery. Or so he believed. Upon his recovery, the elderly professor seemed in all outward aspects to be much the same.
But slowly he became aware that not all was as it seemed. There were changes in him, things that he could do or be that he could not have done or been before. He was frightened at first of his strange new abilities, wondering what living on this strange plateau was doing to him. But bit-by-bit, he began to realize what was happening. And only he knew of the amazing feats he was now capable of. It seemed wisest not to let the others know.
(Authors' asides:
"Why can't he let them know?"
"Because he's a superhero, now!"
"So?"
"So have you ever seen a superhero without a secret
identity?"
"Yeah, all the best ones have them."
"Okay, you two win.")
A slight buzzing sound in his head was the first sign. It kept him awake at night. He tossed and turned, unable to sleep. The lack of sleep made him cranky and disagreeable, and his companions began to worry.
When he noticed his powers for the first time, he had considered it a hallucination, created by lack of sleep. He had been at the base of the treehouse, looking for a pot to replant an interesting new species of Althaea officinalis. A large box was in his way and he absent-mindedly lifted it out of the way. He thought nothing of it, until Roxton and Malone came out of the elevator, shed their shirts and tried to lift it to transport it into the treehouse. Those two strapping shirtless young lads were unable to lift the box together, while he had moved it easily on his own.
"We need to empty some of its contents. Challenger put several pieces of heavy equipment in there," Roxton had explained to Malone as he reached over and stretched his arms with a small grunt, his muscles of his biceps tightening. "He always does that. For a visionary he certainly lacks some basic skills in packing and transporting goods." Malone nodded his agreement as he wiped the sweat from his body with the shirt he carried in his hand.
Summerlee had just stared at them, unable to figure out how he could have lifted a box that defied the strength of two strong men, many years his junior. Maybe he hadn't. A hallucination, no doubt.
The buzzing in his head disappeared after a while. He was happy when his sleep returned. His much improved disposition wasn't mentioned at the treehouse, but he knew that his bad mood had worried his friends.
But by now, Summerlee knew something was going on with him. His body was undergoing changes. He was now faster than a bullet speeding from one of Roxton's guns. He was stronger than a brontosaurus. Able to leap massive cliffs in a single bound. A stone he kicked suddenly flew hundreds of yards. A tree, firmly rooted in the jungle soil, was torn out by him as if it were a matchstick. A puff of his breath could blow a raptor away. Or was it halitosis? Whatever.
All of these tricks were but child's play, of course. However the plateau soon provided an opportunity for him to use his new-found strength to save lives. Saving Roxton in that cave was just the beginning. From then on, apemen, dinosaurs and lava flow, it seemed that there was no end to the opportunities for protecting his companions. He was delighted to become a full-fledged asset to the expedition. Pity only he knew it.
But it was becoming difficult to help them out so unobtrusively. "Perhaps if I had a costume to wear, that would make it easier. With a good costume they'll confuse me with one of the many strange apparitions on the plateau." Professor Summerlee puffed on his pipe and considered his options. "Primary colors, of course, so easy to find in nature. A homage to the bees maybe? Black and yellow, with a bit of fuzz?" He reviewed the plants he already found certain something could be used. For days he agonized over the right design to convey his superpower qualities to the many plateau communities he would come to rescue.
Soon the costume was ready and carefully concealed beneath his white safari clothes. The red and yellow top was very comfortable, knitted out of soft goat hair wool, which he had dyed yellow and black. He used a different material for the tights and they chafed rather awfully. He considered some sort of emblem for the chest. Maybe a capital S for Summerlee, or B for Bee since that's from where his powers were derived. Although that did seem rather obvious. Maybe something subtler. Perhaps a stylized bee stinger. "Hmm, that has possibilities."
(Authors' asides:
"We could get into trouble there"
"What do you mean?"
"Think about it – a bee stinger…."
"Oooh."
"How come every time I get an idea, you think
double entendre?"
"We know where your mind is."
"Let's just hold off on the rest of costume."
"You guys never let me have any fun.")
The costume definitely needed a bit more work. But he couldn't focus on that now; his next opportunity to be protector and lifesaver came quickly.
A sect of religious fanatics had taken him and Challenger captive. Summerlee was set to wait until he was alone in the cell and take action. Then Challenger insisted on joining him and he had to wait until the last minute. There, with a little unobtrusive assistance, he helped Challenger break free. A few puffs of breath kept the flames from Challenger and the child. His superhuman hearing had detected Roxton, Marguerite and Malone approaching. All was well. Although, he was a bit disappointed he didn't get to use his costume. "Ah, well, maybe next time."
His improved hearing was a mixed blessing. While it was good in letting him know when to interfere, Roxton and Marguerite's bickering was annoying at times and Malone's flirting techniques were so inept, Summerlee constantly felt the urge to take the boy aside and give him a lecture in wooing women. If he had waffled like Malone, his Anna would have married Bruce Banner.
His improved physical condition made it easy for him to keep up with them on the jungle hikes. For the sake of appearances he let them think he was still having difficulties. It was heart-warming to see Marguerite always stand up for him, when Roxton lost his patience and accused him of slowing everyone down. Summerlee really couldn't understand why Veronica was always so rude to Marguerite. Anyone who had a heart for an old man with a secret superhero identity couldn't be all bad.
On their trip to the Paradise Valley, he thought he was going to have to intervene when the beast herded them into its lair. He had delayed it briefly on the trail giving his companions time to escape. He was all set to step forward and send that creature about its business, when the back exit to the cave had revealed itself so fortuitously. Well, at least at the time it seemed fortuitous. He thought he would have to reveal his secret, when they were held in the cage, but then Marguerite came to the rescue. Of course he made his own contribution. His newly acquired vision powers had enabled him to calculate the precise spot that would destroy the Paradise tree. His companions simply assumed his botany skills were responsible.
This superhero business wasn't easy. He solved the problem of the chafing tights when Challenger invented a new synthetic fabric that was as soft as it was durable. The costume's improved fit was very welcome, when Summerlee detected that he had gained the power to fly. And not a slow, buzzing bee fly technique, no, his was a most powerful and fast flight. Whenever he was unobserved, he shed his safari suit, hid it in a hollow tree stump next to the electric fence and flew around the plateau. Flying was certainly a much more convenient mode of transportation than hiking or using the slow balloon.
He continued to experiment with additions to his costume. A utility belt seemed a good idea, so he could attach a water bottle to it. One must stay hydrated on longer flights! The belt passed muster and he kept it. He looked around until he found a cave where he could stow his growing pile of gadgets and costumes. After a short consultation with the bats residing there, courtesy of his new sonar abilities, they agreed to discourage unwanted visitors. These flying rodents would discourage unwanted visitors. His bat cave proved to be much more efficacious than his other hideaway. Besides which every time he had gone to the hollow tree there was some vertically challenged individual making cookies.
Next he tried a golden lasso but that wasn't conducive to a discreet appearance, the bulge under his coat was most unsightly. He considered abandoning the bee look for a while and show his patriotism by creating a new costume based on the Union Jack, but then he decided that a national symbol shouldn't be turned into garment. After all if the British Empire got wind of it, it might strike back.
The next adventure forced Summerlee to put commuting on a whole new level. Between trying to talk Veronica out of adopting an infant without the proper paperwork and frantic flights to the plane of reality where Roxton, Malone and Marguerite searched for magic emeralds, he broke several superhero flight speed records. "A mileage program for superheroes might be a good idea," he mused. "I'm certainly racking up the miles! I could get upgrades to business class on Challenger's balloon flights"
His most daring feat that week was the construction of an invisible bridge, so that Marguerite could reach the Druids' emeralds.
While the three of them were fighting with their supernatural replicas, he had procured construction material, for the bridge after pinpointing with superhuman accuracy the exact location where Marguerite would choose to step into the abyss. And he built the bridge, complete with a temporary invisibility shield. No man and few superheroes could do this type of construction project, finish it in time and under budget and be hardly out of breath. He was really starting to enjoy his new abilities.
Life was certainly more interesting since he had begun to experience superhuman powers. Especially the flying was turning into a favorite pastime. He was contemplating the experience one fine morning, as he idled away a morning with his paints. Roxton kept him company; although the professor had assured him that he could manage on his own. He itched to fly to the Inland Sea, a most pleasant route of spectacular scenic beauty and a part of the plateau the others had not yet discovered. A swim would be nice too and given his ability to hold his breath for very long periods of time, he enjoyed frolicking with the underwater creatures of the Sea. But Roxton's presence put an end to those plans. They had a nice conversation though, until Veronica returned with disturbing news. The other three were trapped by a cave-in. They had taken refuge fleeing from cannibals.
His rescue of Malone, Challenger and Marguerite was undetected. He slipped away from Roxton and Veronica briefly, quickly flew over to the site of the cave-in and drilled a small hole so sufficient air kept the three alive. Then using his super strength he shifted a few layers of rock to reactivate the volcano. It was the work of a moment to ensure that the lava flow wouldn't hurt anyone. Of course everyone thought they just had incredible luck.
(Authors' asides:
"Wow! That was Summerlee's doing in Creatures
of the Dark?"
"It had to be. Nobody's that lucky."
"And to think, they never knew.")
A few weeks later he was able to keep Marguerite safe from the German pilot and aided Malone in fixing the plane. He actually slipped away to check on Roxton and the others. A good thing he did. The villagers were woefully under prepared. A quick dash in and slugging an invader or two, before the villagers using their slingshots realized they missed. Slowing up the groups of invaders so that they didn't arrive at the same time, giving the villagers a chance to ready their traps. Really, if it wasn't for his behind-the-scenes work helping the Tintas, the Hikari would have made mincemeat out of them. "Who knew what evil lurked in the hearts of men…" Summerlee thought as he sped away.
Then of course he had to fly back to the treehouse on the double to make sure that Dieter hadn't hurt the other two. Really, this insistence of his companions on breaking into two or more groups all the time was making his superhero life quite miserable. There were limits to even his powers and organizational skills!
His encounter with the Fairy Queen, a most charming creature, had given him a new insight into his burgeoning powers. It seemed with a spoken word he turned from the familiar white haired scientist into this overly muscled creation in a yellow and black suit. That wouldn't have been so bad, but he found the yellow lightening bolt rather disconcerting. "Shazam" just didn't feel comfortable to him, but still he did use his power to get over to the cliff's edge in time to prevent Challenger and Roxton from being killed by armed apemen when they jumped off the cliff. A little puff of breath cushioned their splash into the river. Then he chased away the apemen so they didn't follow them.
To be honest his superpowers actually had very little do with it. They had taken one look at the yellow and black costume and fell over laughing. Obviously they had never come across the giant bees and their deadly wrath. Even lizard men usually shrieked like little children, when Summerlee confronted them in full superhero regalia.
He had one bad moment when he thought his companions spotted him. His super hearing detected their voices on the ground as he sped overhead.
"Look, up there in the sky!" exclaimed Veronica.
"Is it a pterodactyl?" Wondered Marguerite.
"Is it an Albatross D1A, 150 horsepower with 17,000 foot ceiling flying at 120 miles per hour?" Malone guessed at random.
"No, it's an Andrena Mimetica, although I've never seen one with white markings around the head." Challenger corrected.
"Well, let's get a closer look." Roxton raised his rifle and took aim. The crack of the rifle split the air. "Bloody hell!" The object flew on unhurt.
"You missed." Marguerite observed with a smirk.
"I did not miss. The bullet didn't harm it."
"It's gone now." Veronica pointed out.
"Maybe you scared it off." Malone still regarded the hunter as a hero who could do no wrong.
Roxton nodded. "Must have."
"I don't think so." Challenger picked up an object from the grass. It was a flattened bullet.
"Maybe Summerlee got a better look at it from the treehouse. It was headed that way." Ned picked up the pack he'd dropped to watch the phenomenon.
"It's a shame he wasn't here to see it." Veronica said.
That wasn't the last time the explorers caught glimpses of the mysterious black and yellow object in the sky.
The Zangas were the first to offer an explanation for the unusual sightings that were being reported across the plateau.
"It is said that in times of great danger, a hero will arise from the people," Assai told them. "And assume the guise of an insect to fight for truth, justice and the Zanga way. Bee all that you can bee."
"I've always had a weakness for a man in uniform." Marguerite's eyes focused on the last spot they had seen the apparition.
But more than the grand adventures it was the day-to-day events that kept Summerlee busy. Every time he got the electric fence in shape and running reasonably well, Challenger decided to improve it. Then there was the gunpowder issue.
"One would think with the scarcity of bullets and raw materials, they'd be more conservative in their rate of fire." Summerlee had found an oversize web on a tree and hung from it to grab a little down time.
"But even that wouldn't be such a problem, if they'd just hang onto their guns and hats. I'm really growing quite weary of having to ascertain where they have disappeared; dropped in a narrow crevice, floating downstream, picked up by scavengers, or tucked away in some cannibal village." He sighed and reached down to his utility belt for his pipe. Using the power of the ring given to him by the Guardians of Oa he soon had wisps of smoke rising from the tobacco in the pipe.
"It's bad enough having to go a search and retrieve mission every time I turn around but then to think up excuses as to how I found them." He shook his head in disgust.
(Authors' asides:
"So that's how they always got their guns and
hats back!"
"I knew there had to be a reason."
"Well, it was either this or Challenger invented
a homing beacon.")
It was also somewhat disconcerting to find that his fellow explorers were starting to pay attention to the new phenomenon, as Challenger referred to the UBO sightings. 'Unidentified Bee-like Objects' he had taken to calling them.
He was returning from his bat cave, orchid in hand as an excuse for his disappearance, when he overheard his companions in the treehouse overhead.
"I saw that black and yellow apparition again, Challenger." Roxton had just stepped off the elevator and went immediately to the balcony to scan the skies.
"I thought I heard a buzzing a minute ago." Veronica commented.
"I did, as well." Challenger looked around at his companions. "Did anyone else?" Malone nodded.
"So did I." Marguerite frowned at the room as she noticed a missing person. "Did Arthur hear anything?"
"Why I'm not sure where he is. He wasn't in the lab." Challenger had just come up the stairs when Roxton arrived.
"That's odd now that you mention it. Has anyone else noticed Professor Summerlee is never with us when we see this thing?" Malone asked.
Summerlee hurried on to the treehouse to prevent further speculation on the coincidence of his absence whenever they sighted the UBO with a discussion about the rarity of his discovery. But the intercepted conversation bothered him.
"And on top of it, they developed a knack for getting knocked unconscious in the middle of a dinosaur infested jungle." The much put upon superhero was left hiding in a tree or nearby shrubs to make sure they didn't get eaten by some stray raptor. Fortunately, assuming that he couldn't keep up with them, the others frequently left him alone at the treehouse, enabling him to fly to the rescue and stay hidden while he performed it and still make it back in time to greet them on their return.
That Kemper from the future was a particularly nasty piece of work, even without having to knock out all those warriors so that they didn't kill Malone, Challenger or Marguerite. Once they had freed themselves; luckily he positioned an ember with a puff of superbreath so that Roxton could burn through the ropes without injury; he had sped away to check on the other three as Roxton & Veronica pursued Catherine in the balloon. He, of course, couldn't leave those temple protectors to be dinosaur food either. They weren't really evil, just misguided so he found himself watching over them. Good thing he had kept Roxton safe to protect Marguerite.
(Authors' asides:
"Is there going to be a secret signal?"
"What secret signal?"
"You know, like Commissioner Gordon calls Batman. A secret signal so they
can call him when they're in trouble."
"But he's supposed to help them without them knowing they're in trouble.
That's the point."
"Oh, yeah. Okay, then, how about a secret dance? That's how bees communicate,
by dancing."
"You're spending too much time on that research again. Get back to writing.")
Moreover, he was starting to worry. Lately he had noticed some odd changes to his body. They were minute but the changes were vexing. It had all started when Largo came among them pretending to be Tom Layton. To Summerlee's embarrassment he'd drank the blue orchid mixture. To the others it had simply been a temporary neurotoxin, but for him it wasn't quite that simple. Apparently his powers had left him susceptible to even the fumes of the mixture.
Luckily he came out of it in time to free himself of the belt Ned had tied him up with and got to the clearing in time to deflect the knife as Veronica stabbed Roxton. It had made an impressive slash but not that deep. He had moved so fast that no one saw him.
(Authors' asides:
"Finally someone figured out how Roxton survived
in Prodigal Father."
"Yeah, we did it again."
"Where would TLW be without us?"
"I don't think we should answer that.")
But Summerlee had had an unexpected side affect from Largo's drug. He was beginning to develop forewings that formed horny coverings. He found himself wanting to climb various forms of vegetation. He started investigating other herbs and flowers on the plateau, trying to discover a cure. So far no luck.
It was growing more noticeable; something was going to have to be done.
Fortunately no one had any suspicions yet and his powers were still increasing. Good thing that, as while the Nordic fighters were an easy task ("Why is it that the villains on this plateau have such abysmal personal hygiene?" Summerlee asked himself at he looked for a place to wash his hands.), Osric was a much more formidable foe than he had encountered yet. And it took some skillful maneuvering to turn the crystal sword at exactly the right angle in order to flash the sun into Roxton and Marguerite's eyes while he disposed of Osric himself.
***
"The weather patterns have changed. Notice the barometer readings." Summerlee looked up from the equipment he had been studying in the treehouse lab.
"You've reached the same conclusion, haven't you?" Challenger could hardly contain his excitement.
"The winds have shifted. We can go home." Summerlee felt a hidden glee. Surely in London he'd find a cure that would stop his deterioration of his body into that of a beetle. "Yeah, yeah, yeah" He chorused happily in his mind.
***
"Of course, nothing on this blasted plateau ever goes as expected." Marguerite was tied next to him in the tent in Drakul's camp. "And where in the hell are Roxton and Challenger?"
"Have you taken complete leave of your senses, woman?"
"A simple thank you for saving your life would suffice."
"We already know they have gunpowder. How could you tell Drakul about the hydrogen gas?"
"Easy, it was either that or die."
The argument continued off and on until an interruption in the form of an explosion and the presence of Ned and Veronica brought new possibilities. Summerlee had to concede Marguerite's delaying tactics to keep them alive had been effective.
Minutes later at the side of the bridge, he saw his chance. No way could he keep his changing body a secret any longer. If they thought him dead, he could buy some time until he could figure out how to reverse the process. Falling into a ravine with a raging river at the bottom was ideal. He'd be carried off, assumed dead. His body would not be around. No investigation or autopsy.
***
It was months later as the transmogrification completed. Summerlee's cries of "Help me, help me!" went unheard.
But even in his new form, hidden from the sight of his friends, he was still able to help them out. The helicopter with the tourists from the future would never had made it out ahead of the storm. But one look at the way that woman was eyeing Roxton and he knew he had to get her off of the plateau. He owed it to Marguerite.
It was a blessing that he was there to guide that mysterious horse to the treehouse. After the horse had decided Roxton should be king, Summerlee realized that Roxton was going to need all the help he could find. Even a superhero has his limits, so Arthur thought it was best to get the others. Besides having them all together made it easier to keep his eyes on them. No telling what mischief they might get into on their own. It was to be expected that Challenger took credit for defeating the dragon. No one realized that dragons have an innate fear of horny winged beetles so Summerlee was able to scare the dragon into the methane swamp and set it alight.
Thank heavens he'd been on hand when Veronica wanted to escape the giant. Using a variety of stratagems he was able to slow the monster down so Veronica could make it back to the treehouse. There was no way should would have gotten away from him otherwise.
Of course there were mishaps. The life of a man in a beetle body is not an easy one. And when someone is willing to offer you comfort, you don't always look carefully enough. The latex outfit should have been a warning. But who's to say she wasn't another costumed hero. The potion she offered did temporarily transform him from the insect form to another. And it was a major leap forward on the evolutionary scale. But troglodytes wouldn't have been his choice. And while he had his powers, she had suppressed his sense of decency and fair play.
She'd named him Hyde and ordered him to find her a companion who would adore her. He gloried in stalking through the jungle looking for a likely victim for his demanding mistress. Whatever his glorious Danielle wanted, she should have. Of course given a whole jungle to choose from, naturally he'd stumble across Roxton out spear hunting. He had actually chortled enthusiastically as he slipped the drug out of his utility belt. The drug suppressed any semblance of good taste and judgment. This would be necessary if the hunter, who after all had been in the company of two such strikingly attractive ladies as Miss Krux and Miss Layton, were to have the bad taste to fall for his evil mistress. He sprinkled it on the hunter just as his beloved Danielle appeared.
Eventually the potion Summerlee had ingested wore off and he had regressed back to his beetle form and his innate sense of justice and virtue returned in time for him to make sure the raging trogs were delayed as the explorers escaped.
(Authors' asides:
"Do you really think that's what happened?"
"Hell, no. I'm just appeasing the M/R shippers."
"Hey, if Guy can do it, so can we.")
And it was just lucky he followed them down beneath the earth to the Kobolds. Trust Challenger to think he had everything working properly and then forget to set the last dial needed to blow up that infernal machine. And it was a stroke of good fortune that he was able to block off the worst of the blast so that they weren't hurt.
Then of course, Marguerite nearly did herself in falling in the pit in that ancient temple. Fortunately Arthur was able to knock away most of the spikes, and scuttled away before she realized he was there.
Sure, there were minor things like making sure the pirates' chest exploded (charming Marguerite, so clever but the gunpowder detonator wasn't set quite right). And Veronica would have ended up headfirst in those spikes if Arthur hadn't jumped onto the tree branch and grabbed the rope before she could fall that far.
But one of his biggest challenges was getting Ned back from the spirit world, first by burning those fields. Admittedly, it was a lot of fun seeing Challenger having to forego a rational explanation and consider supernatural possibilities. - Hey, when you're stuck in an insect form you take your laughs where you can get them. - Then he let Ned think that he was the one who did it, and fought back Saros. Ned was a dear boy, but definitely overmatched without his help.
Stopping the plesiosaur from catching Marguerite and Roxton had seemed like child's play after that. A simple matter of just hanging on to the beast's tail. That didn't stop Marguerite and Roxton from thinking they out swam it. Summerlee shook his head that they could be so foolish as to think they could make it to the riverbank faster than a plesiosaur.
Some months later, growing weary of the jungle, he managed to spot Challenger and brought himself to the scientist's attention. Everything was going famously, then this refugee from a Kung-Fu movie burst in.
"If only I had let Kato hang around." Arthur thought to himself as he scurried undercover to prevent an inadvertent squashing. "He'd have made short shrift out of this Jet Li wannabe. But I was so tired of hearing Rimsky-Korsakov's The Flight of the Bumble Bee."
Eventually however he did manage to get Challenger's attention a short time later and was treated royally in the treehouse. The glass aquarium was palatial compared to what he had to make shift with in the jungle. His time in the lab was well spent and when he noticed the barometric changes he knew he had his chance. He spun the cocoon that would be necessary to assist in the metamorphosis and waited.
Season four was just around the corner.
The End
Some additional notes from the authors:
Bruce Banner is the Incredible Hulk.
Wonder Woman was an Amazon, who used the stars and
stripes as costume motif in the 1940's and used a Golden Lasso
The Green Lantern used a ring of power associated
with the Guardians of Oa
The Green Hornet's sidekick was Kato and on the TV
show The Flight of the Bumblebee was the theme song.
At the end of the movie The Fly the lines 'Help me,
help me' were the words spoken by the afflicted scientist.
'Shazam' was the word spoken to transform Captain
Marvel.
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty is a James Thurber
short story.
Most other references are fairly obvious
