The Mutant Ninja Turtles
Donatello's Biography: Part 11
By B.C.
Illegitimate Thoughts
April O'Neal. Age 26, height five foot ten, weight, heh, like she'd say, …I'd say about one thirty. Her hair is a dark red which she keeps at about shoulder length, and she has green eyes. Her skin is fair, and she tans like all hell when it is summer which makes her freckles on her nose and shoulders all the more prominent.
How did we meet her? Raphael saved April's life once, that's how we all met. That was when I was seventeen. She was 22 at that time. Even from the beginning, April and me always got along. Mikey drooled over her, trying to make her laugh, and just entertain her altogether. He can be quite funny when so inclined. Raph, I think, found someone else to impress in April. Not in an obnoxious way, she was just someone to work out harder for. Donnie was always bashful. He was really bad at first, but after a while he began to relax. In the end April and Donnie got real close. Yet in the end I think she made us all nervous. Aside from Akane and Jubei, at that time, she was the only other human we engaged in conversation with, someone who wasn't family. Her being gorgeous didn't help either.
You know, we were always confused about that. What should half turtle men find attractive? Hell if I know, but she'll do. Perhaps we were conditioned by TV and advertisements to find humans attractive. Maybe it is just that part of the human DNA inside us. It doesn't matter. The fact is we all found April attractive, and, sadly, we all new she would never see us in the same light. Our chubby faces and thick green skin don't make us look-alikes for Brad Pitt.
I didn't let this bother me though. Leonardo, I said to myself, you are going to be a great martial artist. Maybe one day when the time is right you will head to a Shoalin temple in China and spend your life as a monk, devoted to the arts. Sounds nice doesn't it? No? Well, what do you expect? I can't get married, buy a house, start a business, or even walk down the friggin' street. I only hope that the monks will think I am some kind of god or blessed creature. I can't live in the sewers forever. It just isn't the kind of life for a ninja. I know, I know, I'm a pessimist, but can you blame me.
That's why I fell in love with her. Damn it, that's why I am in love with her. I know it sounds mushy, but April made me forget my differences. With her I was just Leonardo, the guy she talked to, the guy she told her problems to, the guy whose lap she would fall asleep on after watching movies too late. The fool.
Have you ever heard the term "sexual tension"? Well, I know it all too well. Me and April, like my brothers, would play fight and wrestle and…you know, buddy stuff. That was how we all were. And after a few years she became like a sister. A hot sister. Whose not even family. "Tapable" as Mikey would put it. Think about it.
So this is where someone from the audience says "Hey dummy, just tell her how you fell, and let what happens happen!" Oh yeah, FU$# YOU! This isn't like most situations. This is APRIL. I don't even want to think about the jealousy it would create, and I love my brothers more than that. What's the saying "Blood is thicker"? Yeah…yeah.
It was thicker. (sigh) It was St. Patrick's Day. We all were just having a small get together. You know, Splinter, Akane, Casey, Jubei, Dr. Tofu, Melody, the four of us, Kino, and Danny. Danny just turned twenty one in December. We decided to party at Aprils place (it was much cleaner), and since April is Irish she decorates a lot, and we like to see them. Once everyone said there hello's, Splinter brought out the old imported Sake or rice wine. We were all in our normal party mood, and things went as usual, music, dancing, stories, cards, and (oh yes) pizza.
By two fifteen in the morning everyone was passing out one by one. Mikey danced at the top of the stairs (we were all waiting for him to fall, but that kid's got incredible balance, even plastered), Raph got all philosophical as he always does when he's wasted, while Donnie just laughs and pokes fun at people. The card game we play is called "Kings". Basically (mind you, rules change according to whose playing) black cards 2-6 tells you how many "chugs" you have to drink. Red 2-6 is how many "chugs" you can make someone else drink. 7's are waterfall, 8's are sentences, 9's are rhymes, 10's are categories, Jack's are jokes, Queen's allow you to tell someone to drink and they can't stop til you say so, King's allow you to make a rule (like no answering questions), and Aces are wild. As the clock counted we had fewer and fewer people at the table. Finally it was just me and Raph. He likes to think he can drink anyone under the table, heh. Not this time. There were only four cards left. It was my turn. I drew a Jack. Yes. That means water fall. He can't stop drinking til I stop. I reached for my glass of good old red beer, and chugged. You get a bit of a brain freeze from this, but if you just close your eyes and take a deep breath it's not so bad.
I was almost done with the last of the beer in my glass when I heard a loud thud. Sure enough, Raph fell out of his chair. Haha! That's what I thought, punk. Although, now I was piss drunk and everyone else was asleep or had already gone home. I kinda stared at April's large light wood stained oval table that seats eight, just staring. The drunk stare. Then I heard something to my left. With eyes half open I slowly looked to see, my head feeling heavy as hell. April was rising from the couch in front of the wide-screen TV. April's apartment was nice. Light blue plush carpeting, white plaster walls, light brown leather furniture, a few plants, and a lot of paintings (mostly Picasso). There were two light/lamps above the table I sat at, giving the atmosphere of a poker table. No one smoked so there wasn't the sent of burnt tobacco in the air. I looked away from her as I fumbled with the card that won me the game. I then noticed Raph snoring.
April stumbled her way over to me. She was wearing those jeans called "flares" I think, were they are tight at the waist but loose from the knee down, and a little light blue high cut T-shirt with the company's name written across the chest. She pulled up the chair to my left. I was at the head of the table, Raph was sleeping at the other end, and to my right was the wall. April looked at the table with a drunk wobbly head and said "Iz da game over?"
"Not til Ima da last won sta…sitin'."
"Alrigth! Then iz it my turn?"
"Go fo it." She reached out and picked up a card. I wasn't really paying attention. I was reaching the stage in my drunk were I was getting sleepy too.
"I gotta Ace!" she said with a pleased smile.
"Azes are wild, so pick whachu want." She seemed to stare at the card as though she was debating. I didn't think much of it at that moment, but there was seriousness to this stare, soberness.
"Okay…I can ask kwestions but you can't. If you do den you gotta drink a whole beer, kay?"
"Yeah…su…"
"Oh! AND you gotta answer truthfully, no lies!" I felt a little amused. This has happened before. We often do this to get someone to admit to an embarrassing moment. It's usually funny as hell.
"Okay, do your worst." Her expression changed to a cocky confidence. She then in a smug tone said "I hearda rumor bout you." She paused. "It went, when you were younger you usda meditate, but axualy you were doin' sometin' else. What…were you doin' huh?" Her smile was huge. I could tell it made her a little embarrassed, because she didn't make eye contact. I'm going to kill Donatello. He's the only one I told about that. But this is how the game usually goes; we get drunk and laugh at each other. Oh well.
"Why you askin' dat? I can tell from your smile dat you already know." She just laughed.
"I said no questions! You gotta drink a whole beer. Haha!" Damn, I forgot!
One beer later.
"Okay, I was nasterdating." She burst into laughter. I shrugged and reached for a card. Five of diamonds, excellent. "Guess who gets ta drink deese five chugs." She still laughed. She took her five, and a few more for good measure.
"Okay, now…I wasn't done wit you yet. I still have more kwestions." She leaned forward, elbows rested on the table. "Do you still?" she said with a smile."
"On special occasions."
"What did you think about?"
Whoa!
I couldn't help but give her a shocked look, but she wasn't looking at me. She was still staring at the table. This was getting a little personal, and I was starting to get nervous.
"…"
"I'm just curious. I mean…Oh, I dunno what I mean. It's just…do I have any affect on you?" Thank god I was drunk. I can't imagine what I would've done sober.
"Uhhh…well…" She stood up, walked to me, and sat in my lap. (!!!)
"How bout you tell me when I'm getting' warm."
This is when I wake up. I was drunk and had a crazy dream where April was some horny drunk sex goddess. I'll just get up, shower, help clean up and go back to my home where I banish these thought from my enlightened mind.
Oh wait. That's right. I'm not dreaming.
"April?"
"Yeah?" she whispered as she rubbed her lips on the side of my face.
"Uhh…you're drunk."
"I know" A long pause.
"Well…I'm drunk."
"I know" Damn it! Something's gotta be wrong with this. This can't be happening. Can it?
To Be Continued…
Author's Notes: Okay, this is what I call a risky chapter. I really don't want to have to make this R rated so I'm going to be using vague language. Once again this is a brief summery of a much longer story, so if it fells rushed or choppy, my apologies. Oh, and it is Kino from the second movie, and it is Danny from the first movie. If you don't know the game "Kings" or a similar game by a different name, and you want to know how to play, let me know and I may post it in my author's notes for the next chapter, but I'm assuming you've all heard or played it before. I'm sure the April-Leo relationship is common, so I don't expect this to be break through material. And I know, I'm dragging it out. We are almost done I promise. As always your criticism is welcome whether positive or negative. Thanks again for reading.