The Mutant Ninja Turtles
Donatello's Biography: Part 14
By B.C.
Paths
Dude, have you ever had to burry a loved one? No, I mean actually burry a loved one? We have, twice. It totally sucks. And to tell ya the truth, I never wanna have to do it again.
At least the weather was good, sunny and somewhat warm. I suppose that was a relief in its own way. Of course driving six hours to Pennsylvania with Leo in the back ain't fun no matter what the weather. I had hoped we would never have to make that drive again. At least this time we weren't alone. Raph drove, Donnie had shotgun and read a book, then me with April and Casey in the back, and of course…Leo. Oh god. Ape.
It was real late at night when we showed up at her apartment, only a few hours after we left the warehouse, and she was still in her jammies. Man, she was so happy to see us. We all gave fake smiles. Ya know, the ones that are total opposites of what you're actually feeling. Instantly she noticed and asked where Leo was. Raph turned around and sat down on the couch. Ape got this look on her face, that look of total confusion and fear. I didn't want to be the one to do it, but I was standing next to her already, so I took the job and without a word, guided her to the kitchen. She already had tears welling in her eyes by the time we sat down at the table. I began to speak "Ape…Leo…", and she screamed no. She knew. She lunged at me, sobbing on my shoulder. Dude, this totally sucks. After the crying, we explained what we were going to do with Leo, and she immediately demanded to go with. We didn't argue.
It's not exactly like we own grave plots. We can't afford land, and ain't none of us got social security numbers anyways. When master Splinter died we decided this would be the best place. It was way out in the woods, so we figured that bulldozers won't be tearing this land up for quite some time, long enough anyways.
The drive is what kills me. I can't stand sitting less than three feet from a body, but now is no time to be squeamish. I mean, dude, it's my fu@#in' brother. What kinda p.o.s would I be to refuse to sit next to him on his final ride? Hell, I didn't even get to talk to him last. Although I did get to hear his final words, but they weren't spoken to me. They were spoken to Raph.
When Leo collapsed, Raph ran to him. Once there he kneeled down and kinda lifted him so he was, like, sitting up. I slowly walked closer. I think in my head I was fighting what I was seeing. It's just, Leo didn't look that injured. But as I approached, I began to notice the trail of blood tracing all the steps Leo and Shredder had taken. Aside from the big cut from Shred, Leo had over a dozen deep small wounds that were slowly poring blood. Beginning to realize the seriousness of this, I was only able to get about halfway to him, and then I couldn't walk. My legs froze. I just fell to my knees, and I just stared and listened.
Leo's head kinda turned to get a look at Raph, which was difficult with one eye. Raph was fighting his tears. He had that painful look on his face, like he was lifting weights or something. From what I could see it looked like Leo smiled at him and said "We got'm." Leo's words sounded wispy, and I couldn't stop thinkin' he's gunna die.
"Yeah…we got'm." Raph replied with a broken voice.
"Heh…you mean I got'm. You…you just watched…heh."
"Hey…you always were teachers pet. Besides" he broke into tears and his voice began to quiver "I knew you could handle it."
"Oh…why are you crying?" Leo said as though it irritated him. "It's okay. We got'm. Splinter…is…avenged." Raph just nodded. "Raph…"
"Yeah."
"I love you guys." Leo started to cry from his only eye. "You know? I fu@$in' love you guys. Don't you ever forget that, or doubt that. You hear me?"
"I hear you." I was now crying.
"Hey…I…hate to make you do this for me…but…tell App…" He was gone, and Raph just started bawling. Donnie didn't know. He wasn't conscious. Casey had to tell him when he woke up a few minutes later. I didn't move. I just stared at Leo's body. Raph laid Leo down and walked up to me.
"C'mon, we gotta move before cops get here." I was frozen. "Hey!" he grabbed my face and lifted me to my feet, quick. "We have to get outa here before the cops take his body, get me?" I just nodded. Me and Casey lifted Don, who was in denial and was beginning to become hysterical, while Raph carried Leo. We weren't all that far from home. Once we arrived at the lair, we got the van, loaded Donnie, loaded Leo, then headed to Ape's, then to Pennsylvania.
I was a little relieved when Raph said we had arrived. I hate to admit it but I couldn't wait to get outa the back of that van. It was still somewhat sunny. Sitting in the back of the van all morning made the direct sunlight hurt my eyes. We all got outa the van, and Raph began looking for the tree with the kanji Leo carved on it. He found it and we started unloading Leo. We had Leo on a home made stretcher, which was handy as we headed for the grave site.
Finally, there we were. Splinter's grave. We had buried him under a very large tree that we nailed his cane to. I got a little chocked up just looking at it. After a few moments we looked for a near by tree, and then began digging. We all helped dig, and deeper than just six feet. That's why we left so early, because we knew this would take all day. We began digging at, like, nine. Donnie couldn't help much, his shoulder and all, but Raph made up for ten of us. We dug ten feet, which, when you see it, is really deep, but we dug ten for Splinter, so we dug ten for Leo.
Most people don't dig the graves for their loved ones. They just show up, listen to words, pull a lever, and go home. That must be nice, but honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way than our way. Digging his grave was a way to show how much he meant to us, and we, not some hired hands, lowered him in with our own hands. And we laid the dirt back on him. His family. His kin. But, in truth it was the only way. We couldn't have burned them. Even this far out in the country, people notice a fire that big, and we'll be damned if anybody takes the bones away. This is just easier for everyone.
It was right about sunset when we finished. We took our bows, burned our incense and said our goodbyes. There just isn't a whole lot to say about a funeral. At least, nothing that differs from most funerals. It's what happened after wards that really changed things. I should have known something was up when I thought about how Donnie hadn't said a word since he knew Leo was dead. But it wasn't until about a week after we got back from the burial when he called the three of us to the living room. Donnie sat at the Purple beat up chair, Raph sat on the beat up red couch to Donnie's right, and I sat on the floor right across from Donnie, but past the old coffee table. Man, is our stuff crap. We had sat there no more than a second when Donnie casually said "I think we should split up." Me and Raph stopped breathing. There was even a good five minutes of silence before Raph finally said in a very calm and smooth voice "Why?"
"Because that's what Leo wanted." Oh no. Raph's face turned red, which is difficult for us considering our thick green skin. Yet, he still managed to keep a cool voice.
"What makes you think that?"
"I don't think, I know."
"Donnie, I know we are all upset, but…"
"I'm not upset. Leo wanted to die. He knew that was all he had left…" Raph lunged at Donnie at almost blurring speed and picked him up by his neck, slamming him up against the wall.
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHY ARE Y…"
"IT'S TRUE. I KNOW IT FROM HIS OWN WORDS!" Donnie pushed Raph's hand of his neck and pushed him away. They both had hurt and angry looks on their faces. I was now standing, and about to have a nervous breakdown.
"What are we Raph?! What are we to do?! Where the fu@# are we gunna go, huh?!" Donnie was crying as he was yelling. "We've spent our lives training, for what?! To kill Shredder?! Well, we've done that?! Leo say to that, and Leo knew there was nothing after that!" Raph looked like he was going to kill Donnie, and I readied myself to tackle him if he tried. That is, if I didn't collapse from stress first. Donnie reached under the chair and pulled out a small leather book. "This' he said "is Leo's journal! Just before we headed out, he told me I could read it, but I didn't get a chance to read it till we came back for the van. I read it while you guys were setting up, and I only wish I had read it sooner." Donnie let out a sigh, and began to calm.
"He basically said that he can't see a future past killing Shredder. He knew. He always knew. That that night he was going to die." They stared at each other for a moment. "So what know, brother? What would we do? Sit here? Spend the rest of our lives living underground in the shadow of a lost father and a dead brother. Fight till we ourselves are killed by the fu@#ing punks with guns, guns that get bigger every year. Is that all we have? Well, I won't do that! I'm not going to die like that! Not like Leo, not like splinter. God damn it, I want to love…I wanna be loved. I want to die peaceful and happy. Don't you?"
Raph didn't respond. "I don't know what lies ahead of me. I may never find what I'm looking for, but I know I won't find it here." He walked up to Raph.
"I'm sorry." He walked past Raph, and he left. We were both stunned. After that me and Raph never said a word to each other. In fact it was just me and Raph living in silence for a couple of weeks. The tension could've been cut with a knife. Then one day while we were watching TV, Raph looked at me and said "We should split up." I looked at him with a stunned face.
"What? Why?"
"C'mon Mikey, you know why. Donnie was right. This place…is just bad memories." We didn't speak again after that, and the next day he was gone. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream out loud and tell the whole world how much it sucks and how unfair it was towards us, but…I didn't. It's just not constructive. So, I cleaned. A lot! I kept the lair tidy. I still practiced. I lifted weights, and gained twenty pounds in muscle. Not bad huh? I called April and Casey now and again. After the payphone got shut down, April even bought me a cell phone, but as time moved forward the conversations grew shorter and shorter, until we stopped calling altogether. I found myself mugging drug dealers for money, and only surfacing to buy food, supplies, and whatever. I wasn't all that sad. I wasn't all that lonely. I just was. Like a guy stranded on a deserted island who knows that he has to keep breathing despite the challenge. After a while it even became routine.
Then, wouldn't you know, one day out of the blue, I got a letter from Donnie. He mailed it to April of course, but she called me and I went to pick it up. I had to sneak in late at night because her husband and her kids wouldn't understand, ya know. Once inside I relaxed in the kitchen. I was looking at all the pictures on the fridge that Caitlin (Ape's daughter) had drawn. After a few moments April came in while tying her robe. She motioned her hands for me to sit, and I complied.
"How are you Mikey?"
"Oh I'm cool, just chillin'."
"So how's the Lair?"
"Cleaner than ever before. I even bought some new stuff, and it's beginning to look decent."
"That's good." She now switched to her concerned face and voice. "How are you though?"
"Ah, you know me. I'm cool. The simple life is easy. And, believe it or not, kinda peaceful." She kinda chuckled.
"I just never saw you as the one to go that route."
"Well life is full of surprises." With that she reached behind her, in the pocket of her day coat that was draped over that chair she was sitting in and handed me the letter. I leaned forward to receive it. The cover read "Donatello Hamato, 1314 Aberquest Ct, Brickwood PN" Donnie bought a house? I opened it quickly. It read:
Dear Mikey,
I hope this letter finds you, and I hope you are okay. I'm sorry I left with out giving a proper goodbye, but…well…you know. After I left that day, I thought I had made a mistake, that I did in fact let my emotions over take me. I went to Splinter and Leo's graves. I begged them to help me. To help me find the way. Well, after four hours of no help, I just started walking. I ended up meeting these kids who were trying to build a new type of motor. Well, to make a long story short, we put our minds together and came up with a new and much more efficient type of combustion engine. Of course the government wanted exclusive rights to the technology, after a little bartering…I got full citizenship. And the patent! I live in a relatively big house on my own land. THE land. It's mine now. And I've built shrines over their graves. I would like you and Raph to visit sometime. I still love you guys, and it would be great to see you again.
Donatello
Well, I'll be dipped! I told April and we planned our trip immediately. We were leaving first thing in the morning.
To Be Continued...
Author's Notes:
One more.
As always, your criticism is welcome whether positive or negative. Thank you again for reading.