Identity

Chapter 11: Resolutions

For the first time in a very long time, Mikagami felt at a loss. He believed he was a good judge of people's characters, but when it came to emotions, he didn't fare as well. And that was what he was feeling as he walked behind Fuuko up the corridor towards their rooms.

They were back in the hotel now, the very same one they had stayed in when they had previously been in Hiroshima which seemed so very long ago but had, in reality, been less than two days ago.

He looked at his friend's back, unable to guess what she could be feeling at the moment. She hadn't uttered a word on the ride back and had definitely avoided meeting his gaze. Was she angry at him for stopping her back in the office? He didn't know why, but that thought distressed him. He had to find out.

They stopped outside her door and Fuuko reached out for the gold-plated knob. His mouth was beginning to form her name when she beat him to it.

"Mikagami." Her back was towards him. "I want you to go back to Tokyo tomorrow."

Mikagami was taken back by her candour. "We're going back together," he said casually. "That's what we agreed."

"No, you go back. I'm going to deal with Sendou first."

"And just what do you mean by 'dealing' with him?" Mikagami also realised that she had avoided mentioning herself returning to Tokyo.

Fuuko paused, her hand clenching the doorknob so tightly that her fingers turned white. "Whatever it takes to make sure that he doesn't bother us again," her tone was neutral, uncaring, but Mikagami knew better than to believe that she was feeling the same inside. "I've done things like this before, dealing with… obstacles." Mikagami knew she deliberately used the same word Sendou had to mock herself. "You shouldn't be here for that. You need to be back at Yanagi's side."

With the dismay showing on his face, Mikagami reached out, grasped Fuuko's shoulders and whirled her around not very gently. "Yanagi isn't the one I'm worried about!" he said angrily – anger that wasn't aimed at her, but rather at himself. At his inability to make her convey her bottled-up feelings to him. He knew that he wasn't the right person to handle these sorts of things and he hated it. To his simultaneous horror and wonder, he wished he could reach out and embrace the woman in front of him. It was his confusion at feeling these two opposing emotions that stopped him.

Fuuko flinched away from the anger in Mikagami's eyes, thinking that it was, rightfully, directed at her. These past two years she had done nothing but make their enemy even more powerful. She had been so naïve and foolish and deserved every bit of contempt Mikagami felt for her. It tore her inside, but she had to take it as it was. At the same time, his words made her very much want to voice the distress she felt, but she didn't. They were just words and he didn't really mean it – he couldn't have.

You're surrounded by death, Kirisawa.

She needed to do this, and do it now, before she lost her nerve. She shook Mikagami off and steeled her eyes. "Don't worry about me," she said coldly. "Go home." With that, she quickly turned away and opened the door. She walked in and closed the door in his face before he could see the tears shining in her eyes.

******

Mikagami's pride told him that he didn't care. She obviously didn't need him, like all the other women who would die just to be with him. It wasn't as if she was beautiful anyway, he thought – and not without much conviction, because almost at once, the smell and feel of her hair tingled in his memory, and her green eyes and an old, mischievous smile flashed in his mind.

His pacing around the room came to an immediate halt when he realised what he had just been thinking. Then he remembered the bewildering turmoil of emotions running through him as he had looked into her eyes outside her room an hour ago – the desire that she had compelled in him to hold and comfort her. Something he had never felt before. He froze. It couldn't be. Not what he thought it was. This was Fuuko, not Yanagi. It was just a mistake – a mistake of companionship for… something more.

Mikagami relaxed. He had been spending a lot of time with the fuujin-wielder. It was understandable therefore, that he would feel a sort of camaraderie with her. That was it, nothing more. He stood up, convinced that he felt a lot better. He left his room then, and went down to the in-house restaurant. There, he had a large dinner and put thoughts of Fuuko aside.

Afterwards however, when he passed by her room on the way to his, his step faltered. It took all his will not to stop. Back in his room he had a warm shower and lay down on the bed, determined to get a good night's sleep. But soon, his mind wandered back to her.

Mikagami scowled. Even now she continued to infuriate him. Why did she have to hide her feelings all the time? Why wasn't she more like Yanagi, who was so easy to comfort and didn't shy away from the people who worried about her? He turned on his side, disturbed. Fuuko had changed, all too much for his liking. She was becoming like him. But then he had changed too. As much as he hated to admit it, Mikagami wasn't the cold, aloof person he had been four years ago – or even two years ago. Over the last few years he had been finding it harder and harder to pretend he didn't care.

He shook his head. Any of that didn't matter anyhow. Fuuko didn't need his help anymore and he was going to be on the first plane to Tokyo tomorrow morning.

Mikagami reached for the remote on the bedside table and turned on the television. He flicked through the channels and finally settled on a late re-run of the six o'clock news bulletin. With the volume turned down to a faint buzz of the newsreader's voice and the dull colours reflecting through the dimly lit room, Mikagami fell into a deep sleep.

******

He didn't turn when the secret door slid open behind him because only two people knew about it. One of them was dead, so only one person could have walked in. "Where have you been?" he asked as he frowned over a stack of notes.

"I was… delayed, sir," Narumi replied softly. She could hear the displeasure in his voice.

Sendou turned to face her, his expression neutral. "Why didn't you report back to me last night, Narumi? You've had the whole of today to as well."

"…You know what happened, don't you sir?"

He frowned at her evasion of the question. "Kirisawa and Mikagami paid me a visit and yes, they did tell me what happened. The fact that they were able to walk into my office, though, already told me that you had failed. You were too ashamed to inform me of your failure, weren't you?"

When Narumi remained silent, he took it as an assent. "However," he continued, "having worked for me for so long, I'll grant you another chance."

"What about Sai?"

Sendou was startled by her question. "Sai?" he repeated. "Ah, well it's a pity about that, but that's why we must work hard to make sure we get revenge on the Hokage. Neither Mikagami or Kirisawa felt distressed delivering the news."

"But you must have sir, since she was your only family left."

Sendou hid a grimace. Sai must have told her about their kinship. "Of course I am, Narumi, which is why we must channel our feelings towards achieving my goal. She would want it this way."

Narumi bowed her head. Sai had never wanted this and for the first time, Narumi realised that she felt the same. Both of them had only done this for the one person they thought they had loved – Sai for her brother, and Narumi for her rescuer. "I've been so grateful to you, Sendou-san, for all that you did for me," she said quietly, "but I want to know if that is what you really think. Are you really doing this for Sai, or for yourself?"

Sendou stiffened. "How dare you question me like this?"

Narumi avoided his accusing glare. "Did you help me because I was in need or because you saw an opportunity?" she asked, her voice trembling.

Sendou laughed, his true character shining through now. "We both got what we needed, Narumi," he said with a condescending smile. "You needed a 'friend' and I needed someone to carry out my instructions. Accept it and don't persist on with this line of questioning." His eyes narrowed in warning. "You aren't the only madougu-user around. Don't forget, you are replaceable."

Narumi tried to hide the anguish she felt from her expression. Sai had been right after all, she had been a fool. Now, however, she knew what to do.

"I'll always be grateful for what you did no matter the reason," she said softly, looking him square in the eye, "but I'll not work for you anymore."

Sendou shrugged and turned back to his work in dismissal. The fact that he took the news so lightly stung more than anything. With a heavy sadness, Narumi turned and left.

******

She slipped out quietly as she had done countless of times before when she was on an assignment. The only person who noticed her as she left was the doorman, who glanced as her as he hid a yawn behind a gloved hand.

As Fuuko walked away from the bright, sheltering lights of the hotel, she clutched her bag to her. After she dealt with Sendou she was going to get rid of her gun, and with it, the person she'd changed into during the past two years. At least that was what she hoped. Whether that would actually happen still remained to be seen.

She quickened her pace. It was still dark, but people would soon be waking up to go to work. She turned down a deserted alley, hoping to arrive at her destination in better time. However, it turned out that what people said about wandering alone through dark alleys being dangerous was true, because as if on cue, two youths jumped out, brandishing short knives. One moved behind Fuuko to block her escape whilst the other looked at her with a grin.

"What are you doing this early by yourself, honey?" he asked unpleasantly.

Fuuko smiled and as quick as a flash, reached out and twisted his arm behind his back until he yelled out and dropped the knife. She kicked his legs from under him and dealt him a blow to the back of his head. The teenager dropped to the ground, unconscious.

The other boy had been gaping, shocked at how his crony had been felled so easily, but recovered to lunge at Fuuko's back. She felt him coming and quickly sidestepped so that he swiped his knife at empty air. He spun to face her and the last thing he saw was a fist coming towards his face.

She looked down at the fallen youth and scowled. "You never stab an enemy in the back," she said, disgusted.

Despite this, Fuuko stepped out of the alley feeling surprisingly refreshed. The attack had been a blessing in disguise, she thought smiling to herself. Her senses were now sharpened and she felt the adrenaline of battle coursing through her veins. Which was appropriate, she thought as the smile vanished from her face, for what lay ahead.

******

Sunlight was creeping into Mikagami's room by the time he woke up. He stretched and then slid out of bed. A new day, a new resolve, the ensui-wielder thought as he walked to the bathroom. He was going back to Tokyo today and take Fuuko with him even if he had to drag her all the way. They were going to tell all to Hanabishi and the others and then decide what to do about Sendou with everyone.

He ran his fingers through his long hair and sighed. He was going to have to drag Fuuko along, and he didn't look forward to it.

He was spitting out toothpaste when the sound a familiar name stopped him in his tracks. He ran out of the bathroom and grabbed the television remote to turn up the volume.

"…has disappeared from his mansion in Hiroshima. Sendou's guards have confirmed that the millionaire had retired to his bedroom late as usual. When he did not come out for his early daily morning walk, they rushed in to find it empty. One guard, posted at Sendou's room door swore that he had seen his employer enter, but not exit. Police expect foul play and are yet to reveal any suspects. This has been the second time in as many days that executives of Kinta Corporations have…"

Mikagami didn't wait to hear any more. He raced from the room and down the corridor, his heart growing heavier with each step. She couldn't have…

When he was outside her door, he knocked on the cold surface furiously. Please answer, he thought desperately. When she didn't, he twisted the violently knob. He almost fell inside when the door opened easily.

Mikagami frowned. Fuuko hadn't locked the door.

His frown was replaced with worry and apprehension when he saw that her bed was empty. Her baggage, a suitcase and duffel bag lay at the foot of the bed, but her sling bag and in it, her fuujin and gun, was gone.

******

The pair walked in silence, past a group of joggers and down the grassy slope towards an empty children's playground. The taller woman had short brown hair and dark brown eyes. She looked at her feet as she walked, as if she was an unconfident person.

The younger woman had long black hair that drifted in the slight breeze, her green eyes warily surveying the surroundings. "Why did you want to meet me?" she asked, her tone distrustful.

"I…" Narumi stopped walking and looked up at the lightening sky. "I wanted to talk."

"Why should I believe that you just want to talk? How do I know that Sendou didn't send you to kill me?"

"Because," she replied softly, "I don't work for him anymore."

Fuuko looked at her sorrowful expression and didn't think that she was lying. "You know he'll send someone after you, right?" she said carefully.

"I know."

She gazed at the older woman silently, knowing that she hadn't finished.

"I went to talk to Sendou-sama, before I decided to leave him." Narumi gripped the steel chain that suspended a wooden swing from its metal structure. "And I realised what a fool I had been."

Fuuko looked at the ground. She could sympathise – she felt exactly the same way.

"You know, I listened in to the meeting you had with him yesterday. With my kyomei."

Fuuko started. "I thought Mikagami destroyed your madougu," she said.

Narumi smiled. "He destroyed is shell, the globe in which I saw inside the dimensions. I had time to pry the madougu crystal from its base before he shattered it." Her smile turned self-mocking. "It's kind of funny. If I hadn't done that, I wouldn't have been able to listen in to your meeting and in turn, would not have opened my eyes to Sendou-sama's true character.

"I had blinded myself to the fact that he wasn't as good and kind as he acted. Sai tried to warn me and I ignored her. In reality, he didn't care – about me or about Sai. He just cared about himself. He used Sai and he used me." Narumi paused and turned to look her straight in the eye for the first time. "He also used you, didn't he?"

This time, Fuuko looked away, her throat constricting. The knowledge still hurt.

"In that case, I have to apologise."

"For what?"

Narumi looked at her, a mixture of discomfort and sadness showing on her face. "After I left my confrontation with Sendou-sama, I knew what I had to do. All along, I had used the kyomei for evil purposes when I so much wanted to use it for good. And finally, I think I have."

Fuuko looked at her, unable to believe what she'd just heard. She couldn't speak either.

Narumi smiled at her shock, a smile tinged with anguish and faint amusement. "I did it last night, when he was asleep. I did what I had to – for Sai and for myself, and before he could hurt anyone else. I'm sorry to have stolen your revenge, and your friends', but revenge can destroy a person. I think your friend Mikagami knows that better than anyone else."

Fuuko was still processing the news. Sendou was gone, dealt with. She thought that she'd feel angry having been cheated of taking revenge herself, but instead, wary relief spread through her body.

"Sendou-san had a secret room under his mansion where he did all his work, but I managed to sneak in unnoticed to take all the notes he made. I burnt them a few hours ago. You and your friends don't have anything to worry about now. Sendou-san will never be able to come back and his research vanishes with him."

"Whe… where did you send him?" Fuuko finally managed to ask.

Narumi's features clouded. "Somewhere not as pleasant as the place you and Sai battled in," she replied briefly. She looked up at the other girl. "I don't feel guilty about what I did. I just want to move on and make up for those years I spent under him. Mikagami told me that Sai wanted to change very much and I could see it. She didn't have a chance, but I do, now." She reached out and touched Fuuko's arm, her gaze softening. "You do too. Those two years you suffered can't be undone, but you can put them behind you and look forward." She then smiled a gentle smile. "And you have a friend to help you do it. Don't waste this chance. I won't mine."

Fuuko watched as Narumi turned and walked away. She was moved by the woman's words, but doubt continued to plague her. In time she might be able to forget the horrible crimes she had committed, but would she be able to forgive herself?

******

Fuuko slowly walked back to her room, still half-dazed by the sudden change in situation she faced. The television in the hotel lobby, tuned to the news channel, had confirmed Sendou's disappearance. The thought that Narumi had lied about her part in it and Sendou had instead disappeared into hiding did cross Fuuko's mind, but she dismissed it almost immediately.

Her instincts told her that Narumi had not been acting during their meeting. Her sorrow had appeared genuine and she had, like Fuuko, had a bond with Sai. Besides, Sendou had lost everything by deliberately disappearing now. Fuuko heard that his business would soon be bought by a competitor, and with that, his source of funding would be gone. His disappearance wasn't another ploy of his. It was a consequence of his selfish and uncompassionate actions.

However, along with the relief that was brought on by that thought, came apprehension and uncertainty. As long as Sendou had been at large, Fuuko had had an excuse to put off deciding what to do next. The knowledge that she now had to face it instilled an enormous dread in her.

Fuuko stopped outside her door and was about to reach inside her bag for the key when she remembered that she hadn't locked it when she left. She pushed the door open and stepped inside, but froze when she saw Mikagami sitting on one of the chairs, arms folded. She immediately averted her eyes to avoid his piercing gaze.

"Where have you been?" he asked, anger creeping into his voice.

Fuuko looked down at her feet. Had he heard about Sendou's disappearance? Did he think she was responsible for it? She couldn't blame him if he did – she was an assassin after all. But she didn't want him to. She didn't want him to think of her that way at all – she wanted him to like her. The revelation struck her suddenly, filling her with surprise and pain at the same time. She shook her head violently. "It wasn't me," she pleaded forcefully for him to believe her, "I didn't have anything to do with it."

He must have known about Sendou's disappearance, because he didn't ask her what she was talking about. She heard the chair creak as he stood up and felt him move towards her.

She looked up, a little fearfully. The anger was still there on his face, but what she hadn't heard before in his voice was the worry that was now so evident in his eyes. "You idiot," he said, a small tremor in his voice betraying the emotion he felt. "Of course I didn't think it was you. Just don't you dare pull that disappearing trick on me again."

It was that and his half-annoyed yet warm smile that did it. The floodgates opened and tears began to stream down Fuuko's face.

He reached for her as she fell into his arm, crying her heart out.

******

"So that's what happened," Mikagami said, tapping a finger on his cheek.

Fuuko didn't look at him as he sat beside her, deep in thought. Her cheeks were still burning from half an hour ago. She couldn't believe how loudly she had cried. She had practically howled her head off. She was relieved, however, that the wet face imprint she'd left on Mikagami's blue shirt had dried out. Her face reddened even more as she recalled how he'd held her so tightly and had stroked her hair as she cried.

She forced the thought for her mind. Ugh, what on earth was she thinking? At this rate, she was on her way to becoming one of the drooling, bimbo Mikagami chasers. She slid across the edge of the bed surreptitiously to put more distance between them.

"I don't think Narumi was lying either," Mikagami said. "She was deeply affected when Sai died."

"I was right," Fuuko said, bringing her mind back to the matter at hand. "She and Sai were friends."

"Both of them were trapped by the same person into doing something they knew was wrong. I guess they found a sort of solace in each other." Mikagami turned to her suddenly, startling her. "You know, Fuuko," he said hesitantly, "I can't imagine how you feel, having to keep what you did these past two years to yourself, but… I'm here if you want someone to talk to. I know that I might not be the most sensitive person in the world, but I also know that the feelings you keep inside will grow to consume you." He paused dumbly, unsure if he'd successfully conveyed feelings. "What I'm trying to say is that I'm here to listen… if you want to talk."

Mikagami silently cursed himself. He wasn't a guy for making speeches and at the moment, he was feeling like an idiot. He should have left part that up to Yanagi, when they returned to Tokyo.

"Thankyou, Mikagami," Fuuko said softly. "I really appreciate it."

But… Mikagami thought.

It never came. Instead, Fuuko expelled a long breath. "I'll just come out and say it. I can't go back to Tokyo," she said, her voice trembling. "I really can't."

"Why?" Mikagami asked sharply.

"Because…" Fuuko bowed her head over her clasped hands. "I just can't."

"Is it because of what you did under Sendou?"

She began to shake. "I killed people, Mikagami – real people, innocent people, people with families."

Mikagami looked over at her. "You had your reasons, Fuuko. No-one is saying that you made the right choice, but you did what you had to at the time. People like Sendou and Mori Kouran killed for their own selfish reasons. You did it for your family, for Ganko."

Fuuko's head rose longingly at the mention of the little puppet-master's name. It had been so long since she'd heard it.

"What you did can't be undone, but you can make up for it."

"How?" she whispered.

"By becoming a better person. By making other people's lives worth living. By not trying to run away but instead face those who love you."

Fuuko's lips began to quaver.

"What do you feel when you think about returning to Tokyo, Fuuko?"

"Dread. Fear."

"And what else?" Mikagami asked gently.

"I…" her voice was barely audible. "I want… I want to go home so badly, Mikagami."

Mikagami looked at her and smiled.

Her real wish realised, Fuuko was crying silently, and the tears glistened down the curve of her cheek.

~

Author's note:

As always, please take the time to review my story, even if you don't like it (I want to hear about it), because it gets me motivated and gives me an idea whether I'm getting things right.

Hmmm… I've always had the impression that Fuuko's eyes were green, but I just found out that they might actually be blue. Someone tell me! Argh! (If they really are blue, excuse my mistake).

On a more positive note, the end is near! Whoohoo!