AN--Hello! This is the rated R slash version of 25. I think it is the
better version too, IMHO.
I want to thank my lovely beta, Aratlithiel for the interesting story structure here (you won't know where Pippin is until the very end-then you'll want to reread it!)
AND my guest co-author, Anemone Frost!!! (author of the excellent "The Price") WARNING!!!! This chapter contains what I would consider rape. It is not graphic, but strongly implied. If you are feeling way too sorry for Pippin, I would just wait until the next chapter-in which I will give a vague summary. If you HATE slash-please read the alternate version of this chapter -the PG slashless version. But please keep reading! ____________________________________________________________________________ _
(Co-written with Anemone Frost (because I just don't write slash well at all! Especially this kind)
Chapter 25: Inside and Out (R-rated WITH SLASH)---------------------------- -------------------------
Pippin released a great sneeze and followed it immediately with a wet, rheumy cough that scraped at his lungs and set his eyes watering with tears that burned his eyes. This would be the death of him.Merry would be the death of him, but of course, there was no turning back now. He no longer had an escape, a way out. He would live or die as Merry wished and for the first time, neither option seemed very attractive to him. His life was no longer his own - he merely existed in the hobbit that had once been the ebullient Pergrin Took, future Thain of the Shire.
Of course, existed was not really the proper word anymore, was it? He did not exist anymore, not for Merry anyway and certainly not for himself. He merely drifted in limbo until such time as the dark creature who wore his cousin's skin deigned that he could once more partake in the life that had been laid out for him. A life he no longer had the power to choose or deny, but simply was.
He sent forth another sneeze and the warm tears that escaped his eyes cooled immediately under the chill September rain that assaulted his face and body. He closed his eyes and drifted in the haze of events that had led him to this place. He'd been put here to think, and think he would.
* * *
(flashback)
Pippin remembered sleeping fitfully after Frodo's beating. He'd been shocked by the violence, but was aware that Merry had bathed Frodo, tended his hurts, and had him suspended, for now, in a healing slumber. In the mid-afternoon, Pippin had woken to the patter of falling rain. Without a second thought, his mind turned to the miserable hobbit standing tied in the rain. Pulling the thickest blanket off of his bed, Pippin trudged slowly, painfully, up to the tree where Sam was propped up to consider his actions. Sam had already endured the sum of the morning, and most of the afternoon in this terrible state. Surely if Merry was awake, he'd do the same thing. After all, Sam was left in the field to think, not to die.
Pippin gave Sam a weak smile, remembering Sam's small kindnesses while he had been under Sam's "care." Sam did not smile back; but did not glower either. The brawny hobbit was tired, bone tired. And the focus of his rage was sleeping in the house, not standing meekly before him holding open a warm blanket. Pippin had wrapped the sheltering blanket around both Sam and the tree, tying it in place with some of the spare rope. Pippin pillowed some of the blanket under Sam's head for comfort, and pulled a bit above his head to protect Sam's face from the unrelenting rain. Sam's eyes, at this point, were mere crescents, as if by just receiving this tiny measure of relief the exhausted hobbit could escape back into sleep. Sam mumbled his thanks to Pippin, then seemed to fall back into evil dreams, his head lolling down to his chest. Indeed, Sam was a miserable sight. Pippin hoped inwardly that Merry would decide Sam had served his sentence and could come in soon.
Pippin himself felt the pull of slumber as he plodded back to the house. He immediately crawled into his bed into the welcoming sheets, still warm from his first nap. It took nearly an hour for his feet to recover from the cold and damp that had sunk into his bones during the trek to the tree to deliver the blanket to Sam. As for Pippin, he thought himself the most fortunate hobbit alive. He'd been given the chance to help, and through his efforts, Merry had obviously decided that no additional punishment was necessary. Or had he just forgotten?
All of these thoughts were dashed immediately from his mind when Pippin heard Merry's voice cut the stillness of the house.
"Pippin!!" called Merry as Pippin curled in his bed. "Pippin!"
Merry's voice was sharp and sounded edged with growing anger. Pippin quailed, and considered for a moment pretending to be asleep. Pippin was alarmed when he heard the sound of determined, angry footsteps stomping toward his new room. His breath caught, the door slammed open, and in burst Merry holding a length of rope, a tattered rag, and a looped up belt. His face revealed an expression of someone who craved retribution.
Merry seated himself on a spare chair. "Come here," he'd ordered, then patted his lap, indicating he expected Pippin upended, face down, and, certainly, trouserless.
A shrill scream came from the back of Pippin's throat. NO! NO! Not again! Not a child! Respect me please! NO!
Pippin's heart froze and his mind raced, looking for any escape, any way at all to avoid the horrible punishment yet again. His panicked mind seized upon the only choice that seemed sane to him at the moment - Pippin ran. He raced down the hall in blind terror and his horror only increased when he heard the pursuit of Merry's footsteps.
Knees and elbows crashed to the hard oak floor and Pippin felt the sudden pain jolt through his limbs before he realized what it meant. The weight of Merry atop him stole his breath and the shriek of terror he had meant to drive from his throat emerged as an almost comical 'oomph.' Tears streaked down the young hobbit's flushed face as Merry dug his fingernails painfully into his waist, hauling him off the floor and carrying him off under his arm. Pippin couldn't believe it. He was being carted off like some unruly child being taken back to his room to be thoroughly punished, and he knew he would be punished. Sobs rose in his throat as he thrashed about madly, attempting to escape his cousin's grip. It was pointless, though. Merry was unbelievably strong, and Pippin didn't have to look in his cousin's eyes to know that the dangerous fire had returned.
"You have been very naughty Pippin!" Merry snarled. "First, you help Frodo and Sam escape into The Old Forest, which nearly cost us our perfect family! You disobeyed me! I'm so disappointed in you! Then..."
"Oh please let me go Merry!" Pippin wailed. He was so shamed by his cousin's comments. "I promise that I won't disobey you again! Please, don't punish me! I'm sorry about letting Frodo and Sam go! I'm sorry!" The lad's chest heaved with sobs, and his eyes burned with tears. "I didn't do anything wrong this time Merry! I did everything you told me! Just let me go! Please! Please! Please!"
"Don't you ever interrupt me!" Merry yelled, shaking Pippin violently until the lad muffled his own cries from fear. You also had the audacity to run away from me when I was trying to correct you for your mistakes!" Pippin's eyes grew wide with fright.
Pippin winced as Merry righted him to his feet then promptly shoved him into a wall, gripping his shoulders, and shaking him harshly. He was terrified and every time he tried to speak only a choked sob came out, causing Merry to become enraged further. The older hobbit's face was contorted with fury.
The young hobbit grimaced as he was yanked down the hall by his arm in Merry's brutal grip. Once back in the room, Merry bent over to pick up the belt, making Pippin whine and tug in Merry's hold.
"NO! Merry! OH PLEASE NO!" wailed Pippin. "I'm not a child! I can't bear it!
Merry dug his nails even deeper into Pippin's arm as he pulled him over to a waiting chair and sat down. Pippin continued to thrash and scream, nearly insensible with panic. Merry pushed violently down on Pippin's back, forcing the screeching hobbit over his lap. Pippin was in hysterics.
"MEERRYYY!" He screamed. "I'd rather die than be thrashed like a boy! No! Not again! NO! I'd rather die! KILL ME! But do not do this!"
Merry pushed Pippin off his lap and tumbled to the floor with a booming thud. Pippin was immediately seized by his collar and drawn up to Merry's rage-swollen eyes. Pippin fell into hyperventilating, then stopped breathing and went limp, his gaze fixed on his terrifying cousin. Merry shook Pippin like a rag doll to get his undivided attention. It worked.
"Pippin! You have earned this by your betrayal and your failure! Frodo and Sam did not escape this--why should you! You have not submitted to anything more crushing than an apology, and that is hardly sufficient, love, if you are to learn. I will not brook your assistance until you endure this! Must I lock you in a room as well? Pity--I'd thought you were my partner, not my prisoner. What shall I do with you PIP! WHAT??!!"
Pippin shook, mumbled, and cried, melting quickly into an incoherent puddle of tears and drool. Merry's malevolent tone caused Pippin to gaze into his cousin's eyes, his knees turning to water at what he saw there. There was a darkness to those eyes - a well of shadow that had been hinted at, but never actually seen before. Pippin was mesmerized by the churning blackness and felt that if he stared too long into the chasms of Merry's eyes, he might be sucked in to swirl forever in their depths. He had no idea who owned the eyes that locked him in their frozen grip, but he could not believe it was his beloved Merry.
"Don't you think you deserve a punishment equal to your transgressions, lad?" boomed Merry in a question that was clearly rhetorical.
"Y-yes," answered Pip in a small voice.
Merry flung Pippin back over his lap as Pippin screamed. "Then submit to this!" But Pippin was in a state, and would not be subdued. He wrenched himself off Merry's lap, flung himself to the floor, and rolled to the center of the room. "NO!! I shall die! MERRRRRYY!"
Merry bounded forward as Pip crabbed back, desperately, uselessly. As Merry stomped toward him, Pippin flailed his arms, his voice going very high as Merry yanked him to his feet. With the last reservoir of his strength, Pippin screamed out-
"I don't want a child's punishment, I w-want an adult punishment!!!"
Merry loosened his grip at once, grinning slowly and rather sinisterly. He placed his hand upon Pippin's shoulder in a mockery of respect, and looked Pippin straight into his terrified eyes.
"Pippin," said Merry with a stony calm. "If it is an adult punishment you crave, it is an adult punishment you shall receive. But it shall require adult courage to endure it. And once you agree, there is absolutely no turning back. So I ask you again, are you sure this is what you want?"
Pippin stopped shaking, nearly dizzy with gratitude. " More than anything, Merry!" he cried. "More than anything in Middle-earth!"
Merry turned and strolled slowly, distractedly to the window, grasping his hands behind his back as if in deep thought. He stood there, watching with abstract curiosity as the plunks of raindrops hit the window, gradually increasing to a steady fusillade of taps. Then Merry turned, deep malice in his eyes, and strode toward his prey.
Pippin stood rooted and unable to move as Merry slowly advanced upon him. Even though every nerve sang out to him to run, to flee no matter what the cost, he couldn't unlock his legs nor drag his gaze from those eyes. And then the unspeakable pain, the unutterable violation began.
* * *
Pippin started from his daze, straining for breath against the tightness in his chest. The freezing rain pelted him with stinging persistence but he no longer seemed to feel it. He didn't know if it was because his body had finally gone mercifully numb or his mind had but either one was a blessing.
He felt the rumbling in his chest and suppressed it. His chest pained him and his hacking had taken on a liquid quality that frightened him. His nose ran freely and being unable to reach up to wipe it, he simply lifted his face to the rain and let it wash away the sticky residue from beneath his nose. And in his abject misery, Pippin continued to remember. He remembered Merry's sinister smile as he agreed to Pippin's //adult// punishment. And Pippin recalled how Merry had turned around slowly, like a cat who is done tormenting an injured mouse and closes in for the kill. And Pippin remembered how Merry's face had clouded over like the stormy sky, replaced by a wall of malice. Something dark had entered Merry's soul, and Pippin was both its first witness and its first victim.
Pippin remembered how his eyes widened in fright as Merry reached out and began to wildly tear at his shirt, and he recalled the plinking of buttons as they scattered about the floor. His trousers had come down next, followed in quick succession by his sanity.
Pippin's mind rolled along, playing the scene in a continuous loop as his eyes stared out at the chalky darkness of the autumn night. He'd freed his eyes from the restraint hours ago with the help from the friction of the bark and a judicious breeze. Now he both heard and saw how the leaves rustled and crunched angrily above him as the wind exhaled over the field. Pippin scarcely noticed. He was thoroughly trapped in his mind and in his memories. A branch fell near his feet, splitting open at the impact. Split open. Pip had also been split open.
Thunder rumbled in the distance and grew to a crescendo. Crack!
***
Crack!
"Merry, please, it hurts," Pippin sobbed. He cried out as Merry's hand landed ferociously over his rump, making him squirm to get away from the agony assaulting him both inside and out.
"What did I tell you about talking?!" Merry yelled.
Merry had begun this phase of Pippin's punishment by wildly tearing at his shirt, sending buttons scattering about the floor.
"Merry, what are you doing?!" Pippin cried in a state of confusion.
"You said you wanted an adult's punishment so I am giving you one," Merry growled. "Now, take off your clothes, lay face first on the bed, and extend your arms to the headboard. If you don't do as I say, then I will give you another lashing. Do you understand?"
Too stunned and horrified to do anything but comply, Pippin gave a slight nod. "Yes, Merry," Pippin whimpered.
The lad removed his clothing. Sniffling, he spread out over the bed and extended his arms just as Merry had ordered. He kept his gaze straight at the wall, not daring to move when he heard his cousin shuffling in the background. His entire body was trembling fiercely, and his skull throbbed with a pulsing heartbeat. Frodo's punishment still lingered in his mind, and he couldn't help but wonder what terrible way Merry was going to deal with him.
On the other hand, being forced into this position was almost a twisted sort of relief for Pippin. For, if he couldn't look into Merry's eyes, couldn't see the blank rage and darkness that writhed in them, perhaps he could pretend it wasn't really there.
"Good lad," Merry whispered, patting Pippin on the head. "I'm going to tie your arms together and loop the rope through the headboard."
Pippin whipped his head around, glancing up at his cousin with petrified eyes. "What?! Why Merry?!"
"Because this a part of your adult punishment!" Merry snapped. "Would you prefer that I get the belt?!" Pippin hastily shook his head. "Then don't question me!"
Grabbing Pippin's wrists, Merry began to wrap the rope around them, binding the limbs together before threading the other end of the rope under and over the headboard. He quickly knotted the end close to Pippin's wrists, leaving the young hobbit immobile and completely as his mercy. Pippin quivered as he felt the bed dip with Merry's weight, and he swiveled his head to glance back at him. Pippin was grateful that those dark eyes were closed.
"Merry..." Pippin asked, his voice laced with fear.
"Hush Pippin," Merry soothed. "I want you to remain quiet throughout this or else I will gag you, and I don't want to do that. I want you to prove yourself to me, Pip. I want you to prove that you can obey me."
Hope flooded into Pippin's mind. Merry had said that he loved him. But confusion battled relief in his bewildered mind. It appeared that Merry was about to make love to him. How was that going to be a punishment? He wanted to ask Merry, but he was too terrified to speak. The last thing he wanted was for Merry to think he was stupid or naive. Merry was finally treating him like an adult, and he didn't want that taken away.
"Do you understand, Pippin?" Merry asked.
Pippin nodded. Suddenly and unexpectedly, sheering agony coursed through Pippin's body causing him to shriek and attempt to scramble away. No soft words of endearment. There was only pain. It wasn't love, it was violence. And it was brutal, and had happened without preparation of any sort. And it hurt. It hurt like being torn in twain.
Pippin couldn't believe this was happening. How could Merry hurt him so much? He knew he deserved to be punished for his failures, but this-!
"Merry, please, it hurts," Pippin sobbed. "Merry! Please, you are hurting me! Please, stop!!"
"What did I tell you about talking?!" Merry yelled. "Now I will have to gag you!"
Merry stopped and strode to the other side of the room to pick up the cloth.
"You've let me down Pippin," Merry sighed. "I thought I could trust you to take your punishment like an adult, but I suppose I was wrong."
"No, Merry, I am an adult!" Pippin sobbed, wriggling hard against his bonds. "It just hurts so much!
"An adult would accept the pain instead of sniveling like an infant!" Merry spat. Pippin winced at that comment. "I have no choice but to silence you, and since you did not obey me your punishment will be extended."
Pippin wept bitterly as the gag was thrust into his mouth and tied behind his head, and Merry again positioned himself behind Pippin. The young hobbit squealed at the burning pain, though it was muffled by the gag. Never in all of his life had he experienced such misery. His chest heaved with sobs, and agonized whimpers passed through the cloth.
After what seemed like hours, the torment still persisted. The young hobbit bit his lip as Merry slipped the gag off. He kept quiet, even when Merry scratched his nails over the welts.
"Good, Pippin," Merry murmured. "You're keeping quiet just like I asked. Now, we are drawing closer to the end of your punishment."
'Thank the Gods!' Pippin thought in relief.
***
But it hadn't really ended there. It was, in fact, still going on and according to Merry himself, could continue indefinitely with Pippin clinging to both his Merry and the desperate existence his beloved bestowed on him. He no longer either looked or wished for an end.he existed in the moments Merry doled out to him and muddled through the pain as best he could. It didn't matter any more.
He had gotten the adult punishment he had begged for and his body and heart still ached with the pain of it.
Darkness surrounded him now and the rain had ceased. He had marked these gradual changes dully what seemed days ago and may in fact have even forgotten that the rain had been were it not for his soaked clothes and his hair still dripping cold drops onto his cheeks to mix with the tears that still streamed from his eyes in steady, unceasing rivers. His head dipped to his chest and he closed his burning eyes.
How he wished he had been able to bring his cloak. Or at least a blanket.
***
Pippin had thought it was over. Merry had said it was over when he left Pippin naked and bound to the bed to "have a good think." Merry had said he'd forgiven him then, that Pip was an adult again, having endured the adult punishment with success. Merry kissed him, and it was better. At least Pippin had thought it would be better. Merry had left him then-left him to tend to Samwise. Pippin was alone with his thoughts and his pain and his love for Merry. For a little while, he was left in peace.
Pippin jerked his head to the side as the door hit the wall behind it. Merry. Merry clutched a damp blanket in his hand-the blanket he had given to Sam earlier that day. Merry dropped the blanket with a heavy squelch and strode ominously to Pippin's side. Pip stared back, breath held in, eyes big as saucers.
"Tell me, Pip, did I tell you that you could give Sam a blanket?!" asked Merry. "Did I tell you that Samwise could have a blanket to keep him warm?! Answer me lad!"
"I'm....sorry....Merry," Pippin stuttered pitifully. "I....just....didn't want Sam to freeze out there."
"You interfered with Sam's punishment Pippin!" Merry roared. "He wasn't meant to be comfortable!
Merry lifted his belt, ready to thrash Pippin once again. But the blow never fell. A fey expression washed over Merry's face, and he lowered his hand without a word. Pippin stared up at Merry, half in gratitude, half in fear. Merry remained silent as he took his knife, and sliced through Pippin's wrist bonds.
"Get up," Merry ordered in an even tone. "Get dressed. We have some things we need to take care of together."
* * *
Everything looks clean and fresh in the morning after a night of rain. So Pippin thought at the surreal canvas that laid itself before him. The rain finally ceased as the dawn cast up a burgeoning light. Pip had not slept, though his body had remained frighteningly still. Pippin observed the brightening world with lowered eyes, chin resting on collarbone. He'd come full circle. The previous dawn had brought them home again. Would this dawn do the same for himself? How had he come to this place, this terrible lonely, loveless place? Pippin's mind turned again, slow, creaky rotations on rusted wheels. How had he come here? Pippin remembered. He'd come here to assist Merry. Or so he'd thought.
* * *
Merry had helped Pippin dress. Merry stood up then, and before Pippin could voluntarily follow suit, he'd felt Merry's fingers closing over his forearms, nails digging deep into his skin. Pippin was firmly led toward the round front door. As they approached it Merry reached to take his cloak off of a hook and pulled it over his head before grasping hold of his cousin once more. Pippin made a meek attempt to pluck up his own cloak, only to be blocked by Merry's outstretched palm.
"You'll not need that, Pippin," said Merry sternly. "Not where we are going."
Pippin shivered as Merry threw the door open, admitting a cold September breeze laced with rain. "Outside Pip," he ordered, and Pip limped hesitantly out the door like a criminal en route to the gallows.
The gentle drizzle had thickened to outright rain, soaking Pippin's jacket and shirt in minutes and weighing down long tendrils of his curls, leaving them drooping down over his eyes and down his neck. Only five minutes out, and he already looked like a drowned rat.
Merry said nothing as he led Pippin through the field, his nails still plunging into Pippin's shoulder like a vice. Everything throbbed as Pippin stumbled on. In any other circumstance, with his accumulated hurts, Pippin would be in bed tended by one of the family's nursemaids. Pippin took his mind off the pain and Merry's rough treatment by focusing on other things: the scent of grass, sage and mint amplified by the water, the dusky smell of damped wood, the cool sensation of mud underfoot, the sound it made as it squished between his toes as he walked, the chorus of plunks as raindrops hit a nearby fence, the sound of his own clicking teeth as he began to shiver from cold and fear. Oh! It was no use! He hurt, inside and out. He hurt in his body and mind, and in his heart. And conscience delivered a further blow when he caught sight of poor Sam.
Pippin sensed that this was their destination-Sam's tree, as Pippin had called it. Pippin ruefully observed Sam's bound form attached to the tree, head keeling forward and body leaning awkwardly, like a waterlogged scarecrow that had finally accepted its winter fate as both crow and corn abandoned the fields it guarded. Sam's miserable condition came into sharper focus as the two hobbits closed the distance between themselves and their prisoner. Pippin noted that Merry had added the additional torment of a blindfold just as he had stolen away the blanket that Pippin, in his sympathy, had provided.
A wave of pity unexpectedly surged through Pippin. The autumn air was cold, and Sam had been placed in an unforgiving position for how many hours? Six? Eight? Surely Sam had long ago crossed the point of passive discomfort into active misery. And all of this after having to endure what Pippin suddenly realized must have been an excruciating walk.
But Merry knew best, at least Pippin hoped he did, for some of the things Merry had done of late seemed overly sadistic and geared to no clear purpose. Pippin feared that steely glint that had now taken up residence in his cousin's once-laughing eyes. Pippin feared that expression of grim satisfaction as Merry gazed up at the pitiful figure that was Samwise Gamgee.
Merry would make him assist with Sam now-of this Pippin was sure. Perhaps this was an exercise to prove to Merry that he could be trusted again, that he could follow directions to the letter, no more, no less. Pippin resolved to fulfill any little test that Merry would give him. He'd borne his adult punishment and now could consider himself redeemed. Pippin wondered what manner of task Merry would grant him to prove himself once again to be trustworthy.
Though Merry displayed an alarming lack of empathy for Sam, Merry would not kill him. And to expose him to the elements for much longer would do just that if he were not freed and warmed. For this reason, Pippin concluded that Sam's punishment was nearing its end. All that remained, surely, was to cut the poor fellow down and lead him back to his room so that he could get warm, dry, and into a mindset where he would be willing to cooperate with Merry. As they reached the captive, Merry mercifully let go of Pippin's shoulders, freeing Pippin's arms to wrap them about himself in a feeble attempt to keep warm.
The two hobbits planted themselves in front of the offending hobbit, watching as Sam's bowed head rolled to the side and then upright with what seemed to be a colossal effort. Within seconds, the blindfolded head lolled down again. Merry ran his thumb under Sam's chin, lifting it up to its former position.
"Not so defiant now, are we, Mr. Gamgee?" said Merry coldly. "Well, let's have a look at you."
Merry yanked the wet blindfold up over Sam's eyes and off, untying the knot and wringing it out before meeting Sam's gaze. Pippin fully expected to see puffy, bloodshot tear-filled eyes, eyes filled with a dejected, defeated, downtrodden look. But Pippin saw none of these things. Instead, Sam's eyes cleared with preternatural speed. The glare Sam shot Merry was one of unabated fury and grim defiance. Sam had not been broken.
"Sam," said Merry, "Your punishment is over. Before we cut you loose, I want to remind you that your actions have consequences. If you do anything untoward between here and the house, I will drag Frodo from his peaceful sleep and do more of what you witnessed this morning. Or you may come with me, calmly, obediently, silently back to the house. It is up to you. Frodo's fate rests in your hands. Do you understand?"
Sam nodded unenthusiastically.
"Actually, Sam," said Merry, "I do need to hear you say it aloud so that I know you understand. Say that you will be obedient because Frodo's fate is in your hands."
Sam took a deep breath, set his jaw, and spoke.
"I will be //loyal//--"
Merry clouted Sam hard, knocking the side of Sam's head against the tree. Sam, knowing that saying anything other than what Merry wanted to hear was useless and might very well result in more pain for his master, continued.
"I will be //obedient//," Sam ground out, "because Frodo's fate is in my hands."
"Perfect," smiled Merry.
Merry handed Pippin his knife. Pippin smiled inwardly, realizing that Merry was giving him the opportunity to be helpful. Pippin hungered to be part of Merry's plans in any way possible. It would only be a matter of time until he was his Merry's trusted partner again. Letting Pip help with the captives was a sign of trust.
"Pippin, cut Samwise down," ordered Merry.
Pippin gratefully complied, cutting through the thick rope and watching as Sam collapsed to the ground in a boneless heap. He glanced up at Merry for his next command, hoping to contribute.
"Now Pip," said Merry evenly. "Take Sam's place at the tree."
Pippin jerked his head up in disbelief. Surely he had misunderstood! He had endured his adult punishment earlier, and it was over now. Was supposed to be over now. It was time for redemption, time to be given responsibility again. He was Merry's assistant, not his prisoner! Pippin stared at Merry but did not move.
"You heard right lad!" stormed Merry. "Your punishment is not over. You asked for an adult's punishment, and this is part of it. You should be more careful what you wish for next time! I warned you, did I not? But it is too late to go back now. If you are indeed an adult, you need to take full responsibility for your actions. By giving Sam the blanket, you prevented him from learning his full lesson. So now, my grown-up friend, you shall learn it for him. You shall stay here, bound to this tree until I choose to cut you down! You shall stay until I think the lesson Sam was deprived of has been utterly digested and absorbed by you! So, Pippin, Move your little legs and go take Sam's place at the tree!"
Pippin bowed over in mental agony. This hurt worse than any thrashing, than any punch. He was no longer Merry's helper; he was his prisoner, his problem,-another in a long list of Merry's responsibilities. His breath came in ragged tugs as his world collapsed around him. He could not bear this! He would not, could not do this, but he would and he could and Pippin found his shaking legs complying to an order his mind longed to ignore. Part of him desired to run headlong into the woods, to keep running until he hit the green fields of Tuckborough and the warmth of his mother's embrace. But the other part of him, the better part, was part of Merry and that part would not be denied.
Pippin stood upright against the rough bark, his eyes, catching for an instant, the pitying glances of Sam below his feet. Merry bent down and took up the coils that Pippin had just sliced from Sam. Pippin felt Merry's hands, the hands that had once caressed him and soothed him, instead yank his own hands roughly behind his back and around the tree. He cringed as Merry bound him, as if the cord were made of fire; as if they would burn his flesh and burrow into his soul, and consume him as he stood. Pippin was worse than worthless now. He wanted to say something, to protest somehow. Already he was soaked to the bone and cold, and scared, mainly cold. He said the first thing that came into his head.
"But, Merry," Pippin whimpered, "It's raining and its very cold."
Merry growled and backhanded Pippin with all of his might, causing blood to ooze from some unknown wound, as Pip no longer could reach up to feel it. A pale fire was in Merry's eyes, and with a cold and mirthless grin, Merry took up the knife, and cut away at Pippin's thin jacket. As Merry sliced through the material, violently, hatefully, Pippin broke down and began to whimper and whine. By the time the garment lay at Pippin's feet in pieces, so did his soul, and Pippin exploded into wracking sobs. Merry was undeterred. He picked up the coils of rope that had looped around Sam just minutes before and began winding it around his broken cousin. Each time Merry went around again, imprisoning another section of Pippin's body, Merry made eye contact with the lad, daring him with his eyes to complain. Each of these glances felt like a stab into Pippin's heart. He wanted to die. And from his level of cold and discomfort, he thought he just might get his wish this time.
Merry stood back to eye his erstwhile partner, now trussed up, immobile, and sobbing piteously. He looked him up and down with a jaundiced eye that promised only pain. Merry made sure he had Pippin's eye contact as he pulled Sam's wet blindfold from his pocket and wrapped it around Pippin's eyes, enclosing Pippin in a limitless darkness and an unfathomable despair.
"Pippin," said Merry, bringing his face up very close to his bound cousin, "I'm taking Sam home now, but you have to stay here. While you are here, you don't exist to me. You'll disappear. You'll cease to be. When I come back, if I come back, then you'll know that I've forgiven you. Farewell."
Merry's words caused something in Pippin's fragile mind to break. He let out a high, piercing shriek like a dying bird careening to earth. Everything went cold except for the warm trickle that streamed down his leg.
Pippin heard the sounds of Sam, his erstwhile charge, being cut free and led back to the house. Pippin panicked as he heard the receding footsteps, and wondered how long he'd stand here before madness would overtake him. His tears mingled with the raindrops pelting his face and body. If Pippin was dead to Merry, he was dead to the world, dead to himself. Pippin's cries stilled and he became silent. Until Merry came back, Peregrin Took willed himself out of existence.
* * *
The pale sky exploded into dazzling watercolors of dusky pink and muted violet, bathing the whole field in an ethereal radiance of rose-kissed gold. That alone would have been enough to warm his heart. But it was a sound, and not a sight that set Pippin's soul alight. Footsteps. Pippin heard a soft tread approaching behind him, squelching through the spongy, wet ground to halt at his side. He lifted his head and beheld Merry.his Merry, the stranger that had commanded his cousin's body having fled or been subdued. A great relief washed through Pip and warmed his frigid heart and he offered a soft, weary smile to his beloved.
Merry beamed at him, eclipsing the sun that was rising through the tips of the surrounding trees. He dropped the bundle he carried to his feet and reached his hands to Pippin's face, cradling it and stroking his cheeks gently with his thumbs.
"Ah, my love," whispered Merry, his eyes filled with tenderness and love. "I have missed you so."
TBC
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There is an even harder version of this chapter -the NC-17 rated version that can be found on --
AdultFanFiction.net (books, LOTR, stories, mine is near the top! -go to chapter 25 and leave a review.)
Or the Merry_Piplovers yahoo group at
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To the reviewers!
Natta--It is this chapter that you should feel sorry for Pip. Did it work?
QTPie-well-if you are reading this, you have read the r-rated chapter. Big buckets of Pip angst. I hope you liked it!
Camillia Gamgee took- Pippin really needs your kisses now! (merry will give him some next chapter)
Aratlithiel-you know where this is going! And-everyone-my beta here has a guest chapter coming up that will knock your socks off!
MBradford-I'm glad you noticed that line! Merry really does see Frodo and the ring as a package deal.
Calla-this is the chapter with the NC-17 alternate on the Merry -Pip board. Go check it out-though I did find a repeated 2 sentences in that one-and can't change it! ;(
Endymion-glad you liked the soup image-and ys, Merry's other charges should worry. Not much of Frodo in this one-but Frodo is back and fighting next chapter!
Krista-yes-merry IS up to something!
Sue-yes-Pip is in big trouble!!!
Tesekian-fatty is not in the house, but I have not forgotten him. It is going to be a surprise
Iorhael-more Frodo in 26-and he'll be fighting against Merry's care! BTW- Nasty Hobbitses is so exciting right now!!
I want to thank my lovely beta, Aratlithiel for the interesting story structure here (you won't know where Pippin is until the very end-then you'll want to reread it!)
AND my guest co-author, Anemone Frost!!! (author of the excellent "The Price") WARNING!!!! This chapter contains what I would consider rape. It is not graphic, but strongly implied. If you are feeling way too sorry for Pippin, I would just wait until the next chapter-in which I will give a vague summary. If you HATE slash-please read the alternate version of this chapter -the PG slashless version. But please keep reading! ____________________________________________________________________________ _
(Co-written with Anemone Frost (because I just don't write slash well at all! Especially this kind)
Chapter 25: Inside and Out (R-rated WITH SLASH)---------------------------- -------------------------
Pippin released a great sneeze and followed it immediately with a wet, rheumy cough that scraped at his lungs and set his eyes watering with tears that burned his eyes. This would be the death of him.Merry would be the death of him, but of course, there was no turning back now. He no longer had an escape, a way out. He would live or die as Merry wished and for the first time, neither option seemed very attractive to him. His life was no longer his own - he merely existed in the hobbit that had once been the ebullient Pergrin Took, future Thain of the Shire.
Of course, existed was not really the proper word anymore, was it? He did not exist anymore, not for Merry anyway and certainly not for himself. He merely drifted in limbo until such time as the dark creature who wore his cousin's skin deigned that he could once more partake in the life that had been laid out for him. A life he no longer had the power to choose or deny, but simply was.
He sent forth another sneeze and the warm tears that escaped his eyes cooled immediately under the chill September rain that assaulted his face and body. He closed his eyes and drifted in the haze of events that had led him to this place. He'd been put here to think, and think he would.
* * *
(flashback)
Pippin remembered sleeping fitfully after Frodo's beating. He'd been shocked by the violence, but was aware that Merry had bathed Frodo, tended his hurts, and had him suspended, for now, in a healing slumber. In the mid-afternoon, Pippin had woken to the patter of falling rain. Without a second thought, his mind turned to the miserable hobbit standing tied in the rain. Pulling the thickest blanket off of his bed, Pippin trudged slowly, painfully, up to the tree where Sam was propped up to consider his actions. Sam had already endured the sum of the morning, and most of the afternoon in this terrible state. Surely if Merry was awake, he'd do the same thing. After all, Sam was left in the field to think, not to die.
Pippin gave Sam a weak smile, remembering Sam's small kindnesses while he had been under Sam's "care." Sam did not smile back; but did not glower either. The brawny hobbit was tired, bone tired. And the focus of his rage was sleeping in the house, not standing meekly before him holding open a warm blanket. Pippin had wrapped the sheltering blanket around both Sam and the tree, tying it in place with some of the spare rope. Pippin pillowed some of the blanket under Sam's head for comfort, and pulled a bit above his head to protect Sam's face from the unrelenting rain. Sam's eyes, at this point, were mere crescents, as if by just receiving this tiny measure of relief the exhausted hobbit could escape back into sleep. Sam mumbled his thanks to Pippin, then seemed to fall back into evil dreams, his head lolling down to his chest. Indeed, Sam was a miserable sight. Pippin hoped inwardly that Merry would decide Sam had served his sentence and could come in soon.
Pippin himself felt the pull of slumber as he plodded back to the house. He immediately crawled into his bed into the welcoming sheets, still warm from his first nap. It took nearly an hour for his feet to recover from the cold and damp that had sunk into his bones during the trek to the tree to deliver the blanket to Sam. As for Pippin, he thought himself the most fortunate hobbit alive. He'd been given the chance to help, and through his efforts, Merry had obviously decided that no additional punishment was necessary. Or had he just forgotten?
All of these thoughts were dashed immediately from his mind when Pippin heard Merry's voice cut the stillness of the house.
"Pippin!!" called Merry as Pippin curled in his bed. "Pippin!"
Merry's voice was sharp and sounded edged with growing anger. Pippin quailed, and considered for a moment pretending to be asleep. Pippin was alarmed when he heard the sound of determined, angry footsteps stomping toward his new room. His breath caught, the door slammed open, and in burst Merry holding a length of rope, a tattered rag, and a looped up belt. His face revealed an expression of someone who craved retribution.
Merry seated himself on a spare chair. "Come here," he'd ordered, then patted his lap, indicating he expected Pippin upended, face down, and, certainly, trouserless.
A shrill scream came from the back of Pippin's throat. NO! NO! Not again! Not a child! Respect me please! NO!
Pippin's heart froze and his mind raced, looking for any escape, any way at all to avoid the horrible punishment yet again. His panicked mind seized upon the only choice that seemed sane to him at the moment - Pippin ran. He raced down the hall in blind terror and his horror only increased when he heard the pursuit of Merry's footsteps.
Knees and elbows crashed to the hard oak floor and Pippin felt the sudden pain jolt through his limbs before he realized what it meant. The weight of Merry atop him stole his breath and the shriek of terror he had meant to drive from his throat emerged as an almost comical 'oomph.' Tears streaked down the young hobbit's flushed face as Merry dug his fingernails painfully into his waist, hauling him off the floor and carrying him off under his arm. Pippin couldn't believe it. He was being carted off like some unruly child being taken back to his room to be thoroughly punished, and he knew he would be punished. Sobs rose in his throat as he thrashed about madly, attempting to escape his cousin's grip. It was pointless, though. Merry was unbelievably strong, and Pippin didn't have to look in his cousin's eyes to know that the dangerous fire had returned.
"You have been very naughty Pippin!" Merry snarled. "First, you help Frodo and Sam escape into The Old Forest, which nearly cost us our perfect family! You disobeyed me! I'm so disappointed in you! Then..."
"Oh please let me go Merry!" Pippin wailed. He was so shamed by his cousin's comments. "I promise that I won't disobey you again! Please, don't punish me! I'm sorry about letting Frodo and Sam go! I'm sorry!" The lad's chest heaved with sobs, and his eyes burned with tears. "I didn't do anything wrong this time Merry! I did everything you told me! Just let me go! Please! Please! Please!"
"Don't you ever interrupt me!" Merry yelled, shaking Pippin violently until the lad muffled his own cries from fear. You also had the audacity to run away from me when I was trying to correct you for your mistakes!" Pippin's eyes grew wide with fright.
Pippin winced as Merry righted him to his feet then promptly shoved him into a wall, gripping his shoulders, and shaking him harshly. He was terrified and every time he tried to speak only a choked sob came out, causing Merry to become enraged further. The older hobbit's face was contorted with fury.
The young hobbit grimaced as he was yanked down the hall by his arm in Merry's brutal grip. Once back in the room, Merry bent over to pick up the belt, making Pippin whine and tug in Merry's hold.
"NO! Merry! OH PLEASE NO!" wailed Pippin. "I'm not a child! I can't bear it!
Merry dug his nails even deeper into Pippin's arm as he pulled him over to a waiting chair and sat down. Pippin continued to thrash and scream, nearly insensible with panic. Merry pushed violently down on Pippin's back, forcing the screeching hobbit over his lap. Pippin was in hysterics.
"MEERRYYY!" He screamed. "I'd rather die than be thrashed like a boy! No! Not again! NO! I'd rather die! KILL ME! But do not do this!"
Merry pushed Pippin off his lap and tumbled to the floor with a booming thud. Pippin was immediately seized by his collar and drawn up to Merry's rage-swollen eyes. Pippin fell into hyperventilating, then stopped breathing and went limp, his gaze fixed on his terrifying cousin. Merry shook Pippin like a rag doll to get his undivided attention. It worked.
"Pippin! You have earned this by your betrayal and your failure! Frodo and Sam did not escape this--why should you! You have not submitted to anything more crushing than an apology, and that is hardly sufficient, love, if you are to learn. I will not brook your assistance until you endure this! Must I lock you in a room as well? Pity--I'd thought you were my partner, not my prisoner. What shall I do with you PIP! WHAT??!!"
Pippin shook, mumbled, and cried, melting quickly into an incoherent puddle of tears and drool. Merry's malevolent tone caused Pippin to gaze into his cousin's eyes, his knees turning to water at what he saw there. There was a darkness to those eyes - a well of shadow that had been hinted at, but never actually seen before. Pippin was mesmerized by the churning blackness and felt that if he stared too long into the chasms of Merry's eyes, he might be sucked in to swirl forever in their depths. He had no idea who owned the eyes that locked him in their frozen grip, but he could not believe it was his beloved Merry.
"Don't you think you deserve a punishment equal to your transgressions, lad?" boomed Merry in a question that was clearly rhetorical.
"Y-yes," answered Pip in a small voice.
Merry flung Pippin back over his lap as Pippin screamed. "Then submit to this!" But Pippin was in a state, and would not be subdued. He wrenched himself off Merry's lap, flung himself to the floor, and rolled to the center of the room. "NO!! I shall die! MERRRRRYY!"
Merry bounded forward as Pip crabbed back, desperately, uselessly. As Merry stomped toward him, Pippin flailed his arms, his voice going very high as Merry yanked him to his feet. With the last reservoir of his strength, Pippin screamed out-
"I don't want a child's punishment, I w-want an adult punishment!!!"
Merry loosened his grip at once, grinning slowly and rather sinisterly. He placed his hand upon Pippin's shoulder in a mockery of respect, and looked Pippin straight into his terrified eyes.
"Pippin," said Merry with a stony calm. "If it is an adult punishment you crave, it is an adult punishment you shall receive. But it shall require adult courage to endure it. And once you agree, there is absolutely no turning back. So I ask you again, are you sure this is what you want?"
Pippin stopped shaking, nearly dizzy with gratitude. " More than anything, Merry!" he cried. "More than anything in Middle-earth!"
Merry turned and strolled slowly, distractedly to the window, grasping his hands behind his back as if in deep thought. He stood there, watching with abstract curiosity as the plunks of raindrops hit the window, gradually increasing to a steady fusillade of taps. Then Merry turned, deep malice in his eyes, and strode toward his prey.
Pippin stood rooted and unable to move as Merry slowly advanced upon him. Even though every nerve sang out to him to run, to flee no matter what the cost, he couldn't unlock his legs nor drag his gaze from those eyes. And then the unspeakable pain, the unutterable violation began.
* * *
Pippin started from his daze, straining for breath against the tightness in his chest. The freezing rain pelted him with stinging persistence but he no longer seemed to feel it. He didn't know if it was because his body had finally gone mercifully numb or his mind had but either one was a blessing.
He felt the rumbling in his chest and suppressed it. His chest pained him and his hacking had taken on a liquid quality that frightened him. His nose ran freely and being unable to reach up to wipe it, he simply lifted his face to the rain and let it wash away the sticky residue from beneath his nose. And in his abject misery, Pippin continued to remember. He remembered Merry's sinister smile as he agreed to Pippin's //adult// punishment. And Pippin recalled how Merry had turned around slowly, like a cat who is done tormenting an injured mouse and closes in for the kill. And Pippin remembered how Merry's face had clouded over like the stormy sky, replaced by a wall of malice. Something dark had entered Merry's soul, and Pippin was both its first witness and its first victim.
Pippin remembered how his eyes widened in fright as Merry reached out and began to wildly tear at his shirt, and he recalled the plinking of buttons as they scattered about the floor. His trousers had come down next, followed in quick succession by his sanity.
Pippin's mind rolled along, playing the scene in a continuous loop as his eyes stared out at the chalky darkness of the autumn night. He'd freed his eyes from the restraint hours ago with the help from the friction of the bark and a judicious breeze. Now he both heard and saw how the leaves rustled and crunched angrily above him as the wind exhaled over the field. Pippin scarcely noticed. He was thoroughly trapped in his mind and in his memories. A branch fell near his feet, splitting open at the impact. Split open. Pip had also been split open.
Thunder rumbled in the distance and grew to a crescendo. Crack!
***
Crack!
"Merry, please, it hurts," Pippin sobbed. He cried out as Merry's hand landed ferociously over his rump, making him squirm to get away from the agony assaulting him both inside and out.
"What did I tell you about talking?!" Merry yelled.
Merry had begun this phase of Pippin's punishment by wildly tearing at his shirt, sending buttons scattering about the floor.
"Merry, what are you doing?!" Pippin cried in a state of confusion.
"You said you wanted an adult's punishment so I am giving you one," Merry growled. "Now, take off your clothes, lay face first on the bed, and extend your arms to the headboard. If you don't do as I say, then I will give you another lashing. Do you understand?"
Too stunned and horrified to do anything but comply, Pippin gave a slight nod. "Yes, Merry," Pippin whimpered.
The lad removed his clothing. Sniffling, he spread out over the bed and extended his arms just as Merry had ordered. He kept his gaze straight at the wall, not daring to move when he heard his cousin shuffling in the background. His entire body was trembling fiercely, and his skull throbbed with a pulsing heartbeat. Frodo's punishment still lingered in his mind, and he couldn't help but wonder what terrible way Merry was going to deal with him.
On the other hand, being forced into this position was almost a twisted sort of relief for Pippin. For, if he couldn't look into Merry's eyes, couldn't see the blank rage and darkness that writhed in them, perhaps he could pretend it wasn't really there.
"Good lad," Merry whispered, patting Pippin on the head. "I'm going to tie your arms together and loop the rope through the headboard."
Pippin whipped his head around, glancing up at his cousin with petrified eyes. "What?! Why Merry?!"
"Because this a part of your adult punishment!" Merry snapped. "Would you prefer that I get the belt?!" Pippin hastily shook his head. "Then don't question me!"
Grabbing Pippin's wrists, Merry began to wrap the rope around them, binding the limbs together before threading the other end of the rope under and over the headboard. He quickly knotted the end close to Pippin's wrists, leaving the young hobbit immobile and completely as his mercy. Pippin quivered as he felt the bed dip with Merry's weight, and he swiveled his head to glance back at him. Pippin was grateful that those dark eyes were closed.
"Merry..." Pippin asked, his voice laced with fear.
"Hush Pippin," Merry soothed. "I want you to remain quiet throughout this or else I will gag you, and I don't want to do that. I want you to prove yourself to me, Pip. I want you to prove that you can obey me."
Hope flooded into Pippin's mind. Merry had said that he loved him. But confusion battled relief in his bewildered mind. It appeared that Merry was about to make love to him. How was that going to be a punishment? He wanted to ask Merry, but he was too terrified to speak. The last thing he wanted was for Merry to think he was stupid or naive. Merry was finally treating him like an adult, and he didn't want that taken away.
"Do you understand, Pippin?" Merry asked.
Pippin nodded. Suddenly and unexpectedly, sheering agony coursed through Pippin's body causing him to shriek and attempt to scramble away. No soft words of endearment. There was only pain. It wasn't love, it was violence. And it was brutal, and had happened without preparation of any sort. And it hurt. It hurt like being torn in twain.
Pippin couldn't believe this was happening. How could Merry hurt him so much? He knew he deserved to be punished for his failures, but this-!
"Merry, please, it hurts," Pippin sobbed. "Merry! Please, you are hurting me! Please, stop!!"
"What did I tell you about talking?!" Merry yelled. "Now I will have to gag you!"
Merry stopped and strode to the other side of the room to pick up the cloth.
"You've let me down Pippin," Merry sighed. "I thought I could trust you to take your punishment like an adult, but I suppose I was wrong."
"No, Merry, I am an adult!" Pippin sobbed, wriggling hard against his bonds. "It just hurts so much!
"An adult would accept the pain instead of sniveling like an infant!" Merry spat. Pippin winced at that comment. "I have no choice but to silence you, and since you did not obey me your punishment will be extended."
Pippin wept bitterly as the gag was thrust into his mouth and tied behind his head, and Merry again positioned himself behind Pippin. The young hobbit squealed at the burning pain, though it was muffled by the gag. Never in all of his life had he experienced such misery. His chest heaved with sobs, and agonized whimpers passed through the cloth.
After what seemed like hours, the torment still persisted. The young hobbit bit his lip as Merry slipped the gag off. He kept quiet, even when Merry scratched his nails over the welts.
"Good, Pippin," Merry murmured. "You're keeping quiet just like I asked. Now, we are drawing closer to the end of your punishment."
'Thank the Gods!' Pippin thought in relief.
***
But it hadn't really ended there. It was, in fact, still going on and according to Merry himself, could continue indefinitely with Pippin clinging to both his Merry and the desperate existence his beloved bestowed on him. He no longer either looked or wished for an end.he existed in the moments Merry doled out to him and muddled through the pain as best he could. It didn't matter any more.
He had gotten the adult punishment he had begged for and his body and heart still ached with the pain of it.
Darkness surrounded him now and the rain had ceased. He had marked these gradual changes dully what seemed days ago and may in fact have even forgotten that the rain had been were it not for his soaked clothes and his hair still dripping cold drops onto his cheeks to mix with the tears that still streamed from his eyes in steady, unceasing rivers. His head dipped to his chest and he closed his burning eyes.
How he wished he had been able to bring his cloak. Or at least a blanket.
***
Pippin had thought it was over. Merry had said it was over when he left Pippin naked and bound to the bed to "have a good think." Merry had said he'd forgiven him then, that Pip was an adult again, having endured the adult punishment with success. Merry kissed him, and it was better. At least Pippin had thought it would be better. Merry had left him then-left him to tend to Samwise. Pippin was alone with his thoughts and his pain and his love for Merry. For a little while, he was left in peace.
Pippin jerked his head to the side as the door hit the wall behind it. Merry. Merry clutched a damp blanket in his hand-the blanket he had given to Sam earlier that day. Merry dropped the blanket with a heavy squelch and strode ominously to Pippin's side. Pip stared back, breath held in, eyes big as saucers.
"Tell me, Pip, did I tell you that you could give Sam a blanket?!" asked Merry. "Did I tell you that Samwise could have a blanket to keep him warm?! Answer me lad!"
"I'm....sorry....Merry," Pippin stuttered pitifully. "I....just....didn't want Sam to freeze out there."
"You interfered with Sam's punishment Pippin!" Merry roared. "He wasn't meant to be comfortable!
Merry lifted his belt, ready to thrash Pippin once again. But the blow never fell. A fey expression washed over Merry's face, and he lowered his hand without a word. Pippin stared up at Merry, half in gratitude, half in fear. Merry remained silent as he took his knife, and sliced through Pippin's wrist bonds.
"Get up," Merry ordered in an even tone. "Get dressed. We have some things we need to take care of together."
* * *
Everything looks clean and fresh in the morning after a night of rain. So Pippin thought at the surreal canvas that laid itself before him. The rain finally ceased as the dawn cast up a burgeoning light. Pip had not slept, though his body had remained frighteningly still. Pippin observed the brightening world with lowered eyes, chin resting on collarbone. He'd come full circle. The previous dawn had brought them home again. Would this dawn do the same for himself? How had he come to this place, this terrible lonely, loveless place? Pippin's mind turned again, slow, creaky rotations on rusted wheels. How had he come here? Pippin remembered. He'd come here to assist Merry. Or so he'd thought.
* * *
Merry had helped Pippin dress. Merry stood up then, and before Pippin could voluntarily follow suit, he'd felt Merry's fingers closing over his forearms, nails digging deep into his skin. Pippin was firmly led toward the round front door. As they approached it Merry reached to take his cloak off of a hook and pulled it over his head before grasping hold of his cousin once more. Pippin made a meek attempt to pluck up his own cloak, only to be blocked by Merry's outstretched palm.
"You'll not need that, Pippin," said Merry sternly. "Not where we are going."
Pippin shivered as Merry threw the door open, admitting a cold September breeze laced with rain. "Outside Pip," he ordered, and Pip limped hesitantly out the door like a criminal en route to the gallows.
The gentle drizzle had thickened to outright rain, soaking Pippin's jacket and shirt in minutes and weighing down long tendrils of his curls, leaving them drooping down over his eyes and down his neck. Only five minutes out, and he already looked like a drowned rat.
Merry said nothing as he led Pippin through the field, his nails still plunging into Pippin's shoulder like a vice. Everything throbbed as Pippin stumbled on. In any other circumstance, with his accumulated hurts, Pippin would be in bed tended by one of the family's nursemaids. Pippin took his mind off the pain and Merry's rough treatment by focusing on other things: the scent of grass, sage and mint amplified by the water, the dusky smell of damped wood, the cool sensation of mud underfoot, the sound it made as it squished between his toes as he walked, the chorus of plunks as raindrops hit a nearby fence, the sound of his own clicking teeth as he began to shiver from cold and fear. Oh! It was no use! He hurt, inside and out. He hurt in his body and mind, and in his heart. And conscience delivered a further blow when he caught sight of poor Sam.
Pippin sensed that this was their destination-Sam's tree, as Pippin had called it. Pippin ruefully observed Sam's bound form attached to the tree, head keeling forward and body leaning awkwardly, like a waterlogged scarecrow that had finally accepted its winter fate as both crow and corn abandoned the fields it guarded. Sam's miserable condition came into sharper focus as the two hobbits closed the distance between themselves and their prisoner. Pippin noted that Merry had added the additional torment of a blindfold just as he had stolen away the blanket that Pippin, in his sympathy, had provided.
A wave of pity unexpectedly surged through Pippin. The autumn air was cold, and Sam had been placed in an unforgiving position for how many hours? Six? Eight? Surely Sam had long ago crossed the point of passive discomfort into active misery. And all of this after having to endure what Pippin suddenly realized must have been an excruciating walk.
But Merry knew best, at least Pippin hoped he did, for some of the things Merry had done of late seemed overly sadistic and geared to no clear purpose. Pippin feared that steely glint that had now taken up residence in his cousin's once-laughing eyes. Pippin feared that expression of grim satisfaction as Merry gazed up at the pitiful figure that was Samwise Gamgee.
Merry would make him assist with Sam now-of this Pippin was sure. Perhaps this was an exercise to prove to Merry that he could be trusted again, that he could follow directions to the letter, no more, no less. Pippin resolved to fulfill any little test that Merry would give him. He'd borne his adult punishment and now could consider himself redeemed. Pippin wondered what manner of task Merry would grant him to prove himself once again to be trustworthy.
Though Merry displayed an alarming lack of empathy for Sam, Merry would not kill him. And to expose him to the elements for much longer would do just that if he were not freed and warmed. For this reason, Pippin concluded that Sam's punishment was nearing its end. All that remained, surely, was to cut the poor fellow down and lead him back to his room so that he could get warm, dry, and into a mindset where he would be willing to cooperate with Merry. As they reached the captive, Merry mercifully let go of Pippin's shoulders, freeing Pippin's arms to wrap them about himself in a feeble attempt to keep warm.
The two hobbits planted themselves in front of the offending hobbit, watching as Sam's bowed head rolled to the side and then upright with what seemed to be a colossal effort. Within seconds, the blindfolded head lolled down again. Merry ran his thumb under Sam's chin, lifting it up to its former position.
"Not so defiant now, are we, Mr. Gamgee?" said Merry coldly. "Well, let's have a look at you."
Merry yanked the wet blindfold up over Sam's eyes and off, untying the knot and wringing it out before meeting Sam's gaze. Pippin fully expected to see puffy, bloodshot tear-filled eyes, eyes filled with a dejected, defeated, downtrodden look. But Pippin saw none of these things. Instead, Sam's eyes cleared with preternatural speed. The glare Sam shot Merry was one of unabated fury and grim defiance. Sam had not been broken.
"Sam," said Merry, "Your punishment is over. Before we cut you loose, I want to remind you that your actions have consequences. If you do anything untoward between here and the house, I will drag Frodo from his peaceful sleep and do more of what you witnessed this morning. Or you may come with me, calmly, obediently, silently back to the house. It is up to you. Frodo's fate rests in your hands. Do you understand?"
Sam nodded unenthusiastically.
"Actually, Sam," said Merry, "I do need to hear you say it aloud so that I know you understand. Say that you will be obedient because Frodo's fate is in your hands."
Sam took a deep breath, set his jaw, and spoke.
"I will be //loyal//--"
Merry clouted Sam hard, knocking the side of Sam's head against the tree. Sam, knowing that saying anything other than what Merry wanted to hear was useless and might very well result in more pain for his master, continued.
"I will be //obedient//," Sam ground out, "because Frodo's fate is in my hands."
"Perfect," smiled Merry.
Merry handed Pippin his knife. Pippin smiled inwardly, realizing that Merry was giving him the opportunity to be helpful. Pippin hungered to be part of Merry's plans in any way possible. It would only be a matter of time until he was his Merry's trusted partner again. Letting Pip help with the captives was a sign of trust.
"Pippin, cut Samwise down," ordered Merry.
Pippin gratefully complied, cutting through the thick rope and watching as Sam collapsed to the ground in a boneless heap. He glanced up at Merry for his next command, hoping to contribute.
"Now Pip," said Merry evenly. "Take Sam's place at the tree."
Pippin jerked his head up in disbelief. Surely he had misunderstood! He had endured his adult punishment earlier, and it was over now. Was supposed to be over now. It was time for redemption, time to be given responsibility again. He was Merry's assistant, not his prisoner! Pippin stared at Merry but did not move.
"You heard right lad!" stormed Merry. "Your punishment is not over. You asked for an adult's punishment, and this is part of it. You should be more careful what you wish for next time! I warned you, did I not? But it is too late to go back now. If you are indeed an adult, you need to take full responsibility for your actions. By giving Sam the blanket, you prevented him from learning his full lesson. So now, my grown-up friend, you shall learn it for him. You shall stay here, bound to this tree until I choose to cut you down! You shall stay until I think the lesson Sam was deprived of has been utterly digested and absorbed by you! So, Pippin, Move your little legs and go take Sam's place at the tree!"
Pippin bowed over in mental agony. This hurt worse than any thrashing, than any punch. He was no longer Merry's helper; he was his prisoner, his problem,-another in a long list of Merry's responsibilities. His breath came in ragged tugs as his world collapsed around him. He could not bear this! He would not, could not do this, but he would and he could and Pippin found his shaking legs complying to an order his mind longed to ignore. Part of him desired to run headlong into the woods, to keep running until he hit the green fields of Tuckborough and the warmth of his mother's embrace. But the other part of him, the better part, was part of Merry and that part would not be denied.
Pippin stood upright against the rough bark, his eyes, catching for an instant, the pitying glances of Sam below his feet. Merry bent down and took up the coils that Pippin had just sliced from Sam. Pippin felt Merry's hands, the hands that had once caressed him and soothed him, instead yank his own hands roughly behind his back and around the tree. He cringed as Merry bound him, as if the cord were made of fire; as if they would burn his flesh and burrow into his soul, and consume him as he stood. Pippin was worse than worthless now. He wanted to say something, to protest somehow. Already he was soaked to the bone and cold, and scared, mainly cold. He said the first thing that came into his head.
"But, Merry," Pippin whimpered, "It's raining and its very cold."
Merry growled and backhanded Pippin with all of his might, causing blood to ooze from some unknown wound, as Pip no longer could reach up to feel it. A pale fire was in Merry's eyes, and with a cold and mirthless grin, Merry took up the knife, and cut away at Pippin's thin jacket. As Merry sliced through the material, violently, hatefully, Pippin broke down and began to whimper and whine. By the time the garment lay at Pippin's feet in pieces, so did his soul, and Pippin exploded into wracking sobs. Merry was undeterred. He picked up the coils of rope that had looped around Sam just minutes before and began winding it around his broken cousin. Each time Merry went around again, imprisoning another section of Pippin's body, Merry made eye contact with the lad, daring him with his eyes to complain. Each of these glances felt like a stab into Pippin's heart. He wanted to die. And from his level of cold and discomfort, he thought he just might get his wish this time.
Merry stood back to eye his erstwhile partner, now trussed up, immobile, and sobbing piteously. He looked him up and down with a jaundiced eye that promised only pain. Merry made sure he had Pippin's eye contact as he pulled Sam's wet blindfold from his pocket and wrapped it around Pippin's eyes, enclosing Pippin in a limitless darkness and an unfathomable despair.
"Pippin," said Merry, bringing his face up very close to his bound cousin, "I'm taking Sam home now, but you have to stay here. While you are here, you don't exist to me. You'll disappear. You'll cease to be. When I come back, if I come back, then you'll know that I've forgiven you. Farewell."
Merry's words caused something in Pippin's fragile mind to break. He let out a high, piercing shriek like a dying bird careening to earth. Everything went cold except for the warm trickle that streamed down his leg.
Pippin heard the sounds of Sam, his erstwhile charge, being cut free and led back to the house. Pippin panicked as he heard the receding footsteps, and wondered how long he'd stand here before madness would overtake him. His tears mingled with the raindrops pelting his face and body. If Pippin was dead to Merry, he was dead to the world, dead to himself. Pippin's cries stilled and he became silent. Until Merry came back, Peregrin Took willed himself out of existence.
* * *
The pale sky exploded into dazzling watercolors of dusky pink and muted violet, bathing the whole field in an ethereal radiance of rose-kissed gold. That alone would have been enough to warm his heart. But it was a sound, and not a sight that set Pippin's soul alight. Footsteps. Pippin heard a soft tread approaching behind him, squelching through the spongy, wet ground to halt at his side. He lifted his head and beheld Merry.his Merry, the stranger that had commanded his cousin's body having fled or been subdued. A great relief washed through Pip and warmed his frigid heart and he offered a soft, weary smile to his beloved.
Merry beamed at him, eclipsing the sun that was rising through the tips of the surrounding trees. He dropped the bundle he carried to his feet and reached his hands to Pippin's face, cradling it and stroking his cheeks gently with his thumbs.
"Ah, my love," whispered Merry, his eyes filled with tenderness and love. "I have missed you so."
TBC
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There is an even harder version of this chapter -the NC-17 rated version that can be found on --
AdultFanFiction.net (books, LOTR, stories, mine is near the top! -go to chapter 25 and leave a review.)
Or the Merry_Piplovers yahoo group at
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To the reviewers!
Natta--It is this chapter that you should feel sorry for Pip. Did it work?
QTPie-well-if you are reading this, you have read the r-rated chapter. Big buckets of Pip angst. I hope you liked it!
Camillia Gamgee took- Pippin really needs your kisses now! (merry will give him some next chapter)
Aratlithiel-you know where this is going! And-everyone-my beta here has a guest chapter coming up that will knock your socks off!
MBradford-I'm glad you noticed that line! Merry really does see Frodo and the ring as a package deal.
Calla-this is the chapter with the NC-17 alternate on the Merry -Pip board. Go check it out-though I did find a repeated 2 sentences in that one-and can't change it! ;(
Endymion-glad you liked the soup image-and ys, Merry's other charges should worry. Not much of Frodo in this one-but Frodo is back and fighting next chapter!
Krista-yes-merry IS up to something!
Sue-yes-Pip is in big trouble!!!
Tesekian-fatty is not in the house, but I have not forgotten him. It is going to be a surprise
Iorhael-more Frodo in 26-and he'll be fighting against Merry's care! BTW- Nasty Hobbitses is so exciting right now!!