There was a massive crash and Voyager shook.
"What the hell happened?" Janeway demanded, stepping over her first officer who was lying on the floor.
"I'm not sure. It came from nowhere," Harry said as his hands danced across his console. 'Typical. It's ALWAYS the same' Janeway rolled her eyes.
"Correction, it came from co-ordnance 218 mark 549." Tuvok stated calmly. "Correction - mark 422, correction, mark 629," he said each time they were hit.
"Yeah, I get the idea Tuvok. Harry, can you determine WHAT or WHO hit us?" Janeway asked.
"I'm not sure."
"Oh come on! It's a yes or no answer!!!"
He stared at her. "Sorry but no. The technology is muddled."
"Meaning??" "Meaning... the torpedoes are Starfleet class, Kazon shields. Viddian sensors... There are other technologies too but I've never seen them before. I don' understand..."
'You never do' "Oh great!!! Another unnamed ship firing at us."
"Captain, should I use evasive manovers?" Tom asked.
"You might as well. It always seems to work... You think they'd figure out a pattern... No, wait. Just stop."
"What???"
"We're still going to get hit but if we divert all power to the shields and have weapons powered up we can sit and wait. They'll think we haven't a clue what's going on and fire. We'll fire at those exact co-ordnance and blast them to the Beta Quadrant. Now I'm bored so I'm goona get a Coffey in my ready room while you handle this."
"Captain yo-"
"I said you can handle it Tuvok."
The door swished shut behind her.
About a minute later a terrified scream was heard from the ready room. Harry, Tom and Tuvok ran in. The captain was on the floor crying.
"What happened?" Tom asked.
"The replicator won't give me Coffey," she wailed.
"Is THAT all?" Tuvok asked.
"What do you mean 'Is that all'?" Janeway was hyperventilating.
"Captain, calm down. I programmed it not to give Coffee."
"You did WHAT???" She had him up against the wall, feet dangling.
"You said you were bored. This will be a challenge. As Mr. Paris said - you need some spice in your life."
"Eh, Tuvok, that's not what I meant." Tom said looking at the captain nervously.
"Fine. A challenge, I can do that."
Less than ten minutes later Janeway could be found licking the inside of the replicator for traces of Coffey -
There were none.
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