If he were very attentive, and listened very carefully, Frodo could hear
the Ring singing a lullaby with the voice of his mother, promising to bring
her back along with all else that had been stolen from him in the course of
his life, if only Frodo would just put It on.
AN: This chapter has a good number of direct quotes from the book (in different context, of course!). Find them, and you win a great prize! (mention by me as a very astute reader!) If you can find them, leave them in you review or on my lj. Test your knowledge! Tell me who originally spoke the lines, and where one might find them!
Also- new LJ question! How should Frodo be tied for his final breaking? Sound off!
Now for the tale!
Chapter 44: Coming and Going
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The back door to the smial creaked open, and Pippin's curly head peeked through the gap. The sight that greeted him both soothed and alarmed him. He saw two hobbits sitting quietly in the swaying grass, the breeze gently lifting up their topmost curls, one hobbit with his arm wrapped about the other, the soft autumn sun casting a golden light upon their heads and shoulders. For that first moment it seemed to Pippin that he beheld two lads striking a pastoral pose, perhaps taking a break from the harvest, daydreaming on a lazy afternoon, or relaxing after a picnic. Like a painting they seemed, peaceful and still.
But a closer examination told Pippin this was not the case. One of the figures was, of course, bound and was not just being embraced but held up; held up because he was too weak to hold himself upright. And not all the lines upon his back were shadows of swaying grass dancing across it. No, most of these lines were handmade and cruel; his back a ghastly white canvas upon which a whip had painted a grotesque web of dark crimson strokes until the surface was marred and torn - wrecked by strokes of deep malice wrought by braided leather against abraded flesh rather than silken horsehair on woven linen. Frodo was not peaceful, only still, very still. Too still. It was if the spark of his soul had been extinguished and replaced with a cold, dark stone, barren and lifeless.
A wave of sorrow overwhelmed Pippin, yet there was nothing for it. Merry had promised to remake poor Frodo, and to that, Pippin trusted, his cousin would hold.
"Merry," called Pippin softly. "Merry, the bed is stripped and Sam is awake. Would you like me to help you carry Frodo back, or would you like to stay and sit awhile outside in the sun?"
"I would sit here forever if I could," replied Merry without turning around. "But I have much to do this day, and I need to set off. Come, Pip, help me with our precious burden."
And so Frodo was gingerly lifted and borne out of the sunlight and back to the darkness of his childhood room. There he was set down and leaned against a corner so as not to anger his wounds while his bed would be set to rights.
Merry then did something that Frodo did not expect. Merry took out his small knife and sawed through his leg bonds, then leaned him forward, and sliced the rope holding together his wrists. Frodo glanced up at Merry, his eyes a mixture of confusion and fear.
"I think you will not move, Frodo, will you?" said Merry.
"No," answered Frodo absently, and sat very still.
"Soon we will have no need of these awful ropes," he said. "If you try and run away, you must be tied; but we don't wish to hurt you," said Merry, and gathering the limp hobbit into his arms added, "we never did."
Merry lifted the glass of cool water to Frodo's mouth. Though Frodo was unbound, he made no move to lift it with his own hands, which still lay limp and boneless upon the floor just as they had landed when the ropes had been cut. Instead, Frodo let Merry lift the glass to Frodo's expectant lips, and he drank greedily, but at Merry's pace, sip by sip, until the glass was empty.
"Better love?" asked Merry.
Frodo nodded, as this reaction was expected; all the cues were there.
Merry leaned Frodo gently back against the wall, and, surveying him as a mother would a dirty-faced child, seized a handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed the excess moisture from Frodo's parched lips, then ran the cloth over Frodo's teeth to clean them a bit. Frodo endured the care, but shut his eyes against the humiliation it produced. Frodo sighed in relief when Merry finally stood to assist his cousin with the bed.
Frodo sat still as Merry and Pippin put clean linens on the bed, fluffed the pillows, and took special care to make it just right. They did not take long, but the sun had made Frodo feel weak. His head slowly began to droop down to his chest, and his eyes fastened back upon the gold Ring that dangled below his chin. It seemed that Frodo had spent a great expanse of his time of late alone with his thoughts and the Ring, and it was beginning to gnaw upon his mind. Sometimes it felt as if the Ring called to him, sang to him. If he were very attentive, and listened very carefully, Frodo could hear the Ring singing a lullaby with the voice of his mother, promising to bring her back along with all else that had been stolen from him in the course of his life, if only Frodo would just put It on. Frodo lifted his free hands now, slow and hesitant at first, then more steady as they neared their goal. The compulsion to touch It was well-nigh unbearable. Closer, closer his hands drew, a shiver of excitement running through him. Inches now, and Frodo had forgotten hunger, thirst, loneliness, and misery. It was as if he had never known true freedom until that very moment. Just then a pair of strong hands clasped about his wrists and wrenched them apart.
Frodo lifted his gaze, eyes blazing.
"I should not touch it, if I were you," said Merry. "The Ring is treacherous and you have not the discipline to manage it; not yet at least. But," Merry continued as he pulled Frodo to his feet, "these things can be amended. I shall be your teacher in this matter as soon as you are ready to learn. Hands down now, my boy!"
A fury welled up in Frodo such as he had not felt in many a day. His limbs filled with vigor and strength from an unknown well. He wrested his hands free from Merry's grip with an unearthly screech, grasping the Ring between his palms, and in a voice clear and loud, cried: "What business is it of yours what I do with my own things? It is my own. It came to /me/. It is /mine/ I tell you!"
Merry was shocked silent. Frodo's eyes carried a fey look and a fire inside of them that burned like a warning.
"Now, now, my dear hobbit!" said Merry. "All my life we have been friends and you owe me something. Come! Trust your Merry and put it down."
But Frodo did not lower his hands; instead he glared at Merry, eyes wide with fear and enmity, looking more like a cornered animal than a gentlehobbit.
"Well, if you want the Ring for yourself, say so!" cried Frodo. "But you won't get it!"
"It will be my turn to get angry soon!" Merry said and took a step toward the trembling hobbit. Frodo backed himself as far into the wall as he could go, breathing hard and still squeezing the Ring between his palms.
Without warning, Merry drew his hand back and savagely slapped Frodo across his astonished face. Frodo let go of the Ring and crumbled to the floor. When Merry glanced down with his hard eyes, he saw that Frodo's pluck had left him and he had dwindled back into a pitiful figure cowering on the floor, shielding his face with upraised hands.
Merry knelt down and drew Frodo into his arms.
"I am not trying to rob you, but to help you," said Merry. "But-" and now Merry's voice was again stern, "take the Ring I will if you do not handle your gift with more wit! It is so much bigger than the both of us, and it is high time you held that in mind! So have a care, Frodo!"
Merry then pulled Frodo again to his feet and marshaled him to the bed. Frodo did not expect it when Merry unfastened his trousers and roughly began to pull them down. Frodo was too stunned to fight, but flushed in humiliation. His hands instinctively grasped at the hem before they were pulled beyond his reach. Merry wrapped angry hands around Frodo's wrists, freed the trousers, and pushed them down to Frodo's ankles with his foot. "Why?" asked Frodo. "Why can I not be clothed?" "Have I not yet explained this to you?" said Merry with manifest impatience. "I don't--" "Clothes are a privilege that you must earn back with cooperation. You are not there yet, Love. Now lie down as you are," Merry commanded. "Time to get you settled."
Frodo mumbled, "I'm not sleepy," and made no move.
Merry grasped Frodo roughly by the back of the head, pulling his hair and clawing his scalp. Frodo gasped in pain, but did not otherwise resist as Merry flung him face first into the mattress.
"You are sleepy," said Merry harshly, "if I say you are."
Frodo fought no more as Merry quickly and ruthlessly bound Frodo's feet to the bed frame.
"I thought we were past this nonsense! But I suppose I was mistaken, sorely. Pip! His hands!"
Pippin held Frodo's hands together behind his back - but it was no longer necessary; Frodo was again pliant and cooperative, and even, perhaps, a bit sleepy after all.
Merry ran a line of rope under the bed and bound one of Frodo's wrists at each end, just as he had before. Once Frodo was again secure, Merry calmed and returned to a more tranquil cadence.
"I thought that denial of sleep would help you appreciate it when it was given freely as a gift, love. It is obvious from your strange behavior just now that you are exhausted and need your rest. You will heal faster if you do. Do not rue my tender care, Frodo, as it is for your own well- being. All my decisions of late have been with that very goal in mind. Here in the home where your mother tended you, I am taking up the burden that she was forced by death to relinquish. You have not had anyone fuss so much over you since your parents died, so it may be difficult for you to accept it at first. Do you understand?"
"Yes," answered Frodo automatically, as it was expected. "Thank you," he added, as perhaps that was expected too.
"Pippin," instructed Merry, "please set the kettle to boil and check on Sam. I need to say a few words to Frodo.alone."
Pippin padded out, and dread immediately began coursing through Frodo's veins. Was he to be hurt?
"Don't worry, Frodo," said Merry, as if reading Frodo's thoughts. "You shall not be punished. I wanted only to tell you that you shall be rid of my presence for awhile. I'm afraid you shall have to spend quite some time alone."
Alone. Was this a liberating thought or one filled with terror? Alone he would be free from pain, -free from Merry - for at least a short while, and yet. /Bound to a bed, blind and.alone. Suffocating darkness, ear- splitting silence, weightless and adrift in the beckoning black. Unmade, unloved. Homeless, hopeless. ALONE./
"Why? Where are you going?" said Frodo, suddenly nervous, then instantly ashamed of himself for being so.
"Back to Crickhollow," answered Merry. "To take care of some---matters."
"Will I be here," Frodo's voice quavered, "Alone? Or, at least, Sam and Peregrin shall stay. Yes?"
"I think it is best that you not know," said Merry. "I think that it is best that you experience true solitude so that you might better learn to appreciate it when that solitude is broken."
"But," cried Frodo, "I do not wish to be left alone!"
"So you say," answered Merry without a trace of pity.
"How-how long?" asked Frodo, growing ever more anxious now. "Hours? Days? Weeks?"
"I cannot say," said Merry flatly.
"Cannot, or /will/ not?" cried Frodo. "Please!"
"It is for the best. You do not seem to cherish our time together much, at any rate. Perhaps that will now change," said Merry.
"But," cried Frodo, "surely you will untie me, then, at least loose me from this bed so that I may move about a bit, if it be a day. Surely you must!"
"Surely I won't," answered Merry. "May I remind you of what happened last time you were unbound in my absence? No, I don't think I shall. Trust me, it will be more pleasant for you if you are not tempted to bolt. You can just relax now and not trouble yourself with notions of escape. Really, I am doing you a favor, if you like. I'll tame you yet!"
"Favor?" said Frodo. "Certainly not! Please, Merry! No! I have had enough of being still and of being alone, and especially of doing both at once! It is frightening, Merry! You cannot understand! Don't leave me tied and alone again! I can't bear it! Please!"
Merry did not heed Frodo's desperate cries as he stepped to the back of the room where Frodo could not see him. Somewhere behind him a drawer opened and a candle was blown out. Frodo craned his neck, but to no avail.
"Merry?" called Frodo. "Merry?"
Frodo had been craning his neck the wrong way, as Merry was right behind him. Frodo heard a shuffle behind him, and sighed in relief, but not for long. The sigh of relief arched up into a gasp of horror as a dark cloth descended upon his eyes and shrouded his world in total darkness.
"Expect me when you see me!" said Merry unhelpfully.
"No! Merry! Please!" cried Frodo. "Not this again! I shall go mad! Merry! Don't leave me in the dark! Please!"
A gentle hand ruffled Frodo's hair and a soothing voice whispered in his ear words that did not sooth.
"The darkness will help you to relax," said Merry. "The darkness will drive away distractions. Let the voices in your mind guide you to wisdom. Fare-well"
"No!" Frodo screamed and his voice began to shred and tangle with rising fear. "Please, I do not relish the voices in my mind these days! They are horrible! Merry! Horrible! Please don't leave me here alone in the dark! Merry! Merry! I shall go mad! Answer me! Merry!"
Frodo felt a presence bend down and kiss his face, and for a split second it seemed as if he could breathe again. But then the contact was gone, footsteps receded into the background, and Frodo was encased in silence and inky blackness.
"MERRY! NO! MERRY!!!"
The only answer Frodo received was the sound of a slamming door and the echo of his own frantic cries.
* * *
"How can you live with yourself knowing what he's doing to him," asked Sam to Pippin.
Frodo's screams had gone unanswered, but not unheeded. Sam and Pippin sat in the parlor, side by side; Sam bound tightly, Pippin unbound and staring awkwardly at his own hands. Pippin wept silently, but not Sam. His anger had driven back his tears.
"Cry, cry," chided Sam. "Your tears are as worthless as a three-legged pony. You cried yesterday, but you still took the whip, didn't you? Well, cry away, and if you don't do a whit to help us, I shan't pity you."
Sam's grumblings were interrupted by the sound of a pounding hammer that made both hobbits jerk up their heads in surprise. Pippin assumed, or rather, very much hoped, that it was Merry sealing up the back door. The hammering stopped and, between the audible sounds of Frodo's desperate but diminishing cries, Pippin and Sam heard the rustling of something rounding the smial and coming up front. Pippin wiped away his tears, steadied his face, and looked up as the front door was wedged open with a heady squeak.
"Just me," said Merry as he entered through the front door with his hammer in hand.
Merry was welcomed by a swift venomous look from Sam.
"Your Master is fine," said Merry above the din of Frodo's cries.
"He don't sound it in particular," Sam growled.
Pippin thought this was an ideal moment for him to put some distance between himself and the hobbit he had so recently knocked out with an iron pan-'a growing list' he thought sorrowfully, and then got up and pretended to need to fetch something from another room.
Merry crouched down so that he was level with Sam's eyes and spoke quietly.
"Sam," said Merry. "Good to see you up. I've consented to have you free of a gag and free of a blindfold. You came back on your own, and that is worth a reward. Please do not make me regret it. And I thought out here we could keep an eye on you, and perhaps you would not feel so lonely. I thought you would prefer that to sitting all alone.
Sam bit his tongue and nodded. He'd be no use to his master if he were blinded, and out here he would see more than in a room, tied to a bed, more like than not.
"And, Sam," said Merry. "I'd also thought you might keep young Pip company after he wakes."
Sam gave Merry a curious look but had no opportunity to say more. Merry stood up, and gave Sam a jaunty pat on the back before dashing off toward the kitchen. He returned in minutes holding a cup of sweet-smelling peppermint tea, his teacup clanking softly as he walked. Sam eyed the cup with distain, and unconsciously ground his teeth together.
"No, Sam, dear - this is not for you!" said Merry. "It is for Pippin. And if you would not like your accommodations to get any worse, I'd say nothing. Now where is that boy?"
Pippin reappeared moments later wearing a different shirt, as it was the best thing Pippin could think of that he might need to get out of his pack, if he really had needed to get into it in the first place.
"Pippin," said Merry. "I'm going back to Crickhollow to take care of the business we spoke of. I'm leaving you in charge of Frodo and Sam here."
Pippin instantly puffed up. Merry, it seemed had opted to trust him. Certainly his actions yesterday, while horribly painful for him (not to mention to Frodo) had proven to Merry that Pippin was capable of being his partner - in every sense of the word.
"Yes, Merry, what shall I do?"
"Nothing too big," said Merry, handing Pippin the steaming cup. "First, I insist you drink this. You've been a helpful fellow and I made a batch of your favorite tea, of course, with heavy cream and far too much honey than is proper!"
Pippin smiled widely. "Just as I like it!" he said, and slurped the aromatic brew with enthusiasm. "What else do you need of me?"
"Mainly negatives," laughed Merry. "Do not disturb Frodo at all. You shall only rile him if you do. The door is locked at any rate. And, Sam here, get him food and drink if he requires it, but, and this goes without saying, do not untie him. I shall return before nightfall, probably, as soon as I have my signal. You will not let me down, will you, Pip love?"
"No. Merry, Of course not! Oh! Lovely tea!"
Merry offered a wan smile, gathered Pippin in his arms, and kissed him.
"Of course not," echoed Merry. "Well, pour yourself another cup if you like. That's the last of it, so don't waste it! I got those leaves especially for you!"
Merry rose, fastened his cloak, and made for the door.
"Good-bye for now!" said Pippin.
"Good-bye!" answered Merry and closed the door behind him.
Pippin flopped down on the couch, suddenly quite worn out. He started to doze, listening to the sounds of Merry loading the pony trap and waiting for the sounds of clomping hooves.
After a few minutes, there were no clomping hoof-beats, but tapping of another sort. Pippin leapt up, despite his daze, and grabbed the doorknob, intending to check out the source of the sound. But, much to his surprise, the door would not budge and the hammering only grew more insistent. Pippin scrambled over to the boarded window nearest the door, and peeking through the slats, shrieked. Sam jerked his head up.
"Merry!" cried Pippin. "Merry! What are you doing? How shall I get out? Merry!"
Sam understood at once. Merry was boarding up the front door, locking in Pippin along with the two of them.
"Merry!" shrieked Pippin. "Merry! Please! Don't!"
I'm sorry Pip," called Merry from outside. "I do not think that I may yet trust you with this level of responsibility. Not yet."
"Merry! Please! You can trust me! You do trust me! You said so!"
Pippin now pounded on the door, his pounding out of time with the strokes of Merry's hammer.
"Merry!" Pippin screamed. "Merry!"
Pippin began pounding at the window now, long since divested of its glass. The remaining shards cut Pippin's hands as he pounded, and he bled, yet he did not heed it. He continued pounding and screaming, pitiful and undone. "Merry! Don't trap me! Merry!"
Pippin's only answer was the sound of hammering at the window now, and the blocking of the last shafts of light as something solid was placed in front of it and fastened on with nails.
"Merry! Merry!" Pippin was screaming like a lunatic, now yelling, now sobbing, just as Frodo had done just minutes before. Sam observed Pippin sadly, now feeling very sorry for him despite his best efforts not to.
"Have a nice rest," called Merry finally.
"Rest?" cried Pippin. "Are you mad? Of course I shan't rest if you keep me like this!"
"You shall," answered Merry curtly. "Sweet dreams and fare-well."
Pippin continued his carrying on, even as the sounds of clomping hooves retreated over the hill. Sam watched the pathetic scene unfold before him, fairly certain of what would happen next. It gave him no joy to see that he had been right.
Pippin pummeled and clawed at the door, still calling out to the cousin who had trapped him. But in minutes, even as he clamored, Pippin's pounds and cries weakened, he dropped to his knees, scratched at the door ever more listlessly, finally falling upon his belly. Sam shook his head as he regarded the once-thrashing figure that had been Pippin grow still and silent, now enclosed in the soothing grasp of artificial sleep.
TBC
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Author notes:
I want to thank all the readers for sounding off on my LJ about my m/f slash question. Your comments really helped me with my decision. I think I have come to a decision that will please most readers. I will just say this, there won't be slash, per se, on ffnet, but there might be an exploration of the idea (Not part of the story) on a separate site linked to my LJ for those who want to read or write such a thing-an AU to the AU. But for this site, I will -well, no spoilers, but I read your comments and listened! Thank you!
I will have a new question up on my lj about how Frodo should be tied for his last breaking. Mind you, my beta and I have already come to a decision, but I want to see what you think, and may post the alternatives on my lj if there is sufficient interest in the other ones. So check out my author page for the lj link-("aelfgifu" ) and let me know!! _____________________________________________________________
To the reviewers!!!
Holli- Nice to see a new face on board! Welcome and enjoy the angst! Write to me any time!
Calla- welcome back! Yes-this will have a happy ending! I do hope you will read the preluses and tell me what you think! Now that I've attached them to this story, I think they are essential, and foreshadow what happens later in the story. I also think you ought to read new chapter 1, as it is so different and so much more complex than the original. It shows a stronger Pip, a more conflicted Merry, and also shows where Merry got all that rope! And I really want to know what you think!! BTW-they are the new chapters 1-5 of this story, so you don't need to go do a search! See- I've been busy!
Tulip Proudfoot- Congrats for catching up! Quite a feat! More angst coming!
Trishette - well of course there is hope! I'll fix up poor frodo and redeem Merry! I love Merry and would never do something so cruel as making him stay evil! Keep reading!
Krista-I love hearing from you, and You should not put yourself down. I just love knowing you're around. I love your reviews. And everyone has trouble paying attention at the start of semester, even teachers!!! If I don't write for more than 2 weeks, everything I write starts sounding like a 5 year old would write. So don't worry. And Now I'll have to getmy memory back, as I'm going back to school.
Endymion-Oh-I'm glad that you liked those images. I Am wondering when you will start writing something! It would be good, I bet!
Tesekian-glad you have your computer up and running! You will tell me when you have more great Pippin angst-will you? Now get writing!!!
Cailen-Nothing I like better than a reader that actively nags me! Well, this is for you, 'cause it makes me feel loved. Wow! Love your Ian Holm connection! Oh-a little more crushing is in order, but I think the readers like the idea of Sam getting the upper hand when Merry actually finds he needs him. Thanks! (
Iorhael, well you know I got that idea from you! Evil! Merry told me that he wanted to be Frodo's dietician again. I think it really speaks to frodo's dependence upon Merry for all his most basic needs.
Mbradford, you know my writing all too well! I think frodo, and, even, for that matter, Pippin's struggle to find who they trust is one of the underlying themes of the last chapters of part one!
Shire Baggins- Thank you -and of course my words would not be nearly as good without my beta and without suggestions from the readers! I think that I will keep sex out of the mix, but will have a "lost chapter" that is not part of the story linked on my lj for those who want it. One of my readers offered to see where the scene "took her" -but, again, nothing on ffnet!
Chloe, thank you so much for your kind words! They always make my day! Well, frodo still has a final breaking scene that I hope you will like. There is still a spark he has left, and one last showdown. Then I think it will be time to do some interesting scene between Merry, Pippin and Sam in which they confront what manner of animal the new Frodo is and whether he is really "happy."
Aratlithiel-my amazing beta-well, you know you are just as much an evil genius as me! Some of your suggestions would put Evil!Merry to shame! I'm so lucky to have you as a beta-and so are the readers, all 10 of them! LOL!
Author recs:
A few quick recs!
First, run to my beta's author page! Aratlithiel is an incredible author and everything she touches with a keyboard turns to gold! I cannot recommend her fics enough, but bring a tissue!
Iorhael has just posted a new 1 chapter story called "Evil in Lothlorian" that I just beta'ed. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did!
Mbradford has been busy with her "Baggins of Hobbiton" - part of an ongoing series. And speaking of series, a wizard told me that that rake, Rushford Bramblethorn might be back to torment Frodo. So look out for that one from Mbradford.
Budgielover had been a busy bee too. She has just completed "some Nameless place" and is on to yet more fics. Always a good ride.
And for fans of Anemone Frosts "The Price"-well that fic now has its own site. Email me for the link, if you want to see my favorite guilty pleasure!
Finally, Unhobbity Hobbit's "land of the dead", is a good old-fashioned hobbit ghost story. Very original premise!
AN: This chapter has a good number of direct quotes from the book (in different context, of course!). Find them, and you win a great prize! (mention by me as a very astute reader!) If you can find them, leave them in you review or on my lj. Test your knowledge! Tell me who originally spoke the lines, and where one might find them!
Also- new LJ question! How should Frodo be tied for his final breaking? Sound off!
Now for the tale!
Chapter 44: Coming and Going
______________________________________________________________________
The back door to the smial creaked open, and Pippin's curly head peeked through the gap. The sight that greeted him both soothed and alarmed him. He saw two hobbits sitting quietly in the swaying grass, the breeze gently lifting up their topmost curls, one hobbit with his arm wrapped about the other, the soft autumn sun casting a golden light upon their heads and shoulders. For that first moment it seemed to Pippin that he beheld two lads striking a pastoral pose, perhaps taking a break from the harvest, daydreaming on a lazy afternoon, or relaxing after a picnic. Like a painting they seemed, peaceful and still.
But a closer examination told Pippin this was not the case. One of the figures was, of course, bound and was not just being embraced but held up; held up because he was too weak to hold himself upright. And not all the lines upon his back were shadows of swaying grass dancing across it. No, most of these lines were handmade and cruel; his back a ghastly white canvas upon which a whip had painted a grotesque web of dark crimson strokes until the surface was marred and torn - wrecked by strokes of deep malice wrought by braided leather against abraded flesh rather than silken horsehair on woven linen. Frodo was not peaceful, only still, very still. Too still. It was if the spark of his soul had been extinguished and replaced with a cold, dark stone, barren and lifeless.
A wave of sorrow overwhelmed Pippin, yet there was nothing for it. Merry had promised to remake poor Frodo, and to that, Pippin trusted, his cousin would hold.
"Merry," called Pippin softly. "Merry, the bed is stripped and Sam is awake. Would you like me to help you carry Frodo back, or would you like to stay and sit awhile outside in the sun?"
"I would sit here forever if I could," replied Merry without turning around. "But I have much to do this day, and I need to set off. Come, Pip, help me with our precious burden."
And so Frodo was gingerly lifted and borne out of the sunlight and back to the darkness of his childhood room. There he was set down and leaned against a corner so as not to anger his wounds while his bed would be set to rights.
Merry then did something that Frodo did not expect. Merry took out his small knife and sawed through his leg bonds, then leaned him forward, and sliced the rope holding together his wrists. Frodo glanced up at Merry, his eyes a mixture of confusion and fear.
"I think you will not move, Frodo, will you?" said Merry.
"No," answered Frodo absently, and sat very still.
"Soon we will have no need of these awful ropes," he said. "If you try and run away, you must be tied; but we don't wish to hurt you," said Merry, and gathering the limp hobbit into his arms added, "we never did."
Merry lifted the glass of cool water to Frodo's mouth. Though Frodo was unbound, he made no move to lift it with his own hands, which still lay limp and boneless upon the floor just as they had landed when the ropes had been cut. Instead, Frodo let Merry lift the glass to Frodo's expectant lips, and he drank greedily, but at Merry's pace, sip by sip, until the glass was empty.
"Better love?" asked Merry.
Frodo nodded, as this reaction was expected; all the cues were there.
Merry leaned Frodo gently back against the wall, and, surveying him as a mother would a dirty-faced child, seized a handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed the excess moisture from Frodo's parched lips, then ran the cloth over Frodo's teeth to clean them a bit. Frodo endured the care, but shut his eyes against the humiliation it produced. Frodo sighed in relief when Merry finally stood to assist his cousin with the bed.
Frodo sat still as Merry and Pippin put clean linens on the bed, fluffed the pillows, and took special care to make it just right. They did not take long, but the sun had made Frodo feel weak. His head slowly began to droop down to his chest, and his eyes fastened back upon the gold Ring that dangled below his chin. It seemed that Frodo had spent a great expanse of his time of late alone with his thoughts and the Ring, and it was beginning to gnaw upon his mind. Sometimes it felt as if the Ring called to him, sang to him. If he were very attentive, and listened very carefully, Frodo could hear the Ring singing a lullaby with the voice of his mother, promising to bring her back along with all else that had been stolen from him in the course of his life, if only Frodo would just put It on. Frodo lifted his free hands now, slow and hesitant at first, then more steady as they neared their goal. The compulsion to touch It was well-nigh unbearable. Closer, closer his hands drew, a shiver of excitement running through him. Inches now, and Frodo had forgotten hunger, thirst, loneliness, and misery. It was as if he had never known true freedom until that very moment. Just then a pair of strong hands clasped about his wrists and wrenched them apart.
Frodo lifted his gaze, eyes blazing.
"I should not touch it, if I were you," said Merry. "The Ring is treacherous and you have not the discipline to manage it; not yet at least. But," Merry continued as he pulled Frodo to his feet, "these things can be amended. I shall be your teacher in this matter as soon as you are ready to learn. Hands down now, my boy!"
A fury welled up in Frodo such as he had not felt in many a day. His limbs filled with vigor and strength from an unknown well. He wrested his hands free from Merry's grip with an unearthly screech, grasping the Ring between his palms, and in a voice clear and loud, cried: "What business is it of yours what I do with my own things? It is my own. It came to /me/. It is /mine/ I tell you!"
Merry was shocked silent. Frodo's eyes carried a fey look and a fire inside of them that burned like a warning.
"Now, now, my dear hobbit!" said Merry. "All my life we have been friends and you owe me something. Come! Trust your Merry and put it down."
But Frodo did not lower his hands; instead he glared at Merry, eyes wide with fear and enmity, looking more like a cornered animal than a gentlehobbit.
"Well, if you want the Ring for yourself, say so!" cried Frodo. "But you won't get it!"
"It will be my turn to get angry soon!" Merry said and took a step toward the trembling hobbit. Frodo backed himself as far into the wall as he could go, breathing hard and still squeezing the Ring between his palms.
Without warning, Merry drew his hand back and savagely slapped Frodo across his astonished face. Frodo let go of the Ring and crumbled to the floor. When Merry glanced down with his hard eyes, he saw that Frodo's pluck had left him and he had dwindled back into a pitiful figure cowering on the floor, shielding his face with upraised hands.
Merry knelt down and drew Frodo into his arms.
"I am not trying to rob you, but to help you," said Merry. "But-" and now Merry's voice was again stern, "take the Ring I will if you do not handle your gift with more wit! It is so much bigger than the both of us, and it is high time you held that in mind! So have a care, Frodo!"
Merry then pulled Frodo again to his feet and marshaled him to the bed. Frodo did not expect it when Merry unfastened his trousers and roughly began to pull them down. Frodo was too stunned to fight, but flushed in humiliation. His hands instinctively grasped at the hem before they were pulled beyond his reach. Merry wrapped angry hands around Frodo's wrists, freed the trousers, and pushed them down to Frodo's ankles with his foot. "Why?" asked Frodo. "Why can I not be clothed?" "Have I not yet explained this to you?" said Merry with manifest impatience. "I don't--" "Clothes are a privilege that you must earn back with cooperation. You are not there yet, Love. Now lie down as you are," Merry commanded. "Time to get you settled."
Frodo mumbled, "I'm not sleepy," and made no move.
Merry grasped Frodo roughly by the back of the head, pulling his hair and clawing his scalp. Frodo gasped in pain, but did not otherwise resist as Merry flung him face first into the mattress.
"You are sleepy," said Merry harshly, "if I say you are."
Frodo fought no more as Merry quickly and ruthlessly bound Frodo's feet to the bed frame.
"I thought we were past this nonsense! But I suppose I was mistaken, sorely. Pip! His hands!"
Pippin held Frodo's hands together behind his back - but it was no longer necessary; Frodo was again pliant and cooperative, and even, perhaps, a bit sleepy after all.
Merry ran a line of rope under the bed and bound one of Frodo's wrists at each end, just as he had before. Once Frodo was again secure, Merry calmed and returned to a more tranquil cadence.
"I thought that denial of sleep would help you appreciate it when it was given freely as a gift, love. It is obvious from your strange behavior just now that you are exhausted and need your rest. You will heal faster if you do. Do not rue my tender care, Frodo, as it is for your own well- being. All my decisions of late have been with that very goal in mind. Here in the home where your mother tended you, I am taking up the burden that she was forced by death to relinquish. You have not had anyone fuss so much over you since your parents died, so it may be difficult for you to accept it at first. Do you understand?"
"Yes," answered Frodo automatically, as it was expected. "Thank you," he added, as perhaps that was expected too.
"Pippin," instructed Merry, "please set the kettle to boil and check on Sam. I need to say a few words to Frodo.alone."
Pippin padded out, and dread immediately began coursing through Frodo's veins. Was he to be hurt?
"Don't worry, Frodo," said Merry, as if reading Frodo's thoughts. "You shall not be punished. I wanted only to tell you that you shall be rid of my presence for awhile. I'm afraid you shall have to spend quite some time alone."
Alone. Was this a liberating thought or one filled with terror? Alone he would be free from pain, -free from Merry - for at least a short while, and yet. /Bound to a bed, blind and.alone. Suffocating darkness, ear- splitting silence, weightless and adrift in the beckoning black. Unmade, unloved. Homeless, hopeless. ALONE./
"Why? Where are you going?" said Frodo, suddenly nervous, then instantly ashamed of himself for being so.
"Back to Crickhollow," answered Merry. "To take care of some---matters."
"Will I be here," Frodo's voice quavered, "Alone? Or, at least, Sam and Peregrin shall stay. Yes?"
"I think it is best that you not know," said Merry. "I think that it is best that you experience true solitude so that you might better learn to appreciate it when that solitude is broken."
"But," cried Frodo, "I do not wish to be left alone!"
"So you say," answered Merry without a trace of pity.
"How-how long?" asked Frodo, growing ever more anxious now. "Hours? Days? Weeks?"
"I cannot say," said Merry flatly.
"Cannot, or /will/ not?" cried Frodo. "Please!"
"It is for the best. You do not seem to cherish our time together much, at any rate. Perhaps that will now change," said Merry.
"But," cried Frodo, "surely you will untie me, then, at least loose me from this bed so that I may move about a bit, if it be a day. Surely you must!"
"Surely I won't," answered Merry. "May I remind you of what happened last time you were unbound in my absence? No, I don't think I shall. Trust me, it will be more pleasant for you if you are not tempted to bolt. You can just relax now and not trouble yourself with notions of escape. Really, I am doing you a favor, if you like. I'll tame you yet!"
"Favor?" said Frodo. "Certainly not! Please, Merry! No! I have had enough of being still and of being alone, and especially of doing both at once! It is frightening, Merry! You cannot understand! Don't leave me tied and alone again! I can't bear it! Please!"
Merry did not heed Frodo's desperate cries as he stepped to the back of the room where Frodo could not see him. Somewhere behind him a drawer opened and a candle was blown out. Frodo craned his neck, but to no avail.
"Merry?" called Frodo. "Merry?"
Frodo had been craning his neck the wrong way, as Merry was right behind him. Frodo heard a shuffle behind him, and sighed in relief, but not for long. The sigh of relief arched up into a gasp of horror as a dark cloth descended upon his eyes and shrouded his world in total darkness.
"Expect me when you see me!" said Merry unhelpfully.
"No! Merry! Please!" cried Frodo. "Not this again! I shall go mad! Merry! Don't leave me in the dark! Please!"
A gentle hand ruffled Frodo's hair and a soothing voice whispered in his ear words that did not sooth.
"The darkness will help you to relax," said Merry. "The darkness will drive away distractions. Let the voices in your mind guide you to wisdom. Fare-well"
"No!" Frodo screamed and his voice began to shred and tangle with rising fear. "Please, I do not relish the voices in my mind these days! They are horrible! Merry! Horrible! Please don't leave me here alone in the dark! Merry! Merry! I shall go mad! Answer me! Merry!"
Frodo felt a presence bend down and kiss his face, and for a split second it seemed as if he could breathe again. But then the contact was gone, footsteps receded into the background, and Frodo was encased in silence and inky blackness.
"MERRY! NO! MERRY!!!"
The only answer Frodo received was the sound of a slamming door and the echo of his own frantic cries.
* * *
"How can you live with yourself knowing what he's doing to him," asked Sam to Pippin.
Frodo's screams had gone unanswered, but not unheeded. Sam and Pippin sat in the parlor, side by side; Sam bound tightly, Pippin unbound and staring awkwardly at his own hands. Pippin wept silently, but not Sam. His anger had driven back his tears.
"Cry, cry," chided Sam. "Your tears are as worthless as a three-legged pony. You cried yesterday, but you still took the whip, didn't you? Well, cry away, and if you don't do a whit to help us, I shan't pity you."
Sam's grumblings were interrupted by the sound of a pounding hammer that made both hobbits jerk up their heads in surprise. Pippin assumed, or rather, very much hoped, that it was Merry sealing up the back door. The hammering stopped and, between the audible sounds of Frodo's desperate but diminishing cries, Pippin and Sam heard the rustling of something rounding the smial and coming up front. Pippin wiped away his tears, steadied his face, and looked up as the front door was wedged open with a heady squeak.
"Just me," said Merry as he entered through the front door with his hammer in hand.
Merry was welcomed by a swift venomous look from Sam.
"Your Master is fine," said Merry above the din of Frodo's cries.
"He don't sound it in particular," Sam growled.
Pippin thought this was an ideal moment for him to put some distance between himself and the hobbit he had so recently knocked out with an iron pan-'a growing list' he thought sorrowfully, and then got up and pretended to need to fetch something from another room.
Merry crouched down so that he was level with Sam's eyes and spoke quietly.
"Sam," said Merry. "Good to see you up. I've consented to have you free of a gag and free of a blindfold. You came back on your own, and that is worth a reward. Please do not make me regret it. And I thought out here we could keep an eye on you, and perhaps you would not feel so lonely. I thought you would prefer that to sitting all alone.
Sam bit his tongue and nodded. He'd be no use to his master if he were blinded, and out here he would see more than in a room, tied to a bed, more like than not.
"And, Sam," said Merry. "I'd also thought you might keep young Pip company after he wakes."
Sam gave Merry a curious look but had no opportunity to say more. Merry stood up, and gave Sam a jaunty pat on the back before dashing off toward the kitchen. He returned in minutes holding a cup of sweet-smelling peppermint tea, his teacup clanking softly as he walked. Sam eyed the cup with distain, and unconsciously ground his teeth together.
"No, Sam, dear - this is not for you!" said Merry. "It is for Pippin. And if you would not like your accommodations to get any worse, I'd say nothing. Now where is that boy?"
Pippin reappeared moments later wearing a different shirt, as it was the best thing Pippin could think of that he might need to get out of his pack, if he really had needed to get into it in the first place.
"Pippin," said Merry. "I'm going back to Crickhollow to take care of the business we spoke of. I'm leaving you in charge of Frodo and Sam here."
Pippin instantly puffed up. Merry, it seemed had opted to trust him. Certainly his actions yesterday, while horribly painful for him (not to mention to Frodo) had proven to Merry that Pippin was capable of being his partner - in every sense of the word.
"Yes, Merry, what shall I do?"
"Nothing too big," said Merry, handing Pippin the steaming cup. "First, I insist you drink this. You've been a helpful fellow and I made a batch of your favorite tea, of course, with heavy cream and far too much honey than is proper!"
Pippin smiled widely. "Just as I like it!" he said, and slurped the aromatic brew with enthusiasm. "What else do you need of me?"
"Mainly negatives," laughed Merry. "Do not disturb Frodo at all. You shall only rile him if you do. The door is locked at any rate. And, Sam here, get him food and drink if he requires it, but, and this goes without saying, do not untie him. I shall return before nightfall, probably, as soon as I have my signal. You will not let me down, will you, Pip love?"
"No. Merry, Of course not! Oh! Lovely tea!"
Merry offered a wan smile, gathered Pippin in his arms, and kissed him.
"Of course not," echoed Merry. "Well, pour yourself another cup if you like. That's the last of it, so don't waste it! I got those leaves especially for you!"
Merry rose, fastened his cloak, and made for the door.
"Good-bye for now!" said Pippin.
"Good-bye!" answered Merry and closed the door behind him.
Pippin flopped down on the couch, suddenly quite worn out. He started to doze, listening to the sounds of Merry loading the pony trap and waiting for the sounds of clomping hooves.
After a few minutes, there were no clomping hoof-beats, but tapping of another sort. Pippin leapt up, despite his daze, and grabbed the doorknob, intending to check out the source of the sound. But, much to his surprise, the door would not budge and the hammering only grew more insistent. Pippin scrambled over to the boarded window nearest the door, and peeking through the slats, shrieked. Sam jerked his head up.
"Merry!" cried Pippin. "Merry! What are you doing? How shall I get out? Merry!"
Sam understood at once. Merry was boarding up the front door, locking in Pippin along with the two of them.
"Merry!" shrieked Pippin. "Merry! Please! Don't!"
I'm sorry Pip," called Merry from outside. "I do not think that I may yet trust you with this level of responsibility. Not yet."
"Merry! Please! You can trust me! You do trust me! You said so!"
Pippin now pounded on the door, his pounding out of time with the strokes of Merry's hammer.
"Merry!" Pippin screamed. "Merry!"
Pippin began pounding at the window now, long since divested of its glass. The remaining shards cut Pippin's hands as he pounded, and he bled, yet he did not heed it. He continued pounding and screaming, pitiful and undone. "Merry! Don't trap me! Merry!"
Pippin's only answer was the sound of hammering at the window now, and the blocking of the last shafts of light as something solid was placed in front of it and fastened on with nails.
"Merry! Merry!" Pippin was screaming like a lunatic, now yelling, now sobbing, just as Frodo had done just minutes before. Sam observed Pippin sadly, now feeling very sorry for him despite his best efforts not to.
"Have a nice rest," called Merry finally.
"Rest?" cried Pippin. "Are you mad? Of course I shan't rest if you keep me like this!"
"You shall," answered Merry curtly. "Sweet dreams and fare-well."
Pippin continued his carrying on, even as the sounds of clomping hooves retreated over the hill. Sam watched the pathetic scene unfold before him, fairly certain of what would happen next. It gave him no joy to see that he had been right.
Pippin pummeled and clawed at the door, still calling out to the cousin who had trapped him. But in minutes, even as he clamored, Pippin's pounds and cries weakened, he dropped to his knees, scratched at the door ever more listlessly, finally falling upon his belly. Sam shook his head as he regarded the once-thrashing figure that had been Pippin grow still and silent, now enclosed in the soothing grasp of artificial sleep.
TBC
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Author notes:
I want to thank all the readers for sounding off on my LJ about my m/f slash question. Your comments really helped me with my decision. I think I have come to a decision that will please most readers. I will just say this, there won't be slash, per se, on ffnet, but there might be an exploration of the idea (Not part of the story) on a separate site linked to my LJ for those who want to read or write such a thing-an AU to the AU. But for this site, I will -well, no spoilers, but I read your comments and listened! Thank you!
I will have a new question up on my lj about how Frodo should be tied for his last breaking. Mind you, my beta and I have already come to a decision, but I want to see what you think, and may post the alternatives on my lj if there is sufficient interest in the other ones. So check out my author page for the lj link-("aelfgifu" ) and let me know!! _____________________________________________________________
To the reviewers!!!
Holli- Nice to see a new face on board! Welcome and enjoy the angst! Write to me any time!
Calla- welcome back! Yes-this will have a happy ending! I do hope you will read the preluses and tell me what you think! Now that I've attached them to this story, I think they are essential, and foreshadow what happens later in the story. I also think you ought to read new chapter 1, as it is so different and so much more complex than the original. It shows a stronger Pip, a more conflicted Merry, and also shows where Merry got all that rope! And I really want to know what you think!! BTW-they are the new chapters 1-5 of this story, so you don't need to go do a search! See- I've been busy!
Tulip Proudfoot- Congrats for catching up! Quite a feat! More angst coming!
Trishette - well of course there is hope! I'll fix up poor frodo and redeem Merry! I love Merry and would never do something so cruel as making him stay evil! Keep reading!
Krista-I love hearing from you, and You should not put yourself down. I just love knowing you're around. I love your reviews. And everyone has trouble paying attention at the start of semester, even teachers!!! If I don't write for more than 2 weeks, everything I write starts sounding like a 5 year old would write. So don't worry. And Now I'll have to getmy memory back, as I'm going back to school.
Endymion-Oh-I'm glad that you liked those images. I Am wondering when you will start writing something! It would be good, I bet!
Tesekian-glad you have your computer up and running! You will tell me when you have more great Pippin angst-will you? Now get writing!!!
Cailen-Nothing I like better than a reader that actively nags me! Well, this is for you, 'cause it makes me feel loved. Wow! Love your Ian Holm connection! Oh-a little more crushing is in order, but I think the readers like the idea of Sam getting the upper hand when Merry actually finds he needs him. Thanks! (
Iorhael, well you know I got that idea from you! Evil! Merry told me that he wanted to be Frodo's dietician again. I think it really speaks to frodo's dependence upon Merry for all his most basic needs.
Mbradford, you know my writing all too well! I think frodo, and, even, for that matter, Pippin's struggle to find who they trust is one of the underlying themes of the last chapters of part one!
Shire Baggins- Thank you -and of course my words would not be nearly as good without my beta and without suggestions from the readers! I think that I will keep sex out of the mix, but will have a "lost chapter" that is not part of the story linked on my lj for those who want it. One of my readers offered to see where the scene "took her" -but, again, nothing on ffnet!
Chloe, thank you so much for your kind words! They always make my day! Well, frodo still has a final breaking scene that I hope you will like. There is still a spark he has left, and one last showdown. Then I think it will be time to do some interesting scene between Merry, Pippin and Sam in which they confront what manner of animal the new Frodo is and whether he is really "happy."
Aratlithiel-my amazing beta-well, you know you are just as much an evil genius as me! Some of your suggestions would put Evil!Merry to shame! I'm so lucky to have you as a beta-and so are the readers, all 10 of them! LOL!
Author recs:
A few quick recs!
First, run to my beta's author page! Aratlithiel is an incredible author and everything she touches with a keyboard turns to gold! I cannot recommend her fics enough, but bring a tissue!
Iorhael has just posted a new 1 chapter story called "Evil in Lothlorian" that I just beta'ed. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did!
Mbradford has been busy with her "Baggins of Hobbiton" - part of an ongoing series. And speaking of series, a wizard told me that that rake, Rushford Bramblethorn might be back to torment Frodo. So look out for that one from Mbradford.
Budgielover had been a busy bee too. She has just completed "some Nameless place" and is on to yet more fics. Always a good ride.
And for fans of Anemone Frosts "The Price"-well that fic now has its own site. Email me for the link, if you want to see my favorite guilty pleasure!
Finally, Unhobbity Hobbit's "land of the dead", is a good old-fashioned hobbit ghost story. Very original premise!