Since I cannot help myself from making outbursts during my story, I have
decided to put my thoughts in parentheses (I don't think I spelled that
right). If you don't care to hear (or read) my thoughts. .Then just don't.
Part 1
Neither Jack nor Anna Maria was sober that day. Jack stood by the window peering through a telescope, as if he were out at sea (only god knows what he was thinking). As Jack hummed his favorite song (yo hoe yo hoe Johnny Depp's for me!), Anna Maria sways as she walked over to her husband. "There you are, you old sea dog," (do people really say that?) she said as she hiccupped. "I've been looking all over for ya." She poked Jack in the chest with her index finger as she closed one eye so she could concentrate with the other. She did one last hiccup before she collapsed into her husbands arms. He carried her into their bedroom; well almost because they both were in the middle of the living room on the floor when the doorbell rang.
Jack cracked the door open just enough to see sun light, the he yelled, "That be you, Mr. Cotton?" Lorilie was stunned (or should I say deafened) for a minute or two. She suddenly found herself saying, "No sir, and my name is-" "Scarlet" he whispered. "Is that you?" "No my name is-" "Scarlet how many times must I tell you that I'm married, luv" Lorilie was starting to get aggravated. She pulled open the door and stepped inside the house. Jack just stood there with his mouth open. "As I was saying before, my name is Lorilie smith, and I'm looking for work." "I thought I told you that I was married, luv?" Jack sighed and turned to his wife who was still sleeping on the floor. "Okay, Okay, the wife's sleeping so lets just make it quick" "Just one moment!" she said loudly "I am not a prostitute!" "Come again, luv?" "I" she cleared her throat. "Am here to find work as in HOUSEKEEPING, and I need a place to stay." Jack blinked twice as if he didn't understand, and then he said, "Okay, in that case come on in." He showed her to the living room and told her to have a seat. She obeyed. Then Jack said, "This is my wife, I think, Anna Maria.or was her name. Mary Anna, o well, that's beside the point.what was the point. O yes, now I remember, this is my wife" he said as her pointed to the motionless body on the floor. Lorilie gazed in bewilderment expecting the body to move, it didn't, and it only snored. "As I was saying, sir, do you have any house keepers, because I would be glad to do that for you". (And I would be glad to sleep with you). Jack looked around, "Well, it appears that we have none. So when can you start?" "Now." "Good, Good" he said as he fell onto the floor and continued sleeping. Lorilie noticed something she hadn't noticed before. Her new master was quite attractive. Besides his eyes being bloodshot he was quite good looking. He has potential, she thought. He looked like he was in his mid thirties, and she was almost 20. What am I doing? Why am I talking about my new boss that way? No matter how much she tried not to think of it, she couldn't help wondering what he would look like without clothes (I feel your pain, Girl). She sighed, and went upstairs to find a room. Eventually after settling in she just realized, that she still doesn't know his name. That was her final thought before she fell asleep.
When Lorilie awoke the next morning she went around the entire house looking for nothing in particular. She was just hoping to catch a glimpse of her me master in the shower (naked, hopefully). As she walked around she found that the place was quite big, but it's as if their previous housekeepers hadn't been doing their jobs (no they were probably doing their boss). It wasn't like the place was dirty, everything was in place, but everything was dusty. It seemed no one had used many of the rooms that were in the spacious house. Out of the 20 rooms she had visited the only rooms that looked used were the kitchen, the dining room, the living room, and the bathrooms. It was hard to believe, but the masterbedroom also looked untouched (I wonder where they 'sleep'*wink wink*). Suddenly, she heard glass shatter downstairs (it's the butler!!). She rushed downstairs, only to see that Anna Maria had dropped an empty glass bottle of rum onto the floor during her sleep. She went over to her boss's motionless body, and poked him in the head. He didn't move. She then noticed he had a sword and a pistol. Ever since she was a child she always asked her father to get her a blade, but her evil mother never let him. She took out his sword and engraved on the handle was "Jack Sparrow" and a picture of a bird. Where had she heard that name before? She said the name again out loud. "Jack Sparrow." "Aye" She jumped and dropped the large knife onto the floor, which made a loud clattering noise. "Bloody Hell!" she said, "I thought you were sleeping?" "Well, apparently, I wasn't." "I can see that" "What are you doing with my weapon, if I dare ask such a bold question?" "I was just. um. holding it." "And." "I just always wanted one, but I had no intention of stealing it if that's what you mean!" "Right, and I suppose you wanted me to teach you how to sword fight?" "No I can already do that, but I just never really had one of my own." "Most women don't." "I'm not most women" "That's true." "I'm also better than most women." "That's probably also true." he says while playing with his beard. "Anyway, where do you keep your feather duster thing?" "Why do you plan to dust?" he asked. "No I just plan to tick al the shelves just so they can laugh." she said sarcastically. "O good, they could use a laugh, but in al seriousness, I'd be glad to give you a sword, and lessons to go with it." "I'll take the knife, but the lessons you can keep, after all I don't need them." "Really now?" Jack threw his sword at her. She caught it, "Yes, really." "That's interesting." "What was that?" "I said, the duster is on the second shelf to the right" "Ok" Lorilie walks over and takes out the duster. She walks back over to Jack and pokes him with it. "By the way, I know who you are, Mr. Captain Jack Sparrow." "Let me guess, I'm the worst pirate that you've ever heard of?" "Yes, but I have heard of you." She said as she walked away dusting.
That night at dinner, instead of Anna Maria cooking, Lorilie decided to give this cooking thing a try. While Lorilie was fighting with the chicken, Jack was talking to himself (as usual) as he often does and Anna Maria was drunk as usual. If any normal person could have seen them, they would assume that they were talking to one another because both pairs of lips were moving, however if you would listen closely nothing any of them said would make much sense. While Jack was ending his song "and really bad eggs, drink up mi hearties yo ho!" Lorilie stepped out of the kitchen holding what appeared to be a black chicken. "I'm finished!" Lorilie put plates in front of every one, and eventually gave every one knifes and forks. After a moment no one said anything. "I know it doesn't look good but-" "You go that right," Jack muttered. "But I'm sure it tastes better than it looks, after all looks can be deceiving." No one said anything. "Ok, so who wants the 1st bite?" *Silence* "Come on" Lorilie said while pushing the plate towards Jack. "It's good." "Really? Have you tried it?" Anna Maria spat. "No, not really. I am sure it tastes good. Jack, I mean Mr. Sparrow, why don't you try it first?" "Captain, call me captain." "Okay, CAPTAIN, why don't you try it first?" "Ladies first, luv" he replied calmly. "Fine I'll try it first!" Lorilie took her fork and knife and slice the charcoal beast. She put the slice in her mouth and chewed, and chewed, and chewed, and chewed (you get the idea). "Hurry up girl!" Anna Maria rushed her. "Its very. um. flavorful.yes.flavorful is the word I'm looking for" she swallowed. "Yes, very.flavorful." "O come on!" Jack said. "I've probably tasted worst things in a 5 star restaurant." Jack took a bit. "BLOODY HELL" Jack screamed. "What did you put in this?" "Sorry, I just-" "Just kidding luv, it's good" he smiled. Lorilie glared at him wickedly. "You can't take a joke, can you?" Jack asked. "If only I hade that blade you had promised me," she said to herself. "I could wife that stupid (but sexy) smile off of your face."
After dinner when Anna Maria had passed out (once again), Jack took Lorilie to some room that Lorilie had never seen before. Soon after they approached a giant bookshelf. "Fancy a book, luv?" Jack smiled. She pulled out a book and threw it behind him. He did this about 5 more times until the whole bookshelf shifted to one side (OoOoOo a secret passage way in a book case who would have ever thought of that). "Why can't I ever remember what book it is?" Jack asked himself. He led Lorilie to into a dark room. Since she couldn't see anything she felt around her and touched the wall, it was cold. Apparently they were going down a spiral staircase. When they finally reached the bottom, Jack picked up an unlighted torch and lit it. He then made his way to what seemed to be a fireplace, then he started the fire. This light was enough bright enough to make out the whole room. The room was medium sized with several shelves full of blades of all different sizes. "Pick one." "Any one?" "Except that one," he pointed to the last blade on the last shelf. "Pity, that's the one I would have picked" she walked along the shelves then stopped at the third one. That shelf seemed to beckon her. On the first ledge was a beautiful silver blade that shined brightly. She picked it up and then nearly collapsed with its heaviness. She put it back. She turned to see if Jack had seen her nearly drop his expensive looking sword, but was relieved because he had fallen asleep. On the second ledge of the shelf, there was a sword with a silver blade and a gold handle. She wouldn't even try to pick that on up. On the final ledge there was the sword that had been calling to her. It was ½ iron and ½ steel. It was light but strong. It was a rust orange color, but that could be fixed. It looked as if it had been through a lot in it's time. She picked it up and turned around only to see Jack, with this hat on his head, sleeping. She walked over and lifted the hat with her new (yet old) blade. "Wakey, Wakey" she said. Jack didn't stir. She sat down beside him and just watched him sleep for a little while. He was quite handsome for an old man. He had nice lips too. She tapped him on the forehead. Still sleeping. She traced his cheek bone with her hand. His beard was fuzzy, but his skin was soft. There is one other way I could wake him up, she thought. She bent over to kiss him when his eyes flew open. Lorilie pretended to be looking at the key attached to one of his necklaces. "Why are you so close to me?" He looked around confused. "Nothing, you just happened to fall asleep as I was looking for my weapon." "Yes, yes." He yawned. "So did you pick one?" Lorilie nodded and held up her blade. "But it does need to be cleaned up a little" "A little?" he laughed. "That thing is older than I am!" "How old are you?" "I thought you've read about me, the infamous Jack Sparrow." "I have" "Then you tell me how old I am." "40" "No." "35" "Uh uh." "42" "Bingo!" "You're not 42, you can't be 42!" "Why not?" "Because you look so." "Youthful?" "Juvenile" "Oh." "Any way, where does that key on your neck go?" "With me." Lorilie sighed. "What door does it open?" she said slowly in an aggravated voice. "I'll show you!"
Moments later they were inside another dark room until Jack lit the lamps. Lorilie looked around slowly. It was the exact replica of a boat.the black pearl, she had read about he black pearl somewhere before, but couldn't exactly remember where. "How did you-"? "My good friend is an architect." "Oh." She approached the steering wheel or what ever they called them. She put her and on it when all of a sudden Jack slapped her hand, she slapped him back across the face. "I didn't deserve that." He said holding his jaw. "Well why did you slap me then?" "You touched, did you not read the sign?" Jack pointed over his shoulder to the smallest sign Lorilie had ever seen, it said: "NO SNIFFING, SMELLING, TASTING, AND ESPECIALLY NO TOUCHING. THOSE WHO DO NOT FOLLOW THESE RULES WILL ANSWER TO MY HAND!" "Right..."Lorilie held back a laugh. "The sign." "Why did you try to kiss me a while ago? Do you find me attractive, luv? Don't you think I'm a bit old for you?" Lorilie was overwhelmed. "Um.." "Or were you unaware of the fact that I was awake?" "I.I was just trying to wake you up." "And I was pretending to sleep just to see what you would do." "Ahhh, I see. It was a trick, sis you really think that I intended to kiss you?" "Yes." Jack closed the space between them with his lips She pulled back and looked up at him. "Wow" she said. "Wow, indeed." "Wow indeed, indeed." She replied as she continued to kiss him. So many questions flew into her mind at this time. What about his wife? What would my father think? What if someone finds out? He's married! He's sexy! What am I talking about? He's 42!! Lord please forgive me for I am about to sin and I can't help it!! "Wait," Jack said as he held up his index finger. "I'll be back in just one second, luv." He went and locked the door then came back. "No one can resist my charming personality." "What am I getting myself into?" she asked herself while slowly shaking her head. "Me" Jack laughed. "Or maybe it should be the other way around?" he stopped to think about it then continued laughing, until Lorilie shut him up with yet another kiss. "Wait, wait, wait." Lorilie said. "One more question, what about your wife?" "What about her, so you want her to join us?" "No but you guys are married!" "Obviously, if we weren't married she wouldn't be my wife, now would she?" Lorilie sighed, and said, "What is she finds out?" "She gets mad, she gets drunk, she passes out, she forgets. It's a simple process, luv, I guessed I just learned to live with it." "An one more thing." "What now?" "Wouldn't you prefer a bed to a dirt old boat?" "Yes, but it's not a boat, it's a ship." "Whatever."
(I know what you are thinking, the age difference isn't that bad. Besides, age ain't nothing but a number. If you look at the situation mathematically shes actually older than him. She is 19 and he is 42, and 1+9=10 and 4+2=6. So there!)
Part 1
Neither Jack nor Anna Maria was sober that day. Jack stood by the window peering through a telescope, as if he were out at sea (only god knows what he was thinking). As Jack hummed his favorite song (yo hoe yo hoe Johnny Depp's for me!), Anna Maria sways as she walked over to her husband. "There you are, you old sea dog," (do people really say that?) she said as she hiccupped. "I've been looking all over for ya." She poked Jack in the chest with her index finger as she closed one eye so she could concentrate with the other. She did one last hiccup before she collapsed into her husbands arms. He carried her into their bedroom; well almost because they both were in the middle of the living room on the floor when the doorbell rang.
Jack cracked the door open just enough to see sun light, the he yelled, "That be you, Mr. Cotton?" Lorilie was stunned (or should I say deafened) for a minute or two. She suddenly found herself saying, "No sir, and my name is-" "Scarlet" he whispered. "Is that you?" "No my name is-" "Scarlet how many times must I tell you that I'm married, luv" Lorilie was starting to get aggravated. She pulled open the door and stepped inside the house. Jack just stood there with his mouth open. "As I was saying before, my name is Lorilie smith, and I'm looking for work." "I thought I told you that I was married, luv?" Jack sighed and turned to his wife who was still sleeping on the floor. "Okay, Okay, the wife's sleeping so lets just make it quick" "Just one moment!" she said loudly "I am not a prostitute!" "Come again, luv?" "I" she cleared her throat. "Am here to find work as in HOUSEKEEPING, and I need a place to stay." Jack blinked twice as if he didn't understand, and then he said, "Okay, in that case come on in." He showed her to the living room and told her to have a seat. She obeyed. Then Jack said, "This is my wife, I think, Anna Maria.or was her name. Mary Anna, o well, that's beside the point.what was the point. O yes, now I remember, this is my wife" he said as her pointed to the motionless body on the floor. Lorilie gazed in bewilderment expecting the body to move, it didn't, and it only snored. "As I was saying, sir, do you have any house keepers, because I would be glad to do that for you". (And I would be glad to sleep with you). Jack looked around, "Well, it appears that we have none. So when can you start?" "Now." "Good, Good" he said as he fell onto the floor and continued sleeping. Lorilie noticed something she hadn't noticed before. Her new master was quite attractive. Besides his eyes being bloodshot he was quite good looking. He has potential, she thought. He looked like he was in his mid thirties, and she was almost 20. What am I doing? Why am I talking about my new boss that way? No matter how much she tried not to think of it, she couldn't help wondering what he would look like without clothes (I feel your pain, Girl). She sighed, and went upstairs to find a room. Eventually after settling in she just realized, that she still doesn't know his name. That was her final thought before she fell asleep.
When Lorilie awoke the next morning she went around the entire house looking for nothing in particular. She was just hoping to catch a glimpse of her me master in the shower (naked, hopefully). As she walked around she found that the place was quite big, but it's as if their previous housekeepers hadn't been doing their jobs (no they were probably doing their boss). It wasn't like the place was dirty, everything was in place, but everything was dusty. It seemed no one had used many of the rooms that were in the spacious house. Out of the 20 rooms she had visited the only rooms that looked used were the kitchen, the dining room, the living room, and the bathrooms. It was hard to believe, but the masterbedroom also looked untouched (I wonder where they 'sleep'*wink wink*). Suddenly, she heard glass shatter downstairs (it's the butler!!). She rushed downstairs, only to see that Anna Maria had dropped an empty glass bottle of rum onto the floor during her sleep. She went over to her boss's motionless body, and poked him in the head. He didn't move. She then noticed he had a sword and a pistol. Ever since she was a child she always asked her father to get her a blade, but her evil mother never let him. She took out his sword and engraved on the handle was "Jack Sparrow" and a picture of a bird. Where had she heard that name before? She said the name again out loud. "Jack Sparrow." "Aye" She jumped and dropped the large knife onto the floor, which made a loud clattering noise. "Bloody Hell!" she said, "I thought you were sleeping?" "Well, apparently, I wasn't." "I can see that" "What are you doing with my weapon, if I dare ask such a bold question?" "I was just. um. holding it." "And." "I just always wanted one, but I had no intention of stealing it if that's what you mean!" "Right, and I suppose you wanted me to teach you how to sword fight?" "No I can already do that, but I just never really had one of my own." "Most women don't." "I'm not most women" "That's true." "I'm also better than most women." "That's probably also true." he says while playing with his beard. "Anyway, where do you keep your feather duster thing?" "Why do you plan to dust?" he asked. "No I just plan to tick al the shelves just so they can laugh." she said sarcastically. "O good, they could use a laugh, but in al seriousness, I'd be glad to give you a sword, and lessons to go with it." "I'll take the knife, but the lessons you can keep, after all I don't need them." "Really now?" Jack threw his sword at her. She caught it, "Yes, really." "That's interesting." "What was that?" "I said, the duster is on the second shelf to the right" "Ok" Lorilie walks over and takes out the duster. She walks back over to Jack and pokes him with it. "By the way, I know who you are, Mr. Captain Jack Sparrow." "Let me guess, I'm the worst pirate that you've ever heard of?" "Yes, but I have heard of you." She said as she walked away dusting.
That night at dinner, instead of Anna Maria cooking, Lorilie decided to give this cooking thing a try. While Lorilie was fighting with the chicken, Jack was talking to himself (as usual) as he often does and Anna Maria was drunk as usual. If any normal person could have seen them, they would assume that they were talking to one another because both pairs of lips were moving, however if you would listen closely nothing any of them said would make much sense. While Jack was ending his song "and really bad eggs, drink up mi hearties yo ho!" Lorilie stepped out of the kitchen holding what appeared to be a black chicken. "I'm finished!" Lorilie put plates in front of every one, and eventually gave every one knifes and forks. After a moment no one said anything. "I know it doesn't look good but-" "You go that right," Jack muttered. "But I'm sure it tastes better than it looks, after all looks can be deceiving." No one said anything. "Ok, so who wants the 1st bite?" *Silence* "Come on" Lorilie said while pushing the plate towards Jack. "It's good." "Really? Have you tried it?" Anna Maria spat. "No, not really. I am sure it tastes good. Jack, I mean Mr. Sparrow, why don't you try it first?" "Captain, call me captain." "Okay, CAPTAIN, why don't you try it first?" "Ladies first, luv" he replied calmly. "Fine I'll try it first!" Lorilie took her fork and knife and slice the charcoal beast. She put the slice in her mouth and chewed, and chewed, and chewed, and chewed (you get the idea). "Hurry up girl!" Anna Maria rushed her. "Its very. um. flavorful.yes.flavorful is the word I'm looking for" she swallowed. "Yes, very.flavorful." "O come on!" Jack said. "I've probably tasted worst things in a 5 star restaurant." Jack took a bit. "BLOODY HELL" Jack screamed. "What did you put in this?" "Sorry, I just-" "Just kidding luv, it's good" he smiled. Lorilie glared at him wickedly. "You can't take a joke, can you?" Jack asked. "If only I hade that blade you had promised me," she said to herself. "I could wife that stupid (but sexy) smile off of your face."
After dinner when Anna Maria had passed out (once again), Jack took Lorilie to some room that Lorilie had never seen before. Soon after they approached a giant bookshelf. "Fancy a book, luv?" Jack smiled. She pulled out a book and threw it behind him. He did this about 5 more times until the whole bookshelf shifted to one side (OoOoOo a secret passage way in a book case who would have ever thought of that). "Why can't I ever remember what book it is?" Jack asked himself. He led Lorilie to into a dark room. Since she couldn't see anything she felt around her and touched the wall, it was cold. Apparently they were going down a spiral staircase. When they finally reached the bottom, Jack picked up an unlighted torch and lit it. He then made his way to what seemed to be a fireplace, then he started the fire. This light was enough bright enough to make out the whole room. The room was medium sized with several shelves full of blades of all different sizes. "Pick one." "Any one?" "Except that one," he pointed to the last blade on the last shelf. "Pity, that's the one I would have picked" she walked along the shelves then stopped at the third one. That shelf seemed to beckon her. On the first ledge was a beautiful silver blade that shined brightly. She picked it up and then nearly collapsed with its heaviness. She put it back. She turned to see if Jack had seen her nearly drop his expensive looking sword, but was relieved because he had fallen asleep. On the second ledge of the shelf, there was a sword with a silver blade and a gold handle. She wouldn't even try to pick that on up. On the final ledge there was the sword that had been calling to her. It was ½ iron and ½ steel. It was light but strong. It was a rust orange color, but that could be fixed. It looked as if it had been through a lot in it's time. She picked it up and turned around only to see Jack, with this hat on his head, sleeping. She walked over and lifted the hat with her new (yet old) blade. "Wakey, Wakey" she said. Jack didn't stir. She sat down beside him and just watched him sleep for a little while. He was quite handsome for an old man. He had nice lips too. She tapped him on the forehead. Still sleeping. She traced his cheek bone with her hand. His beard was fuzzy, but his skin was soft. There is one other way I could wake him up, she thought. She bent over to kiss him when his eyes flew open. Lorilie pretended to be looking at the key attached to one of his necklaces. "Why are you so close to me?" He looked around confused. "Nothing, you just happened to fall asleep as I was looking for my weapon." "Yes, yes." He yawned. "So did you pick one?" Lorilie nodded and held up her blade. "But it does need to be cleaned up a little" "A little?" he laughed. "That thing is older than I am!" "How old are you?" "I thought you've read about me, the infamous Jack Sparrow." "I have" "Then you tell me how old I am." "40" "No." "35" "Uh uh." "42" "Bingo!" "You're not 42, you can't be 42!" "Why not?" "Because you look so." "Youthful?" "Juvenile" "Oh." "Any way, where does that key on your neck go?" "With me." Lorilie sighed. "What door does it open?" she said slowly in an aggravated voice. "I'll show you!"
Moments later they were inside another dark room until Jack lit the lamps. Lorilie looked around slowly. It was the exact replica of a boat.the black pearl, she had read about he black pearl somewhere before, but couldn't exactly remember where. "How did you-"? "My good friend is an architect." "Oh." She approached the steering wheel or what ever they called them. She put her and on it when all of a sudden Jack slapped her hand, she slapped him back across the face. "I didn't deserve that." He said holding his jaw. "Well why did you slap me then?" "You touched, did you not read the sign?" Jack pointed over his shoulder to the smallest sign Lorilie had ever seen, it said: "NO SNIFFING, SMELLING, TASTING, AND ESPECIALLY NO TOUCHING. THOSE WHO DO NOT FOLLOW THESE RULES WILL ANSWER TO MY HAND!" "Right..."Lorilie held back a laugh. "The sign." "Why did you try to kiss me a while ago? Do you find me attractive, luv? Don't you think I'm a bit old for you?" Lorilie was overwhelmed. "Um.." "Or were you unaware of the fact that I was awake?" "I.I was just trying to wake you up." "And I was pretending to sleep just to see what you would do." "Ahhh, I see. It was a trick, sis you really think that I intended to kiss you?" "Yes." Jack closed the space between them with his lips She pulled back and looked up at him. "Wow" she said. "Wow, indeed." "Wow indeed, indeed." She replied as she continued to kiss him. So many questions flew into her mind at this time. What about his wife? What would my father think? What if someone finds out? He's married! He's sexy! What am I talking about? He's 42!! Lord please forgive me for I am about to sin and I can't help it!! "Wait," Jack said as he held up his index finger. "I'll be back in just one second, luv." He went and locked the door then came back. "No one can resist my charming personality." "What am I getting myself into?" she asked herself while slowly shaking her head. "Me" Jack laughed. "Or maybe it should be the other way around?" he stopped to think about it then continued laughing, until Lorilie shut him up with yet another kiss. "Wait, wait, wait." Lorilie said. "One more question, what about your wife?" "What about her, so you want her to join us?" "No but you guys are married!" "Obviously, if we weren't married she wouldn't be my wife, now would she?" Lorilie sighed, and said, "What is she finds out?" "She gets mad, she gets drunk, she passes out, she forgets. It's a simple process, luv, I guessed I just learned to live with it." "An one more thing." "What now?" "Wouldn't you prefer a bed to a dirt old boat?" "Yes, but it's not a boat, it's a ship." "Whatever."
(I know what you are thinking, the age difference isn't that bad. Besides, age ain't nothing but a number. If you look at the situation mathematically shes actually older than him. She is 19 and he is 42, and 1+9=10 and 4+2=6. So there!)