4. Memories and Regrets
The bridge sat in stunned silence except for three words that echoed repeatedly in the minds of the Captain and crew—'I lost him.'
Picard's normally composed features morphed from sunned surprise to intense pain. Riker's eyes widened in horror and even Worf's jaw dropped slightly.
It was hard enough to for a Captain to lose any life under his authority but to lose his Third in Command was devastating. Data had not just been an officer; he had been one of the Captain's closest friends. There was so much about the man he admired and had in common. The two ship detectives could never resist a mystery. While Jean-Luc was getting his hat and trench coat Data was getting a hunting cap and pipe.
There were so many things they had overcome. Many times Picard had fought so hard for his friend's life and rights. He'd always tried to keep things fair for this man who had gone through horrors that would send anyone else to their grave. The Lieutenant had always strove to do the right thing even if it meant personal sacrifice.
Then a thought suddenly hit him. A thought that tied his insides into knots. Had this been his fault? After all he was the Captain, the one responsible for sending them onto that wasteland in the first place. He hadn't ordered them to beam away from the downpour when he easily could have. Perhaps if he had intervened in Geordi's sedation the problem would have been fixed on time and Data would still be alive.
He shook his head slightly trying to gain his composure. The worst had happened and no amount of guilt was going help. But still…what if he could have prevented it?
Will Riker's form was stiff and unmoved but his mind was racing. He was in a state that bordered on disbelief. The Enterprise, without Data? Impossible! In the back of his mind he always knew Data wasn't indestructible—everyone was constantly reminding the android of the fact—but Riker had never imagined he would actually be alive to witness his friend's...final shutdown. He'd always assumed the Lieutenant Commander would at least out-last him if not the Enterprise itself. He'd come to think of him as much a part of the ship as Ten-Forward or the ever-present voice of the computer. He was something—someone—he took comfort in knowing would always be there. After all, Data had been one of the first members of the Enterprise crew he had met.
He remembered vividly the day he first met his remarkable comrade. A smile almost touched his features at the memory of their first conversation. Data had just explained many of the ways he was superior to humans but then added (as if this nullified the previous) "But I would give it all up to be human." A classic story he had read as a child had immediately come to Riker's mind. "Nice to meet you Pinocchio." That term of endearment suddenly brought up a much more painful memory, something he would never want to do again. His own words and actions in that courtroom hurt him deeper than any kind of alien torture. Will remembered the sickening feeling in his stomach when he'd reached behind Data's back, flipped his off-switch and watch his friend slump limply in his chair. "Pinocchio is broken. His strings have been cut." He had hoped with all his might that his words would move the judge in to seeing the life that was truly before her. It had worked. But now…now those words that he had strained to say had come true.
At that moment he realized he would never see Data on the OPs again. The mood of an occasionally tense bridge would never again be lightened by his inadvertent idiosyncrasies. No more poker games would be livened by his boundless determination. No more understatements like; "We're being attacked by a fleet of Borg ships. Our chances of overpowering them with phasers only is minimal." No more bad jokes. No more 'intriguing'. No more Data.
Worf was angry. Why was I not informed of the danger of the away mission! A nearly inaudible, distressed growl escaped his lips. Had I been present I would not have allowed this to happen! One might think that the gruff, honor-passionate Klingon and the meek and gentle android would have nothing in common. The opposite, however was the case. Both had been orphaned and rescued by Starfleet officers in the wake of a violent disaster. Their early years were filled with the hardship of never really fitting in. Neither truly understood the nature of the human race they lived amongst. When a joke was cracked they shared a joint confusion. They mutually found the concept of humor difficult to comprehend. This shouldn't have happened! His frustration was intense as well for there was no physical target for his fury.
Troi was in the worst shape. Not only did she have to deal with her own feelings but she was being bombarded by everyone else's too. She dug her nails in the armrests of her chair. She was suffering the tension from the young Ensigns at the consoles, Worf's anger, the Captain's guilt, Will's confusion and...
The silence was cut short by Geordi's pleading voice. "I tried everything! I repaired everything in his neural net. I checked and rechecked every connection. I even ran a controlled electrical current through him. Nothing worked! I can't even detect his regeneration program working!" He was obviously forcing back tears.
"You don't need to defend yourself Mr. LaForge." The Captain said softly. "You did everything you could."