Everybody's Fool
I know the truth now, I know who you are, And I don't love you anymore.
Everybody's Fool, Evanescence.
He couldn't believe how much different life felt after being cooped up for so long. But then there was that nagging doubt that it'd be taken from him and they'd take him back to that dark cold cell.
Squall had released him to help with this Crave character yet all he had done was lie in wait on a platform watching. When it came to fight Crave it was Squall that went after him with Seifer, he had been told to stay put in case Crave escaped. He was told to shoot Crave on sight but he wasn't sure now if he'd have been able to do that if it had happened. He had murdered a fellow SeeD in cold rage, over some sense of honour he had and now he was free there were those that were close to him that welcomed him with open arms, literally in Selphie's case, but then there were those that felt he was being let off easy. He sensed their stares and menacing whispers as they passed.
But then he could see the sky, could feel the breeze, he understood the value of life, what he had taken and he wasn't going to let anyone else judge him on that. Besides didn't they realise that he carried the guilt within him? He had never meant for his life to turn out this way. He just wanted to be a SeeD, hang out with the Orphanage Gang, be with Selphie but he had ruined it all with a choice he had felt had been right, by letting Selphie go he had set in motion this chain of events and he would have to deal with it.
He had been angry when he found out that Xu had become involved with Selphie, he should've noticed Selphie's bisexual tendencies when she suggested that threesome oh so long ago but he had figured it was a joke. Now however he realised just how much Xu loved her and he wondered just how long that had been the case, whether Xu had been angry when he turned up on the scene.
He had to give up these idle thoughts before they got even more serious. He had been taken to introspection recently and wondered how the hell Squall survived it, all these thoughts turned over, looked at again and again, finding anything else in them other than what appeared on the surface. If he didn't let them out who knew what they'd do to him?
He returned to his room hidden among the silent corridors away from most of the other students. The solitude had been partly his idea and stressed most by Squall until the others had readjusted to his return. However he was a social creature by nature, he craved human attention, especially in the case of the ladies, but he couldn't bring himself to flirt as he used to, probably because he feared the possibility of their disgust.
He threw his cowboy hat onto his desk and flopped back onto his bed, his long coat sprawling out beneath him and he closed his eyes.
'Murderer!' a voice hissed.
Irvine looked around but there was no one in the room or at the window and the door was thick wood, there was no way a voice that soft could be heard through it.
'You'll never get away with it!' the voice hissed again.
Irvine sat up and glanced around wildly. He stuck a finger in each of his ears and swivelled them gently, wondering if he was hearing things.
'Ha! You wish you was hearing things! You should be punished!' the voice roared and he then realised where it was coming from, inside his head.
Irvine clutched his head, tufts of brown hair poking from between his fingers.
'What's going on?' he thought to himself. He didn't have any GFs junctioned as that was part of the conditions the Garden Committee had set for his return so where was this voice coming from?
'I suppose you wouldn't recognise me.' The voice chuckled dryly.
'Who are you?' Irvine mumbled.
'Your conscience fool!' the voice snapped.
'What? Who's playing games? I have a conscience and it doesn't work like this!' Irvine retorted under his breath.
'Well you've never had anything you've felt so bad about well apart from...' the voice crackled.
'No!!! I don't want to hear it!!' Irvine clamped his hands over his ears as if that would drown out the voice as it retold his darkest memory inside his skull.
Irvine dropped to his knees in pain, his eyes and jaw clenched tightly in agony. The voice finally fell silent and Irvine collapsed onto the carpeted floor of his room.
He awoke, sprawled over the carpet, the skin of his marked with the grooves of the fabric. He rubbed his eyes and blinked into the sunlight. 'It was all just a creepy dream.' He told himself sighing and stood stretching.
His stomach growled softly and he looked around for something to eat. He sighted empty wrappers on his desk but that's all they were. 'Looks like I'll have to go out and eat.' He thought to himself and headed to the cafeteria.
Luckily he wasn't too late to get something to eat, but that also meant he was in time for there to be other students around, their watchful eyes following him as he approached the food bar. He looked at the stainless steel tureens that held barely recognisable food and wondered if he should risk it.
'You think you can carry on with a normal life?' a voice whispered to him.
He spun round but there was no one near him, his wild eyes seeing the looks people were giving him but they then turned away.
'Think you're so smart huh?' he muttered under his breath.
'Smarter than you.' The voice replied so close it made him jump.
'Show yourself!' Irvine said out loud and all the students in the cafeteria turned to look at him their brows creased in puzzlement.
'How can I show myself when I'm right here in your head?' the voice laughed dryly.
'What?' Irvine replied in disbelief, spinning round the room wildly as if expecting to find the culprit.
'If you're me then how come you're doing this to me?' Irvine moaned rubbing his temples.
'I'm just a part of you, the part that is engulfed in guilt and cries out for your retribution. I'm the part that knows all your dark secrets, the one who takes your pain and now it's your turn to feel pain!' the voice roared.
Irvine sank to his knees under the sound of the voice his fingers twitching as he fell to the ground.
His eyes fluttered open, there was white light around him and a soft comforting voice nearby.
'Glad to see you're back with us Mr. Kinneas.' Dr. Kadowaki said to him.
Irvine sat up on the bed slowly. 'How did I get here?' he asked groggily.
'You collapsed in the cafeteria, arguing with yourself so the students who brought you here said. Is that true?' she asked him.
Irvine turned to her his brown eyes glazed. 'Damn right it was true! This fool thinks he can continue to live his life without paying the consequences!' he growled in a voice not his own.
'Irvine?' Kadowaki said softly.
Irvine's eyes unglazed and he looked to her. 'Yes?' he replied confused by her concerned look.
'Do you remember what you just said?' she asked politely.
His brow creased momentarily as he recalled his previous speech. 'Ummm "How did I get here?"' he replied.
'I see.' Kadowaki said to herself.
Irvine looked at her downcast features. 'That was right wasn't it?' he asked perplexed.
'I'm afraid not... it seems you have developed a split personality, Irvine. I'm not able to treat you for it but I know someone who might be able to.' Kadowaki explained.
'Who?' Irvine asked.
'Dr. Valo. He's a psychiatrist in Esthar.' She replied. 'I'm sorry to say you'll have to go away again.' She added softly.
'What? Why?' Irvine asked, surprised and suddenly gripped with fear.
'It'd be best. Your personality will be unpredictable, there's no telling what it'll try to do to you. Besides it'd be easier for Dr. Valo to treat you in Esthar. Stay here while I try and contact him.' Kadowaki told him consolingly.
Irvine drew his knees in close to him and hugged them tightly as Kadowaki disappeared to use the phone. He didn't want to go away again, couldn't bear it if he had to be inside another cell, but then he couldn't risk this other side of him hurting anyone else.
Suddenly he cheered up, besides Laguna was still in charge of Esthar so he'll probably be treated okay. No doubt Squall would make sure of that. He sighed softly and lay back on the bed, hoping that he'd at least be able to say goodbye to Selphie this time, and tried to block out the menacing whispers in his head.
I know the truth now, I know who you are, And I don't love you anymore.
Everybody's Fool, Evanescence.
He couldn't believe how much different life felt after being cooped up for so long. But then there was that nagging doubt that it'd be taken from him and they'd take him back to that dark cold cell.
Squall had released him to help with this Crave character yet all he had done was lie in wait on a platform watching. When it came to fight Crave it was Squall that went after him with Seifer, he had been told to stay put in case Crave escaped. He was told to shoot Crave on sight but he wasn't sure now if he'd have been able to do that if it had happened. He had murdered a fellow SeeD in cold rage, over some sense of honour he had and now he was free there were those that were close to him that welcomed him with open arms, literally in Selphie's case, but then there were those that felt he was being let off easy. He sensed their stares and menacing whispers as they passed.
But then he could see the sky, could feel the breeze, he understood the value of life, what he had taken and he wasn't going to let anyone else judge him on that. Besides didn't they realise that he carried the guilt within him? He had never meant for his life to turn out this way. He just wanted to be a SeeD, hang out with the Orphanage Gang, be with Selphie but he had ruined it all with a choice he had felt had been right, by letting Selphie go he had set in motion this chain of events and he would have to deal with it.
He had been angry when he found out that Xu had become involved with Selphie, he should've noticed Selphie's bisexual tendencies when she suggested that threesome oh so long ago but he had figured it was a joke. Now however he realised just how much Xu loved her and he wondered just how long that had been the case, whether Xu had been angry when he turned up on the scene.
He had to give up these idle thoughts before they got even more serious. He had been taken to introspection recently and wondered how the hell Squall survived it, all these thoughts turned over, looked at again and again, finding anything else in them other than what appeared on the surface. If he didn't let them out who knew what they'd do to him?
He returned to his room hidden among the silent corridors away from most of the other students. The solitude had been partly his idea and stressed most by Squall until the others had readjusted to his return. However he was a social creature by nature, he craved human attention, especially in the case of the ladies, but he couldn't bring himself to flirt as he used to, probably because he feared the possibility of their disgust.
He threw his cowboy hat onto his desk and flopped back onto his bed, his long coat sprawling out beneath him and he closed his eyes.
'Murderer!' a voice hissed.
Irvine looked around but there was no one in the room or at the window and the door was thick wood, there was no way a voice that soft could be heard through it.
'You'll never get away with it!' the voice hissed again.
Irvine sat up and glanced around wildly. He stuck a finger in each of his ears and swivelled them gently, wondering if he was hearing things.
'Ha! You wish you was hearing things! You should be punished!' the voice roared and he then realised where it was coming from, inside his head.
Irvine clutched his head, tufts of brown hair poking from between his fingers.
'What's going on?' he thought to himself. He didn't have any GFs junctioned as that was part of the conditions the Garden Committee had set for his return so where was this voice coming from?
'I suppose you wouldn't recognise me.' The voice chuckled dryly.
'Who are you?' Irvine mumbled.
'Your conscience fool!' the voice snapped.
'What? Who's playing games? I have a conscience and it doesn't work like this!' Irvine retorted under his breath.
'Well you've never had anything you've felt so bad about well apart from...' the voice crackled.
'No!!! I don't want to hear it!!' Irvine clamped his hands over his ears as if that would drown out the voice as it retold his darkest memory inside his skull.
Irvine dropped to his knees in pain, his eyes and jaw clenched tightly in agony. The voice finally fell silent and Irvine collapsed onto the carpeted floor of his room.
He awoke, sprawled over the carpet, the skin of his marked with the grooves of the fabric. He rubbed his eyes and blinked into the sunlight. 'It was all just a creepy dream.' He told himself sighing and stood stretching.
His stomach growled softly and he looked around for something to eat. He sighted empty wrappers on his desk but that's all they were. 'Looks like I'll have to go out and eat.' He thought to himself and headed to the cafeteria.
Luckily he wasn't too late to get something to eat, but that also meant he was in time for there to be other students around, their watchful eyes following him as he approached the food bar. He looked at the stainless steel tureens that held barely recognisable food and wondered if he should risk it.
'You think you can carry on with a normal life?' a voice whispered to him.
He spun round but there was no one near him, his wild eyes seeing the looks people were giving him but they then turned away.
'Think you're so smart huh?' he muttered under his breath.
'Smarter than you.' The voice replied so close it made him jump.
'Show yourself!' Irvine said out loud and all the students in the cafeteria turned to look at him their brows creased in puzzlement.
'How can I show myself when I'm right here in your head?' the voice laughed dryly.
'What?' Irvine replied in disbelief, spinning round the room wildly as if expecting to find the culprit.
'If you're me then how come you're doing this to me?' Irvine moaned rubbing his temples.
'I'm just a part of you, the part that is engulfed in guilt and cries out for your retribution. I'm the part that knows all your dark secrets, the one who takes your pain and now it's your turn to feel pain!' the voice roared.
Irvine sank to his knees under the sound of the voice his fingers twitching as he fell to the ground.
His eyes fluttered open, there was white light around him and a soft comforting voice nearby.
'Glad to see you're back with us Mr. Kinneas.' Dr. Kadowaki said to him.
Irvine sat up on the bed slowly. 'How did I get here?' he asked groggily.
'You collapsed in the cafeteria, arguing with yourself so the students who brought you here said. Is that true?' she asked him.
Irvine turned to her his brown eyes glazed. 'Damn right it was true! This fool thinks he can continue to live his life without paying the consequences!' he growled in a voice not his own.
'Irvine?' Kadowaki said softly.
Irvine's eyes unglazed and he looked to her. 'Yes?' he replied confused by her concerned look.
'Do you remember what you just said?' she asked politely.
His brow creased momentarily as he recalled his previous speech. 'Ummm "How did I get here?"' he replied.
'I see.' Kadowaki said to herself.
Irvine looked at her downcast features. 'That was right wasn't it?' he asked perplexed.
'I'm afraid not... it seems you have developed a split personality, Irvine. I'm not able to treat you for it but I know someone who might be able to.' Kadowaki explained.
'Who?' Irvine asked.
'Dr. Valo. He's a psychiatrist in Esthar.' She replied. 'I'm sorry to say you'll have to go away again.' She added softly.
'What? Why?' Irvine asked, surprised and suddenly gripped with fear.
'It'd be best. Your personality will be unpredictable, there's no telling what it'll try to do to you. Besides it'd be easier for Dr. Valo to treat you in Esthar. Stay here while I try and contact him.' Kadowaki told him consolingly.
Irvine drew his knees in close to him and hugged them tightly as Kadowaki disappeared to use the phone. He didn't want to go away again, couldn't bear it if he had to be inside another cell, but then he couldn't risk this other side of him hurting anyone else.
Suddenly he cheered up, besides Laguna was still in charge of Esthar so he'll probably be treated okay. No doubt Squall would make sure of that. He sighed softly and lay back on the bed, hoping that he'd at least be able to say goodbye to Selphie this time, and tried to block out the menacing whispers in his head.