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Part 9 - Obsessions
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Places everyone! Brian shouted, everyone got into his or her place. And we're on in 5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... 1.

Hello and welcome back to the show, now I know the last part of the show was a little frightening, we had a clown who wanted to make Dana a balloon animal, a snake, a locked cupboard and the scariest thing in the world ... soup. Mulder screamed like a girl at the mention of the evil soup. SHUT UP! The soup is gone, what's it going to do to you anyway? Besides nothing? Anyway this part of the show will talk about obsessions.

Everyone on stage groaned. Hadn't they been tortured enough? Apparently not.

Now, who would like to start us off? As usual no one was in any hurry to start off. Well I'll just have to pick someone to start for us ... Doggett, what are you obsessed about?

I don't have ANY obsessions. She said almost threateningly.

Keep thinking that. We have discovered that you are obsessed with two things in this world ... and they are ... (dramatically long pause) ... NASCA ... and ... (even longer dramatic pause) ... cleaning out your gun.

How do you know about that? He asked suspiciously.

Like I previously said ... I know EVERYTHING! Nicola smiled evilly.

It's not that much of an obsession anyway. John muttered under his breathe.

Lets put that statement to the test shall we? Nicola suggested.

A man wearing matching trousers and jacket walked out from backstage. His jacket has the NASCA logo on it. No one has any idea who he is ... well almost no one.

Oh my God! John squealed. The man in the NASCA outfit came and stood in front of John. Can I please have your autograph? I'm a big fan of yours. The NASCA guy signed a picture for John and handed it to him. After he signed it the NASCA man walked back off the stage. John looked in shock at the autograph in his hands. And then passed out from the shock.

Oh yeah, not obsessed at all. Nicola said with sarcasm in her voice. Moving along to ... Krycek. She looked at Krycek's seat. It was empty.

Nicola, did you let him out of the cupboard? Brian asked in a whisper.



A security guard opened the cupboard and saw that Krycek was passed out on the floor. He quickly called 911 and in no time a doctor was loading him into the back of the ambulance in order to take him to hospital. No one said anything as the ambulance drove away. Everyone turned their attention to Nicola and gave her an evil glare.

It was an accident! Nicola defended innocently. Now moving along. Dana what is your obsession?

I don't have one, I'm normal.

Yeah right. Isn't it true that you have an obsession with cutting up dead bodies?

I do not! Its my job!

So why in nearly EVERY episode are you always cutting up some dead people? There are other pathologists who could do it, but no it's always you Nicola told her.

Well we don't trust anyone else! She defended.

YEAH! There's a conspiracy and EVERYONE is against us! Mulder yelled out from his seat.

Okay, Mulder what is your obsession? Nicola asked him, testing to see if he would admit to his obsession.

I don't have one. I'm normal. Was his answer.

Let me say a few words. Sunflower seeds. Aliens. Conspiracies. UFO. Abductions, need I continue? Nicola asked sarcastically. Mulder was quiet for a few seconds, he was holding his breath, he looked as though he was about to explode, a few seconds later he couldn't hold it in anymore.

But aliens are just so cool!... With the spaceships ... UFOs... Sunflower seeds are soooo YUMMY! ... my cupboards are full of them! And glow in the dark spaceships on my ceiling ... And Sci-fi conventions! And.... and! Nicola interrupts him.

Okay, Buddy, there is a fine line between hobby and obsession, you jumped on that line, spat on it and ran giggling insanely!

Mulder got the point and shut up, now that he thought about it, maybe he was obsessed, not a big obsession just a little one. He continued to think about this as he took a packet of sunflower seeds out and started eating them very slowly.

Okay. Moving along from Mr King of Obsessions over to ... Brad Follmer.

Oh no. Brad buries his head in his hands.

Oh yes! Now isn't it true you are obsessed with Monica?

He answered, obviously lying.

Yeah right. In Nothing Important Happened Today' you kissed her after not seeing her in two years. I mean you don't just go up to your ex-girlfriend who you haven't seen in god knows how long and give her a great big smacking of a kiss on her lips. In 4D' you were obviously concerned for her. In Provenance' you were there when she needed a friend. And in Release' you obviously cared for her, even though you turned out to be on the take from Regali.

Well ... I ... She... He let out a big frustrated sigh FINE! I LOVE HER OKAY!

Okay, don't get your knickers in a twist. Lets move on to Skinner.

Since you're so smart, what am I obsessed with? He asked her, knowing he was about to be embarrassed yet again.

Don't you even think about getting sarcastic with me! Nicola yelled.

Erm Nicola? Brian whispered to get her attention, she turned to look at him. You can't threaten the guests. He told her firmly.

Shut up! It's MY show and I do what ever I want to!

God I'm so glad that I wasn't offered the job to do your Stargate talk show! Brian said letting out a sigh of relief

And why is that? It is going to be so much fun.

Because there's two of you! And you're as mad as each other!

Thank you, she learnt it all from me. She turned back to her guests. Now Skinner you ARE obsessed with Dana! Nicola told him, almost threateningly.

I am NOT!

Yes you ARE! Nicola replied almost threateningly for a second time. You KISSED her!

' He defended.

A kiss is a kiss. Okay and last we move onto Monica.

Oh God no.

Whale songs! Nicola yelled.

I sang then once! Monica defended.

But it's still not normal! And you do seem like a new ager who like all that stuff! Nicola told her. Monica was shocked to say the least.

How do you know all of this personal stuff? Monica asked in disbelief at how much the teenager knew.

Like I said earlier, I know EVERYTHING!

You know everything? What are you the Blair witch? John asked. Everyone noticed that Nicola didn't answer him.

Its time for another commercial break, thanks to everyone who is watching and don't forget to call in with your topic requests! No matter how stupid, we WILL talk about it and even if you only want a question answered we WILL answer it! See you after the break.