Izzy pushed her way through the marines in the Officer's club. They still
hadn't left, but at least there were more people there, and the marines
were smarter than Kaufmann to try and hit on her in front of the other
people of the 4077th. Izzy stood beside the juke box, probably the only
place she could stay without being bumped by someone, and looked around.
Father Mulchay was on the piano, playing something she didn't recognise,
Klinger was serving drinks behind the bar and Frank was sulking in the
corner, a letter in one hand. He spotted her, and made his way over. Izzy
frowned, Frank wasn't her biggest fan, but she wasn't too worried. He
couldn't do anything to her.
'Private, may I have a word with you outside?' Frank asked, trying to hold his temper.
'Of course, Major,' Izzy said, slipping through the crowd. She looked back when she got to the door, finding that Frank was having trouble getting through the marines. Izzy smiled. Obviously Frank wasn't used to slipping through masses of people like she was. She'd also been able to swipe about twenty dollars from the marines, which she'd donate later to Father Mulchay for the orphans.
'Where did you want to talk?' Izzy asked Frank pleasantly when he finally got out of the Officer's club. The tone annoyed Frank, and Izzy knew it.
'Colonel Potter's office. Now,' Frank said. Izzy followed Frank, still not too worried. Potter was in the Officer's club, half drunk, and telling BJ about World War Two.
'What's the matter, Frank?' Izzy asked when they finally got to the office. She sat up on the Colonel's desk and began to swing her legs as to annoy Frank even more. It worked.
'What were you doing in my belongings?' Frank exploded.
'I haven't been near your stuff for ages,' Izzy said.
'How do you explain this then?' Frank demanded, passing a piece of paper to Izzy with his hand shaking. Izzy scanned the letter quickly, then started to feel a little worried. The letter was from Frank's wife, demanding to know what the remarks on the last letter Frank had sent were. Izzy laughed nervously. Obviously Frank hadn't reread the letter to his wife that Izzy had added to the day she read Hawkeye's own letter to Trapper.
'What about it?' Izzy asked. Maybe she could bluff her way out.
'You wrote things in my personal letter home!' Frank yelled.
'Prove it was me,' Izzy said, calmly, silently picking out an escape route.
'You're the only wacko in camp who says "Don't have a cow, man",' Frank said. Izzy knew her frequent quotes from "The Simpsons" would get her in trouble one day. She jumped off the desk, and tried to run for the door. Frank grabbed her by the scruff of her jacket, but she managed to wriggle out of it and disappear into the dark compound. It was freezing cold, but Izzy didn't care. She knew Frank had reason to have her arrested now, and she didn't feel like going down easy. First she'd have to find Hawkeye. She knew he was on a date, and odds were he'd be in the Supply room, but she didn't really want to walk in on anything. On the other hand, Potter was tipsy and it'd take Frank a while to get through to the Colonel what he wanted to do. But Potter might sign anything Frank put under his nose in the state he was in at the moment, even a form saying Frank was now CO. Izzy shuddered at the thought. Better go find Hawkeye. She went to the supply room first and was relieved to find a coat hanger on the door knob.
'Hawkeye?' Izzy called, knocking quietly. 'It's Izzy. Frank is ready to kill me, so I'd like your help for a minute.' There was some shuffling noises inside for a few minutes, and a little cursing, and Hawkeye came out a little while later.
'What is it?' he asked, half annoyed at being interrupted.
'Sorry to bother you, and lieutenant Baker,' Izzy said, casting a glance in at the blushing nurse. 'But Frank found out I wrote some nasty messages on his letter home, and he's not too happy.'
'When have you had the chance to write things in Frank's letters?' Hawkeye asked.
'Ages ago. He sent those letters without looking and his wife decided to mention them in her next letter, which arrived today,' Izzy replied. She glanced back at Nurse Baker again, who was pulling her coat on. 'I'm sorry,' she apologised. 'I could get BJ to help me instead, let you two get back to your date.'
'No, we were just finishing up anyway,' Hawkeye mumbled.
'So what are we going to do about Ferret Face?' Izzy asked.
'We'll talk to him,' Hawkeye said, beginning to walk away. Izzy looked back at Nurse Baker again.
'Sorry,' she apologised again, and she ran to catch up to Hawkeye. They found Frank in the Swamp, pacing and looking angry.
'What's the matter, Frank?' Hawkeye asked.
'She's what's wrong!' Frank yelled, pointing at Izzy. 'She goes through my belongings and defaces my letters home!'
'Hey, I did it once. The letter didn't look finished, so I figured you'd write more on it and realise before you sent it off,' Izzy said. She saw her jacket on Franks bed, and picked it up before sitting beside the furnace. She had just realised how cold she actually was. 'It was just a joke,' she added.
'Come on, Frank. It's not as bad as the time Trapper and I glued the pages of your bible together, or the time Beej made you jump in that fox hole full of water,' Hawkeye said. 'Here, let me look at the letter.'
'My wife threw it out,' Frank pouted.
'Fine, let me look at the one she sent you,' Hawkeye said, holding his hand out. Frank fished out his piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to Hawkeye. Hawkeye read over it and then handed it to Izzy. Izzy didn't bother reading it again, she just threw it in the fire.
'HEY!' Frank yelled. 'That was a letter from my wife!'
'Right,' Izzy said.
'This way, you can't go to Colonel Potter about it,' Hawkeye said.
'I'll just write my wife again,' Frank said.
'And I'll just burn her letter again,' Izzy said. 'Look, I didn't mean anything by it. Will you accept a sorry, and a promise I won't touch your letters again if you don't press charges?' Frank thought for a moment.
'Alright,' he said, shaking Izzy's hand.
'While we're on the subject, you may get a letter from your stock brokers saying thanks for donating all your shares to them,' Hawkeye said.
'Why you dirty rat!' Frank yelled as Hawkeye and Izzy bolted from the Swamp.
'Private, may I have a word with you outside?' Frank asked, trying to hold his temper.
'Of course, Major,' Izzy said, slipping through the crowd. She looked back when she got to the door, finding that Frank was having trouble getting through the marines. Izzy smiled. Obviously Frank wasn't used to slipping through masses of people like she was. She'd also been able to swipe about twenty dollars from the marines, which she'd donate later to Father Mulchay for the orphans.
'Where did you want to talk?' Izzy asked Frank pleasantly when he finally got out of the Officer's club. The tone annoyed Frank, and Izzy knew it.
'Colonel Potter's office. Now,' Frank said. Izzy followed Frank, still not too worried. Potter was in the Officer's club, half drunk, and telling BJ about World War Two.
'What's the matter, Frank?' Izzy asked when they finally got to the office. She sat up on the Colonel's desk and began to swing her legs as to annoy Frank even more. It worked.
'What were you doing in my belongings?' Frank exploded.
'I haven't been near your stuff for ages,' Izzy said.
'How do you explain this then?' Frank demanded, passing a piece of paper to Izzy with his hand shaking. Izzy scanned the letter quickly, then started to feel a little worried. The letter was from Frank's wife, demanding to know what the remarks on the last letter Frank had sent were. Izzy laughed nervously. Obviously Frank hadn't reread the letter to his wife that Izzy had added to the day she read Hawkeye's own letter to Trapper.
'What about it?' Izzy asked. Maybe she could bluff her way out.
'You wrote things in my personal letter home!' Frank yelled.
'Prove it was me,' Izzy said, calmly, silently picking out an escape route.
'You're the only wacko in camp who says "Don't have a cow, man",' Frank said. Izzy knew her frequent quotes from "The Simpsons" would get her in trouble one day. She jumped off the desk, and tried to run for the door. Frank grabbed her by the scruff of her jacket, but she managed to wriggle out of it and disappear into the dark compound. It was freezing cold, but Izzy didn't care. She knew Frank had reason to have her arrested now, and she didn't feel like going down easy. First she'd have to find Hawkeye. She knew he was on a date, and odds were he'd be in the Supply room, but she didn't really want to walk in on anything. On the other hand, Potter was tipsy and it'd take Frank a while to get through to the Colonel what he wanted to do. But Potter might sign anything Frank put under his nose in the state he was in at the moment, even a form saying Frank was now CO. Izzy shuddered at the thought. Better go find Hawkeye. She went to the supply room first and was relieved to find a coat hanger on the door knob.
'Hawkeye?' Izzy called, knocking quietly. 'It's Izzy. Frank is ready to kill me, so I'd like your help for a minute.' There was some shuffling noises inside for a few minutes, and a little cursing, and Hawkeye came out a little while later.
'What is it?' he asked, half annoyed at being interrupted.
'Sorry to bother you, and lieutenant Baker,' Izzy said, casting a glance in at the blushing nurse. 'But Frank found out I wrote some nasty messages on his letter home, and he's not too happy.'
'When have you had the chance to write things in Frank's letters?' Hawkeye asked.
'Ages ago. He sent those letters without looking and his wife decided to mention them in her next letter, which arrived today,' Izzy replied. She glanced back at Nurse Baker again, who was pulling her coat on. 'I'm sorry,' she apologised. 'I could get BJ to help me instead, let you two get back to your date.'
'No, we were just finishing up anyway,' Hawkeye mumbled.
'So what are we going to do about Ferret Face?' Izzy asked.
'We'll talk to him,' Hawkeye said, beginning to walk away. Izzy looked back at Nurse Baker again.
'Sorry,' she apologised again, and she ran to catch up to Hawkeye. They found Frank in the Swamp, pacing and looking angry.
'What's the matter, Frank?' Hawkeye asked.
'She's what's wrong!' Frank yelled, pointing at Izzy. 'She goes through my belongings and defaces my letters home!'
'Hey, I did it once. The letter didn't look finished, so I figured you'd write more on it and realise before you sent it off,' Izzy said. She saw her jacket on Franks bed, and picked it up before sitting beside the furnace. She had just realised how cold she actually was. 'It was just a joke,' she added.
'Come on, Frank. It's not as bad as the time Trapper and I glued the pages of your bible together, or the time Beej made you jump in that fox hole full of water,' Hawkeye said. 'Here, let me look at the letter.'
'My wife threw it out,' Frank pouted.
'Fine, let me look at the one she sent you,' Hawkeye said, holding his hand out. Frank fished out his piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to Hawkeye. Hawkeye read over it and then handed it to Izzy. Izzy didn't bother reading it again, she just threw it in the fire.
'HEY!' Frank yelled. 'That was a letter from my wife!'
'Right,' Izzy said.
'This way, you can't go to Colonel Potter about it,' Hawkeye said.
'I'll just write my wife again,' Frank said.
'And I'll just burn her letter again,' Izzy said. 'Look, I didn't mean anything by it. Will you accept a sorry, and a promise I won't touch your letters again if you don't press charges?' Frank thought for a moment.
'Alright,' he said, shaking Izzy's hand.
'While we're on the subject, you may get a letter from your stock brokers saying thanks for donating all your shares to them,' Hawkeye said.
'Why you dirty rat!' Frank yelled as Hawkeye and Izzy bolted from the Swamp.