'Someone returned your uniform?' Hawkeye asked when he saw Izzy later on.
'No, the nurse's got all their spare uniforms and I got to pick outta them what I needed,' Izzy replied, shrugging. The whole camp knew about Russell coming and it was a relief for them to see that Izzy finally had a new uniform. Although she wasn't as useful as some of the others, she was a part of the unit. Radar raced past the two before skidding to a halt.
'General Russell is arriving,' he said breathlessly before running off again. Izzy bit her lip, and her hand strayed to her dogtags. It had become a habit of hers to play with them in her hands when she was nervous or scared.
'I bet I'm no good for him anyway,' Izzy said.
'You'll be better than me,' Hawkeye replied. 'Come on.' He led her away to the Swamp, and they sat down, trying not to wake BJ.
'He's early, you know,' Izzy said, glancing at the sleeping man's watch.
'Who? Russell? Yeah, I suppose he is,' Hawkeye said quietly, looking at the still standing Still. 'Suppose we'd better wake Beej and move the Still somewhere where Russell won't find it.'
'Probably too late for that,' Izzy commented as they noticed Potter marching towards the Swamp with another man. She got up quickly, and covered the Still with a sheet. Although she didn't drink from it, the Still was part of the 4077th, like her, and there was no way she was going to let Russell get it. The General was short with graying hair, and a sour look on his face. Izzy nudged BJ awake as the two elderly men walked into the tent.
'Attention!' Potter shouted. Hawkeye, BJ and Izzy reluctantly got to their feet and saluted. When the salute was returned, they sat down again.
'Who are these three?' snapped Russell.
'Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce, Captain BJ Hunnicutt and Private Izzy Parker,' Potter pointed to each in return.
'What's a Private doing in officer's quarters?' Russell demanded. 'And why is that man so untidy?' He pointed to BJ.
'I was asleep,' BJ said, unable to help himself.
'And I was invited,' Izzy added, not wanted BJ to get into trouble for talking back.
'Pierce, you're on Post op,' Potter broke in. He shot a warning look at the three, and held the Swamp door open for the General. Izzy got up with Hawkeye and they followed the Colonel and the General. BJ stayed in the Swamp, hoping to get some more sleep before dinner.
'General, this is Major Burns,' Potter said when the four got inside the Post op. Frank saluted, and the General saluted back.
'I've got to be going now, General. Must do some cleaning,' Frank said. 'You're late!' he hissed as he passed Hawkeye.
'Don't forget, Klinger wanted fabric softener on his bras!' Hawkeye yelled rudely out after Frank. Potter gave Hawkeye a meaningful look before taking Russell to meet the nurse on duty. Izzy went to a bed in the corner, and read the chart there.
'What does Parker actually do? She's too low a rank to be a nurse,' Russell said.
'She helps around camp. She cooks, cleans and goes on guard duty every now and then,' Potter said as Hawkeye joined Izzy. Both strained their ears to hear what the General was saying about Izzy.
'You have corpsmen for that,' Russell said. 'If she's no use to the unit, get rid of her!'
'Hey!' Izzy exclaimed.
'Keep out of this, Private!' Russell yelled. Hawkeye marched over to them.
'Izzy is extremely useful! Sure, she's no good in surgery, and she tends to disappear when the bed pans need cleaning out, but she's a great help to the camp!' he told General Russell.
'Oh boy,' Potter said quietly to himself, but no-one paid him any attention.
'Do you realise who you are speaking to?' Russell demanded.
'The most egotistic General in the army,' Izzy called out, not wanting to go down without a fight. Hawkeye and Russell began yelling things at each other, Izzy watching with interest. Suddenly, all three jumped when Potter roared at someone coming into the room.
'KLINGER!'
Izzy started laughing, and Hawkeye looked over to the doorway. Klinger way standing there, wearing his white wedding gown. Obviously, he thought he had a better chance in front of a firing squad than in the war.
**~~*~~*~~*~~**
Russell left the 4077th later that day, half believing he had hit his head at some point during his trip to the camp and the whole world had gone mad. He didn't court marshal anyone, or put anyone in front of a firing squad. Klinger didn't even get a discharge. News later got to the camp that Russell had been retired by a superior who believed he was no longer fit to be a part of the army. At the time, Russell had been wearing a late 1940's dress.
**~~*~~*~~*~~**
Kooshball Note: Although it never originally crossed my mind, Izzy and Radar will not get together, though thanks for the suggestion, Navriq. (I'm not very good at romances, that's the main reason why they will never get together).
'No, the nurse's got all their spare uniforms and I got to pick outta them what I needed,' Izzy replied, shrugging. The whole camp knew about Russell coming and it was a relief for them to see that Izzy finally had a new uniform. Although she wasn't as useful as some of the others, she was a part of the unit. Radar raced past the two before skidding to a halt.
'General Russell is arriving,' he said breathlessly before running off again. Izzy bit her lip, and her hand strayed to her dogtags. It had become a habit of hers to play with them in her hands when she was nervous or scared.
'I bet I'm no good for him anyway,' Izzy said.
'You'll be better than me,' Hawkeye replied. 'Come on.' He led her away to the Swamp, and they sat down, trying not to wake BJ.
'He's early, you know,' Izzy said, glancing at the sleeping man's watch.
'Who? Russell? Yeah, I suppose he is,' Hawkeye said quietly, looking at the still standing Still. 'Suppose we'd better wake Beej and move the Still somewhere where Russell won't find it.'
'Probably too late for that,' Izzy commented as they noticed Potter marching towards the Swamp with another man. She got up quickly, and covered the Still with a sheet. Although she didn't drink from it, the Still was part of the 4077th, like her, and there was no way she was going to let Russell get it. The General was short with graying hair, and a sour look on his face. Izzy nudged BJ awake as the two elderly men walked into the tent.
'Attention!' Potter shouted. Hawkeye, BJ and Izzy reluctantly got to their feet and saluted. When the salute was returned, they sat down again.
'Who are these three?' snapped Russell.
'Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce, Captain BJ Hunnicutt and Private Izzy Parker,' Potter pointed to each in return.
'What's a Private doing in officer's quarters?' Russell demanded. 'And why is that man so untidy?' He pointed to BJ.
'I was asleep,' BJ said, unable to help himself.
'And I was invited,' Izzy added, not wanted BJ to get into trouble for talking back.
'Pierce, you're on Post op,' Potter broke in. He shot a warning look at the three, and held the Swamp door open for the General. Izzy got up with Hawkeye and they followed the Colonel and the General. BJ stayed in the Swamp, hoping to get some more sleep before dinner.
'General, this is Major Burns,' Potter said when the four got inside the Post op. Frank saluted, and the General saluted back.
'I've got to be going now, General. Must do some cleaning,' Frank said. 'You're late!' he hissed as he passed Hawkeye.
'Don't forget, Klinger wanted fabric softener on his bras!' Hawkeye yelled rudely out after Frank. Potter gave Hawkeye a meaningful look before taking Russell to meet the nurse on duty. Izzy went to a bed in the corner, and read the chart there.
'What does Parker actually do? She's too low a rank to be a nurse,' Russell said.
'She helps around camp. She cooks, cleans and goes on guard duty every now and then,' Potter said as Hawkeye joined Izzy. Both strained their ears to hear what the General was saying about Izzy.
'You have corpsmen for that,' Russell said. 'If she's no use to the unit, get rid of her!'
'Hey!' Izzy exclaimed.
'Keep out of this, Private!' Russell yelled. Hawkeye marched over to them.
'Izzy is extremely useful! Sure, she's no good in surgery, and she tends to disappear when the bed pans need cleaning out, but she's a great help to the camp!' he told General Russell.
'Oh boy,' Potter said quietly to himself, but no-one paid him any attention.
'Do you realise who you are speaking to?' Russell demanded.
'The most egotistic General in the army,' Izzy called out, not wanting to go down without a fight. Hawkeye and Russell began yelling things at each other, Izzy watching with interest. Suddenly, all three jumped when Potter roared at someone coming into the room.
'KLINGER!'
Izzy started laughing, and Hawkeye looked over to the doorway. Klinger way standing there, wearing his white wedding gown. Obviously, he thought he had a better chance in front of a firing squad than in the war.
**~~*~~*~~*~~**
Russell left the 4077th later that day, half believing he had hit his head at some point during his trip to the camp and the whole world had gone mad. He didn't court marshal anyone, or put anyone in front of a firing squad. Klinger didn't even get a discharge. News later got to the camp that Russell had been retired by a superior who believed he was no longer fit to be a part of the army. At the time, Russell had been wearing a late 1940's dress.
**~~*~~*~~*~~**
Kooshball Note: Although it never originally crossed my mind, Izzy and Radar will not get together, though thanks for the suggestion, Navriq. (I'm not very good at romances, that's the main reason why they will never get together).