Catharsis

sheath
.:chapter eighteen:.

Back braced against a tree and the breeze pulling at his hair, Yahiko struggled against the tide of emotion threatening to turn him into a blubbering mess. Chin quivering and eyes squeezed shut, he willed himself not to cry. The effort was working until the apex of their argument replayed in his mind.

'How can you defend him?!' He demanded. 'He's a murderer!'

Kaoru shook her head, 'He's changing Yahiko. Why can't you see that?'

'All I see is you fawning all over him!'

'I don't fawn—'

'You do! I can't stand to be around you when you're like that. It's disgusting! It's like you're 'in-love' with him or something!'

'...'

'Wait a minute... you're not, right?! Tell me you're not—'

'Yahiko...'

'TELL ME YOU'RE NOT!'

"Yahiko," a concerned voice said, startling the boy from his thoughts. Pride stung, he quickly rubbed his eyes with his sleeve in the vain attempt to hide his tears.

"Go away," the boy said, voice shaky.

Kenshin didn't budge, nor did he respond.

Yahiko glowered. "I said, go away!"

The rurouni waited patiently, quietly. When it was clear to Yahiko that Kenshin wasn't going anywhere, he put on his best defensive front. "I'm not going to apologize to her. You can't make me."

"I didn't come out here to 'make' you do anything," the rurouni said, speaking for the first time.

Yahiko gave him a skeptical look. "Did she send you out here?"

"No, I came on my own." Concern lifted the corners of his mouth into a kind smile, "I thought you might want to talk."

"All of the sudden you're worried about me? After being gone for almost two months and hardly talking to either one of us before that." Yahiko snorted, "Right."

That took the smile from Kenshin's face. His suddenly doleful expression made Yahiko feel satisfied that he scored a hit on the rurouni.

"Kaoru-dono wanted something I couldn't give her," he said quietly, as though admitting something deeply personal. "If I had stayed, I would have hurt her more. And you as well. I couldn't live with myself if I brought you more pain."

Tears long dry, Yahiko felt cheeky. "Sounds like a cop-out to me."

Kenshin let the dig slide. "I regret hurting both of you. More than anything, I regret not being there when you both needed me the most... but I don't regret my decision to become rurouni again. Kaoru-dono is young and just beginning her life. If I had stayed, I would have pulled her down with me."

"If you had stayed, Enishi wouldn't be here and Buso wouldn't be acting so weird all the time."

Kenshin nodded, "That may be true." He peered at the boy intently, "That's what bothers you the most, isn't it? Kaoru-dono likes having Enishi around."

The conversation once again centered on him, Yahiko glared.

"You two were arguing about Enishi, weren't you?"

The boy snorted and looked away.

"Did you tell Kaoru-dono that you 'hate' her?"

"... yes."

Kenshin frowned, "Why?"

"I don't know. I was just... mad."

The rurouni waited for Yahiko to continue, but he refused to elaborate.

"She really believes that you hate her now," he said. "She was sobbing when I left. What you said hurt her a great deal."

Yahiko's shoulders twitched ever so slightly, but still he remained quiet. Seconds ticked by and the boy found himself staring at a pair of pebbles next to his foot. He pushed one around with his toe and hoped Kenshin would let the subject die.

"Why did you push her?"

The question lifted Yahiko's eyes until he returned the rurouni's steady gaze. "I didn't mean to push her like... that."

"I know you didn't," Kenshin said. "But losing control over your emotions like that isn't how a samurai should behave. You realize that as her student, you committed insubordination with your disrespect, don't you?"

Yahiko nodded, but he still didn't want to apologize. Nor was he ready to face her just yet... Enishi especially. The last person he wanted to see was that guy.

"When I first met Enishi, he bit my hand," Kenshin said.

Yahiko blinked and gave him a queer look. The rurouni merely smiled at his confusion.

"Enishi was about your age then," he continued. "I didn't know he was Tomoe's brother. I was playing with some of the neighbor children and I saw him watching us from a good distance away. I thought he was just being shy, so I invited him to join us. He bit me instead." Kenshin smirked and lifted his hand for emphasis, "Hurt, too."

"So he's been psychotic from birth," Yahiko commented under his breath. "I could have told you that."

"Enishi had a tough time as a child," Kenshin said, pretending not to hear the boy's sarcastic remark. "That's why he was so attached to Tomoe. She was more like a mother to him than a sister. When he witnessed her death, it destroyed him."

Yahiko scowled and looked away, feigning disinterest.

"And he was your age," Kenshin said, pushing his point. "Maybe a little younger."

The boy shrugged, "Yeah, but I never tried to kill anyone."

"What would have happened to you had you remained with the yakuza?"

"I never would have killed anyone," Yahiko reiterated.

"That may be," Kenshin agreed, "but you and I both know what the yakuza does and is capable of. If you had resisted, they would have killed you. If you had complied, you would have been their dog."

Yahiko sighed and maintained his stubborn exterior.

"People change, Yahiko," he said, locking the boy's eyes with his own. "I changed from a hitokiri into a rurouni. Sanosuke gave up the name 'Zanza' and stopped making a living as a fighter for hire. You are no longer a pit-pocket, but a samurai. The man who came to Tokyo over a year ago demanding Jinchuu is not the same man living in the dojo. His eyes are different. He wanted to attack me while we were talking this morning, but he didn't. He's changing, and the person helping him to change is Kaoru-dono."

Silence. Yahiko tore his eyes away and stared at his feet for several moments.

"You don't believe he's a threat to anyone, do you?"

"No. At least not to Kaoru-dono," Kenshin said, answering the boy's soft-spoken question. "If he could control his hatred enough not to raise a sword against me, then I doubt he's a danger to anyone right now."

A pregnant pause filled the air. Then the rurouni added, "I think Enishi is in a transition period right now. He's still fighting his demons, so he's not totally free... but he's getting there."

"Because of Kaoru?" Yahiko asked.

"Mmm."

"And that's why you think the two of them together is a good thing, right?"

Kenshin pressed his lips together thoughtfully. "Yes."

"I don't," Yahiko stared up at Kenshin, eyes heavy with grief. "I hate him! And Kaoru is an idiot!! I can't... " He trailed off when tears threatened to spill over. Clenching his fists to his sides, he dug his nails into his palms. "If Enishi stays, I don't think I can live there anymore..."

• • •

Yahiko didn't know what to expect when he and Kenshin returned to the dojo. Guilt haunted him even as frustration throbbed just under his skin. Talking to Kenshin made him feel a little better, but that didn't change his deeper problems. The most poisonous being his on-going grudge against Enishi.

He meant what he said though. Now that it was apparent that Kenshin wasn't going to force Enishi to leave, Yahiko didn't think he could stand to live under the same roof as him.

Crossing the yard toward the house, Yahiko looked up to see Kaoru waiting for him. Clothes dusty and hair disheveled, from a distance she looked as though she just woke up. The closer Yahiko drew toward her, the more clearly he saw the tear stains on her cheeks and puffiness around her eyes.

Kenshin's words floated to the forefront of his mind. Kaoru's unkempt appearance was due to his disrespect and lack of control over his emotions. She should be angry at him, but it was clear that she wasn't. Instead she seemed grieved. He didn't think it was possible for her too look more upset than she did the night Kenshin left for Kyoto. Seeing that expression, feeling her anxiety... at that moment, Yahiko got a small taste of just how important he was to his sensei.

Stopping directly in front of her, Yahiko didn't say a word. Nor could be maintain eye contact with her. He felt three pairs of eyes watching him intently, but the way Kaoru looked at him troubled him the most. As her eyes searched his form, Yahiko felt welts of guilt mar his soul.

Yahiko bit his lip. 'Did I hurt her that much..?'

Then, he swallowed his pride. Or at least, a chunk of it. "I'm... sorry, Kaoru," Yahiko automatically bent at the waist to offer an apologetic bow.

Silence for a moment, then a muffled sniffle. When he felt her hand squeeze his shoulder he looked up. Fighting tears and wearing a trembling smile, Yahiko got the distinct impression that she was about to hug him... in front of everyone. Being hugged by a weepy girl would be embarrassing. Pride suddenly sweeping through him, he scowled.

"Jeez, Buso," he said. "What are you bawlin' for—"

A sudden 'THWAK!' and Yahiko was rubbing the top of his head.

"Hey! What'd you do that for?!"

"Don't... call me that," her voice choked out, barely able to form the words. She cleared her throat and attempted to square her shoulders, but found the action impossible while trying to fight tears. "500 swings..!"

Still rubbing his head, Yahiko peered at his sensei. Kaoru struggled hard against her emotions while trying to appear stern. The dichotomy that warred across her face made him cringe.

And suddenly, it hit him. When he apologized and bowed, Yahiko didn't quite understand the reason for her tears. He insulted her out of habit and realized too late he was only pouring salt on her wounds. Just as he had returned to his cocky disposition, Kaoru, too, once again became his master rather than concerned, older sister.

Retrieving his shinai, Yahiko began the exercise without complaint.

• • •

Nostalgia lifted the corners of his lips as he closed his eyes and listened. The gentle thud of a knife blade hitting a wood cutting board tickled his ears as Kaoru painstakingly sliced vegetables in the kitchen. Each cut was slow and careful. By the sounds alone, Kenshin knew she was working hard to avoid making any mistakes. Normally she would cut the vegetables too quickly, causing the pieces to be uneven. When she cooked the ingredients, some slices would burn while others only got lukewarm.

'But she tries hard,' Kenshin thought, feeling strangely homesick. It was ironic that Kaoru could be so skilled with a sword, even if it was a bokken, and yet have so much trouble slicing vegetables in uniform size. It was a quirk he always thought was rather cute.

Kenshin left his seat overlooking the yard and moved to stand in the doorway of the kitchen. Wearing a kappougi to protect her kimono from stains, she began slicing the last diakon. Beside her sat a simmering pot of wakame. She was making miso, and so far, she was doing everything exactly right. He watched her for several moments, considering how he should speak to her about Yahiko. If he told her everything the boy said, she would easily take it the wrong way and end up feeling even more hurt. Kenshin didn't want that.

A feeling of being watched settled around him and Kenshin immediately glanced at his left. With an open book sitting in his lap, Enishi stared at the rurouni. Kenshin offered a disarming smile while Enishi simply pushed his glasses higher on the bridge of his nose.

'Guess now is as good a time as any to speak to Kaoru-dono,' Kenshin thought with a sigh. 'Enishi is going to be annoyed no matter what I do.'

"Kaoru-dono," Kenshin said, causing the girl to stutter in her work.

She glanced over her shoulder, "Yes?"

Kenshin smiled in a friendly manner, "May I speak to you for a moment?"

Kaoru paused and bit her lip. "Can it wait?" She asked, and nodded toward the pot of wakame. "I might ruin something if I leave."

"I can slice the rest of the vegetables and we can talk in here, if you'd like," he offered.

She considered it for a moment and then stood aside, opening the cutting board to him. "Alright. You slice and I'll stir..?"

He smiled, nodded, and then stepped forward.

"I'm finished with the diakon, but I still need the onions and carrots done." She handed him the knife.

Kenshin immediately went to work on the onions as Kaoru added the diakon to the miso.

"Thank you for going after Yahiko today, Kenshin," she said as she stirred.

"I'm glad to help."

Kenshin finished one onion and reached for another. "Kaoru-dono..."

"Hmm?"

"I was thinking," he said, making his first cut. "Perhaps it might be a good idea for me to take Yahiko with me when I leave again."

She blinked and turned to look at him fully. "Wh... what?" When the rurouni didn't immediately answer, the color drained from her face, "Why?"

Kenshin considered his next words carefully. Based on his conversation with Enishi, it was clear Kaoru was still unaware of how deeply he felt for her. And although he wasn't standing in the room with them, it was very likely that he was listening to their conversation.

"Kaoru-dono, Yahiko is having a difficult time right now," Kenshin said, careful not to mention Enishi outright. "I believe it would help ease some of the tension if he spent some time away and gained some perspective."

"..."

"And maturity," Kenshin added, then handed her the finished onions. She seemed at a loss of what to do with them until he pointed at the pot behind her.

Kaoru dumped the onions into the miso with a despondent air. She stirred the soup slowly, methodically. Kenshin watched her out of the corners of his eyes and knew she was taking the suggestion the wrong way.

"Kaoru-dono..?"

"Did he say he wanted to go with you?" She asked without looking at him.

"No," was the quick response. "He doesn't know anything about it. I wanted to talk to you first and find out how you feel."

Kaoru gave a languid nod.

"If you think it's a bad idea, then I will withdraw the suggestion—"

"Did he say he wanted to leave... me?" She asked, almost timidly.

Kenshin didn't want to tell her the truth of what Yahiko actually said. The wounds from this morning were far too fresh... she wouldn't understand. But if he lied outright, she would know.

"He doesn't want to leave you, Kaoru-dono," he said, adding emphasis where necessary to reassure her heart. "But he isn't ready to accept Enishi's presence here yet, either."

Kaoru gave a slight nod, "I... see."

She took the carrots from him and stirred them into the miso. The smells filling the kitchen made his stomach growl. He hadn't planned on eating dinner at the house. It seemed unreasonable to him to expect Enishi's tolerance of his presence to last through a meal. His brother-in-law needed a break, so Kenshin thought it wise to leave for a few hours. Besides, he had yet to stop by the Akebeko and say hello.

"Where will you go?" Kaoru asked, disturbing his thoughts.

The rurouni tilted his head as he considered. "I haven't decided. Perhaps he would like to visit Aizu? Or, we could head north... toward Niigata?"

Kaoru nodded. "I'm sure he wouldn't mind seeing Megumi." She stared into the swirling pot of miso, "How long?"

"That depends on you. He's your student."

Sighing, she turned away from the cooking meal and leaned against the counter. An introspective look filled her eyes.

"Kaoru-dono," Kenshin said, seeing her uncertainly. "If you don't want him to go..."

"Do you really think it would help him?"

"The only thing that would satisfy Yahiko right now is for Enishi to leave," Kenshin pitched his voice so only Kaoru could hear. "But I believe sending him away would be a mistake... you know that too, don't you?"

She nodded.

"I can't think of any alternative, can you?" Kenshin asked. "Yahiko isn't ready to give up his anger and distrust yet. I think if he were to have a break from the tension, he would be able to see the situation more clearly."

Kaoru chewed her lip thoughtfully. "What you're saying," she began quietly. "It makes sense... but..."

"Kaoru-dono," Kenshin said when her voice trailed off. "If you don't want him to leave, you can say no. The decision is yours to make."

"No, it isn't," she said, her voice taking on a hint of resolution. She paused, and gathered her courage. Lifting her eyes to meet his, Kaoru continued, "The best thing to do now is to let him decide, don't you think?"

She didn't wait for Kenshin to answer, "If Yahiko wants to go, he has my permission to do so."

• • •

With spring bleeding into summer, the mornings lost their comfortable coolness quickly. The bastard and the brat were planning to leave early, long before noon. To say he was looking forward to their departure was to underestimate his desire to be free of their company. Kamiya didn't seem bothered about Battousai leaving again, but she was uncomfortable about letting the boy go. Enishi suspected she was worried the brat wouldn't come back. While such a prospect made him smile vindictively, the idea did the exact opposite for Kamiya. For that reason, he hoped her suspicions proved untrue.

Rising from his futon, Enishi stretched and turned, working sinews still tense from another night spent wide awake and anxious. Clearing his mind and anticipating a day free of Battousai, Enishi left his room. Kamiya's door opened a few seconds after he stepped into the hall. He said nothing, waiting instead for her to look up and see him. She didn't. Head down and attention clearly elsewhere, Kamiya walked directly into him.

"Oh!" She stepped back, a blush already coloring her cheeks. "Sorry."

The first thing Enishi noticed about her was that she was wearing her hair differently. Rather than having it in a high ponytail, she only had the front section of her hair pulled back, leaving the rest down around her shoulders. A few locks of hair not yet long enough to be secured hung around her face. With so much of her bangs away from her brow, Kamiya's eyes suddenly seemed quite large and bright.

"I guess I'm still a little groggy," she said apologetically, pushing a lock behind her ear. It fell forward again seconds later.

Enishi wanted to push the lock away from her brow for her, but didn't.

"Your hair is different," he said, stating the obvious.

Kamiya touched the top of her head and fingered the tie holding her hair in place. "Yeah," her blushed deepened. "I got tired of having to deal with my bangs in my eyes all the time... but they aren't long enough yet to pull back into a ponytail, so..."

Enishi's eyes moved over her face, soaking in her features. His scrutiny made her uncomfortable, but she didn't look away. Unable to resist any longer, he pushed the stubborn lock away from her forehead and smiled, "I like it."

They found Yahiko and Battousai already up when they entered the sitting room. The brat was triple-checking his pack as Battousai sat by and sipped his tea.

Traditional morning greetings were exchanged with sickening politeness. Then the small talk between Battousai and Kamiya began. Through it all, Enishi noticed the unusual expression on the brat's face as he eyed his sensei. When she excused herself to go fix them some food for the road, Enishi took the opportunity to comment on the way the boy was looking at her.

"Not so 'buso' is she, brat?"

Yahiko glared as Battousai chuckled into his tea cup. Then silence. Battousai kept his attention fixed on a squirrel climbing a tree in the yard and the boy resumed his packing. Enishi watched Yahiko take a mental inventory of the items he was taking with him. For being a major pain in the ass, the brat was surprisingly organized for a kid his age. Enishi had been like that, too.

The parallels between himself and the brat were almost eerie. Enishi first felt empathy toward the boy almost a year ago when he demanded Kamiya be released from her island prison. Since his return to Tokyo, those parallels became increasingly glaring. Almost to the point of being funny.

'Damn, I was a rotten kid.' The image of Tomoe filled his mind, 'I'm sorry, nee-san. I didn't mean to cause you so much heartache.'

The image of her in his mind shimmered and changed. It reformed and his heart stuttered. She was smiling. For the first time since her death, she was smiling for him.

Jinchuu whirled through his mind. From the snowy morning of its bloody conception... to the months spent drinking muddy water and decaying flesh on the streets of Shanghai... to his barbaric rise to the top of the Chinese Syndicate. Every moment, every action... no matter how horrible... led him here. To this place. To her...

• • •

Kaoru was doing well. Kenshin had expected her to become teary, but she didn't. She hugged the boy fondly and gave him some last minute instructions on what skills he should work on while he was gone. Yahiko rolled his eyes but agreed to do as she asked. Then she hugged him again.

To his surprise, Enishi gave the boy a respectful nod. It wasn't much of a gesture, but it was more courteous acknowledgment than Kenshin expected to see out of him.

When it came time to say goodbye to the rurouni, Kaoru hesitated. Kenshin knew she was struggling with what would be appropriate at that juncture. It made for a few uncomfortable seconds with Enishi standing right next to her.

Kenshin smiled and promised once again to make sure Yahiko kept up with his exercises. And he reiterated his intention to return in three weeks (four at the most). The interaction felt terribly impersonal, so at the last moment, Kenshin stepped forward and hugged her. The embrace was brief, but sincere. Before Kenshin released her from his arms, he gently whispered the truth he wanted her to understand.

"You are to Enishi what Tomoe was to Battousai."

AN: Okay, some terms may need to be defined.

kappougi - it's basically an apron designed to fit over a kimono

wakame - seaweed

daikon - Japanese radish

I'm going out of town in two weeks. I'm working to get the next chapter done before I go, but if that doesn't happen, the next update will be in three weeks.

Thanks again for all the great reviews, support, feedback and criticism! You guys are great!!