Hiding Under the Ninth Earth
Book 02 : A Bit Of All Right
by I Got Tired of Waiting

Part II : Harry and Severus
Chapter Sixteen : The Long List

7 August 1997

Severus told Harry years later that after Harry had killed Sirius' mother, Dumbledore decided he needed a new direction to his studies. While the Headmaster was ostensibly pleased with Harry's burgeoning abilities, he was privately appalled by his increasing lack of control. Albus had hoped Harry would grow out of his impetuosity but was concerned about his apparent lack of progress. Finally hearing what Snape had been trying to tell him for years, Dumbledore had paid the Potions Master an unexpected visit one evening in his quarters shortly before the beginning of the school year.

Snape limited himself to raised eyebrows when he greeted the Headmaster at the door; he could count on one hand the number of times Dumbledore had been down to his private quarters uninvited. While the old man settled into one of the wingback chairs by the fireplace, Severus warmed them each a brandy. Snape offered him a snifter, which he took with relief.

Dumbledore shifted in the chair. Had he been a student, Severus would say he was squirming. 'And if he's restless, then he must be after something he knows I will be reluctant to give him, or--'

The Headmaster cleared his throat. "We need to talk about Harry."

'--or wants to talk about something unpleasant he wants me to do.' Snape raised a brow, chuckling. "Why am I not surprised?"

Hedging his reply by swirling the brandy in the tulip-shaped glass, Albus finally sighed. "Don't make this harder than it is, Severus. Just bask in the resultant 'I-told-you-so' and let's move on."

Snape chortled, his eyes wicked. "Oh? And what of your many words about Mr. Potter are YOU going to be eating this time?"

Eyeing the Headmaster over the glass, Snape could tell the admission was going to be painful from the way he refused to meet his eyes, staring into the fire instead. He muttered, "The ones I uttered when I said that young Harry is only going through a phase like any other teenager and will grow out of it over time."

The Potions Master was enjoying Albus' discomfiture and after all the frustration of the years of warnings with little heed from his Headmaster, he couldn't resist protracting the agony. "Ah, I see. And would that be for the times when I complained about his inability to follow simple directions, or for the several occasions when I told you he was a danger to himself and every one around him, or was it the numerous incidents when I warned you he was losing control?" The smugness radiated off of him like the heat from the small fire.

Albus gave him a grim smile, his eyes catching Snape's with glinting intent as he replied, "Enjoy your victory while you can, Severus, for in a few minutes it's going to be your problem as well. However, to answer your question, for all of them but mainly for the latter."

Snape grunted. "Hmph. He always winds up being 'my problem', Albus, so don't think your words are striking terror into my heart." He took a sip of the brandy, its warmth banishing the cold spot the Headmaster's words made despite his brave words to the contrary. He took a deep breath, willing the nerves away as he said nonchalantly, "So you now admit he's completely out of control?"

Dumbledore shook his head. "No, not completely--not yet, but I think he could be. This last episode at Grimmauld Place, while impressive, has been an even sharper warning that, although Harry has gained tremendous knowledge and power, he is sorely lacking in the ability to make responsible decisions concerning its use. I'd hoped he would grow out of it normally like any other young person, however--"

Snape snorted and caustically observed, "There had never been anything remotely 'normal' about the boy, so why did you think it was ever going to change?"

Eyes tired, Dumbledore said, "Everyone grows up, Severus."

His mien thoughtful, Snape said quietly, "If they are allowed to, they do."

Dumbledore threw him a sharp glance. "What do you mean by that?"

Severus shook his head at the apparent obtuseness. "Have you not noticed that few deny him anything? No one treats him the same as his peers, so why should we expect him to be the same? Minerva coddles the boy. You give him almost anything he wants like he's an only child. And me? I'm vilified when I try to treat him just like any other spoiled brat." He switched to a whiny nasal voice. "Poor Harry, 'The Nasty Old Greasy Git' is picking on him again; let's give him a sweet." Snorting his disgust at the whole thing, he exclaimed, "Bah!" His irritation was further fuelled when he saw Albus hide a small smile with his brandy.

"Jealous, Severus?"

Snape snorted, his face haughty. "Hardly," he spat, "I earned my stripes, thank you very much. I have always prided myself on rational thought and action--even in risk taking because I learned from my youthful peccadillos, which if you'll recall, killed no one."

Albus frowned, his displeasure evident from the down-turned edges of his mouth to the tightening of his hands on the glass, the knuckles whitened. "Now you are too harsh and go too far, Severus."

"Harsh?" He thought over his last words and realised he'd not expressed his opinions properly. He waved his hand in denial. "Oh, bother. I am NOT speaking of the Diggory boy or any of the other casualties of this war. Harry had no more control over those incidents than he did of your subtler machinations like Invisibility Cloaks, Magic Mirrors, and Time Turners--to name a few."

When he saw Dumbledore relax a bit, a small smile gracing his face, he continued, "No, you know of whom I speak and you also know I am not speaking of just Harry's responsibilities. Surely you know he blames himself solely for that mangy mutt's death. What I don't understand is why you let that boy, excuse me--that young man continue to bear the whole burden. It does him no good whatsoever; it eats at his confidence and his thoughts like a canker. When are you going to start bearing your culpability, Albus?"

Dumbledore, incredulous, exclaimed, "But I have already told him he is not responsible for Sirius' death! In my talks with him, he accepted my part in it, although he was very upset with me at the time. No, I think you are mistaken about this, Severus."

Snape erupted. "Damn it, Albus! You're indulging in your blind spot again. Where do you think I spend most nights? Playing chess? Working on my research? No, I spend them in that boy's head. Don't you DARE tell me I'm wrong. I see it! I see his dreams, his fears! I feel it! In here," he pointed at his head. "He is NOT dealing with it, Albus--it peppers his nightmares and fuels an almost tangible anger that bleeds into every aspect of his waking life. He is not accepting your explanation. The only person he blames is himself--NOT St. Albus."

Albus sighed and looked into the small cheery fire muttering. "I should know better by now than to doubt you. I've held back reading him for a while in an effort to not interfere with your training. I see the courtesy was a mistake. Thank you, Severus. I will talk to him again."

Snape noticed the fire felt like it was giving off more heat than it should and muttered a dampening spell before replying, "As much as I would enjoy watching you wallow in your own errors a bit longer, if only for my own satisfaction, I have to say talking to him will do no good, Albus. He won't listen."

"Why not?" he asked, perplexed.

"Because he knows you're wrong and for once, he's right." Snape's heavy words hung in the air.

Dumbledore raised his brows. "That boy is not responsible for Sirius's death! I am."

Snape regarded the Headmaster with a look akin to pity. "Albus, that young man is as responsible as any of us. Not you, not him, not even Bellatrix. All of us played a part. And we've given him no chance to come to terms with his earned guilt, no means to express it, and certainly no means to expiate his part in it. Instead everyone tells him he's not at fault, to just forget about it and move on. And then we wonder why he fails? Why he has no control? Why his magic gets wilder with each passing day? Why is he so angry? Why shouldn't he be? He's been lied to." He paused to take a long draught of the brandy; his throat felt raw.

He continued more quietly. "He needs someone to tell him the truth--you to tell him the truth. He'll listen to no one else. Yes, he was as responsible as any of us. Yes, he made some truly stupid choices, but made the best of them when they fell apart. He needs to know not everything happens according to a plan and that half of the battle is 'winging' your way out of it. Yes, people got hurt, yes, someone was killed, and yes, that's too damn bad, but it is a part of this life he's unfortunately been given. He also needs to see the good that came out of it as well--Fudge's acceptance of Voldemort's return, the tempering of his friends, the lessons he himself can learn from it."

Reigning in the shreds of his temper and before Dumbledore could interrupt him, he leaned forward and went on, "He just doesn't see it. Every contact with the Dark Lord to date has ended badly for him with someone hurt or worse, and whether he was at fault is immaterial. Most of us were fortunate that our same lessons, our same mistakes did not end with such dire consequences. Yes, we're sorry he was born at such an inopportune time. Too bad. He needs to see this clearly, Albus, so he can finally learn to look ahead at the consequences of his actions, learn that his choices can change lives, and that there is not a damn thing he can do about it. Maybe then he can finally bloody well grow up!" He threw up his hands, convinced he'd not made his point. "Bah! He needs a direction and a channel for his anger."

They sat for an interminable time, staring into the flames, each lost in their own thoughts. Albus startled Snape out of his reverie when he asked, "What's his progress?"

Tucking his ruminations into a corner of his mind, he concentrated on the question. Reluctantly he said, "His Occlumency meets an acceptable standard, but as you saw, it is by no means sufficient to thwart the Dark Lord."

"Have you told him he's progressing?" Albus queried, his eyes concerned.

Snape snapped, "Of course not. You feed his ego enough without my help. And until he learns some self-control, he will progress no further."

Albus chuckled. Snape could see the Headmaster had been expecting the answer and wondered when he'd become so predictable. Dumbledore asked, "And his Sanos abilities?"

Snape admitted, "He has a strong natural talent for it and for reading the Schema; his progress there has been swift. Madame Pomfrey and I have been satisfied on both fronts. His only problems have been in Transfigurations, a specialty all its own." He chuckled. "I found it ironic that his difficulties with McGonagall's Schema class gave us the excuse needed for the Monday Occlumency classes. However, even with the extra Friday course, he didn't progress far with her."

Dumbledore laughed. "He told Minerva that separating Transfiguration Schema was like someone asking him to dissect in stages how he caught a Snitch in a full Wronsky dive when it was just something he did by instinct."

"I remember--actually it's not a bad analogy. As I'd never before observed Transfigurations Schema, I sat in on his sessions with her--it was fascinating." His voice was vibrant, excited. "He's not having difficulty doing the actual transformations, but his confusion is in halting the process at each 'step'. And with reason. McGonagall showed him that the first exercise everyone learns in her class, a match to a needle, actually encompasses over 10 separate transformations as it changes shape, materials, and function. And each step has it's own Schema--" he saw the wicked twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes "--and why am I telling you this? You could probably teach McGonagall."

"Always glad to see you so enthusiastic, Severus. This teaching Harry has been good for both of you if for no other reason than to see you come alive again." He smiled at Snape's glare. "Have you been having any difficulties securing the cooperation of the staff?"

Snape thought about it a moment and slowly drawled, "No, not much. Firenze says Harry will never make a Seer, but has a good grasp of the theory. Filius and Sprout, once they overcame their objections over the whole thing, have been most helpful. Hagrid has not been involved yet; we've not got that far."

He paused, debating how he should phrase the next bit. "Minerva has been a right pain in some respects. Oh, she's been patience itself when working with him on his classwork, but she completely alienated him over the Quidditch incident. After hearing about how she was haranguing him for quitting the team, a most sensible move in my opinion, I had a little chat with her on the subject."

Dumbledore chuckled wickedly. "Oh yes, I heard all about that. How you accosted her in her office, threatening her and the rest of the Gryffindors if she uttered one more word against your protégé. If it's any consolation, I told her to bugger off. I thought you had every right to be irritated."

Snape looked uncomfortable and resumed. "Remus has helped the most, not only in filling the holes in his studies, but in giving Harry some of the, ah, emotional support he seems to need and can't get from his friends." The 'or me' was heard even if not spoken.

"So you've finally figured out Harry is nothing like his father?" Dumbledore asked him in his gentlest voice.

Snape thought about it and wondered himself when it had happened. He neatly sidestepped an answer by remarking, "I have no doubt Harry would not have passed some of his course work, including Potions, without Granger's help."

Dumbledore's amused reaction to his evasion irritated Snape. "So you are satisfied with his progress?" the Headmaster asked after he drained the snifter.

Snape reached over and refilled the glass, answering, "For the Schema and Sanos, yes." Placing the bottle on the table, he held up his hand to forestall Dumbledore's inevitable question. "And before you ask--yes, I have told him this. What I have not said is that he is almost beyond my ability to guide him, especially in the Sanos spells. He actually works hard at the Schema, his 'text catalogue' is most impressive for the short amount of time he has been collecting for it. For some of his studies, I barely stay ahead of him and his grasp in some cases is faster than my own. I suspect he could be a Schematamagus with proper training."

Dumbledore leaned forward in the chair, his interest sharpened. "Can you do it? Continue his training to that level?"

Severus sighed, annoyed with the question. "You know I cannot."

Albus nodded and looked thoughtful. After a few moments he murmured cryptically, "Well, I suppose it's too soon in any event." He paused and Snape got the impression from the gleam in his eyes that they were about to argue again. He'd not been wrong when Dumbledore said, "I want you to continue your Occlumency with him and begin Legilimency--he must be able to both repel and follow Voldemort at will, not just passively observe."

Snape ground out one word. "No."

Disbelief coloured the Headmaster's words although his face remained passive. "I don't believe I heard you correctly."

"Oh you heard me all right, Albus," Snape chuckled grimly. "You just didn't want to hear it. So let me say it again, plainly. No, I will not teach him Legilimency. To ask me is beyond reason and not truly necessary. He follows quite well when he can be bothered with it. However, this is still unreal to him--even after Voldemort's invasion, which he still doesn't remember, he has no concept of what he is up against."

Dumbledore sighed, resigned as if he knew the Potions Master was serious and would not be bullied into this. "Very well, Severus. If you will not, then I will see to that aspect of his training myself."

Almost gently he replied, "No, Albus, to do so would be a Very Bad Idea--he is not ready to be taught Legilimency and we are not ready to teach him. There is not a Pensieve large enough to hold all our memories from him and the idea of that BOY rooting around in our minds with as little control as he has right now is enough to make me shudder with dread."

Albus chuckled, his eyes peering keenly at Snape over the rims of his spectacles. "I thought you said he was a young man."

Snape's lips twisted into a parody of a smile. "It depends on what part of him you are referring to. His person and magic are that of an adult, his cognitive processes are slowly catching up, and the rest is that of a spoiled infant."

Dumbledore leaned forward in his chair. "Tell me, Severus. Will he ever master Occlumency to the same degree you have?"

He considered it a moment, giving it the serious thought it deserved. "No, I don't think he will, but he might get close--he is very strong. As it is, he is well beyond what most consider mastery, but for him it is a learned skill not a birth talent like ours and Riddle's. He is still bothered by the tandem dreams; his ability to break the contact is severely hampered by his remaining anger and I have had to sever them at times." Sighing, he saw the glint in Dumbledore's eyes; he knew he'd been had--drat the man. "No, as much as I am loath to admit defeat, it would be better to further his Occlumency training and continue to teach him as much control as possible."

He let his next thoughts out in a rush. "However, this time, you MUST lift the restrictions on when I challenge him and how much I may harm him." At Dumbledore's alarmed expression, he laughed. "Oh, have no fear--I won't permanently damage your golden boy--he'll live at least long enough to finish this. And I'll be discreet as to when I test his abilities; however, he will not learn if the most that happens to him is he winds up on the floor of the dungeons. It will not be that simple when it comes to fighting the Dark Lord in person and you know it."

The Headmaster nodded. "A valid point--Voldemort will not stop once he gains an advantage. Very well, you may 'injure' him, but mind the damage. I am only agreeing to this as long as you are willing to teach him the more advanced defence techniques. It would be better if he can avoid getting hurt in the first place."

Suspicious, Snape asked, "What other voids do you want me to fill in Potter's training now, may I enquire?"

Without missing a beat, Dumbledore replied, "Magical weapons as well as shielding."

"I don't want to. Have Lupin do it." His voice was almost desperate in its petulance.

"And if I order you?" Albus asked and then levelled a steely gaze at him. "Come now, Severus. You never did whine well."

His rejoinder dripped with asperity. "Albus, unless it has escaped your notice, I have classes to teach, potions to brew. I cannot spend every other waking moment with him."

Dumbledore harumphed. "You have something better to do with your 'free' time then?"

Cut to the quick, Snape growled, "That was below the belt, Albus. If you'll recall, it is not fully my fault I can't play spy for you anymore."

The Headmaster was calm but intent. "We both have our methods and I have no time to play polite. Do you want this war over or not?"

Sighing, Severus replied, "And regardless of your wishes, I still do not have enough time. I will need additional help."

Albus nodded, his eyes sympathetic as Snape once again conceded. "Very well, I will teach him the control he is so lacking in, you teach him the skills; Remus will help, I'm sure. Between us, I think we can temper him."

Snape looked hard into the fire as if his entire life was borne by the dancing flames. Without looking at the Headmaster, he said softly, "He will need to learn the Unforgiveables."

Dumbledore asked pragmatically, "Can he learn them? Some can't you know. If I recall, he had problems with them at the battle of the Ministry."

A wicked chuckle was his reply. "All one needs to succeed is a focus, anger or hate, and a target--preferably someone you would really like to hurt." He smiled grimly. "I think I can easily 'supply' all three for him if you'll lower the wards to allow him to do so."

"All I need to know is when and where. The rest is easily accomplished, but please don't get yourself killed in the process." He tilted his head at him considering. "And the defence shielding?"

Snape snorted, resigned. "You don't want much do you?"

"No, Severus--not much. Only the best for him. There is a reason I've denied you the Defense Against the Dark Arts position for so long." His brow wrinkled in thought and he continued slowly, "Some of this can be handled in the Dumbledore's Army lessons Harry teaches--" he smiled at the name "--with Lupin's continued guidance, of course." He tilted his head and regarded Snape over his spectacles. "Let's make a list of those things he still needs to learn and then decide how best to handle it."

"A very LONG list--it hardly seems fair." Snape hid his amusement and concentrated on giving Albus a harsh glare.

He relaxed his face, though, when Dumbledore's small laugh caught him out. "To whom? You? Or him? And since when did you ever really care about fairness?"

"Both of us, actually." He drew back and stood, his stance loose although he felt tightly coiled inside. With a lazy drawl he said, "And here I thought you knew me well. I am ever concerned about fairness and the rightness of things." He raised a brow, looking down at the Headmaster's upturned, amused face. "I just don't often get to practice it because life in general, our current circumstances, and you in particular, never are."

Albus bowed his head in acknowledgement, but not before Snape caught his smile of triumph. Maybe I could train Potter how to wipe it off his face for me. Severus went to his study, Albus following. After pulling parchment and quill from his drawer, they set about making the very long list.