Hiding Under the Ninth Earth
Book 02 : A Bit Of All Right
by I Got Tired of Waiting
* Edited for FF.net, just a little.
A/N: Mea Culpa if this is racier than an "R" rating, but this is not a "fluff" chapter and there are some things happening essential to the rest of the book. I also apologise if it "feels" choppy, but coitus writus interruptus is never a pretty thing.
Part II : Harry and Severus
Chapter Nineteen : On Hold
12 September 1999
"Well, it appears you've completed the potion to an acceptable standard. The color's slightly off, but it will do what it's made to do, nonetheless. Where's the paper I need to sign?" Snape asked, his face bland, but he knew Harry had been working with him long enough to know he was pleased.
Harry handed the paper over to him with the same indifference, although Severus could tell he was sternly suppressing the urge to laugh out loud in joy at his successful completion of the first Potions trial.
Severus read the paper, marked the grade (average) in the proper place with a few comments (mainly about how this student could do better). 'Well, it was off-color. If this were my class I would fail him, but the university standard is well-established and as this one will do what it was meant to do--' He signed his name with a flourish. "Of course, with some small concentration, which you sorely seem to be lacking this evening, you could have made a better mark. This is the lowest acceptable standard to pass." He reached in his bottom drawer with a smile hidden by his hair as he bent down to retrieve the seal stored there as he listened half-bemused to Harry's snort of laughter. 'And why is it, Mr. Potter, you are so distracted?' His smile got wider.
He couldn't get into this drawer anymore without thinking Harry could break into it regardless of the ward or lock he put on it. At first he'd railed against the meaning of it but as they'd got closer, he began to think it more of a sign that all would be well between them. Especially when Harry'd had to work very hard, indeed, to break into anyone else's. The only ones he could open by instinct were Severus' own. Not that he told him what it meant.
Straightening, he left the drawer open and schooled his face back into its smooth mask but suspected he wasn't fooling Harry for an instant. The thought made him warm inside and he decided, as he put the primed seal to the paper leaving his personal glyph, that tonight was as good a night as any to try and purposefully woo Harry instead of dancing around the issue any more. He'd waited him out. It had been more than a six weeks since Harry had officially broken up with Draco, more since he'd shown any outward signs of renewed interest in him. In fact, they went out of their way to avoid each other.
Dropping the seal back in the drawer, he closed and warded it again. He saw Harry's small smile, obviously thinking the same thing he'd been a few moments before. 'Impertinent whelp. I wonder how long it will take him to break it this time?' He cleared his throat suddenly nervous. "It seems to me, the completion of this potion, despite its barely acceptable execution, marks a small milestone in your future career. Perhaps, assuming you have the time, you'd be willing to share a small libation in celebration?" 'There, that wasn't so hard, now was it? Just the right touch and leaves him a plausible out if I have been misreading him.'
Excitement and hope coloured Harry's face and he readily agreed, replying wryly, "Why thank you, Severus, I think I'd enjoy 'a small libation'."
Severus felt the hidden tension in his words and perked up a bit. "Very well, let me lock up and we can leave." He warded his office with his usual concentration, refusing to allow his own underlying nervousness and anticipation make him sloppy. Finishing, he turned and held out a hand indicating Harry should precede him out of the room. When Severus had locked the door to the lab, they walked companionably down to his quarters. Once inside, he indicated Harry should make himself comfortable in the sitting room.
Harry settled on the couch in front of the fireplace while Severus poured and warmed them both a brandy. The thick amber liquid sparkled in the firelight and he took a deep breath before walking back to the couch, handing Harry his snifter before settling himself down, turned sideways facing him, his knee against the back of the sofa. 'Harry seems a bit nervous.' Snape smirked at himself, 'And you are so calm?'
Harry looked around the room. "Where's Horatio? Doesn't he normally hang out around the fireplace in the evenings?"
Severus chuckled, "I suspect he's hiding in his room digesting the stoat he ate the other day when I let him out to hunt for the last time this year. He's such a greedy gut. I finally had to carry him back, after I got tired of waiting for him. He's usually so fast, but he was so full he was waddling. The ermine bulged his sides like a thick sausage." They both laughed lightly at the picture Severus painted of the long graceful snake heaving from side to side, dragging his swollen abdomen along the grass.
The brandy had been mellow, their conversation more so. They talked about philosophy--something Harry was taking that term; both found they were in agreement on quite a few ideas, Harry questioning Severus in others. At each point made and discussed, they each crept a little closer until they were almost touching.
Without warning, Severus leaned forward. Their eyes locked and as Harry's voice trailed off, Severus lightly traced long fingers down Harry's cheek and slowly leaned over, giving Harry plenty of time to pull away if he wanted. He placed the softest of kisses on Harry's lips, his hand sliding to cup his cheek, the thumb running over his lips. Harry's skin was butter soft. Another kiss, a little firmer, a little longer, followed the first. He was delighted when the younger man leaned into them with gasps of pleasure, his mouth opening slightly. Pulling back, the desire he saw in those eyes reflected his own.
Harry was transfixed. "I've wanted this for a long time," he murmured.
"So have I," Severus whispered. He'd felt the building hunger in Harry match his own while they talked this evening until he couldn't wait any longer to taste him; the feelings afterwards left him dizzy.
'It's like coming home after a long absence.' Severus thought as he leaned in for another taste, moving closer, his bent knee overlapping Harry's. His hand landed comfortably on the side of Harry's thigh by his knee, the other threading through the unruly, black hair, pulling him closer into a deeper kiss. With the feel of Severus' tongue on his lips, Harry laid one hand on the black clad shoulder. The other hand rose without him noticing, to stroke the lined cheek, only to slide to his neck as he kissed him back, pulling him even closer.
Without breaking, Harry twisted slightly and, extending his leg, fell back against the cushions of the couch's arm; Severus followed, supporting his weight on his forearms, half covering Harry as their lips and tongues danced with each other. They finally broke for air, chests heaving, eyes locked once more as each tried to read the other.
"Perhaps we could continue this somewhere with a little more room?" Severus murmured huskily.
Harry smiled, "Only if it's in your bed. Mine's much too lumpy."
"Lumpy, eh? Maybe you haven't been using it enough?" Each word was punctuated by a nip of his lips.
"Definitely not the proper usage," Harry purred, arching into him.
Severus groaned as he rose from the couch, drawing Harry up with him.
"Merlin, what a mouth!" Harry murmured into his lips, standing close to him. Severus briefly smiled into them before pulling Harry closer. He noticed Harry tasted of warm brandy and then thought of nothing at all except the tightening as Harry deepened the kiss, his tongue stroking Severus' lightly like a wanton hand on sensitive skin. Their arms wrapped around each other, moving as their bodies strained to touch in as many places as possible.
They broke apart slightly, neither really wanting to separate, but the horizontal comforts of the downy bed in the next room beckoned like a siren's song. They staggered in finally, stopping frequently to divest robes and other outer clothing, taking the time at each pause to worship with hands and mouths the flesh exposed. Eventually, clad only in their skin, Harry pulled Severus down with him onto the bed, his mouth forming an "O" of surprise when he sank into the downy softness. Severus chuckled murmuring, "What? You thought I slept on a bed of nails?" After mock-biting him on the neck (when Harry muttered something about "a coffin") Severus lowered the lights until the room was bathed in an amber glow.
Harry lay on his back with Severus half covering him; he wanted to pull Harry close with arms and legs but a sixth sense held him back. Perhaps it was that Severus was touching more than he was being touched, or maybe it was the sudden stillness he felt from Harry--nevertheless, it was odd given his enthusiasm a few moments ago. He didn't think it stemmed from any lack of interest--perhaps shyness? Leaning up on a forearm, he contented himself with capturing those sinful lips with his own, his dextrous hand lightly tracing across any bare skin that passed under them, letting Harry get used to them together.
"So beautiful," he murmured and when Harry threw his head back, he took the opportunity to chase his lips down Harry's neck ending with an open mouth kiss where neck met chest, lightly sucking the skin as he pulled up.
"What?" Harry asked, dazed. He looked stunned, eyes glazed, as if the sensations were brand new and overwhelming.
Taking it easy, slowing it down, Severus ran his hand down Harry's side, caressing the young silky skin from shoulder to knee, his touch light and undemanding, more to feel his skin than to arouse. He liked the changes in texture from warm and smooth to crisp soft down; he could feel the softness of the skin underneath. Propping himself up on his elbow, he looked down Harry's length taking in the tapered waist and hips, the leanly muscled, finely haired chest and broader shoulders. He raised his face to look Harry in the eyes. "Absolutely beautiful."
When Harry didn't reply, he realised he'd embarrassed him. "I assure you, I'm not exaggerating. Surely you knew?"
"Not really, I'm not all that experienced." He cleared his throat looking away. "They weren't exactly knocking down my door, you know. And when I answered, they usually didn't stay to visit long. But--never mind--you don't want to hear about all that nonsense."
"Actually, believe it or not, I don't mind--I don't consider it 'nonsense' as you say," Severus assured him quietly, his hands stilled. "Who you were with doesn't interest me as much as learning what your preferences are." He lay back, half on his side, drawing Harry close in encouragement. Harry put his head on his shoulder, letting Severus hold him, the arms strong and secure around him. The hollow where his cheek rested in its downy nest was perfect. He could almost believe it had been made just for him.
"Well," he started, a bit shy about the whole thing, "I had a small idea of my leanings when I was 15--the best way I could describe my first kiss with a girl was 'wet'." He felt Severus' chuckle rumble through his chest. "But it wasn't until I was 16 that I experimented a little with Seamus who was having similar thoughts. It was really awkward, but we managed it in the end and discovered two things. I was definitely into blokes and Seamus was not." He chuckled, "Luckily, he remained a friend, although it was a while before we could look at each other without laughing our arses off."
Severus chuckled appreciatively. Harry went on, "I was approached by Fred Weasley, of all people, but only once. Then, given my success rate, I decided to test the theory and made it with one of the Hufflepuff girls but found it altogether more effort than it was worth. We both agreed not to try it again. Actually, I think she said something about trying hard to forget about it altogether."
They both laughed and Severus told him about his one and only experience with a woman, a professional. "She was soft in all the wrong places and not hard enough in others and breasts--" He shuddered. "It was awful."
Harry began to really relax for the first time since they'd entered Severus' rooms. "Justin came and went, pleasant but no real fire. We parted amicably. After, I went quite a while with only myself. Until Draco that is. He came on to me with all the subtlety of a Ridgeback in heat but was surprisingly--gentle when I finally agreed."
He was lost in thought for a moment. "He was amazing but after a while--you know, the one thing I never figured out was why. I think he hated me more often than not. It isn't like he even needed me; he had a whole stable to choose from and we had such different tastes. I mean, I like a nice quiet cuddle by the fire, he likes hard core bondage. It was like a hemophiliac dating a vampire."
Severus had to laugh, "Very apt given Draco's verbal penchant for drawing blood." He waited for a response and getting none he raised his head, looking down as best he could without moving Harry and saw him staring vacantly into space a furrow between his brows. Concerned he'd said something wrong he asked carefully, "Are you all right?"
Severus could feel slight tremours against him and gently pulled him closer. Harry insinuated a leg between his. The hand resting lightly on his hip slid around to his back, the hand firm. "I'm fine--just got lost there a moment, sorry." He was silent again.
"You don't have to continue if it distresses you--" Severus began.
Harry interrupted him, "No, it's all right. It was just an uncomfortable time, that's all. It was so gradual, his seduction. After the first three months, I began to question why I was with him when just the thought of having sex with him either left me cold or scared the piss out of me. When I told him so, he stopped. It was all right for a while after, even though he was still--rough. And I wasn't very nice to him at times--I still wonder if I hurt him or not. By the time we defeated Voldemort, it was like I was drugged. I didn't much like it but the sensations--gods, they were overwhelming. So intense, so--inside me."
'Well, that explains the looks on his face in the hallway with Draco that afternoon.' He began to know where this was going to end and it made him furious, but he hid it.
"I felt so out of control. Being with him just didn't feel right; I can't explain it. Eventually, I just knew I had to break away if I was ever going to keep myself." The trembling increased. "Draco was most upset--we didn't part well."
Severus, ever mindful of Harry's tremours, pulled him as close as he could get him without sharing skin. He tucked Harry's head against his shoulder all the while circling his back with his one hand, the other holding him firm. 'He's so warm. His skin, moist and silky. He's beautiful to hold.'
Harry felt his shakes absorbed by Severus' body. He never knew there could be such comfort in just being held by someone. He'd never had someone just hold him like this, skin to skin, heartbeat to heartbeat, without the added demands of sex as well. Nor had he held someone in return. He'd never truly been content in his life, although he was getting a taste of it now and knew he could become quickly addicted to it.
He admitted Severus' body was not what he'd been expecting; slender, well muscled, and toned--he should have guessed given the way he fought. "You're a pleasure to hold," Harry said absently, his hand trailing down Severus' front not noticing the start of pleased surprise Severus felt at his words made honest by his unflinching, wandering fingers.
And he meant it. The fine crisp hairs on his chest were not obtrusive (were quite comfortable, in fact) and tapered to a thinning line down his flat, taut abdomen.
Severus' skin was what confounded him. Smooth and hot in places, smooth, hard, and ridged in others. His hands would be exploring a silky expanse when they would encounter an area with more textured flesh and every time he found one, Severus would tense and then relax as he moved his hands to a new place. He knew what they were--scars, lots of them. It was obvious he'd had a hard go at it as a spy. But it was difficult when Severus' back, in particular, was almost covered with them. He couldn't not touch it, could he?
He finally had to find out. "Severus, may I ask you a question?"
Severus hesitated. "You can ask me anything, but I may not answer."
'Well, he did promise me honesty,' Harry thought. Nuzzling the side of his neck he asked, "What are the scars on your back from?" Severus captured his mouth.
Severus pulled slightly away from him, his tongue still tasting Harry's lips. He murmured, "They are leftover marks from a time in my life I would like very much to forget."
"All right," Harry said, knowing he would find out eventually when Severus felt more comfortable with him. They would have plenty of time if he had his way.
Their love-making continued unhurriedly with slow, lingering kisses and long leisurely touches, each taking their time to explore what the other liked or didn't. It was glorious and Harry, especially, liked the pace. Severus was letting him get used to each stage of their foreplay before escalating it whenever Harry let him know he was ready for it, his dulcet voice telling him between hot wet nips of his incredible mouth how much Harry was desired, wanted. The honey of Severus' words along with his sensual hands and facile tongue soothed Harry's fears, and he was soon lost in the sensations of their bodies sliding together. The past was where it belonged.
Eventually, with mute, sinuous movements, Harry let Severus know he wanted him closer, wanted to share. They both wanted to share.
Severus took a jar off the bed table next to them, setting it between them on the bed. Harry had started trembling again at the sight of the innocent pot, worse than before, his eyes widening slightly. Every warning signal started going off in Severus' head as he took measure of Harry's readiness. What he saw cooled most of his ardour; Harry was terrified. It was wrenching, but there was no escaping the stark fear in his eyes, the tenseness around his mouth, the stiffness in his body where only a few minutes before had only been pliable suppleness.
"Harry, what's wrong?" he asked softly, concerned and not hiding it. He had a flash of insight, 'The day of the duel. Harry was limping. 'Don't make me injure you. You've pushed me to the edge; I won't let you hurt me again. I've Had Enough--' is what he'd said. Draco, damn him!' "Talk to me, Harry. We can't work through it, if I don't know what the problem is." He kissed his forehead, moving the jar behind him, out of sight. He lay back into the bed, pulling Harry with him, easing his head back on his shoulder.
He felt Harry raise his head a bit, his lips touching his chest. He was shaking, although Severus could tell he was trying to get it under control. "It was Draco," he heard him say.
"Did he force you?" Severus asked already suspecting the answer, tracing his hand down his face. 'In fact, if I'm right, I'm surprised you're letting me get this close.'
Harry nodded and snuggled closer; Severus could feel the effort he made to still the tremours. His voice muffled, "He dragged me down to the dungeon--the spell he used made my head ache--he bound me--"
He stopped suddenly and was so open in his fear, Severus didn't need the spell to see the nauseating memories and feelings replaying in Harry's mind. Harry must have realised he'd inadvertantly connected to Severus and with a gentle mental push, Severus felt the momentary disorientation he always did when Harry succeeded in shutting him out.
Severus held him quietly, not moving, not willing to risk this fragile trust; Harry's tremours continued unabated, a constant vibration down his body felt into his bones. He knew what Harry had gone through. 'He was brutal--like father like son; I wonder how much Lucius had to do with all this. Harry's treatment at Draco's hands was like mine at Lucius'--it could take a long, long time to overcome the total trauma of it all. But then again, I never had anyone to hold me afterwards. Maybe just holding him will help.' He would give him the time to work through it. His desire was under control; he could wait. "Harry, you don't have to say any more--I understand." His hand moved slowly, gently in his hair.
Harry was silent a long moment and whispered, "I know you do." The way Harry said it made him wonder what memories of his Harry had seen of which he was unaware. "No, Severus, I need to--otherwise it will sit inside me and fester. I need to get this from between us." He gave a harsh huff. "He left me to die, you know. He expected me to. It took hours to loose myself. Long afterwards, I could still feel him in my body. I was so ashamed--I still hurt the next day. I could feel you watching me limp. And then, we talked that evening. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I really wanted to--almost did. You felt so good and safe. I could tell you wanted me, but I didn't want to ruin it. I wanted to stay but didn't know how to ask, didn't know if I should."
Severus kissed him tenderly, his lips lingering on his forehead. He noticed the trembling was abating, was in fact almost gone. "It's all right, I understand." 'You wanted to stay? We've wasted so much time,' he thought as he said, "I wanted you to stay but didn't think you would."
Harry smiled against his chest. "I know. We're a right pair of fools, aren't we."
"Probably. We've been avoiding this for quite some time." At Harry's nod he asked, "You've healed all right?" He heard Harry catch his breath. "Harry? You did you get it attended?" he asked already knowing the answer; it was the same as his would have been.
He snorted derisively, "Who would I go to? Madame Pomfrey? I think not."
"You could have come to me, although I can sense I probably wouldn't have topped your list," Severus chided quietly. "You should be checked, to make sure it's healing properly. I can do this for you now, but if you're not, you really must go see Poppy. She'll be discreet."
Harry was about to say 'no' until he looked up and saw the raw concern in Severus' face. 'For me,' he thought in wonder. He squirmed with embarrassment. "That's not exactly what I had in mind when I got naked with you tonight."
Severus smiled down at him, "Not exactly what I had in mind either," he murmured, "not that my mind was fully engaged in any event. My 'head', maybe--"
Harry smiled back, the humour going a little way to making him less tense about the whole thing. He knew Severus was right.
Severus kissed him briefly and, when Harry finally agreed, had him lay on his side. While Harry was arranging himself, Severus summoned another jar from his shelf containing a thick healing lubricant with a heavy numbing agent. He set the jar down on the bed, opening the top in preparation.
His hands gentled Harry along his back and sides, trying to stop the tremours which had started again. 'Gods, he's magnificent,' he couldn't help thinking as his hands slid along the fine texture of Harry's skin. When Harry started to relax, Severus dipped his fingers into the thick ointment, spreading an extra, large dollop in his palm. Reaching down, he tried to keep him relaxed. He could already feel the half-healed tags and debated going in any further; he'd felt enough to know Harry needed to see Poppy. 'However, he probably won't go tonight, if at all. This salve will at least speed the healing and ease any discomfort.' So he continued.
When Harry felt looser, he gently started to check him; he could feel Harry shudder, tensing, and he silently cursed Draco. 'Must go slowly. Don't scare him. That's it, he's easing.' He stopped when he felt the damage. He gently explored and found more half-healed tissue. He smeared the salve as thickly as he could.
Harry was making noises that at first sounded like pleasure but when he looked over his shoulder he could see the pain he was trying to hide lining his young face, hands fisted into the sheets. He slowly withdrew and surreptitiously looked at his hand. He leaned over and kissed the top of his shoulder. "Harry, I'm almost done, I have to apply more salve and then we'll be finished." At Harry's soft noise of acceptance, he dipped his finger into the salve in his palm and gently went back to coat more of it in spots he knew he'd missed. Harry cried out at the second invasion and Severus murmured as he withdrew, "I'm so sorry, Harry. So sorry it hurts. The salve will help it heal--it should be numbing soon." Muttering a cleaning spell, he removed the blood and lubricant from his hands.
The pain was incredible, almost as bad as the night it happened. The images swirled in Harry's head and for an instant he felt like bolting from the bed until he remembered where he was and who it was kissing his back and neck with such tenderness. He could hardly fathom that the lips belonged to the same man whose past voice had once shouted imprecations at him, and he realised with a start that 'this' man had always been there, he'd just been too blind to see it; perhaps this was at the root of the absolute trust he felt in Severus at this moment.
The pain was disappearing as promised. So when Severus moved closer and placed his arm around Harry's waist, his long body curled around him, pulling him tight against him, Harry tried to relax into him, tried to still his queasiness. The press of warm lips against his neck, the gentle stroking of Severus' hands over his, did much to dispel the lingering fear. They lay like this a long time, Harry thinking that Severus might need the closeness as much as he did.
Eventually Harry turned over to face him and was shocked at the fierce expression on his face. "Severus, what's wrong?" he asked, his heart racing; breathing was difficult.
Severus' eyes were unreadable and tormented him. "I--Oh hell." He placed his forehead on Harry's, breathing deeply, "You'll need to see Poppy," was all he said.
'Have I lost you before I even have you?' Harry searched his eyes, trying to see what was going on behind the still face. He got no response and was helpless to stop the quivering. Severus wrapped his arms around Harry and held him tight, whispering, "Damn Draco, what did he do to you?"
Feeling ashamed, like damaged goods, Harry buried his face in his shoulder. "Nothing. Everything. I'll understand if you don't want me anymore."
Severus hid the savagery he felt against Draco and whispered, each phrase punctuated by a gentle kiss as his lips nudged Harry's face up to his, "Harry, don't do this to yourself. Of course I still want you. We can wait--as long as you need us to. Are you truly ready? Can you allow me to touch you intimately without shaking? Can you touch me the same way without a vestige of fear? Say you can and you'll be ready. I'll be here for as long as it takes. I'm quite content with what we have now."
"Thank you," Harry whispered back; his eyes were heavy and starting to close. Severus kissed his lids and then settled back into the bed, holding his young lover securely. "That sounds wonderful," he heard him murmur and several minutes later, the trembling finally stopped as Harry fell asleep. Severus held him close through the night, awed by his trust, giving him the first night's undisturbed sleep he'd had in weeks.
He was going to hurt Draco someday.