Chapter Twenty-Three
A knock sounded on the door and Lilly looked up startled, her hands dropping from her stomach to rest on the bed.
"Come in." she said. The nurse poked her head in and smiled kindly.
"Your Uncle Gil is here to see you Miss Carter." She said.
"Uncle Gil!" Lilly exclaimed as Grissom walked past the nurse.
"Hi Lilly." Grissom replied less than enthusiastic. It was then that Lilly noticed the grim lines in his forehead, the downtrodden look on his face, and the remorseful look in his eyes.
"No," Lilly said shaking her head, "I can't do this now Uncle Gil, please, don't make me." her eyes pleaded with him, but Gil looked down at the ground so he wouldn't have to see. He placed his forensics kit on the chair beside her bed and met her eyes for a brief second.
"I have to Lils, you know that." He said, silently begging her to forgive him. Never before had Grissom been emotionally attached to a case, and looking down at his goddaughter's stricken face, he vowed never to be again.
Tears streamed down Lilly's face as Grissom took hold of her hand and scraped the skin beneath her fingernails, checking for epiphylls. When he thought he had enough, Grissom placed the small envelope, which he'd collected the skin samples in, into his kit and closed it tightly.
"The doctor says you should be out of the hospital soon." He said softly, trying to turn Lilly's mind to better things, "That's good."
"I suppose," Lilly murmured as she stared down at her hands. Tears splatter on the backs of her hands then slid off onto the bed, leaving small tracks in their wake. She looked up at Grissom with eyes full of sorrow, fear, and shame; "I hate myself Uncle Gil, I hate what he did to me, what he's STILL doing to me. Whenever I close my eyes I can feel him on me, feel his breath on my face, his hands on my body. I feel dirty, but no matter how many times I wash I can never get clean. My skin feels as if it's crawling on my bones. I just want to rip it off and throw it away because I know it will never, EVER be clean again."
"Lilly, has anybody told you who your abductor was?" Grissom asked softly, sitting down in the chair.
"No." she shook her head.
"Do you remember a student at Harvard by the name of Scott Kennedy?"
"Scott? But he and I were friends. He would never do anything to hurt me." Lilly shook her head, not believing that Scott had been the one to do this to her.
"He did this Lilly. And the sad thing is, he doesn't seem to regret it. In his mind, you belong to him."
"I cant' believe it." Lilly looked down at her hands. Her eyes were dry and no tears would come, but she still felt like she wanted, needed, to cry. It was almost like all the filth she felt, all the hate, and the anger, and the guilt would be washed away with her tears.
"I'll go now." Grissom said standing, unnerved by Lilly's quietness. It hung in the air around them like a death shroud, heavy and grim. She stared at nothing; her eyes wide and filled with so many emotions that Grissom could not name them all.
"Please don't go." She said finally, her quiet voice sounding like a gunshot in the still room. Grissom looked down at Lilly and his heart broke. She was like a small child, pleading for him to comfort her in the midst of a nightmare. He nodded and sat back down, taking her hand in his.
~*~*~
Pausing at the hospital's front doors, Greg drew in a deep breath. He was finally going to see Lilly. They would be able to sit and talk without her going crazy, or so Greg hoped. Grissom had given him the go ahead when he'd returned from seeing Lilly earlier. He just made the lab tech promise not to make Lilly stressed, and to leave if she showed even the slightest sign of distress. So, with a final calming breath, Greg walked through the doors and headed for Lilly's room.
He knocked on her door and heard her voice call him in. He gulped and turned the knob. There she sat, her hair loose around her shoulders and the bruises on her face fading into a sickly yellow color. But she still looked beautiful.
"Hey." He said softly, approaching her slowly and cautiously.
"Hi." Lilly replied with a small smile on her lips. A weight lifted off of Greg's shoulders as soon as he saw that she was not disturbed by his presence.
"How are you?" he asked sitting down on the edge of the bed and taking her hand in his.
"I'm doing okay, considering the circumstances." She said quietly, looking down at their interwoven hands, "You know, all I could think about while I was in that basement was if you were thinking about me or worrying about me, or if you could care less."
"Hey," he said, placing a finger beneath her chin and forcing her to look him in the eye, "I never stopped thinking about you. You can ask anyone, I was constantly worrying about you. I even prayed a couple of times." Lilly smiled at him.
"I know this will sound really weird and all, but I even thought about us as a married couple. It was the only way I could forget what was happening." She said quietly.
"It doesn't sound weird," he reassured her, "I thought about that too a couple of times."
"Really?"
"Yeah. And you know what?"
"What?"
"I liked thinking about it."
"Me too." They sat silent then, each of them looking at the other as if they could never get enough. Greg kept a firm grip on Lilly's hands, afraid that if he let her go she would disappear.
"Greg." Lilly's voice broke through the silence and Greg looked into her eyes.
"Yeah?" he said.
"You know that I'm pregnant, right?"
"I was hoping we wouldn't talk about that." He whispered.
"We have to Greg, this baby is an important key to our future together."
"I know that, I just can't stand to think that he got you pregnant." A tear slipped down Greg's face and Lilly reached up to wipe it away gently.
"I can't either, but we have to deal with this."
"So...what are you going to do?"
"I'm going to have the baby, I just don't know if I'm going to give it up for adoption or not. I wanted to talk to you before I made a decision."
"I can't lie to you Lilly, I don't know if I can handle a reminder of ...this for the rest of my life."
"I don't know if I can either, but I don't want to make a rushed decision."
"If you really want to keep the baby, I'll support your decision, if you don't I'll feel the same way." Tears fell from Lilly's eyes and Greg wiped them away with his thumb, "We're gonna get through this Lils. I promise you."
~*~*~
Lilly leaned her cheek into the warmth of Greg's hand. Right then she felt so safe, safer than she ever had felt in her whole life. His thumb ran gently across her bottom lip and she knew what he wanted.
"I can't Greg." Lilly said turning her head away from him.
"You can't what?" he asked confused.
"Until I can get the feel of Scott's lip out of my mind I don't know if I can kiss you without being reminded of him." she said gently.
"Oh." Greg turned away from Lilly. She reached and grabbed his hand tenderly.
"Please Greg, don't be mad."
"I'm not." He reassured her, "I'm just...upset."
"I am too, but I've learned that I can't let Scott ruin my life."
"I'm not letting him ruin my life." Greg said harshly, "He did that without my consent."
"Greg please." Lilly said, "Please calm down."
"Calm down? Calm down? That guy abducted you, raped you, and got you pregnant, and you want me to CALM DOWN!" Lilly became scared as she watched Greg's face become red with rage. His eyes widened and he stared at her with an angry glare. She knew his glare wasn't because he was mad at her, but it scared her nonetheless.
"Greg stop it." Lilly pleaded.
"You may have forgiven him Lilly, but I can't."
"I HAVEN'T forgiven him Greg, but I know it's wrong to dwell on what's already happened."
"Well I'm glad you've gotten over it, but some of us don't have the luxury of therapy." Greg snapped.
"I haven't gotten over it Greg. How can ANYBODY get over being raped?"
"I don't know." Greg yelled, "Maybe you can find the answer out in that stupid book of yours." Lilly glanced over at the Bible that sat on the end table beside her.
"It's one thing to be mad at Scott, Greg. Or even to be mad at me, but DO NOT bring my faith into this." Lilly said, her own voice rising to meet Greg's.
"If God's so powerful, how come He didn't keep Scott from raping you?"
"God has His reasons. Maybe He wanted me to find out what a JERK you can be." Lilly screamed as tears fell down her face.
"Lilly..." Greg started as he looked down at her, his face softening.
"GET OUT! Just get got." She cried. Greg nodded silently and left the room. Lilly dropped her face in her hands and cried out all her frustration and anger. They had been having a quiet conversation about the future. Why did it have to turn into a shouting match about Lilly's belief in God? Why did Greg have to act like he did? Couldn't he see that she was having a hard enough time as it was? Couldn't he see that no matter how brave a face she put on, she was still dying inside? Lilly cried and cried until she had no tears.
~*~*~
Please review and tell me what you thought. I have about three more chapters to go, so please review and help me reach my goal of one hundred reviews.
A knock sounded on the door and Lilly looked up startled, her hands dropping from her stomach to rest on the bed.
"Come in." she said. The nurse poked her head in and smiled kindly.
"Your Uncle Gil is here to see you Miss Carter." She said.
"Uncle Gil!" Lilly exclaimed as Grissom walked past the nurse.
"Hi Lilly." Grissom replied less than enthusiastic. It was then that Lilly noticed the grim lines in his forehead, the downtrodden look on his face, and the remorseful look in his eyes.
"No," Lilly said shaking her head, "I can't do this now Uncle Gil, please, don't make me." her eyes pleaded with him, but Gil looked down at the ground so he wouldn't have to see. He placed his forensics kit on the chair beside her bed and met her eyes for a brief second.
"I have to Lils, you know that." He said, silently begging her to forgive him. Never before had Grissom been emotionally attached to a case, and looking down at his goddaughter's stricken face, he vowed never to be again.
Tears streamed down Lilly's face as Grissom took hold of her hand and scraped the skin beneath her fingernails, checking for epiphylls. When he thought he had enough, Grissom placed the small envelope, which he'd collected the skin samples in, into his kit and closed it tightly.
"The doctor says you should be out of the hospital soon." He said softly, trying to turn Lilly's mind to better things, "That's good."
"I suppose," Lilly murmured as she stared down at her hands. Tears splatter on the backs of her hands then slid off onto the bed, leaving small tracks in their wake. She looked up at Grissom with eyes full of sorrow, fear, and shame; "I hate myself Uncle Gil, I hate what he did to me, what he's STILL doing to me. Whenever I close my eyes I can feel him on me, feel his breath on my face, his hands on my body. I feel dirty, but no matter how many times I wash I can never get clean. My skin feels as if it's crawling on my bones. I just want to rip it off and throw it away because I know it will never, EVER be clean again."
"Lilly, has anybody told you who your abductor was?" Grissom asked softly, sitting down in the chair.
"No." she shook her head.
"Do you remember a student at Harvard by the name of Scott Kennedy?"
"Scott? But he and I were friends. He would never do anything to hurt me." Lilly shook her head, not believing that Scott had been the one to do this to her.
"He did this Lilly. And the sad thing is, he doesn't seem to regret it. In his mind, you belong to him."
"I cant' believe it." Lilly looked down at her hands. Her eyes were dry and no tears would come, but she still felt like she wanted, needed, to cry. It was almost like all the filth she felt, all the hate, and the anger, and the guilt would be washed away with her tears.
"I'll go now." Grissom said standing, unnerved by Lilly's quietness. It hung in the air around them like a death shroud, heavy and grim. She stared at nothing; her eyes wide and filled with so many emotions that Grissom could not name them all.
"Please don't go." She said finally, her quiet voice sounding like a gunshot in the still room. Grissom looked down at Lilly and his heart broke. She was like a small child, pleading for him to comfort her in the midst of a nightmare. He nodded and sat back down, taking her hand in his.
~*~*~
Pausing at the hospital's front doors, Greg drew in a deep breath. He was finally going to see Lilly. They would be able to sit and talk without her going crazy, or so Greg hoped. Grissom had given him the go ahead when he'd returned from seeing Lilly earlier. He just made the lab tech promise not to make Lilly stressed, and to leave if she showed even the slightest sign of distress. So, with a final calming breath, Greg walked through the doors and headed for Lilly's room.
He knocked on her door and heard her voice call him in. He gulped and turned the knob. There she sat, her hair loose around her shoulders and the bruises on her face fading into a sickly yellow color. But she still looked beautiful.
"Hey." He said softly, approaching her slowly and cautiously.
"Hi." Lilly replied with a small smile on her lips. A weight lifted off of Greg's shoulders as soon as he saw that she was not disturbed by his presence.
"How are you?" he asked sitting down on the edge of the bed and taking her hand in his.
"I'm doing okay, considering the circumstances." She said quietly, looking down at their interwoven hands, "You know, all I could think about while I was in that basement was if you were thinking about me or worrying about me, or if you could care less."
"Hey," he said, placing a finger beneath her chin and forcing her to look him in the eye, "I never stopped thinking about you. You can ask anyone, I was constantly worrying about you. I even prayed a couple of times." Lilly smiled at him.
"I know this will sound really weird and all, but I even thought about us as a married couple. It was the only way I could forget what was happening." She said quietly.
"It doesn't sound weird," he reassured her, "I thought about that too a couple of times."
"Really?"
"Yeah. And you know what?"
"What?"
"I liked thinking about it."
"Me too." They sat silent then, each of them looking at the other as if they could never get enough. Greg kept a firm grip on Lilly's hands, afraid that if he let her go she would disappear.
"Greg." Lilly's voice broke through the silence and Greg looked into her eyes.
"Yeah?" he said.
"You know that I'm pregnant, right?"
"I was hoping we wouldn't talk about that." He whispered.
"We have to Greg, this baby is an important key to our future together."
"I know that, I just can't stand to think that he got you pregnant." A tear slipped down Greg's face and Lilly reached up to wipe it away gently.
"I can't either, but we have to deal with this."
"So...what are you going to do?"
"I'm going to have the baby, I just don't know if I'm going to give it up for adoption or not. I wanted to talk to you before I made a decision."
"I can't lie to you Lilly, I don't know if I can handle a reminder of ...this for the rest of my life."
"I don't know if I can either, but I don't want to make a rushed decision."
"If you really want to keep the baby, I'll support your decision, if you don't I'll feel the same way." Tears fell from Lilly's eyes and Greg wiped them away with his thumb, "We're gonna get through this Lils. I promise you."
~*~*~
Lilly leaned her cheek into the warmth of Greg's hand. Right then she felt so safe, safer than she ever had felt in her whole life. His thumb ran gently across her bottom lip and she knew what he wanted.
"I can't Greg." Lilly said turning her head away from him.
"You can't what?" he asked confused.
"Until I can get the feel of Scott's lip out of my mind I don't know if I can kiss you without being reminded of him." she said gently.
"Oh." Greg turned away from Lilly. She reached and grabbed his hand tenderly.
"Please Greg, don't be mad."
"I'm not." He reassured her, "I'm just...upset."
"I am too, but I've learned that I can't let Scott ruin my life."
"I'm not letting him ruin my life." Greg said harshly, "He did that without my consent."
"Greg please." Lilly said, "Please calm down."
"Calm down? Calm down? That guy abducted you, raped you, and got you pregnant, and you want me to CALM DOWN!" Lilly became scared as she watched Greg's face become red with rage. His eyes widened and he stared at her with an angry glare. She knew his glare wasn't because he was mad at her, but it scared her nonetheless.
"Greg stop it." Lilly pleaded.
"You may have forgiven him Lilly, but I can't."
"I HAVEN'T forgiven him Greg, but I know it's wrong to dwell on what's already happened."
"Well I'm glad you've gotten over it, but some of us don't have the luxury of therapy." Greg snapped.
"I haven't gotten over it Greg. How can ANYBODY get over being raped?"
"I don't know." Greg yelled, "Maybe you can find the answer out in that stupid book of yours." Lilly glanced over at the Bible that sat on the end table beside her.
"It's one thing to be mad at Scott, Greg. Or even to be mad at me, but DO NOT bring my faith into this." Lilly said, her own voice rising to meet Greg's.
"If God's so powerful, how come He didn't keep Scott from raping you?"
"God has His reasons. Maybe He wanted me to find out what a JERK you can be." Lilly screamed as tears fell down her face.
"Lilly..." Greg started as he looked down at her, his face softening.
"GET OUT! Just get got." She cried. Greg nodded silently and left the room. Lilly dropped her face in her hands and cried out all her frustration and anger. They had been having a quiet conversation about the future. Why did it have to turn into a shouting match about Lilly's belief in God? Why did Greg have to act like he did? Couldn't he see that she was having a hard enough time as it was? Couldn't he see that no matter how brave a face she put on, she was still dying inside? Lilly cried and cried until she had no tears.
~*~*~
Please review and tell me what you thought. I have about three more chapters to go, so please review and help me reach my goal of one hundred reviews.