Hiding Under the Ninth Earth
Book 02 : A Bit Of All Right
by I Got Tired of Waiting
Part II : Harry and Severus
Chapter Twenty Three : Into the Light
11 October 1999
The next morning Severus woke first, as he always did. He was sore in spots he hadn't even known existed, but it was a good sore. And he was puzzled. 'I don't remember going to sleep this way,' he thought, feeling Harry curled behind him, one arm thrown possessively across his waist, his soft snores wafting moist air down his back where his head rested. 'Odd. I have no memory of changing. We go to sleep every night in the same position but wake up like this.' He mentally shook his head surprised he'd given it any thought at all.
He gently wormed his way out of the bed, careful to not wake Harry. 'I don't know why I bother. If nothing else, I have found he sleeps so soundly in the morning, an exploding cauldron would only make him turn over.' Once out of bed, he padded naked over to the wardrobe and pulled on his dressing gown against the slight chill of the room, still semi-dark with the curtains drawn. He looked back at the bed's lone occupant, who had already stolen his pillow and was holding it against him. Severus wanted to go back, to lose himself again, but his comfort level was too low to do so; there were some things better left away from the light of day and one of them was his body.
He made his way to the bathroom, his bladder about to explode. As he relieved it, he debated, 'Shower or bath?' Normally there was no decision to make, but he was so stiff, the act of standing had become one of exquisite torture as muscles long unused protested his early movement. 'Definitely a short bath. Maybe it will work the kinks out.' His stomach rumbled. 'Then food. With the school reopening in only a few months, Dumbledore and I have some heavy work to do this morning.'
The one thing making his former dungeon rooms more than tolerable was his bath. This new one was no different. Fed by underground hot springs, it was wide and deep, almost a bathing pool. The water was always hot and free-running and full of minerals, but thankfully free of sulphur and its smell of rotten eggs. Despite the grey stone walls, an off-center skylight gave the room, on sunny days, a cheery brightness as did the small windows, which were spelled against the steam, so there was always a view looking out over the moors.
Over the years, he'd collected from Professor Sprout a variety of plants well suited to an equatorial clime, and so his bath resembled nothing less than a wild tropical garden with a steaming pool in the middle. Off to the side, just past the seating ledge, was a thick tatami mat on the stone floor where he would sometimes lie after his bath to cool down before going back to his quarters.
He opened the sealed door and green-smelling steam poured out, misting his skin with instant hot moisture. Before he could close the door, he felt Horatio at his feet eagerly slithering into the room, his long thick body extremely comfortable in the hot, humid place. He closed the door once the striped tail cleared it and the snake, hissing his pleasure, headed directly for the underfoliage of the plants where he would hide and bask in the heat by the water or a sunspot if he could find it.
Severus hung the dressing gown on a hook by the door and walked down the smooth stone steps into the thermal waters. He hitched a breath as he submerged, the heat searing his sore spots more than he'd expected.
If he stood in the middle, the clear water was up to his neck, the fairly strong current from the fresh water intake swirling across his chest. He walked along the bottom to the far side where there was a ledge he could sit on so that only his head showed over of the surface. He could somewhat control the temperature by where he sat on the shelf; one end was very close to the source making it very hot indeed, the other side had cooled enough to be tolerable for long soaks. Until Harry had come into his life, he'd come to his bath every night to let the steam open his pores and remove from him the stink of the potions and the residual protectants he used on hair and skin.
This morning he sat in the middle. He emptied his head of thoughts, tipping it back to lay on the curved edge of the pool, feeling the hot, running water loosen the knots in his body. He would wash up in just a moment but this just felt too good to move just yet.
****
After Harry came fully awake, which for him took a few minutes, he pounded the pillow he was holding in aroused frustration. 'Of all the mornings for Severus to already be up and about--damn! I'd hoped he would still be here. We're going to have to do something about this 'leaving-before-there's-enough-light-in-the-room-for-me-to-see-him' habit.'
Harry knew why Severus was gone, but not why he felt the necessity to do so. It had nothing to do with him, per se, and everything to do with the scars Harry could feel but still had never seen except in small stolen glimpses--and always, those were of the ones on the front, never the ones on his back. Severus took great care in making sure he was well covered in the day and would often wait until Harry was in bed with the lights turned down or off before disrobing for bed. At first he'd thought it was because Severus was trying to make his physical presence more tolerable for Harry, given the way he reacted to any touch; he'd been easily startled and, at the time, he'd been surprised and appreciative of Severus' consideration of his feelings and lingering fears.
However, as the weeks had progressed and Harry grew more comfortable with Severus, he began to question his earlier assumption. Even on the odd occasions when he'd awakened behind Severus, the room was always too dark for him to see anything, although his hands, the few times they'd ventured there on their first night together, had told him the scars were horrible. He'd never got another chance to touch them again until last night and that in itself was telling. Severus had been too consumed with his own passion to notice the few times Harry's hands had strayed to the forbidden places and Harry had instinctively made sure Severus' back was to the bed when they'd made love.
It had become clear to him last week what the problem was, when he'd inadvertently tried to kiss them upon awakening. Sometime in that night he'd snuggled close to Severus and had roused all tangled up with him, his arms wrapped snug around Severus' waist. It had seemed so natural to nuzzle Severus on his nape and Harry had liked the sleepy, muzzy response he'd got, but he'd no more touched his lips to Severus' back when the man had jerked awake and away in what Harry could only call a controlled retreat. As tangled in the bedclothes as Severus had been, he'd still deftly redirected Harry's attention elsewhere by maneuvering himself firmly onto his back and kissing Harry soundly. It hadn't led anywhere because Harry, without conscious thought at the time, knew the pounding of Severus heart under his hand had been more a product of Severus' fears than of arousal.
He'd thought about it in the ensuing time until day before yesterday he'd finally asked Severus what the problem was; he'd known he was on the right track when Severus had all but snarled at him to mind his own affairs. Harry had not taken offense at his harsh words; again he didn't know how he knew, but he'd sensed Severus' defensive reaction had been one of deep shame and embarrassment. Harry shrugged to himself. 'I've been sharing his bed for several weeks now and I'm still clueless as to why he feels the need to hide his body. Well, not exactly--I am sure his evasion has something to do with the scars--he hates me touching them. I just don't know if it's because of the way they look or if he's afraid I'll want to know where he got them. As if I couldn't make an accurate guess.'
He rolled out of bed and, putting on his spectacles, made his way to the loo. He was about to enter the shower when he felt the change in humidity coming from outside the room. Curious, he walked out of the bathroom, into the closet, and down a tiny hallway he'd not noticed before. The farther he travelled down it, the more humid it became until he came to a thick, closed door. Gingerly opening it a fraction, his eye close to the crack, he was unprepared for the burst of steam rushing to his face instantly fogging his lenses.
He opened the door wider and slipped in, letting it close silently behind him, amazed at this new world he'd stepped into. He paused and, spying Severus' dressing gown hanging by the door, he wiped his spectacles free of the obscuring condensation while breathing in deeply the clean, fresh, 'green' smell of the place. Putting them back on, he looked around him. 'Where the hell did all this come from?' he thought, already starting to sweat from the temperature. But it was also loosening him up; he was a bit sore this morning. He chuckled quietly. 'And so evidently was Severus.' He spied him on the far side of the pool.
Since he'd worn nothing to the loo, there was nothing to take off, and he cautiously stepped into the bath. 'Merlin, that's hot!' The beads of sweat ran down his face. He spotted his quarry, still unaware of his presence, head thrown back against the side exposing a long pale expanse of throat Harry longed to lick. He swam silently across the pool, feeling the current underneath him, and when he came even with Severus he put his hands on either side of him and slid his body up out of the water, placing a wet open mouth kiss on the "V" at the salty base of his outstretched throat.
Severus startled and with a mighty push, flung Harry back into the water. Shocked, Harry flew far and landed on his back with a huge splash and then sunk down to the bottom. Getting his feet under him, he pushed up at an angle and surfaced; he had only a fleeting glimpse of Severus gasping for air, a wild look in his eyes as he scrambled to get out of the bath. Harry, his momentum carrying him forward, lunged at him, thinking, 'Well, that was a bit unexpected. Lesson one, don't sneak up on Snape.' He managed to grab Severus' wrist before he could completely make it out of the water, causing him to slip slightly on the curved edge.
That was his second mistake of the morning. 'Lesson two, don't grab Snape.' Severus' eyes turned angry, his other hand breaking Harry's grip, and in one fluid movement he was up and out of the water, chest heaving, his body poised to flee. "Leave me be. Just leave me--alone," he gasped. "Please." A plea.
"NO! Damn it, Severus, stop. Just. Stop. Don't go away. I don't understand. Help me to understand." Harry was panting, kneeling on the ledge, the wet heated air filling his lungs making them wheeze. Severus stood there, his hands loose at his sides, his body defiant with an indefinable look in his black eyes. His head tilted up challengingly.
'Merlin, he's magnificent!'
Harry climbed out of the pool to stand before him. He reached up and held Severus' cheek, who flinched, closing his eyes. Determined, Harry held it there and kissed his closed, unresponsive mouth whispering, "I'm sorry I startled you, I was just playing." Severus opened his eyes, wary in the light, his face taut with tension. Harry continued, ignoring for a moment Severus' discomfort; he knew they needed to resolve this. "I know you don't want me to see you. But I don't understand."
Harry noted the slight release of tension in the lines around Severus' mouth and decided to press his advantage. "Why, Severus? You trusted me last night with far more than the mere sight of your body. I saw how much of it you were willing to give to me--a precious gift I never earned--one I will never forget. I just don't understand. Why are you so skittish now? What do I have to do to show you how much I need you? As you are."
Harry kissed him again and felt a small response. Taking Severus face in his hands, his thumbs caressing his cheeks, he continued, "It's only a shell, Sev, a flawed container for what lies within. One may admire it the same way one admires a pretty bottle for a potion, but we both know what's really important, don't we? It's what's inside the bottle."
He stood close to him, their bodies almost touching and ran his hands down Severus' arms first, feeling the ridged scars covering their length. Harry loosely held Severus' wrist noting the smoother skin there from where he'd healed it over three years before. Bringing it to his mouth, he gently kissed the pale skin, running the tip of his tongue over the fine white lines. Severus made a noise of protest and tried to pull it away, but Harry firmed his grip and said gently, "No, Severus. Please let me do this. Please let me show you how little I care about how the bottle looks." He watched carefully and was heartened when he saw the barely perceptible nod of acquiescence.
He pulled him down onto the mat by the pool, leaving his glasses on as a subtle reminder to Severus that he wanted to see. Starting with a kiss, area by area, he traversed Severus' body. Each time he encountered the scars, he would feel Severus tense as he'd done before and he would gentle him with hands and mouth and tongue until he felt him relax before he moved on to the next set. Chest, arms, torso, and legs--all quarters were covered. Neither one of them was much aroused; it was too traumatic, but Harry could feel Severus loosen with each kiss, each caress--his trust in him was growing.
'Lesson three, never assume that one trust leads, automatically, to another.' He was earning this one inch by inch.
He had only his back left to explore, the area he knew would be the most difficult for Severus to take. If his hands in the dark had told the truth, it would be horrific. He coaxed a reluctant Severus onto his stomach and as his back was exposed to the revealing sunlight, Harry's eyes widened in shock and he sucked in a breath in a long involuntary hiss. At the sound, Severus hid his face in his arms, his shoulders sagging.
Harry had noted some jars on a shelf an arm's length above him. One looked familiar and he reached up and pulled it from the shelf. He was right--it was the lubricant they'd used before, only a little thinner, with a subtle, smoky, woodsy scent added to it. He opened the jar and straddled Severus thighs, feeling him tense from the unexpected move and weight. Harry leaned down and moving his hair to the side, kissed his nape whispering, "Shh, it'll be all right. I won't hurt you, Sev, I promise."
With a generous amount of the lubricant on his hands, he smoothed them over Severus' back, kneading the tortured flesh, the skin liberally criss-crossed with dark red, heavy, ropy scars. He was not conscious of the tingling through the scar on his forehead or the sub-vocalised Sanos spell warming his hands, pulling the remembered pain from the whitening scars, still visible but thinning, flattening. The skin became smooth and supple wherever his hands and magic touched. He took his time, stripe by stripe, using his palms, thumbs, and finger tips to erase each and every mark. Drawing from the skin and Severus' very soul, he pulled and discarded the shackled memories of long, steel-tipped whips and cutting knives wielded in anger and hate.
Severus moaned; Harry could feel him gradually relaxing. He knew Severus was oblivious to the tones of his magic, knew he was making him feel good, maybe for the first time in years. And when Severus totally relaxed under his loving hands, Harry felt like he'd been given something precious--Severus' peace and centered calmness. Harry murmured as he continued kneading his back, his slick hands gentle and hot but firm. "Were you afraid I'd laugh, that I would find you any less desirable than last night or any other night before? Or were you afraid I would think the hurts inside worse than the ones outside and leave? Are your scars any worse than my own? You at least earned yours. I did nothing but exist."
He dug his thumbs hard into a knot his words had caused, getting a grunt of pain from Severus. He laughed lightly, "Did you truly think I would be so easy to get rid of?" He smoothed his hands over the now relaxed bits of his back, "Am I so shallow? Did you distrust yourself and your judgement so? What made you apprehensive, Severus?"
Harry continued his way down his back, shifting his weight as he moved his hands lower, now caressing Severus' buttocks. "I don't know what I was afraid of. I don't remember. Seems silly now," Severus said ruefully on a sigh.
His hands never stopping, Harry replied, the smile showing in his voice, "You'll have to teach me how to do that someday--make my fears silly, that is. I've never quite mastered the art. Usually they just scare me silly." Finished, he lightly trailed his fingertips up Severus' spine, enjoying the shiver running down the length of his body. "You scared me spitless this morning, Sev. Please don't ever run away again; don't shut me out. We can get through this, through anything, together. I learned that from you."
He continued tracing his fingertips upward, burying them in his hair. While leaning down, he inhaled deeply the smoky scent of the oil he'd used. He lifted Severus' long hair and planted a lingering kiss to his neck, his tongue tasting the bitterness of the oil mingled with the salty sweetness of Severus' skin. "You are such a pleasure to touch," he murmured, his hands sliding down Severus' arms.
He felt the tightening and, given the way he was pressing securely into the warm oiled cleft of the older man, he was sure Severus could feel his need too.
Severus made an effort to roll over and Harry lifted enough for him to do so. He settled back down on Severus' thighs. His hands smoothed over his chest and Severus took his hands, pulling him down to him, their eyes holding and speaking volumes. Severus held him, his arms wrapped tightly around the beautiful young body given to him so freely. Harry laid his head on the shoulder offered and they stayed like this for a long while, Severus gratefully accepting his weight.
Eventually they broke apart, both a little awkward, their desire plainly evident as lips met in the middle, tongues stoking a slow fire. Harry pulled away and with a mischievous smile asked, "How about finishing that bath, Sev?"
"I think that's an excellent idea, Mr. Potter." Severus said hiding his smile in a twist of lips.
Harry got up in one fluid movement and grinned when Severus muttered "Show-off" as he sat up and taking Harry's proffered hand, got to his feet a little slower, a little less gracefully, his joints cracking from being still for so long despite the massage.
"Come on, old man. Last one in's a rotten egg." He laughed at the outraged expression on Snape's face.
Severus beat him into the water. They both gasped at the heat. Then they bathed; it involved a lot of splashing and wet sliding skin.
****
When Snape failed to show up to their work area on the south tower that morning after breakfast, Dumbledore gave a secret, knowing smile to himself even as he shrugged to the Mason helping him set the repaired stones. Severus would never know Albus had been insufferably cheerful, his eyes twinkling the whole morning while whistling a song about 'rub-a-dub-dub, two men in a tub' as they rebuilt the wall without him.