Schism - A quaint adventure in shounen ai with the occasional flock of strangeness by ShiniJekka
Crazed Author's Disclaimer – Someday there will be a revolution and the characters depicted in this fic will rise up against those who own them and join my side, and we will create a glorious new world. However, until this happens, I own none of them.
Crazed Author's Rant – Hardest. Chapter. EVER. Gennai hates me. I'm starting to return the favor. -_- All I wanted him to do was explaa~aain! XD Here's chapter 7, version 5.2…
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Chapter 7- To Help me Save me from Myself………………………………………………………………………………………………… …
The arrival of the Guardian, while affectively throwing the rabble of children into shocked silence, is unfortunate in that it dismantles my plan for the remainder of the afternoon with admirable efficiency. I had known, of course, that my Ken would choose the path of martyrdom and tell his ridiculous companions and their little animal friends to go, to leave him here with me. It is a very Ken thing to do; knowing beforehand that he will do it does nothing to dampen the amusement of the situation. While others may appreciate surprises, I much prefer watching schemes unfold.
In the most ideal outcome, the little troupe of comedic errors that they are would have simply accepted the matter of it, the truth of it, turned around and went on their merry way. On the other hand, I would have reveled in the fight that they seemed so willing to instigate, and certainly I would have found pleasure in their defeat.
Anyone who has never had a foe pleading before them or limping brokenly away would most likely not understand. There are certain beauties to confrontation – the greatest would have been watching Ken's face in the aftermath.
I am, however, an adaptable sort of villain. Rigidity will win no wars; tacticians must be flexible if they expect to emerge from the battle triumphant. At the very least, perhaps the old man and his pathetic excuse for an excuse will amuse me for the span of a moment or two.
For those of us forced to deal with a vastly inferior society, there are times when the most one can hope for are moments of entertainment. Surrounded by idiots and bits of computer data and one supposed Guardian, it may be time to take a more subtle approach.
I look to Ken. Most likely he's trying to gauge what he knows of Gennai from the stories he's heard and apply it to the man he now sees before us, and attempting to shape his mind around what any new outcome could arise from this. There is shame, too, lurking along the edges of his dark eyes, and I note that his gaze nearly darts to the simmering silent form of Motomiya before it meets my own. Perhaps he regrets having given up so easily.
Silly, sweet child. What else is a submissive to do? And then it occurs to me the benefit of this new situation - all that Gennai could possibly tell them will be to my advantage.
Rather nice of him, if unintentional.
"Are you listening, little Ken?" We can't have him miss the pretty speeches, after all. His eyes linger on mine a moment more, and I can feel him weighing consequences; I assume he now considers joining his friends, taking advantage of the Guardian's presence to slink back to their throng. I would have let him; it isn't as though he can ever truly get away from me, after all. There will always be later opportunities for Ken and I to have our time together, and even if his mind were capable of following that point to where it leads, he will never let himself truly accept it.
This is part of my power over him. Ken fools himself, lies to himself, coddles himself with empty desperate reassurances. Somewhere inside him, he knows this. On a basic level he understands that he is blinding himself to the truth I would much rather flaunt, and it's one of the reasons he sees me as so indomitable. Defeat me? He can't even bring himself to fight me.
"I would really appreciate an explanation," the older Ishida boy announces with a clearing of this throat. "Not that I had any other plans for tonight, but I've gotta admit I'd like to know how we have two Kens all of a sudden."
"One Ken." Daisuke seems to be trying to set me on fire with his eyes, all the heat of his anger pushed the front and making him tremble. Rather than catching flame, I believe I'm vaguely aroused.
"Fine, one Ken," Ishida agrees, tugging fingers through a mop of blonde hair. "But also one Digimon Kaiser, and that just aint right."
"I would be happy to explain," Gennai says, taking careful steps closer. He moves as one would approach a rabid animal – slow, smooth, non-threatening. I suppose he deserves some amount of credit for believing me to be so dangerous. Enemies with any level of assessment capability are so rare these days.
"Ken?" The Yagami male -Taichi, I believe - takes a single step forward until he is in line with Motomiya; Ishida throws him a small significant glance, and it occurs to me that there is something between those older two beyond what I had previously assumed. The knowledge is set aside for future use. Ken looks up with a blink, having gone to some deep internal conflict again. No wonder he's failing his studies – he has the attention span of a small flighty bird.
"It's just as well that he stays where he is." Gennai smiles apologetically to the children. "If you were about to ask him to go to you, that is." There are nods; it's just as well, Ken wouldn't have moved. Gennai is circumventing their asking so that it doesn't come to another denial. If he insists on being clever, he'll find himself in some rather dangerous territory…
"Why?" Daisuke asks, finally tearing his gaze from my Ken and turning those angry cherry lights to the Guardian instead.
"Because if how I understand the situation is close to what it is, the Digimon Kaiser will be harder to be rid of than you all wish, and Ken in particular is going to have to get used to that." He looks over the group of them, his small smile still in place. They see his apology, the protective aspect of his commitment to duty. Only I see his regret, his fault. Genius, I think, is part the absence of blindness. "Think now, children. When you come through the digiport and appear in this world, how does that come to pass?"
"He wants them to think?" I snort to Ken, intentionally loud. "We'll be here all night." He ignores me but for a small twitch of muscle along his forehead. Precious.
"The digiport converts our physical bodies into data," The female I recognize as Inoue Miyako cuts in, and for a moment her eyes dart my way. I give her a patient, bemused little smile, a parent allowing for the clumsy intellect of a child. She blinks, taken aback, and whatever further information would have come from her mouth dies premature. The short one, Hida Iori, turns his serious face up toward her in his concern at her sudden stop.
"Izzy explained it to us a couple of times." Yagami shoves his hands into his pockets, alternating his attention between Gennai and the two of us. "Wasn't it along the lines of becoming digital ourselves?"
"I suppose that's close enough," and still his weak smile lingers. "But it isn't so much your body that's necessary for the digital world to create a digital representation of you – it's your mind and soul."
Inoue looks back to the Guardian after one last peek to Ken. It occurs to me that Ken has watched her watching him, and through the distorted eyes of his memories it is obvious that she feels deeply for him, and the relationship he holds with Daisuke causes her some amount of pain. There are so many ways that can be utilized, both to my advantage and for my amusement, that I'm tempted to rearrange my plans in order to accommodate any number of tantalizing situations.
The Yagami girl is frowning at me. Ken has never liked the crimson of her eyes. I gift her with a feral grin, occupying my hands with the length of my whip, slowly coiling the lax weapon and attaching it to my belt. She grimaces and looks away, earning a curious glance from the flying orange rodent and prompting a snarl from her feline partner, all for me.
"Our mind and soul…" Ishida Takeru looks at his hands in some ridiculously poetic moment that most likely is a prerequisite for being the child of something like Hope. "These bodies are made from our mind and soul?"
Gennai dips his head. "For the most part. The digiport doesn't quite just replicate your physical body with one made of data, per se; rather, it reacts to the presence of the you that is not physical, and creates a body mirroring your physical self to contain it."
Ken is listening intently now, the promise of some insight into both the workings of this world and his own predicament having lured him from the safe gauze of withdrawing. He keeps his eyes on the dunes, however; He's trying very hard indeed to avoid meeting Daisuke's eyes.
"Like containers of water." The Hikari girl speaks her analogy slowly. "The digiport doesn't use the container, it looks at the water and makes the container appropriate for it."
"Very much like that," Gennai says, foolishly proud. I suppress the sudden urge to crush him, welling up from within me like the tide. A time and place for everything. Only idiots refuse to learn from the mistakes of their past, and I know better now than to rush in to things merely for the sake of satisfying my urges. I am devoted to the subtle method for today…
"That doesn't do anything to explain how the Digimon Kaiser is standing right over there," says the boy who is Hope, glancing my way with obvious trepidation. The other children echo his confusion, and so many pairs of eyes turn to Ken and I. The digimon remain silent and thoughtful, perhaps unwilling to venture guesses. I'd prefer to assume that they've chosen to remain on guard, in the case that I suddenly reveal myself to be as much marauding conqueror as they remember.
Ken stiffens; I am graced by the weight of his midnight blue, wide and deep eyes and unsettled by realization.
Aah. He has it now, does he?
"Ken?" Gennai seems to have noticed, as well. "Perhaps you could explain to them what I'm trying to get across."
He quails, slightly. Gennai has made the unfortunate mistake of unwittingly pressuring him as well as coming across uncomfortably like Ken's professors. There is a wall inside him that grows thicker and taller.
"Shame, Guardian." Allow myself to slip into his good graces… "You can hardly expect Ken to feel up to such a task as that. He hasn't even had a moment to come to terms with it, and you want him to lecture the halfwits?"
He hesitates, realization of his error passing over the angular planes of his face. Deceptively youthful in appearance, yet not experienced enough. He cannot win this game with me, but he has committed himself into the playing of it regardless. He dares to ask, "And I don't suppose you would, then?"
"Of course not," I reply, the sliver of a grin. "Not only do I not give out knowledge to fools, but I refrain out of kindness to you." Lower the pitch, silken the tones. These people are all instruments I play upon. "Imagine, Guardian, the things I could let slip to them…"
The warning is sufficient. Played into the corner, he suffers under the burden. He will tell them himself, and they will not understand. The mischievous notion of simply taking off with Ken while they mule and muddle over the details passes through me, but again, a time and place for everything.
"Ken and Kaiser," Daisuke says, slow like heat spreading through a house. The others all look to him in slight surprise, the two older boys exchanging another of their weighted glances and the blue Veemon at his feet blinking. "They're two different people… two different minds. That's how the digiport saw them."
Ken raises his head. There is, no doubt, an achingly tender moment that passes between the two as they meet gazes for the first time since Gennai appeared, and I'm sure that it's fraught with unspoken apology and assurances and remorse and things I've no time for.
My patience for the necessity of this meeting is wearing thin. Reveling over having a physical body again doesn't last quite as long when one spends an inordinate amount of time in the desert. I suspect the next fear-inspiring outfit I concoct will have short sleeves.
"How can that be?" Inoue shakes her head, a hand automatically adjusting her glasses as the movement causes them to slip down her nose slightly. "Ken was the Digimon Kaiser, they've got to be the same person!"
"I beg to differ," blithely. Ignoring the obvious does her no credit.
"Miyako's got a point," the Takeru boy says. "We know Ken and Kaiser were the same person, once. Can a person split in two like this?"
"Obviously they can," Yagami Taichi, with a weary snort. "I'm more wondering about how and why."
"But wouldn't it be crowded in Ken's head if there's two people in there?" Patamon squeaks. "They're only made for one!"
"I think there's a difference between two minds and two brains," the Hawkmon says. "Perhaps what Daisuke is getting to is that they are two personalities?"
"That doesn't work out right." Ishida Yamato now, trying his hand at deduction. "Didn't Ken become the Digimon Kaiser, and all the while was still Ken, and then you helped him become Ken again when he cast the Kaiser role away? That's not how multiple personalities work."
Taichi raises an eyebrow, and Yamato shrugs. "I've been to a therapist or two in my time."
"But they are two personalities." Tailmon, inspecting her claws while she speaks. I could laugh at her. I could laugh at them all. Play it subtle, yet I'm alive and I could laugh forever… "It's the only theory that could make sense. Somehow the Kaiser personality has become clearer, or stronger, to the point where the digital world recognizes him as a separate person from Ken entirely."
"So then what happens while he's in the real world?" Iori asks. "Where does the Kaiser go?"
"That should be obvious." I can't help but grin. At Hida Iori and his stupid serious face, as though he understood anything at all in the world; At the Hikari girl and her wobbly, worried red stare; At the Ishida family, epitomizing the supposedly idiocy of blondes; At Inoue and her cow's eyes, actually ever thinking that she could shine brighter than Daisuke in Ken's vision.
At Gennai grinding his teeth behind his perfect sad smile, screaming behind his watchful silence.
"I go where I please."
At Daisuke, ever burning.
I grin until I feel my face will tear, rip, split, crack open and the insanity of it all would gush like blood from a wound, like infection, like breath. I am so alive, and it is life that kills us all. They are all such fools…
And Ken, my beautiful simpleton with all his broken possibility, shrinking from my touch even as he lacks the will to simply walk away. Bound to me. Helplessly part of me, and they can't even see. I grin at him as well, and my fingertips flame with the memory of his cool, smooth skin. The slender digits of his right hand twitch, and he can't understand the fundamental truth of it, that we are so bound, to the point of being broken.
And I will see him broken.
It doesn't occur to me that I've said that last bit aloud until Daisuke's fist connects to my face.
I can't be bothered to hold back the laughter any longer.
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For the sake of there maybe possibly being a chance of finding out what the hell is going on, I managed to keep quiet and civil during the whole long and painful crappy ordeal of standing there, just standing there, while Gennai said nothing we all had to guess and Ken looked miserable and lost and Kaiser looked his usual gloating asshole self. I kept my mouth shut and tried to beat down my temper, cos boy oh BOY was it rising hot, and lemme tell you when I get really mad there's nothing short of a miracle that'll keep me from blowing up. But no! For the sake of understanding the problem, I was a good little digidestined and I stood there with Veemon, just listening and watching.
Fat lot of good that did. Gennai's still playing secrets (like I don't know when someone's holding back something from me? I date the master of secrets!), my friends are all confused, Ken's STILL miserable and now I'm joining him because in all the time it took Kaiser and Mr. Guardian to beat around the bush with each other, I figured it out. One of those epiphany things I've heard about, like a lightbulb over your head but really more like a big board of wood smashing into the back of your head.
I wonder if Ken knows, too. If I figured it out then I'm sure Ken has to know, he's Ken and I'm Daisuke and it's no big news story on who the smarter one of us is. So he must know. I wonder if that's why he's so quiet. I wonder what happened, when it was just the two of them alone here while I burned dinner and went spastic.
I know it wasn't good. I can see the old ghosts in his eyes, his posture, the line of his mouth. The shadow did more than creep up over him this time, and now something darker and more awful is tugging at his edges. We were doing so damn well…
And then comes Kaiser and his smirk and his voice and his … his freaky ass seduction skills, and there goes Ken and our progress and his self-esteem and smile. And here comes Gennai and he's being eaten from the inside by guilt, I know how that looks and I'd know it in a second and he's got it, but he's saying nothing, admitting nothing, telling us nothing. And I'm quiet and civil and BOILING OVER. That's right folks, NEWS REPORT: Child of Courage and Friendship about to go Ballistic. Film at 11, interviews to follow. But I'm holding it back!
And then Kaiser says something about Ken being broken or something, and there's this snap somewhere, loud as a tree branch cracking when it's Fall and the air is cold and dead. CRACK, only actually it's SNAP, or, no, it may have been SMACK because that's about the sound my fist makes when it collides with Kaiser's cheek.
I have to say I'm as surprised as he is. I don't remember punching him, or running forward, or thinking about it, but that's definitely my hand connected to arm leading to my body and it's most definitely just punched Kaiser in the face. See how I'm still very calm and civil about all of this? I plan on making everyone very proud of me, you know.
Taichi catches up to me and grabs my shoulders to haul me back, as though this attack were on purpose or like I was about to do more, which maybe I am, apparently I'm not the one to ask about what my body plans on doing, don't blame me it was my evil hand, and the funny thing is Kaiser is just laughing, and laughing, like I had a joke written on my knuckles and he read it right before the hit. So he's laughing and on the ground because I hit pretty damn good thank you very much, laughing and rolling on the sand and getting it in his stupid spiky hair. Taichi, right behind my head, mutters something like "screw it" and then he leaps forward, fist ready, but Yamato grabs HIM. By now all the rest of the guys (and the girls, who by no means should be underestimated in a fight, because Miyako kicks like nobody's business and Hikaru has hard little fists of fury) have caught up and there's all this noise and shouting and limbs flailing, and of course over and under it all is his goddamn laughing.
To the side, through the mess, I see Ken staggering backwards away from both us and the lunatic in the sand. Gennai starts walking like he's gonna be the one to comfort him, which is almost funny since they're both full of secrets and how is that going to be any comfort at all? You don't heal with secrets, even if they're more comfortable and look and sound better. It's truth. Burning, hurtful, awful truth, and then you heal and then it's comfort. If the Guardian of the Digital World understood that he would have looked us in the eyes.
I cut him off, running over the unstable surface and darting in his way before he can do something adultishly stupid, and rather than stop running I let my feet keep going and I give Ken my best soccer tackle. We go flying, briefly, and rolling, and coughing because I just inhaled like a pound of sand. Lungs don't like sand, no, they don't.
He's coughing, too, squeezing his eyes shut as his too-thin body shudders and does that diaphragm-clenchy thingie. I think he didn't see me coming. That's okay. If today is gonna be full of surprises, at least one of them should be me.
"ENOUGH ALREADY!" like a war horn comes Yamato's yelling, and of course he's got a set of lungs on him, he's a singer after all. He knows how to project. The clatter and ruckus stops, the sand settles, the laughing continues but quieter, chortles surrounded by little pained noises. I wonder who else hit him. I'd like to shake their hand.
"Everyone just calm down." Very authoritative voice. He's the big brother after all. "Kaiser, shut the hell up. Taichi, stop strugg-.. Takeru, don't you dare hit him again!" A couple mutters and grumbles, quiet words, and the laughing trails off to silence. I have to guess what's happening by sound alone because I don't think I can afford to look away from Ken right now. He's still coughing under me where he landed, but I think it's almost over with. Gennai must be right behind us – I can see his shadow on the sand. I wish he'd go away.
"You alright?" One late cough, and Ken opens his eyes. I think I hurt him. His eyes are full of pain. "Did I slam you too hard?"
A shake of his head and a very humorless smile. It's nothing more than lips twisting this time. "Sand," he manages. I scoot back a bit in case he wants to sit up, but he just lies back, closing his eyes again. "Daisuke…"
"Yeah, Ken."
"I think I'm losing my mind." The voice is ragged and quiet. I want to tell him no, that's hardly the case, you've actually got two now, but I don't think it's really the time for off-color commentary.
"You threw him off a first time," I say instead, loading the words with bravado. "And you know things are always harder the first time. And now you've got us."
And now you've got me. Maybe you don't know it's hard for us, too. We're comrades. Friends. Digidestined, Chosen Children. We're partners. It's like I have three halves (it would go a long way to explain my math grades), and I found one half when I met Veemon and I found the other when you first met my eyes in a non-I-think-I'll-you manner. When you said you were staying with him, it's like I died a little death on the sand.
He goes still – his breathing slows, and together our hearts reach for calm. The frantic beating steadies. After a while he opens his eyes again.
"I shouldn't have left Wormmon behind," he says.
"He'll understand. We'll go get him soon, anyway." Though I'm not really sure how he'll react to seeing you-know-who again.
"He must be worried sick…" He trails off, gazing at the sky for a moment before looking at me. "Are you going to get off of me any time soon?"
"I really don't want to," I sigh, keeping my voice down, "but Mr. Guardian is watching us and it's starting to creep me out." Shift, move the legs, hop to my feet. "Need a hand up?"
He's already getting up, but he shakes head and murmurs no-thank-you as he rises. We both turn to Gennai, who has been standing a few feet off and, I think, observing the whole time. He still looks sad and concerned and very much grown up, but there are still things he's choosing not to tell us. If I find out later that they're important things about how to help Ken, I'll kick him in his soccer balls if you catch my drift.
He's not the only one watching, actually. The ruckus quieted down some time ago, and everyone seems to have turned their heads this way when Ken got up. Kaiser is still on the sand, but he's sitting up and looks no less an egotistical jerk for the fight, although he's got a few good marks on his chin and cheek and I think his glasses have a crack. Plus, his hair is a nightmare. Some people just don't know how to do the wild and spiky look.
"I'm sorry," Gennai says. Ken raises an eyebrow, managing to look cool if not collected, although he's looking very mussed and he could really use a shower.
"I'm sure that you are," he says back, and without another word walks right past him. I wonder if he knows that Gennai knows more than what he says he knows, like I know he knows. Maybe Ken even knows more about what Gennai knows than I know. Ken sure does know a lot.
I follow as he makes his way toward the others, and they seem unsure of what to say, standing as they are over his roughed up counterpart. He smiles for them – small and understanding… kind. Infinitely kind. Taichi steps up, patting him on the back like Ken was his wayward little brother. He startles slightly, balance just shy of lost, but nods like a silent thank you. Yamato makes a weird 'tsk' noise and just about descends onto my boyfriend, dusting off the blazer of his school uniform and trying to shake some of the grains from Ken's disarrayed dark hair. I can't help but blink at the sight of our two upper-classmen ultimately mother-henning him. File away under "what the hell did I just see".
Hawkmon sighs and lands, and I think maybe he was doing the hover thing for too long and now he's tired. He and most of the digimon I guess decided to stay back, maybe not wanting to go too near Kaiser despite the fact that I'm sure they all fancy wailing on the guy while he's down. Veemon's still with them, maybe not wanting to get in the way of my moment with Ken or maybe remembering how he spent an uncomfortable time in the closet. Miyako looks like she ate something awful, a bit greenish and ragged around the edges. Hikari already noticed before me because she's all compassionate like that, and has put an arm around the lavender-haired girl's shoulders. Tailmon looks like she really wants to look indifferent about the whole thing, but the furious little twitch at the end of her tail really says otherwise. She's upset… worried. Patamon knows it, because he keeps glancing over at her from the top of Takeru's head. All of them Ken nods to and walks past, up to Iori next whose standing by Kaiser like a short guard who can really kick ass when he's got a wooden sword. Or so I hear. Iori looks his normal solemn self and tilts his solemn face up at Ken and they share one of those solemn moments, up until Armadimon buts his head against Iori's back and he stumbles forward with a "gack!". Ken steadies him without thinking, and aren't we all just blown away when Iori takes another step forward and hugs Ken. Right there. Wraps his short arms around his waist and hugs.
Who'da thought we'd ever see the day?
Ken looks adorably surprised and maybe flustered, but then this expression slides onto his face and it's so gentle I could either burst or else shove Iori out of the way so that he's using it to look at ME. He used to fret and worry about not being worthy of the crest of kindness – if he could only see his own face now.
And then he does look upon his own face, in a way I guess, because Iori lets go and steps away and Ken turns to look at Kaiser, who just now is finally getting back to his feet. They stare at each other for a long moment, twins in appearance only. Or maybe clones, since I think they have the same DNA. If Kaiser has DNA. Digi-DNA? Maybe Koushiro will know.
And Ken says, "Well."
And Kaiser says, "Yes." Gennai raises his eyebrows as they both turn to him, as we all look to him.
"Hey," I tell him. "You were saying something about explanations?"
"I was," evenly. "I believe young Iori had asked where the Kaiser goes when Ken is not in the digital world."
Iori nods, and though Kaiser gains a bit of his smirk back, he seems happy enough to keep his trap shut this time. Good for him.
"When he says 'I go where I please', does he mean like that he stays behind here and runs amuck?" Miyako frowns, not liking that thought at all I guess, and neither do I, but I don't think it's right anyway.
"No," Gennai answers, shaking his head. "Kaiser and Ken are still connected in that when Ken passes through the digiport, Kaiser follows, regardless of whether or not Kaiser's digital form chooses to pass through the digiport as well. When Ken leaves this world for the other, Kaiser simply vanishes."
"It can't make a body for him in the real world, can it?" Tailmon asks, and her tail does another couple violent flicks. "Like it does for the digimon such as ourselves."
"How does that happen, anyway?" Takeru, rubbing his chin. "The same way that it creates digital bodies for us in this world?"
"Sort of. The digiport is a door that swings both ways, you could say." He settles into his stance, like one of my teachers who gives so many lectures that maybe they only feel comfortable while they're giving them, and teaching is easier than not teaching. "The two worlds, the real world and the digital world, can almost be said to be overlapping each other. Those passing through the gate to this world attain digital form, as described earlier. Similarly, those passing through the gate into your world will need their digital forms converted into the sort of matter that your world is made of. Digital forms for the digital world, and real forms for your real world." He clasps his hands behind his back and rocks on his feet slightly, gazing upward. I think I mostly get what he's saying – the other kids are all nodding along. Ken looks intent, and Kaiser looks like he knows all this already. For all I know, he does.
Gennai's still going. "The main difference appears in the ability of the two worlds to accommodate what passes through the gate. As the worlds are overlapped and essentially like mirrors, what exists in one world exists as possibility in the other. The digimon that exist in the digital world are possibilities in the real world – the digiport is able to make their physical forms out of their possibilities, and the real world accepts them because there was always the chance that they could have existed anyway.
"The problem with Ken and Kaiser, however, is this: the digiport is able to make a digital form for Kaiser, because it recognizes his mind as a separate entity from Ken, and is able to write the data that will become his body here. Going through the digiport the other way, however, there is no 'possibility' of Kaiser for the gate to make a body with in the real world. That possibility has already been used, and belongs to Ken. It cannot make two bodies where only one should be, because the real world cannot be written like data." He blinks slowly, pulling his gaze back toward the lot of us as though to make sure we're still listening, and then turns to Ken and Kaiser. "Have I gotten that correctly so far?"
Ken blinks, and Kaiser develops a slow, slight smile.
"For the most part", he answers. "Although some of your logic is patchy, and your assumptions concerning the gate have faults."
Taichi blinks. "Wait. How much of that was just you guessing, Gennai?"
The Guardian manages to look a little sheepish. "Maybe about half. Not bad, huh?"
The other kids stare at him for a moment, before Yamato and Taichi just start laughing. I'm thinking hard, trying to take all the stuff Gennai said and turn it into sense, which I guess it makes. Computers can make duplicates of things, and if this world is data or a program, that can be written and altered and changed. Copy, paste, copy, paste, edit… But the real world can't make two Kens. I think that's what he said. Yeah. Even if it's not two Kens but a Ken and a Kaiser, it's still the same Ken-body. Just two personalities. Right.
"Which brings us back to the question", Iori, looking tired, "of what happens to Kaiser when Ken goes back to the real world."
"Now be patient, Iori," Armadimon says in the casual way he does everything. "I bet Gennai's gonna get to that soon. Aren't you, Gennai?"
He hesitates and the wind blows. "The only place for him to go, children, is where he came from in the first place."
I feel like a really bad idea that I had today is about to be proved true. Believe me, I haven't forgotten earlier when Ken-not-Ken straddled me on the floor of my room and made me say the name of someone I'd hoped was long gone. If Kaiser doesn't get a body in the real world, then when Ken goes to the real world the only place Kaiser can go is, like Gennai says, exactly where Kaiser came from.
Still smiling his little knowing smile, Kaiser confirms my really bad idea with a single motion, as he reaches up with a gloved hand and gives a light, eloquent little tap to Ken's head.
Ken closes his eyes, exhaling softly and I can feel his misery leaking out of the cracks of the walls he builds around himself. In a way, it's how he tells us that it's true, and we all get it, all of us understanding. Or, maybe all of us except Veemon, who's just gone cross-eyed trying to figure it out. I'll have to tell him later, I guess. It's nothing compared to what it'll be like telling Wormmon. I wonder if I'm going to wake up tomorrow laughing at what a terrible dream I just had.
But I won't run away from my problems. It works much better when you just step forward and beat them instead.
The heavy silence that followed Kaiser's reply hangs for way longer than I would have liked it to. It'd be the best ever for someone to crack a great joke – we could laugh until it hurt and then we could look at each other and maybe it would be better somehow, because we would know we all still had the power to laugh at least. No one's laughing now. No one's smiling. Everyone has the shame sort shocked awful look that maybe I do. We can't stand like this all day… especially since it's only day HERE and it's night back at home, and getting late I think… what time was it when we got here? It was dark out when Ken-not-Ken came to my door…
Gennai isn't saying anything, like he's waiting for us to snap out of it on our own. Ken opens his eyes, finally, but he keeps them down on the sand and his hair is casting shadows so I can't quite see what he's feeling, but I can feel a bit of it and I don't like it. I don't like it one bit.
"Maybe Ken should stay here, then?"
The squeaky little voice is Veemon's, I realize with a start. He's tugging at my pant leg and gazing up at me with big questions in his eyes and I'm supposed to have the answers for him. I'm his partner, after all. I think I underestimated him when I said I'd have to tell him what's going on later – he's figured it out himself while we all stood around. He just needed the extra moment to really think it through, that's all.
He's my partner, after all.
"Why's that, buddy?" We'll think it through. No more blind panic or blind reacting. Fight the mad genius with logic or something. It sounds like a good enough strategy in my head at least.
Veemon rubs his chin with a claw, like someone in deep thought. "Well I wouldn't want someone like the Digimon Kaiser in my head while I was walking around. I don't think I'd like that at all, really. If Ken goes back to the real world, then that's what'll happen, so Ken should just stay in the digital world! Then there's no one in his head but him."
"That's actually a really good idea." Hand form fist, face form devil-may-care grin. I'm the leader of this group, after all; I have to keep my troops in good spirits. I'm the leader because the goggles say so. "We can take turns coming here and keeping him company." And keeping Kaiser off of him. I have this feeling that we really shouldn't be leaving them alone again.
"A sound idea", Gennai says. Yay for his approval.
"I can come all day tomorrow," Hikari says immediately. I would have thought Tailmon would hate the idea of hanging around Kaiser all day, but she's nodding like it was her idea. Maybe it's one of those 'keep your enemies closer' deals. Either way is fine with me, so long as someone's with him. It'll only be until we can figure out how to fix this mess but still…
"I can come tomorrow night," Miyako nods. "I would be more than happy to. And I'll bring candy!"
"I'll come with Hikari." Takeru, and Patamon nodding in time with him, probably because he's on Takeru's head and has no choice. Taichi and Yamato smirk at each other and Yamato shrugs.
"We'll handle covering you guys in the real world," Taichi says. "I'm getting used to making excuses for sudden disappearances anyway."
"Tai's full of excuses for late night excursions, too." Yamato elbows him in the side and I don't think I'm going to think too hard about what that's supposed to mean. Not that it wouldn't be fine, I mean, because I think I'm sure that sort of stuff goes on anyway and I'm happy for them but this really isn't the time or place to be thinking about ... uhm…
Right.
Iori, I think, was about to say something, but now he's just looking at the two of them quizzically. Taichi gives an elbow right back, and harder, so that Yamato makes this "oowf!" sound. Someone snickers.
We can breathe again. The grin is easier now, and I turn to Ken to make sure it's reaching him.
He's smiling, really really faintly but it's there, one of his sweet little sad ones that makes my gut turn over like a sudden dip in the road, and he shakes his head. His hair is starting to frizz.
"I can't do that." It takes me a minute to realize what he's talking about. Maybe he notices. "I can't just stay here. Thank you, though."
"But Ken - …" I pause and glance at Kaiser, wondering what hand he has in this. He's put his hands behind his back and is looking up at the sky, like he's not even listening. My evil hand wants to remind him not to piss me off, but I push that away. "I don't even think we can guess what it's going to be like…"
"I think I have a pretty good idea, Daisuke," dryly. "But I stayed here for months, when I … when Kaiser decided to …" He stops, blinking. "When we…?"
"Either of those works, really," Kaiser murmurs.
Gennai coughs. Ken seems to sigh.
"Either way… that time, and my parents… I won't put them through that again. I have to go home – even if it's the harder option, it's the only option I'll allow."
"You may be the only one among us who understands what this is going to be like," Gennai says to him. Kaiser raises an eyebrow at his exclusion but says nothing. I wonder if he's enjoying this – I can't actually remember a time when he wasn't enjoying himself, except for when he freaked out and then he was Ken. Why should the evil half get to be the happy half? Life isn't freaking fair, that's why.
"I'll just learn to deal with it." Ken works up a smile that he isn't feeling anymore – his heart is going too fast for him to be calm like he's pretending to be. I guess we all have to wear masks though, like how I'm still grinning and looking like it'll all end up okay. I'm the leader, right? That's how I've got to act. I'm a pretty good leader, though, and an actor too. I'm almost at the point where I can even fool myself.
"Then… what do we do now?" Iori asks. Hawkmon shakes some sand from his feathers; Veemon seems to have gotten some between his toes.
"I'll go speak with some sources." Gennai nods to each of us. "Perhaps one of the elder digimon knows of any other time when a being that didn't have an actual presence in the real world managed to take form in the digital world. I'll also spread word that, should any digimon spot a certain familiar someone, to not panic and trample him."
"You can choose to omit that last part." Miyako smiles sweetly. Kaiser just raises his eyebrow again and smiles back… less sweet, though, more creepy.
"Maybe Ken could stay the night at your place, Daisuke?" Taichi nods over at me. "You two get along so well after all."
Yamato coughs into a hand. I think he actually said something but I didn't hear it and I bet I don't want to know.
"It's a school day tomorrow." Ken shakes his head. Just saying the words seems to make him wilt. He hates going to school so much… why doesn't he just skip? I mean, hell, if anything "there's a maniac in my head" would be pretty high on the list of good excuses for taking a sick day.
Damned if I'm letting him stay alone any more than I have to.
"I'll stay at your place, then," I say loudly. "And no arguing allowed."
Ken blinks. "But D-.."
"HEY! What'd I just say?"
"But your pa-.."
"What did I just say??"
"Then MY parents!" If Ken were a flailing type of person I bet he'd be flailing right now. "Daisuke, I won't let you get in trouble over me."
That deserves a loud snort. "If not for you, what for? Anyway, I'll tell your parents that I had a big fight at my house and I don't want to be there cos I'm all emotionally upset or something. Your parents are big on emotional outbursts, they'll understand."
"I'm not sure that wi-… what are you implying, there?"
"He means," Kaiser sighs, "that your family consists entirely of weepy, overly-distraught bleeding hearts who'd believe such a pathetically weak story without batting an eye. And though I'm sure my opinion means nothing at this juncture, I for one approve of the idea of dear Daisuke spending the evening. That bed can get so cold sometimes…"
"Another reason for you not to come." Ken, flatly. "Daisuke…"
"I made up my mind already!" Man, does he have to be so damn creepy? "It's your own fault for dating someone stubborn like me! Let's go, already! Gotta get out the sleeping bags!"
"Ah… I'll just be going now," Gennai says from the side, like he really doesn't belong in the conversation anymore, which Wow! Hey! He doesn't!
I think I'm tired. All the adrenaline, like the Must Find Ken! Adrenaline followed by the Holy Crap, Kaiser! Adrenaline and then the Evil Hand! Adrenaline has all leaked out and I forgot, here in the sunny sunny desert, that it's nighttime out in the real world and probably getting pretty late at this point. I wouldn't be surprised if it was getting near to nine.
I am so grounded.
But, really, I had this great pair of thoughts while we all got ready to port out, and I looked over at Ken as he was sparing this one last nervous glance toward the Digimon Kaiser (who is just still a creepy, creepy bastard, being all silent and smiley and making me severely worried about this long streak of good behavior) and maybe he felt it because he looked over at me… he just looked so… so Ken.
And the first thought was, this is gonna suck. This whole big problem, Kaiser and Ken, it's going to really be awful. It'll be total suck. Mega suck. It'll be like … like a SkullGreymon worth of suckage. And also my parents are going to kill me.
But the digiport opens and the desert starts to fall from beneath us and he's just so breathtakingly Ken that I have the second thought and it's all okay again.
Because he's worth anything.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………
I hope to hell that made sense. But! Finally, we're getting somewhere. Next chapter brings to us the splendors that a sleep-over with Daisuke can bring, the return of poor neglected Wormmon, and the nightmare that is school nearing finals time. I wonder if Ken can last through this with sanity intact…
Chapter 7's titles, "Can I Ask a Question / To Help me Save me From Myself", are from the Tool song Diary of a Madman/Lovesong. I told you, I got a million of these.