DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter, Hogwarts or any of the characters used. This story is in no way affiliated with the Harry Potter series by JK Rowling so don't compare it with her work.

I'd like to thank Evil Story Penguins and Mr. Miagi's Banana Factory for their reviews.

Alexei Noire xXx :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Chapter 5: Bang, Bang, Bang!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{In the Three Broomsticks. Draco, Crabbe and Millicent Bulstrode all sit at one table}

Bulstrode: *huskily, strokes Crabbe's face* I don't want relationship, I just want BANG BANG BANG!

Crabbe: *bemused* What?

Bulstrode: I don't want to know your name, I just want BANG, BANG, BANG!

[Harry, Hermione, Ron and Seamus walk in]

Malfoy: *licks lips* Look there's my man! Ahhh I'm gonna show him my Cher tattoo when we fuck!

Crabbe: Help...me...Malfoy...

Bulstrode: I don't want to talk to you, I just want BANG, BANG, BANG! I don't want to eat chocolate, I just want BANG, BANG, BANG! I don't want to meet your Mum, I just want BANG, BANG, BANG!

Malfoy: Shut up! He's walking this way!

[Potter strides over, with his wand in his arm and points it at Malfoy's face]

Harry: Scourgify!

[Make up suddenly disappears off Malfoy's face, leaving a very masculine, but still cute look]

Malfoy: What the fuck?

[Harry bends down, grabs Malfoy's face and kisses him softly. The kiss intensifies, and Harry puts his tongue in and out of the other boy's mouth]

Crabbe: That's disgusting!

Bulstrode: I don't want to play with you; I just want BANG, BANG, BANG!

[Harry pulls away from Draco, and gives him another kiss on the cheek]

Harry: *laughs* Sorry, but I had a dream last night with you in it - one of THOSE dreams. But you looked more manly, you didn't have any makeup on, so that's why I did what I did, uh sorry about it though.

Draco: *breathless* D-D-Don't mention it...*sighs and faints*

[Harry walks off to join his friends]

{At Potter's table}

Hermione: That was so funny!

Ron: HAH! You win the bet then - here's your nude poster of Ian McKellen then! *hands over a long tube*

Seamus: Ian McKellen???

Hermione: That's sick!

Ron: Oh but we all have our perversions. *coughs* Snape *coughs* Sirius.

[Hermione blushes, and puts her hand down Ron's pants]

Ron: *in an orgasmic tone* Ohhhhhh 'Mione! Ohh BABY! YEAH!

Seamus: LOL

Harry: What did you just say?

Seamus: I mean... uhhh... HAHA!

Harry: That's better. Now kiss me.

[Seamus kisses Harry]

Ron: Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiit! I'm coming, I'M COMING DAMMIT!

Hermione: *retracting hand from inside Ron's pants* Ewww!

Harry: *points wand at Hermione's hand* Scourgify! *cum disappears*

Hermione: *kisses Harry's crotch* Thanks babe.

Seamus: So, Harry. How come your okay with everyone knowing THAT YOU'RE GAY?

[Every face in Three Broomsticks turns to Seamus' table]

Person in corner: Well I never!

Other person: Ooooooooh how juicy!

Yet another person: Woof!

[Ginny runs over, holding Professor Sprout's hand]

Ginny: *tears in eyes* But Harry, you could have made love to me and Professor Sprout here! And for your gay urge, we could have asked Hagrid to help!

Harry: *wide eyed* I think I'll pass, Ginny *gets up and kisses Ginny on the lips*.

Ginny: *giggling* Did Ron just come in his pants?

Hermione: *laughs* Yeah, it's so icky isn't it?

Ginny: Well you should see Hagrid's, well not only see it - FEEL IT. Honestly it's like putty!

[Horrified glances from everyone on the table]

Ginny: ...And I'll be over there. *walks over to table in corner*

Hermione: Rrrrright... anyways - we should all have some sort of a party in Gryffindor Tower!

Ron: *smoking on cigar* What for, bitch?

Hermione: *frowning* He's always like that when I jack him off.

Harry: No, but really, what we celebrating?

Hermione: You and Seamus going out of course!

Seamus: Oh yeah! LOL right we almost forgot about that!

Harry: What did I say about LOL?

[Seamus rapes Harry on the spot]

Harry: *smoking cigar* Bitch!

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