DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter, Hogwarts or any of the characters
used. This story is in no way affiliated with the Harry Potter series by JK
Rowling so don't compare it with her work.
Thanks to Lyn for her review.. *sigh*
Alexei Noire xXx =D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Chapter 8: Boogie Woogie~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
{In the Great Hall, at the Midnight Ball for Sixth Years and above}
Malfoy: *camp* Hey guys, d'you think my feminine dress robes are hot?
Crabbe: *camp and flicking wrist forward limply* Oh daaarling - of course! Who wouldn't like lurid pink dress robes and canary yellow stilettos?
Goyle: Oi, look there's Bambi!
Malfoy: *annoyed* Her name is PANSY, not Bambi, Goyle.
[Pansy walks over wearing purple dress robes and a gaudy red leather handbag a lot like Tinki Winki's]
Pansy: *camp* Hi girls! *air kisses each of the three Slytherins*
Crabbe: I just LOVE your nail varnish, darling - it's simply resplendent!
Pansy: *flutters eyelashes* Why thank you, babes - oh here comes old Sally!
[Professor Sally sails over wearing dress robes of sheer blonde colour and bright scarlet stilettos - clashing horribly together.]
Professor Sally: *girlishly* Hi gals! Like my new heels? I got them from Xantha Wizard Wear!
Malfoy: Wow, girlfriend that must have been worth a few!
Crabbe: I'm impressed with your skin, babes - look how flawless it is!
Professor Sally: *blushing and batting her over long lashes* I had a facial earlier at the Beauty Boutique in Diagon Alley - only seventeen Galleons it was!
Pansy: *shocked* Omigod! You have to take me sometime, Salz I mean they know you! Look at what a bad job they did with me! *shakes her large boobs about like puppies fighting under a blanket*
Seamus: *walking over* Put em away - Parkinson!
Crabbe: *whispering to Malfoy* ooh it's Finnigan and look who's with him!
[Harry, Hermione and Ron walk over]
Harry: *to Hermione* Don't ya just love our new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher?
Hermione: Well he's okay, I suppose - he was friends with Sirius you know.
Harry: I know - but he's so damn cute!
Ron: You've slept with Professor Mitochondria haven't you?
Hermione: Who's that?
Harry: He's our DADA teacher, Hermione.
Hermione: *smiling* Oh yeah.
Ron: I think Malfoy's asking you over Harry.
Harry: Oh fuck, what does he want with me? I don't even fancy him - he's too gay.
[Malfoy walks over]
Malfoy: *camp* Hi Harry! Nice dress robes!
Harry: *smiling weakly* Thanks Malfoy...
Malfoy: Well aren't you going to ask me to dance?
Harry: *sighs* Look Malfoy - there's something I have to tell you...
Malfoy: *eyes wide* Oh gosh, you don't like my dress robes do you?
Harry: No, no, it's not that. I just don't fancy you, that's all.
[Silence. Cold Wind. Tumbleweed.]
Ron: Where did that tumbleweed come from?
Hermione: Ooh it looks like fun! *chases after tumbleweed*
Malfoy: *shocked* You...WHAT?
Harry: Well seriously, Malfoy, you're so gay! You think you're Elle Woods - a tight assed, pink, lipsticked woman on the edge. COME ON! Wake up, Draco - when are you going to realise you are a boy with balls, not a woman with breasts?
Malfoy: *makes choking noise* F-Fuck you! *walks away*
[Ron and Hermione come back looking flushed from their tumbleweed chase]
Hermione: So? What happened?
Harry: I told him.
Ron: *slips hands round Harry's waist and nuzzles into his shoulder* Well now you can have me all to yourself!
Harry: *brushing him off* I don't WANT you all to myself!
Hermione: You missed one hell of a tumbleweed chase!
Seamus: LOL.
Ron: Harry! He said 'LOL'! Aren't you going to rape him?
Harry: *frowning slightly* No - there's something I have to do.
[Harry walks towards exit]
Hermione: *loudly* Well where are you going?
Harry: *yelling back at her* To find Malfoy!
{Out in the grounds, Draco sits sobbing into a handkerchief that has lots of happy looking moose on it.}
Malfoy: *to himself in a soliloquy* He doesn't like me...*sob* Says I'm too fucking GAY. *sob* Well fuck him!
[Harry comes up from behind and crouches down behind Malfoy. He puts a hand onto Malfoy's shoulder.]
Harry: *softly* Draco - it's me. I have something else to tell you.
Malfoy: *spins round* Get the fuck away from me! *gets up and backs away* I never want to see you again!
Harry: *walks closer* Draco, I just realised something and I can't believe I didn't know this before.
Malfoy: *angrily* What? That you hate more things about me? *scoffs* Potter - I really hate you, you know. So what if I'm a bit girly? It's who I am! And if you can't hack that...then...then you're not worth the bother.
Harry: *sighs then raises wand and points at Malfoy* Locomoter Mortis!
[Malfoy's legs wrap themselves around each other madly and he falls to the ground. Harry kneels down next to him and strokes the blonde's hair]
Malfoy: *angry and struggling* What the hell is wrong with you? Fucking get the hell away from me!
Harry: *softly* Draco - I love you.
[Cold wind and tumbleweed strike again!]
Malfoy: Where did that tumbleweed come from?
Harry: *shrugs* Who cares? *moves closed to Malfoy and presses his lips against the Slytherin's*
[Kiss resumes and Alexei twiddles fingers nervously and winces at the pain in his balls - he really should stop walking into his toilet door every morning]
Draco: *after Harry pulls apart* Are you serious?
Harry: *smiling* Course I am! *nuzzles Draco's chest* You're my Dray.
Malfoy: *puts arms around Harry* I love you too.
[And they smile at each other and look with goo goo eyes bla bla bla... As you can see - Alexei Noire is NOT a romantic]
Ron: *coming out of castle with Hermione and Professor Sally* Oi, oi! What's going on here?
Professor Sally: *dancing about* Oooh Draco and Harry! YAY! Let's all go to Bognor for a pepsi!
Hermione: No
Ron: No
Harry: No
Draco: No
Professor Sally: *a bit abashed* I was just saying is all!
Hermione: So now you like Draco? Oh but Alexei - you said you weren't going to do the clichéd fanfic with a Harry and Draco slash!
Alexei: Shut up Mudblood.
Ron: Oi! Don't talk to Hermione like that just because Julia Roberts is too old to go out with you!
Alexei: Do you WANT me to mutate you horribly, Ron? I can do anything I want to you seeing as I am the author.
Ron: No, sorry about that Alexei. *whispers to Hermione* Is that how Snape became Sally?
Hermione: *whispering* Yep.
Professor Sally: Is this the last chapter, Alexei?
Alexei: Nope - well it depends of anyone actually reviews this chapter or not, because otherwise it is the last.
Professor Sally: You hear that readers? READ AND REVIEW or you won't get another chapter!
[Exeunt]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~#
Final notes:
Why am I in the story once again? I don't know, ask yourself and you'll find the answer.
Why do I love Julia Roberts? Because she's so damn fine!
Why did I write this fic? Because someone was riding the horse that day, and nothing was on TV - so naturally I wrote a redunkulous fanfic!
haha well there's one last chapter to go - but it won't exist yet until you review this chapter, so get reviewing! Alexei Noire xXx =P
Thanks to Lyn for her review.. *sigh*
Alexei Noire xXx =D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Chapter 8: Boogie Woogie~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
{In the Great Hall, at the Midnight Ball for Sixth Years and above}
Malfoy: *camp* Hey guys, d'you think my feminine dress robes are hot?
Crabbe: *camp and flicking wrist forward limply* Oh daaarling - of course! Who wouldn't like lurid pink dress robes and canary yellow stilettos?
Goyle: Oi, look there's Bambi!
Malfoy: *annoyed* Her name is PANSY, not Bambi, Goyle.
[Pansy walks over wearing purple dress robes and a gaudy red leather handbag a lot like Tinki Winki's]
Pansy: *camp* Hi girls! *air kisses each of the three Slytherins*
Crabbe: I just LOVE your nail varnish, darling - it's simply resplendent!
Pansy: *flutters eyelashes* Why thank you, babes - oh here comes old Sally!
[Professor Sally sails over wearing dress robes of sheer blonde colour and bright scarlet stilettos - clashing horribly together.]
Professor Sally: *girlishly* Hi gals! Like my new heels? I got them from Xantha Wizard Wear!
Malfoy: Wow, girlfriend that must have been worth a few!
Crabbe: I'm impressed with your skin, babes - look how flawless it is!
Professor Sally: *blushing and batting her over long lashes* I had a facial earlier at the Beauty Boutique in Diagon Alley - only seventeen Galleons it was!
Pansy: *shocked* Omigod! You have to take me sometime, Salz I mean they know you! Look at what a bad job they did with me! *shakes her large boobs about like puppies fighting under a blanket*
Seamus: *walking over* Put em away - Parkinson!
Crabbe: *whispering to Malfoy* ooh it's Finnigan and look who's with him!
[Harry, Hermione and Ron walk over]
Harry: *to Hermione* Don't ya just love our new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher?
Hermione: Well he's okay, I suppose - he was friends with Sirius you know.
Harry: I know - but he's so damn cute!
Ron: You've slept with Professor Mitochondria haven't you?
Hermione: Who's that?
Harry: He's our DADA teacher, Hermione.
Hermione: *smiling* Oh yeah.
Ron: I think Malfoy's asking you over Harry.
Harry: Oh fuck, what does he want with me? I don't even fancy him - he's too gay.
[Malfoy walks over]
Malfoy: *camp* Hi Harry! Nice dress robes!
Harry: *smiling weakly* Thanks Malfoy...
Malfoy: Well aren't you going to ask me to dance?
Harry: *sighs* Look Malfoy - there's something I have to tell you...
Malfoy: *eyes wide* Oh gosh, you don't like my dress robes do you?
Harry: No, no, it's not that. I just don't fancy you, that's all.
[Silence. Cold Wind. Tumbleweed.]
Ron: Where did that tumbleweed come from?
Hermione: Ooh it looks like fun! *chases after tumbleweed*
Malfoy: *shocked* You...WHAT?
Harry: Well seriously, Malfoy, you're so gay! You think you're Elle Woods - a tight assed, pink, lipsticked woman on the edge. COME ON! Wake up, Draco - when are you going to realise you are a boy with balls, not a woman with breasts?
Malfoy: *makes choking noise* F-Fuck you! *walks away*
[Ron and Hermione come back looking flushed from their tumbleweed chase]
Hermione: So? What happened?
Harry: I told him.
Ron: *slips hands round Harry's waist and nuzzles into his shoulder* Well now you can have me all to yourself!
Harry: *brushing him off* I don't WANT you all to myself!
Hermione: You missed one hell of a tumbleweed chase!
Seamus: LOL.
Ron: Harry! He said 'LOL'! Aren't you going to rape him?
Harry: *frowning slightly* No - there's something I have to do.
[Harry walks towards exit]
Hermione: *loudly* Well where are you going?
Harry: *yelling back at her* To find Malfoy!
{Out in the grounds, Draco sits sobbing into a handkerchief that has lots of happy looking moose on it.}
Malfoy: *to himself in a soliloquy* He doesn't like me...*sob* Says I'm too fucking GAY. *sob* Well fuck him!
[Harry comes up from behind and crouches down behind Malfoy. He puts a hand onto Malfoy's shoulder.]
Harry: *softly* Draco - it's me. I have something else to tell you.
Malfoy: *spins round* Get the fuck away from me! *gets up and backs away* I never want to see you again!
Harry: *walks closer* Draco, I just realised something and I can't believe I didn't know this before.
Malfoy: *angrily* What? That you hate more things about me? *scoffs* Potter - I really hate you, you know. So what if I'm a bit girly? It's who I am! And if you can't hack that...then...then you're not worth the bother.
Harry: *sighs then raises wand and points at Malfoy* Locomoter Mortis!
[Malfoy's legs wrap themselves around each other madly and he falls to the ground. Harry kneels down next to him and strokes the blonde's hair]
Malfoy: *angry and struggling* What the hell is wrong with you? Fucking get the hell away from me!
Harry: *softly* Draco - I love you.
[Cold wind and tumbleweed strike again!]
Malfoy: Where did that tumbleweed come from?
Harry: *shrugs* Who cares? *moves closed to Malfoy and presses his lips against the Slytherin's*
[Kiss resumes and Alexei twiddles fingers nervously and winces at the pain in his balls - he really should stop walking into his toilet door every morning]
Draco: *after Harry pulls apart* Are you serious?
Harry: *smiling* Course I am! *nuzzles Draco's chest* You're my Dray.
Malfoy: *puts arms around Harry* I love you too.
[And they smile at each other and look with goo goo eyes bla bla bla... As you can see - Alexei Noire is NOT a romantic]
Ron: *coming out of castle with Hermione and Professor Sally* Oi, oi! What's going on here?
Professor Sally: *dancing about* Oooh Draco and Harry! YAY! Let's all go to Bognor for a pepsi!
Hermione: No
Ron: No
Harry: No
Draco: No
Professor Sally: *a bit abashed* I was just saying is all!
Hermione: So now you like Draco? Oh but Alexei - you said you weren't going to do the clichéd fanfic with a Harry and Draco slash!
Alexei: Shut up Mudblood.
Ron: Oi! Don't talk to Hermione like that just because Julia Roberts is too old to go out with you!
Alexei: Do you WANT me to mutate you horribly, Ron? I can do anything I want to you seeing as I am the author.
Ron: No, sorry about that Alexei. *whispers to Hermione* Is that how Snape became Sally?
Hermione: *whispering* Yep.
Professor Sally: Is this the last chapter, Alexei?
Alexei: Nope - well it depends of anyone actually reviews this chapter or not, because otherwise it is the last.
Professor Sally: You hear that readers? READ AND REVIEW or you won't get another chapter!
[Exeunt]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~#
Final notes:
Why am I in the story once again? I don't know, ask yourself and you'll find the answer.
Why do I love Julia Roberts? Because she's so damn fine!
Why did I write this fic? Because someone was riding the horse that day, and nothing was on TV - so naturally I wrote a redunkulous fanfic!
haha well there's one last chapter to go - but it won't exist yet until you review this chapter, so get reviewing! Alexei Noire xXx =P