DISCLAIMER: Joss, twentieth century fox, and the Gilbreth family own their respective intellectual property.  No encroachment is meant.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, so I've decided to make a little series out of this story, but I'll be switching narrators with the sequel to one of the other kids.  I've decided to end this one without focusing on a single ship for Buffy.  The Spike and Angel debate will be decided in subsequent stories.  I know the story's moving kind of fast now, but I'm seriously needing a change of pace.  Future CHEAPER stories will include one focusing on Project X, from Lindsey's perspective, and one centering on Andrew and Anya, as well as one that I might write from Tara's perspective.

Anyway, enjoy.

CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN: Chapter Ten

            I could practically hear Buffy getting all huffy behind me as I ran into Pepe's, but I didn't care.  It wasn't like she cared when things got all huffy-like in my life, or in any of our lives.  I didn't really care so much that she didn't care that the move had more or less destroyed my life, because I was tough and I could take it, but she didn't even care about half of the stuff that happened to Tara because she was quiet, or Wills because of her big word thing, or Lindsey because of his lawyerese.

            See, it didn't matter so much that she didn't care about me, because I wouldn't let it hurt me.  I never let anything hurt me. 

            Five by five, I told myself.  Bite Me Giles was absolutely Five by Five.

            "Hey Faithster," Xander bellowed as soon as I entered the restaurant.  "Can you hook me up with some Z-Elevens?"  Xander loved using code names for everything, and Z-Eleven was his code for ketchup packets.  I walked up to the counter and snagged some.  For a couple of weeks a few months back, Pepe's had stopped carrying ketchup for the French fries they always served with every pizza because my family had a variety of very interesting uses for little packets of ketchup.  They made interesting projectiles.

            I tossed several packets to Xander, and her grinned madly.  "Phase one," he told Lindsey, "is now complete."

            I knew without asking that they were talking about Project X. 

            "Phase one of what?" Spike asked curiously, breaking away from Dawn's mile a minute chatter to talk to my brothers.

            "I'm afraid that information falls under privilege," Lindsey said.  "I'm ethically and legally obligated not to disclose it, and I take my obligations very seriously."

            Spike grinned.  "Kid could come in handy," he told me with a wink.  "If you need some negotiating done."

            I thought about the deal Lindsey had struck with the groundings.  After all, we were supposed to be grounded right that second, and there we were at Pepe's House of Chaos with Cheese.  "You have no idea," I told Spike.

            "No idea about what?" Anya asked loudly.  "No idea about pleasure zones?"

            Spike choked on the soda he was drinking.

            "Do not worry, choking man," Andrew piped up in his best imitation of a big, booming voice.  "The Condom Avenger will not allow that soda to thwart you."  Andrew scrambled into a chair, onto the table and squatted down, right next to Spike's drink.  "I will neutralize it with my all-powerful Condom Stare," Andrew explained, and then he wiped his nose on his arm.

            "Voracious little guy, isn't he?" Willow asked Tara.

            Silently, Tara nodded. 

            "Tara thinks Andrew is voracious, too," Willow announced to the table at large.

            "But, Bubby, what if the pizza eats me?" a little voice shrieked behind me.  I turned to grin in Harmony's general direction.  Anya and Andrew had corrupted her.  She was part of the chaos now.

            "Eat the pizza or the pizza will eat you," Dru sang loudly.

            Anya improvised on Dru's newest saying.  "Sex the pizza or the pizza will sex you," she announced.

            A woman at a nearby table looked properly shocked, and I pulled Anya to me in a hug.  Damn, I loved that kid.

            I loved them all.

            "You can't sex a pizza," another voice spoke up.  "That's positively moronic."

            I turned toward Darla, my fists clenched.  "Did you just call my sister moronic?" I asked.

            "Trouble with your hearing, Giles?" she countered in a bored voice.

            Spike leaned forward.  "Don't rise to it, Firebit," he told me.  "You're better than that."

            "Are you calling me a 'that,' boy?" Darla asked, outraged.

            "You're my second favorite that, Grandmummy," Dru said comfortingly.  "After the pizza shower."

            I snorted.  I had no idea what she was saying, but Dru sure had one heck of a sense of timing. 

            "I'm going to need for you to sign this," Lindsey said smoothly, scribbling something on a napkin and handing it across to Darla.  He winked at her.  Sometimes, I thought my brother had a crush on Darla.

            Boys could be so dumb.

            Darla looked down at the napkin, confused.

            "He wants your autograph," Dawnie told her, in a rare moment of brilliance.  Darla, full of her own importance, bought Dawnie's explanation hook, line, and sinker, and next thing I knew she was signing the napkin.  Lindsey sighed.  I could tell that he liked her, but Darla had more or less declared war on the Giles kids the moment she'd insulted Anya.

            "Now that the legalities are taken care of," Lindsey said, "might I suggest…." He trailed off.

            Xander grinned broadly.  "FOOD FIGHT!" he yelled, and immediately, he picked a wad of spaghetti up off of his buffet plate and launched it at Darla overhand. 

            Willow looked at Tara.  "Voracious solidarity," she said, and Tara nodded.  That was Willow-speak for the fact that us Giles kids stuck together.  Promptly, Willow and Tara ran to the salad bar and scooped the vanilla pudding out with their hands.  Darla, screeching in fury at the spaghetti sauce sliding down her blonde ponytail, didn't notice as Tara and Willow launched the pudding at her.  The pudding bombs hit her, one after another, smack in the face.

            My siblings had impeccable aim.

            Andrew, still staring at Spike's drink, picked it up and stood up on the table.  "I'm going to have to confiscate this," he said.  "It has been infected with the evil fizz of asexuality and must be destroyed to preserve the Condomonian way."  As he splashed the soda onto Darla's face, Andrew made a whirring sound that I recognized as his light saber impression.

            Watching Darla with the gook running down her face and her hair, I bit back a smile.

            "This is all your fault," she hissed between clenched teeth.

            "Faith Eliza Giles!"

            I jumped at the sound of Buffy's voice. 

            "In my car," she bit out in between her teeth.  "Now."

            "But…"

            "But…"

            "Buffy, she didn't…"

            I shook my head at my siblings.  "Don't even bother," I told them.  It wasn't like Buffy would believe them anyway.  As far as she was concerned, I was the bad one.  That was just the way things were.

            Silently, I followed Buffy out to her car, leaving Pepe's, chaos, cheese, and all, behind me.

TBC…Buffy and Faith get some one on one time.

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