Hiding Under the Ninth Earth
Book 02 : A Bit Of All Right
by I Got Tired of Waiting
Part IV : Resolution
Chapter Forty Two : Ho'oko
22 July 2003
'The tide turned the other night,' Severus thought as he and Harry scrambled over the shingle to get to the beach below the cottage. It had only taken them five days for the magic of Hana to make them feel they'd never lived anyplace else in any other way. Days of waking to the bright tropical sun kissing tangled, sleep-warm bodies. Mornings open to loving and exploring the region. Long, languid afternoons spent napping wrapped in each other's arms in the soporific heat, evenings of silent sunsets, and warm loving under the stars. Their isolation was such they could sleep on mattresses, which Kalani called futons, out on the lanai.
It had been too long since they'd had nothing pressing to do, nothing to distract them from each other, and they discovered they had no problems filling the days where the biggest decision was whether to eat in the dining room or order in. There was no schedule to follow, no papers to grade or write, and no world to save. Harry and Severus finally had only themselves to worry about and they revelled in it.
The night after their arrival they'd eaten in the dining room. As promised, they had front row seats for the Hula Ho'ike or Hula performance. Malia promised them a special treat--the Halau from Ni'ihau, a privately-owned island restricted to those of Hawai'ian descent, had come for a festival and had agreed to dance for the hotel and its guests.
While Harry merely enjoyed it, Severus was plainly mesmerised by the graceful beauty and sensuous movements of both men and women as both styles were performed. Kalani performed with a group of other men, their Hula energetic and lively, the motions both crude and graceful as they told a story about winning a girl by netting fish, the theme being that there was not much difference in technique. They both smiled indulgently with the rest of the audience when the children, or Kieki, performed their quite complex dances to the accompaniment of guitars and Ukulele; they were surprised when Kahealani danced a solo hula 'auana afterwards, her slender form enhanced by the brightly coloured mu'umu'u she wore.
One dance in particular, a hula kahiko, caught Severus' attention. An older woman knelt and young girl stood on the open area serving as a stage. Barefoot and dressed in brightly colored fabric with Raffia skirts, the woman carried what Malia later told him was an Ipu--a fat hollow gourd, open at the top, almost as long as her arms, and shaped like an hourglass. The girl carried two thick lengths of bamboo, one almost as tall as she was, one shorter, both fire heated to harden the shafts and remove the heart.
When all was ready, the upper beat was set on the Ipu by pounding it on the floor, followed with complicated hand movements involving the butt of the hand, the palm, and the tips of the fingers, while the bamboo provided a basso continuo counter beat when struck on a woven Lauhala mat on the floor placed to protect the ends. The woman began a sing-song chant, the almost nasal tones telling the story of Pele (the goddess of the volcanoes). Her chanting was answered by a muted counter-chant off to the side sung by several voices coming closer with every tone.
Five tall brown-skinned women, clearly Hawai'ian, each easily twice Severus' size appeared out of the sidelines, their hands on their hips. Modestly clad, their loose fitting Tapa tops covered by Ti leaf skirts hand-tied and knotted at the hips, hung gracefully to muscled calves. Their dark shiny hair fell in thick waves to the backs of their knees, their heads garlanded by fronds of ferns and other leaves woven into thick, heavy Haku lei. Similar lei adorned wrists and ankles. Chanting, they spun their story, dipping and whirling their proud bodies the way women should, the obviously heavy skirts swaying sensuously with their sinuous torsos and expressively graceful hands as their bare feet glided in deceptively simple steps.
And when over, stunned silence reigned as the dancers left the open area before wild applause broke out from the guests and locals alike; the women of Ni'ihau have no peers and to see them dance was a rare treat for all. Severus later told Malia it was like watching wind rippling through tall grass in a meadow. She was well pleased.
Last night it had rained--they'd never felt the like before. Born in a mist of soft falling water carried from the mountains, it had them soaked faster than any deluge in Scotland. Warm and sultry, it ran down their skin in sensuous rivulets. Laughing like children, they'd wrestled on the lanai in the slippery water and made boisterous love drenched to the bone. It was wonderful. Afterwards they'd slept soundly in the bed because the futon was too cold and soggy.
'Certainly more comfortable than falling asleep in the hot tub the other night. Although, that turned out rather nice, too.' He shook his head at the memory. Rousing Harry, their skin sensitive and shrivelled from the water. His body had been a mass of unexpected need a sleepy Harry was only too willing to sate. Waking slowly in the comfortable bed to his lover's sure touch, he still wasn't certain where he'd found the energy; perhaps the prolonged abstinence of their daily pleasures had inspired him. Or maybe it was just Hana.
His pleasant reverie broke his concentration enough that his feet slid out from under him and he skidded the rest of the way down to the beach. He landed hard, the shot of pain in his tail bone bringing tears to his eyes.
"Severus, are you all right?" Harry's voice floated over him. His eyes were closed against the flying sand of his landing.
"I could make a remark about the only thing aching is my dignity, but it would be a lie because my arse hurts like hell," he mumbled, opening one eye to see Harry bent over at the waist staring at him in concern. He closed it again when Harry started laughing merrily at him, wondering what he'd ever done wrong in a previous life. He said as much and Harry swatted him on the shoulder.
"Do you want help up or not?" he asked insolently. Severus stared up at his laughing face and grunted. He tried getting up, but it hurt too much.
"No, I think I'll just sit here a while. Like--the next two weeks," he groused, settling himself down in the hot sand. Shaking his head, Harry squatted in front of him in the sand and gently placed his hands on Severus' temples. "It doesn't hurt there," Severus said with some asperity.
"Really?" Harry said with irony. "I can fix that if you want. Now pipedown and quit acting like an infant." Harry closed his eyes, concentrating.
"With such a scintillating bedside manner, it's no wonder all your patients are unconscious," Severus retorted. Harry opened his eyes with a mock glare and stuck his tongue out at him. He held Severus' steady gaze, one brow raised until Severus rolled his eyes, saying, "Oh, all right. I'll behave." Harry looked like he was about to add something, but stopped himself and once again closed his eyes. Just as quickly, he opened one of them and Severus chuckled softly. "I promise. Slytherin honour." Harry drew breath and Severus said quickly, "Don't go there, Potter." Harry snorted and firmed up his touch, his eyes fluttering closed. Severus realised he didn't feel anything other than a slight tingle where Harry's hands touched, but he stayed quiet all the same. And his bum still hurt.
After a moment, Harry opened his eyes and with a wicked gleam, said drolly, "You'll live." He grabbed Severus' hands and pulled. "Walk it off, old man."
"OW!" Severus yelled even as he came up, wobbling, the sand pouring out of his shorts back onto the beach. Harry, if anything, started laughing harder, his hands futilely trying to brush the sand off his bum. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?" he asked, wrapping the shreds of his dignity around--"Oh, this is pointless!" he exclaimed, laughing, too. The first couple of steps were agony as his tailbone protested, then it got better, looser. And the sand still kept pouring in fits and starts out of his shorts, chafing his legs.
"Damn, Severus. What did you do--scoop up the whole beach on your way down?" Harry chortled.
"No, just half of it," he retorted, giving him a mock-glare. The water was pretty calm this morning with no riptide warnings, so he ran right into it and dove into a short wave, his howls covered by the surf. He stood up, dripping; the water was very cold. "C'mon in Harry--the water's fine," he yelled, smiling evilly inside. Having no reason not to believe him, Harry dove in as well and came up sputtering.
"Why, you son of a wit--" His words were lost as Severus pulled them both under, stealing a quick kiss before they surfaced. Severus' hair was all over and he dipped his head back into the water to pull it off his face.
"You were saying--?" he directed at Harry, laughing.
Harry stood incredulous, just like he had for everything else the last few days. Severus was playing! He couldn't fathom where it all was coming from, certainly not from his normally stern, reproving Potions Master. First Severus had opened up to him physically, then there was the other night when he'd been so moved by the hula performances, wrestling in the rain on the deck (and that had been quite fine) and now--this--teasing. Maybe Malia had the right of it, maybe Hana was magic. In any event, it didn't matter, whether for the next few days or the rest of their lives, he would enjoy it while it lasted.
He shook his head, seemingly pliant. Then with quick movements born of youth, he dove at Severus and knocked them both back in the water again. It went downhill from there on the deserted shore.
****
Kalani stood on the point, smiling, watching them frolic in the water like two otters. He knew his mother and Aunty would be pleased.
He'd come to tell them he had a picnic lunch arranged for the afternoon, but he knew it could wait for another day. They had plenty of time. He turned and started back to the golf cart he had parked at the end of the walkway, his steps light and happy.
****
Harry's jumbled thrashing behind him woke Severus abruptly from a deep sleep. It was unfortunately ingrained from long experience: Harry moved in his nightmares, Severus woke up and soothed him back to sleep. He was sure Harry had his own routine for his as well, although he'd never asked. He rolled over on his side facing him, blinking awake. He propped his head in his hand, elbow sinking into the bed, as he watched a few moments to see which one he was dealing with. Each bad dream had its own unique cycle and resolution, although Harry had not been bothered by them, to his knowledge, for almost six months.
He wondered what had set him off tonight.
This one, however, was unfamiliar--new? Harry was sweating, his unruly hair plastered to his forehead, tossing his head in denial, his hands held out almost in supplication. He was mumbling, quiet but coherent. Severus bent down to catch his words, to try and determine what was bothering him; he couldn't help much if he didn't know what he was fighting. He heard them, listened to them again, and pulled back sharply, his heart pounding.
He would be combatting himself. Harry's pleas had ripped through him, tearing his heart. "Severus, don't leave me. Please, don't go. I love you. Please, love me again. I'm so sorry. Don't walk away." Each cycle the words were different, but the meaning stayed the same.
'My churlishness has become the thing of Harry's nightmares?' he asked himself, ashamed he'd let it go so far. 'Maybe I have been punishing him and I wasn't aware I was?'
"Harry? Shhh love, it's all right, I'm here. I haven't gone anywhere. I'm staying. Hush. Sleep. I'll be here when you wake--" Over and over he repeated these and other soothing words, punctuating them with soft touches of his lips against Harry's cheeks, his mouth, his eyes, meaning every one of them. He wasn't going anywhere; he knew it now. He would stay and work it out. 'I suppose I should listen to myself more often. I knew I was staying the moment I took his hand on the walk to the cottage our first day here.'
Harry slowly went back to good sleep without waking, a small smile on his lips as Severus folded him in his arms and held him through the rest of the long night, awake and thinking. Harry snuggled closer and sighed, content, his body finally loose in dreamless sleep.
He pushed the hair off of Harry's forehead, exposing the scar. Pale, almost gone now, he recalled the times it had blazed an ugly red from Voldemort's wrath; he saw once again the grim determination from the tired green eyes below it. Eyes so old at times they carried the fate of a world in them. 'So young to have done so much,' he mused, his hand gentling his face.
His most secret memory, hidden away, rose unbidden to his mind--the real reason he refused Legilimens with Harry. Sitting exhausted at Harry's bedside after the final battle, willing him awake, terrified deep within him that he was gone, never to return, never to know how he, Severus, felt about him. Afraid the only time he would ever hold Harry was when he'd carried him into the castle up to the infirmary almost dead from his last battle. He eschewed the offered help, unwilling to give up the privilege of cradling him in his arms. Sitting still for hours holding his hand, willing to give everything he had, even his life, if Harry would just be all right.
Dumbledore's words tripped through his thoughts, "You've paid for him with your very soul." And Albus would know, he'd sat vigil with him through the longest four days of his life. He'd tried to stop him from leaving when it was obvious Harry was going to be all right, his heart too full of unaccustomed joy, his head telling him they had no chance together, especially with Draco in the picture. He'd tried to subdue the utter hopelessness he'd wallowed in for days afterwards until finally he'd buried his heart so deep, he couldn't feel it anymore.
He felt it now.
"Sometimes, Severus, all that holds our fractured pieces together is our ability to reach beyond ourselves, to touch the ones we love." Cerise's words now had special meaning. "How do you expect to resolve this if you won't even talk about it with him, and failing that, taking what comfort you can from each other?" No, he had to be the one to make the first step in this; given Harry's subconscious fears, he had obviously not expressed his feelings as well as he should.
"Don't miss even one day with someone you love." Poppy's words came back to him, and he was silently amused and grateful that it had taken an old woman to finally sink some sense into his head. He thought to his activities over the last year, the risks he took with other members of the Order--risks he'd never told Harry about.
'I had thought the issue was trust. Maybe it was, but can I truly expect honesty from Harry when my own example has been just as damning? I have misused his trust in me, as much as he has mine. We're a right pair of idiots, we are.' He knew they needed to talk and was suddenly aware of how difficult it must have been for Harry to finally confront his own truths to tell Severus what he'd done; if Harry had felt half the trepidation Severus was now experiencing, it would have been daunting indeed, although he had to admit, his motives were much older, deeper than Harry's.
Resolved, he finally fell in a deep sleep near dawn.
****
Harry woke before him and, unable to rouse Severus for the first time since they'd arrived, he went out onto the lanai to enjoy a Muggle novel and the warm sun. He felt refreshed this morning, eager and hopeful. While he didn't remember the dream, he did recall going to bed uneasy. He shrugged, it was a flawless day and he intended to enjoy it.
Severus woke near noon, stretching luxuriously, loose and happy. After going to the loo, he padded out onto the lanai, clad only in his swim trunks. He made a shadow on Harry's book as he bent down to kiss him good morning. Looking up, Harry saw something different in his eyes and his heart filled with joy. "Good morning, slug-a-bed! Did you sleep well?"
"Well enough. I woke up in the middle of the night; took me a while to fall back asleep. Nothing serious, just old habits you know." Harry did know. Severus had always been a notorious insomniac.
"You should have awakened me, I could have got you back to sleep." He grinned, waggling his eyebrows.
Severus laughed easily. "I'm sure you could have. But why make both of us miserable."
"If that's misery, may I never be happy again." They both laughed. "Any plans for today?" Harry asked, putting the book aside.
Harry ran his hand up Severus' thigh, feeling his muscles quiver as Severus said, "I was thinking of a swim and, after lunch, looking up Kalani to arrange a picnic for us tomorrow, if that's all right with you."
Harry had moved so Severus was standing between his legs. He scooted forward to the edge of the chair and held his lower body close. His mouth lapped wet kisses on Severus' abdomen while his hands trailed lightly up the backs of his calves and thighs, the fingers sliding up under the edge of his swim trunks to continue their stroking along his cheeks and hips. Severus closed his eyes to concentrate on the sensations rippling through him under Harry's hands and mouth, his hands sliding through Harry's hair.
"Well,--" Nipping Severus' flesh.
"--the--" Licking his skin.
"--eating--" Tasting the salty sweetness.
"--part--" Tugging hands.
"--sounds--" Nibbling lips.
"--good." Sliding hands.
Severus' trunks hit the deck, his plans forgot.
****
Their interlude on the deck had moved pleasantly to their bed for some of the afternoon, while Severus tortured Harry with the ~Cough-Twice~ from The Book using his favourite clover-flavoured lube he regularly made. Afterwards, while a thoroughly satiated Harry napped, a somewhat smug Severus regretfully left his side to go find Kalani.
After explaining to him what he needed so that he and Harry would not be disturbed for the entire next day, maybe more, Kalani told him he would take care of all the arrangements for food and such. Satisfied Kalani knew what he wanted, he'd returned to nap himself, Harry none the wiser.
They'd had a sumptuous dinner at the hotel with Malia and her husband, Joseph, a former Auror now retired, who was a quiet man. Growing herbs and making locally extracted potions for a hobby, he and Severus had hit their stride right off, the discussion centering on Joseph's potions and local herblore. Malia and Harry talked little, satisfied with watching the rare animation from their partners as they excitedly exchanged ideas and methods. They'd left late to go back to their cottage where they both fell in the bed together, almost asleep before they were horizontal.
****
Ho'oko
hoh oh KOH'
To commit; to fulfill, to carry out, to accomplish--the single instant in any action, where all aspirations and dreams turn into a reality with the heartfelt commitment to actually do it.