Well I'm at it again! Yep, another looong chapter comin' up. This one gives you a more of Shin's personal background, if you really think about it. Also, things are gonna get a little crazy here. But hey! This is me we're talking about here. So let's just face it. I'm weird!

Finally! The translation: Kalilo (M) and Kalila (F) both translate to 'my love.' So now, go back to "Offer she can't turn down" and see if that makes that chapter any weirder. If you want to. Also, in case you were wondering who Ledena was, she's basically God (religiously speaking).

Disclaimer: duh!

Ch 7 Heart's Possession

The heat faded from her hands as they took one last sweep down his arm. "There, all done."

"Thank you milady."

She winked at him then called to Junid, who was crossing swords with Talme. "Alright, he's all yours."

"Send him in," Junid replied as he pushed against Talme's blade.

"Only if you have another sword for me," Shin said. He held one in his left hand while his right was empty.

"Here," Zari said as a light blade formed in her hand. "This has served me well, now it can serve you." She held her hands out.

Her breath was cut short as he turned and smiled. His smile was merely a friendly gesture, though his eyes were soft, shedding an expression she never would have expected to receive. Her eyes matched the tender gaze then passed beyond as his fingers traced her jaw to the tip of her chin. She felt her heart race as he leaned down.

"Ah... Shin!" Talme called. Zari and Shin started, thrusting them back into reality. "Is this gonna happen or what?"

"Yes coming," he replied. His hand lingered on hers for a moment before his fingers wrapped around the hilt.

She sighed as the first clash rang through the air. Her head rested in her hand as she watched. ~*Why do I feel this way? Surely it's just a foolish fancy that has overstayed. Guide me Ledena, I need your counsel. I'm being consumed by everything he is. Help me return to the place you destined me.*~

"Pardon me," said a kind voice. Her head shot up but her voice caught in her throat as gentle hands massaged her shoulders. "Forgive me I didn't mean to startle you."

"There's no need for pardon, I was just thinking."

"About?"

"Nothing important."

"Your lips say one thing while your tension contradicts you. Is it something I can help with?" She remained silent. Though she appeared to be staring at the grass, Torres knew her eyes were on something else. "Ah..."

Her head snapped around, "what?"

"Take a walk with me, I have something to tell you."

"Yes sir."

"This is not a command my friend. All I want, is a friendly conversation. We haven't had time to talk besides."

She smiled, "unfortunately."

"Let us remedy that, come."

As they walked, the topic of conversation revolved mainly around her. Torres was very interested in her history. She made sure to tell him openly all she knew, except for one crucial secret. It was nothing fatal if left unknown. There was no way he could make the connection and just when her guilt was about to overcome her, he changed the subject entirely.

"Now, I have a secret to tell, though you may already know. Shin is very fond of you."

~*And I of him.*~

"Which makes my job somewhat easier."

"What is your job?"

"Half a moment my friend, half a moment." He sighed, "it's difficult for me to say, I can't imagine how it would be for him. He's asked me how to approach you."

"What did you say to him?"

"I said simply, 'disregard anything your mind tells you, and heed your heart's voice.' He says to me, 'but what do I say to her?' I reply, 'you'll know when you look in her eyes.' Has he spoken to you yet?"

"No, not yet... I wish he would try."

"Ah, you feel the same."

"Yes, I thought it was just a foolish fancy of mine that would fade in a week. I thought I'd find something about him that would turn me away. He's been so open, polite, trusting, and protective. The more time I spend, the harder it is to part."

"So what do you plan to do?"

"I'll talk to him tonight."

"What will you tell him?"

"Eventually? Everything."

"Expect to hear a great deal from him as well."

"I'd be worried if I didn't."

"Don't be, Shin was originally going to turn you away, but he couldn't bring himself to do it."

"Why?"

"He feared he wouldn't be all you deserve. He hates inflicting pain, receiving it of course, but from how he spoke of you the other day, he would sooner tear himself apart before endangering you or harming you."

~*That settles it, he'll know before Titus assumes its nightly position.*~

"I should warn you, he might refuse you still. Though his feelings will never change."

~*Must he refuse me?*~ She nibbled on her lip.

"The code of the Kais destroys any chance of a truly happy life. When he was recruited, he never thought he'd fall. Ah! Here we are."

"What?" she asked as she looked up. "Home? But I still have errands."

"None today. Talme's busy at the moment. If any should come Sarinor or myself will tend to them. Shin will be home in the afternoon. Plan your time accordingly." He turned and began walking away.

"Torres!" Zari called as she spun to face him. "I thought the code forbade-"

"In the past, the code has destroyed far too many spirits of once strong men and women, all because they never knew what to fight for. And because of his history, I will always grant him every opportunity." He bowed, "good day milady."

"Good day... Torres."

Titus was moving into its evening position as wisps of clouds thickened. Zari sat on the balcony rail in her old uniform with her arms wrapped around her knees. ~*I don't care what Talme says, everything tells me this is right.*~ She didn't say or think another word, instead took flight.

Her feet touched on the grass beneath the oak where she had danced. ~*He can't live far from here. Or does he...*~ Her thoughts quieted as her eyes searched the branches above.

Nestled in the center was a small house, though she could only see the bottom, she knew the front was decking. She rose from the ground to get a better view. The front porch- which was as long as the house was wide yet very narrow- was littered with leaves and obviously hadn't been swept in months if not years. The wood siding had somehow been worn smooth. There were no windows in the front face though the beauty of the door more than made up for the lack. Large and circular, its deep green color accented the gold hinges and metal designs spreading to the center to secure its momentum when swung. The border was raised and engraved; autumn leaves falling.

The wind blew and the leaves scattered. They scrapped against her legs as she approached the door. ~*Hope he's home.*~ Her knuckles tapped softly on the wood.

"Half a second," a voice called from within. "May I ask who I'm to receive?"

"Zari," she replied. Her ears caught the rushed sound of someone's last minute clean up. "I can call again if need be."

There was silence then a click and the door slowly opened. "No need for that," Shin said with a smile. He cleared the doorway, "please come in." She smiled as she entered. He closed the door behind her and her eyes wondered around the room.

Half his home lie behind a velvet curtain. Candles burned in the corners since the fireplace was slowly going dormant. A low mattress was wedged in the far corner next to an empty candle holder and the remains of an unfinished meal. "I just finished making some tea, would you care for a drink?"

"Yes please," she said as she watched his back as he walked away. "Well well, I guess there's a first time for everything after all. I never thought I'd see you without your uniform." He looked at her with a warm smile on his face. True, he had abandoned his uniform for the evening. In its place, he wore a clean yet tattered and stained gray shirt with a wide neck. The sleeves were somewhat of a hassle, for he kept rolling them up then they would undo his efforts in moments. She took little shame in where her eyes looked next. The pants he wore were black and frayed around the knees and fit snugly on the muscles in his legs. Her eyes returned to the unfinished meal. "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your meal."

"No need, it was getting cold anyway, here." She smiled as she took the clay cup from his hand. Her eyes gazed beyond him at the curtain. "Zari?"

"Huh?" she said as her eyes darted to meet his.

"You don't seem yourself, is something wrong?"

"I... ach!" she said disgustedly as she turned away. His eyes watched her curiously. "I've got something on the tip of my tongue and I can't..." she sighed. "I just can't spit it out."

"What does it pertain to?" he asked as he placed his cup on the willow woven mantle. His hands brushed up her arms, coming to rest on her shoulders as his lips lowered to hover next to her ear. "It's alright, you can tell me." His head lifted and he slowly turned her to face him. She lowered her head then shook it. "Yes you can," he whispered. His fingers lightly held her chin and slowly tilted her face up. "Tell me, what's troubling you?"

His hand moved on reflex to catch the cup as it fell from her hand. Eyes widened as he felt the softness of her lips against his own. ~*Zari? What are you doing?*~ His grip weakened. ~*Stop... please.*~ The cup fell from his hand; shattering on the floor. Slowly she withdrew, still tasting her lips.

He kneeled to pick up the pieces, he did not speak and his eyes couldn't bear to look at her. She choked a gasp as she clamped her hands over her mouth. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He didn't seem to heed her words. As if he ignored her he threw the collected pieces into the fireplace; shattering into dust. His hands fell on the mantle as his head hung over his chest. "Please forgi-"

"You should go," he said blankly as his head rose and turned, though his eyes stared into empty space.

~*Don't send me away!*~ a voice screamed in her mind.

The door latch clicked and the door swung open. "Go," he repeated in the same empty tone.

She couldn't breathe as she stumbled back through the door. His head hung again, she heard him sigh heavily moments before she burst through the door, making it slam shut behind her. The latch didn't catch and the door remained ajar, letting in the soft beating sound. His head shot up, "rain?" he whispered. "It never rains." His head lowered. ~*Why didn't you handle that better? Idiot!*~ His forehead hit the mantle with a soft thud. The feeling of her lips against his became fresh in his mind. ~*It's not too late. I can still catch her.*~ He snatched a towel from behind the curtain and had only reached the threshold when another thought stopped him. ~*Why do the heavens weep?*~

Over the beating of the rain a scream rang through the air. The towel fell to his feet as he dashed through the rain, over the rail, and sped towards Zari's home.

The screams grew louder and pounded in his ears. ~*What have I done!*~ his mind cried. The rain pelted his skin and stung his eyes. His feet slipped a little though nothing would stop him. Then, he spotted her.

She was huddled under the water heavy leaves of a small tree. Her knees were pulled in tight against her chest and her hands were clamped on the sides of her head. Tears streamed down her rain beaten face. She moaned and whimpered through clenched teeth.

~*What's happening to her?!*~

"Tha... ah!... somebody help him!" Her eyes flew open as Shin held her up in his arms.

"What's happening to Thado?"

"He...ss..." her voice was stuck in her throat. Muscles trembled and quivered as blood rushed to her face. She looked as though she was witnessing horrible blood shed through an unseen rift in space. Her fingers moved toward it. Remorse crept into her eyes as the trance lost its hold.

Shin shook her shoulders. "Zari!" Her head snapped as she opened her mouth to cry out. "Zari," he whispered. "What's happening to Thado?"

Her face relaxed and her fist opened as she sighed, "it's already happened." Her eyelids grew heavy and began to fall over her eyes. She said, her voice barely above a whisper, "he...s..." Her eyes closed as her head tilted to rest on his chest.

"Rest then," he whispered as he brushed his thumb over her lips. ~*Truly a fool am I.*~

She trembled beneath the blankets. Shin's hand stroked her hair gently. He too shook from the saturated cold despite the blazing fire, still his hand was steady. ~*If harm has befallen you I shall never forgive myself.*~ His hand brushed down the side of her face then his thumb brushed across her quivering eyelids. ~*Please! Open your eyes!*~

Her trembling ceased, ~* if you'll remove your thumb then I will.*~

He quickly obliged and smiled as she opened her eyes. "Thank Ledena you're alright."

"Were you that worried? That's just something that happens. It's never anything serious."

"Seemed so to me."

"Why'd you come after me? I was certain I'd disgraced you."

He shook his head, "never."

She pushed herself up on her elbows, the blankets once reaching her shoulders slipped below her breasts, exposing her upper undergarment. His eyes couldn't help but gaze at the subtle curves of the muscles in her neck, down to the gentle slope of her collarbone, then back to her shoulders. Out of the corner of his eye he could see her lips move. She leaned in and waved her hand in front of his face. "Hell-O! Anybody home?"

"Huh? What?"

"What does a girl have to do around here to get something to eat?"

"Oh! Right, forgive me."

She shrugged as he walked back behind the curtain. "You can't help it, you're a man after all, so I suppose-" She paused to catch the cloth flying at her face.

"Honestly, I didn't mean to look!"

"It's okay," she called back halfway laughing. She held up the cloth to find it to be a large shirt. She laughed outright, "this thing'll swallow me whole!"

"That's one of... where'd I bury that thing? Ah! That's one of Talme's old shirts. She and the other Kais have given me some of their hand-me-downs through the years. Mostly books, shirts, and other oddments." He paused to toss another item on the blankets. "Junid even gave me one of his old swords."

She thrust her arms through the sleeves as the curtain parted and he emerged. On his hand sat a small square tray with a bowl positioned in the center. He handed it to her carefully then picked up the leather bound book and sat down. She held the tray carefully as she wiggled her shoulders, trying to get the shirt to cover. As soon as she thought she could stop to take a sip, the neck of the shirt drooped to expose her shoulder down to her collarbone. Her stomach eventually won the argument. She took the bowl in her hands, feeling the heat warm her palms. The steaming broth was soothing as it washed her mouth and slid down her throat. She held it away as a shiver ran down her spine, shaking the cold from her bones. She sighed as the heat from the remedy swelled beneath her skin. Her eyes glanced at Shin who still trembled. She tapped his shoulder, "here, take a sip. It'll take the chill from you."

"No," he said as he shook his head. "It won't work if you don't drink all of it."

"You'll freeze if you don't take some. I'm fine now, you've done enough. It's time you look after your own health." He turned his eyes back to the page he was reading. She nudged him again, " please, if you won't do it for yourself, do it for me."

He sighed as the book fell open in his lap. "You should know-"

"I already know. I read it in your eyes." She held it out further. "Go on."

He stared at her as if he was disappointed, shifting his eyes to the bowl in her hand but once then shook his head. "No thank you," he said as his eyes returned to the book.

She let out a loud sigh, "alright look, this is the last time I'm going to ask nicely. Then I'm going to end up shoving this down your throat. Now, drink it." Her voice softened, "please Shin. Or at least ditch the soaked shirt."

"I'm fine," he replied blankly without moving his eyes.

She retorted with a doubtful two note hum. "Mm hm, sure you are. Must be perfectly natural for you to tremble then hm?" He didn't answer. There was a soft tap as the bowl was placed back on the tray. "Ok, you asked for it. Put the book down." He did not comply. She snatched the book from his hands and as he reached for it, his vision suddenly went momentarily black. He saw her again with his shirt in her hands next to the fire. "Damn!" she whispered. "I know you're trying to act tough but this is nothing to mess with. You almost died of the cold once why are you tempting fate again?" She wrung it out to the best of her ability then hung it on the willow woven mantle to let the fire dry and warm it. She kneeled beside him and wrapped the blankets around his shoulders. "There," she said as she rapidly rubbed his arms.

"Can't I do one thing for you without you caring for me?"

"Sure... another time perhaps."

"Can't I at least begin to repay you for your kindness to me?"

"Kindness? At the time, I was merely following the procedure that would keep you alive. Nothing extreme."

"And yet I felt a warmth against my skin." He shook his head, "no, you're right, extremities would be..."

"Yeah so, maybe I did it to keep you warm. You would have died if I hadn't shared warmth. The ice would have claimed you. Ah!" She quickly darted to the mantle and snatched his shirt. "Here, it's thoroughly dry." She pulled the blankets from his shoulders and sat down and he put the shirt back on. "Now," she said as she held the bowl out to him. "Go on."

He sighed softly, "very well." He took the bowl in his hands and put it to his lips. His skin jumped as the shiver ran down his spine then regained its color as the heat rose in him. He offered it back to her to finish.

"Nope, you kill it. I've had enough." She watched him lean his head back to empty the final contents. "There," she said softly as she brushed his hair away from his eyes. "You look much better."

His eyes were sad suddenly, "you still look cold."

She pulled the shirt over her bare shoulder, "I'm fine, I just-" Her words caught in her throat as he reached out for her, his hand lightly brushing down the side of her face. She released a quiet breath as she leaned into his touch. "This reminds me, you didn't answer my question. Why'd you come after me? And then you bring me back here after you push me away. Why do you torment me so?"

"I was the king of fools at that moment. Your kiss lingered on my lips and would not let me forget. It reminded me of the thoughts I once had of you and I. Impure as they might have been, I said nothing for I feared you were a sweet dream doomed to fade at the slightest touch. Every time this thought crossed my mind, I felt myself drift as I once did before you revived me. Then I saw your smile and I forgot every burden, fear, and memory that ever pained me. I found my strength. As I watch your back, I found myself forced to use that strength just to stay alive. When I pushed you away I still felt you near me in spirit, with my heart in your hands." He paused to take her hand in his and hold it over his heart. "So long as it is in your hands I need of nothing, nor shall I want."

She felt his hand press softly on the back of hers, pulling her hand in tighter to his breast. Her breath escaped her lips, "good answer. Now what?"

"The past is behind us, though I would do anything to go back and correct it."

"Passed?" she whispered as his thumb brushed halfway across her lips. "Yes, it is behind us," she cooed. "But why miss the present?" Her lips pressed against his thumb though they hungered for the tender touch of his.

His hand receded behind her neck and guided her forward. Slowly her hand moved over his shoulder as her other trailed up inside his shirt. Her head tilted slightly as her face drew near. Her body was uncomfortably distant, quickly, she scooted forward until her stomach was flush against his. They could feel each other's quiet exhale against their lips. His arms moved around her waist to hold her tight. Their hearts beat softly despite the hunger. She paused to relish the feeling of his hands sliding down her back to the sides of her hips, pulling her in tighter. There was a pause as she sighed softly as his hands moved on her skin, somehow under the shirt. She recognized the feel of his skin beneath her fingers. They trembled at the ability of touch. ~*Please don't let this be a dream.*~

Fingers ran through her hair then yielded behind her head. ~*You're a visionary, you don't dream. Though I would be satisfied to hold you for this night alone if that would be all Ledena permits.*~

She brought her hands to rest on the sides of his face. Her breathing was soft and quiet but sounded as one does when resisting the urge to break down and cry. In a soft and somewhat anxious tone she whispered, "that will never satisfy me."

She leaned down suddenly and pressed her lips into his to the point where it hurt. His fingertips pushed gently into her back despite her force. The kiss grew calmer as it lingered between them, until her lips brushed over his in a nearly apologetic touch.

She wouldn't will her body to move as she gazed in his eyes. So her head tilted slowly as her hands ran down his neck, resting on his chest.

A force compelled her to lift her head. As if time stood still, his lips were against hers. Her head leaned back as his lips trailed down her neck then up again. He pulled away before reaching her cheek. Then with the same suddenty as her kiss, his lips indulged her in a deep passionate touch that set their hearts a lite.

The hour had grown late, and Shin stared over Zari's shoulder at the leather bound book lying open on the floor.

The fire was dying, though there was no need for extra warmth. He knew in his heart he would never feel the bitterness of the cold again. ~*Still, perhaps the fire could use some more fuel.*~ Careful not to wake her, he reached over her and picked the book up. ~*The Code of the Kais. Not for me, if love is to force the forfeit of my stature... then it is forfeit.*~ His hand moved to fling the book into the dying fire, but his fingers held firm. He closed his eyes for some unknown reason.

Darkness filled the empty space in the scene his mind set for him. He gazed about the darkened room. Fear gripped him as he recognized it. Swiftly he turned his back to the south corner, closing his eyes tightly, fearing the darker figure lying still, and worse, the black smears above on the wall. As he opened his eyes he saw himself, glaring at him, standing ominously in the Kai uniform. "We are divided now you and I," said the Kai. "One vessel, one vow, one which I will always honor."

"I honor the same vow," Shin stated shakily.

The Kai chuckled and stepped closer, "no you don't." Shin stood still as a statue while the Kai circled him slowly. "You presently seek to burn that which binds you to that vow. Or are we both mistaken?" The Kai held the leather bound book in front of Shin's face. "Is this not what you seek to destroy? And for love?! Once, when we were still one and the same, we forsook the chance, we denied the emotion! Now it seems part of me... you.... wishes to forsake the vow to Junid you made long ago."

"Leave me be."

"How can I? You are me and I am you, or rather the Kai half. You are as you began before you were a Kai, fearful of cold and pain." The Kai paused then stopped behind Shin. "You fear your past, more to the point... your mother's blood."

Shin began to tremble, "stop..."

"That's it! That's the key isn't it! You cling to Zari because she gives you the love you once felt from your mother.... am I right?" the Kai growled. "Face me Shin." Shin slowly turned and fixed his eyes on his mirror. The Kai's eyes softened, "the end result will be the same. You know this."

"Stop..."

"Why do you insist on condemnation?"

"Enough," his voice growing louder.

The Kai's voice matched Shin's volume. "You're repeating your past."

"I said enough!"

"Zari is going to die the same way as your-"

"NO!" Shin snatched the leather bound book from the Kai's hand and threw it into the darkness.

Flames flared as the book landed on the cindered logs, making Zari's head shoot up. "What was that?" she said sleepily.

His hand cradled the opposite side of her face as he planted a quiet kiss on the tip of her ear. "Nothing, go back to sleep." He paused as she smiled and laid her head back on the pillow. He brushed the stray hairs away from her eyes and sang softly in her ear.

What are these hands for, if I can't bring you fallen rain.

What are these eyes for, if I can't see the moon, watch over you.

What are these arms for, if I can't hold you through the night.

What does this heart beat for, if I can't lay by your side.

You must know, I was made for you."



She pulled his arm tighter around her until she felt his body contour to hers.

He felt the slow rise and fall of her stomach as she slipped back into sleep. ~*Ledena, if you were to find it necessary to end my life at this moment, for some reason I feel I would pass without pain and happily. Even though in this realm I would wake by her side.

Should I fail her, harm her...or anything you find shameful to her, take her from me, keep her safe until a man is able to do what I could not. All I desire is for her to be carefree for as long as she lives, and then once her body is dead and her spirit moves on, let that happiness strengthen till time grows weary... even if I should die of despair.*~

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So? Whadya think? I did not write that song he sang to her. That was the chorus of "I was made for you" by Martin Page. See ya next chapter. ^_^