Warning: OOC, angst, abuse

Harry had almost screamed when he got the letter from Dumbledore. He didn't care what that old jerk said; he didn't care for his explanations. It was unfair of Dumbledore to do this to him. Why should he spend the rest of the summer with Snape?

 Not that he wanted to go to grimoldplace, and the burrow was probably not a safe place to be since the death eaters already broke out of Azkaban, and who knew what they would do…

But not wanting to face the house of Sirius now that he was dead, and not being able to go to his friends did in Harry's eyes NOT mean that the only place left would be Snape's. He would rather stay with the Dursleys then, and why Snape? Dumbledore KNEW Harry hated him, and since he persisted in not telling Harry why he could trust the greasy git, Harry didn't see any reason to trust him at all.

And what was all this nonsense of extra lessons? Hadn't Dumbledore said that HE would teach Harry occlumensy now, and that it had been a mistake to let Snape teach him in the first place?

Ok, maybe he needed potions lessons to join the newts, but he could handle that himself, he could study all summer. What was Dumbledore THINGKING?

Harry crumbled the letter in his hand and counted backwards from ten very slowly before opening the letter again to check what time Snape would pick him up. 12 o'clock noon – Harry wondered if he should start packing or just refuse to go with Snape. He looked at his watch… if Snape was as punctual as he usually was he would show up any minute. Harry decided it might be better to leave the packing and prepare his relatives for this unexpected guest's arrival before hand.

Harry trotted down the stairs and into the living room.

"What do you want, boy?"

"Well, I just wanted to inform you that there is a… ehm, a teacher from my school coming, he is supposed to pick me up, but that is a mistake, and…"

"I will have no more freaks in my house you little peace of shit!" Vernon yelled and got up very fast grabbing Harry by the collar of his far too big shirt.

"Do you hear me? NO ONE! And when he comes I will tell him exactly…"

"Let go!" interrupted a cold voice from behind them.

Harry recognised it and felt both anger and humiliation rise; he didn't want Snape to see his uncle shouting at him like this, he had seen enough during the occlumency lessons.

Harry tried to wiggle free of his uncle's grip, but his fat uncle grabbed his arm instead of his shirt now and dragged Harry with him as he approached Snape who was standing in the door.

"Get out of my house!" Vernon shouted, spraying spit in all directions, while Harry tried to free his arm from the painful grip.

"Let go of the boy!" Snape said narrowing his eyes and his voice now pure venom. Harry tried not to look up at his professor and now grabbed his uncle's fingers prying them of his arm.

"Ow!" Vernon shouted rounding on Harry as his prying fingers removed the fat man's concentration from the unwelcome guest to his hated nephew. "Stop that!" He screamed down at the Harry, and before Harry could dodge his uncle smacked him across the face so hard Harry lost his balance and fell to the floor, unfortunately his head collided with the edge of the kitchen table on his way towards the floor.

Harry almost lost consciousness for a couple of seconds, he couldn't get his body to cooperate and it refused to follow the orders Harry's brain send it to get up. As he blinked his eyes to clear his blurry vision he heard distant shouting from his uncle and potions professor. Odd lights flickered, and Harry knew it was magic from Snape's wand that send them dancing on the ceiling. After a few seconds it seemed like someone turned up the volume and Harry now heard the fight clearly along with Dudley and his aunt's screaming.

"What the Hell do you think you are doing you filthy muggle?"

"Get out of my house you freak!"

"You will not lay a hand on that boy, have I made myself clear?"

"I said get out!"

"Do you have a death wish?"

Snape spat horrible curses Harry had only read about, as he gingerly tried to get up. He realized that his vision hadn't improved along with the hearing and as he planted his hands on the floor to push himself up he realized that the reason for this was that his glasses were broken, and now; so was his skin on his left hand.

Harry pulled out a couple of small glass splinters from his hand as he wavered a bit and leaned against the walls of the cupboard that once had been his room. He turned his head to see the blurry outlines of his relatives cowering behind the sofa and Snape towering over them, he was whispering threats that Harry could barely make out, and then he saw his teacher turn his head and look at him.

"Are you all right, Potter?" he said harshly.

"Yes" Harry said, looking down at his hand trying to make out the splinters he could feel were still in his hand.

"Good, have you packed you things?" Snape said abandoning his evil staring at the Dursleys and walking towards Harry.

"No." Harry said now looking up trying to focus on his teacher which was impossible without his glasses.

"… Why not?" Snape said dangerously.

"Because I am not going!" Harry said defiantly.

"Oh yes you are Potter" Snape whispered.

"You can't force me!" Harry said taking a step forward regretting it instantly though because he now no longer had the wall to support him.

"You are mistaking Potter; you will be surprised to see exactly how much I can force you to do." Snape said pushing Harry back against the cupboard wall before his legs gave out.

Harry had most of his wind knocked out as his back collided rather painfully with the wall; he had been close to loosing his balance falling towards Snape as the greasy haired man had pushed him the opposite way. Harry leaned back his head and put his arms and hands towards to wall to have as much bodily contact with it as possible to prevent him from loosing his balance again.

Harry tried to catch his breath; he was feeling a bit dizzy. "I am not going." He finally repeated as the world stopped spinning and he dared to open his eyes to look at Snape again.

"Yes you are." Snape said, and though Harry couldn't make out Snape's face clearly, he could hear that he was smiling.

"NO!" Harry said turning away from Snape starting for the stair and his room, he had to support himself against the wall tough. "I don't trust you, and I don't like you, and I certainly don't want to spend the rest of the summer in your company." Harry made it up the first three steps before his stomach threatened to turn and he felt dizzy and tired and had to catch his breath before taking the next step.

Snape watched the boy with amusement as he struggled to keep his pride though failing miserably when clutching the wall. He was about to say his next line when something caught his attention. Blood. There was blood on the wall where Harry's head had just rested, and where his left hand had been… and on the floor where Harry had just gotten up from a couple of minutes ago. Not much, but enough to make a stain.

Snape just managed to grab Harry before he tumbled down the stair.

"Are you sure you're all right, Potter?" he said evilly holding the struggling teenager tight in his arms.

"Let go of me!" Harry choked in a not very strong voice.

"Not a chance in hell." Snape said and pulled Harry up in his strong arms, carrying him like a child up the stairs. Harry wiggled weakly and tried to get free; his head still spinning.

"Let GO!" He repeated a bit louder this time and Snape set Harry down on the cold stone floor of the first floor toilet. Harry looked at the toilet puzzled, then up at Snape who was walking out the door, and as Harry opened his mouth to shout at his teacher his stomach turned and Harry lost his breakfast into the bowl.

Snape went into the small room that now belonged to Harry and looked around as he tried to block out the sound of the retching youth in the bathroom. The room was very untidy with books scattered everywhere.

Snape waved his wand and levitated all Harry's things into the trunk that stood by the end of the bed, he noted with a little pleasure that the book that was lying open on the table was a potion book. He placed it in the trunk a long with the rest of the boy's surprisingly small amount of belongings before he closed the trunk and went back to the bathroom where Harry had stopped throwing up. He was now trying to keep his balance while gulping down a bit of cold water as washed his face. Harry tried to focus on Snape as he kept his left hand under the running cold water, on his right cheek and under his eye a light blue wound was starting to show where his uncle had hit him.

Snape stepped into the bathroom and up to the boy that tried to back away a bit to keep some space between himself and his most hated teacher. But Snape didn't care much for the boy's personal space and lightly grabbed his left arm, dragging him back to the small room before he let go. Harry sat on the bed that Snape had been so kind to stop in front of knowing that Harry would loose his balance as soon as he let go of him.

"Turn you head so I can see the wound." He ordered.

Not surprisingly Harry didn't comply, so Snape lightly grabbed his chin and turned his head forcefully.

"Ow!" Harry whimpered unintentionally. "Let go!"

"Hmm, you probably have a small concussion Potter. We should get going so you can have some peace."

"I am still NOT going!" Harry said turning his head looking at the blurry figure that was Snape.

"This is getting old, potter" Snape said getting up waving his wand levitating the trunk out of the door. "Do you need a hand getting up?" he added evilly knowing the boy would refuse and have to fight his way down the stairs on his own.

"No! Since I am staying."

"Well your books and clothes and wand is coming with me, is your broom downstairs in the cupboard?" Snape smiled with malice walking out the door, not having to look back to know that Harry was now franticly looking through his pockets for his wand which Snape had skilfully fished out of the boy's pocket before he left him in the bathroom.

"Hey, give me back my wand!" Harry shouted angrily getting up trying not to fall down the stairs though he had difficulty standing. The fact that he couldn't see very well without his glasses didn't help his balance as he staggered down the stairs after Snape and the hovering trunk.

Snape opened the cupboard door and spotted the broom. He recognised the cupboard from his visions of Harry's past he had had during occlumency. It made him regret that he hadn't turned the Dursleys into something nasty. How could they have let him live in that cupboard for ten years? That was just plain cruel. He may not like the Potter boy, but this was evil, maybe there was still time to hurt them a bit before he and Potter left...

"Give me back my wand!" Harry repeated as he finally made it down the stairs.

"Nice 'room' this." Snape said evilly as he grabbed the broom and closed the cupboard door. "Do you want to say goodbye to your relatives before we leave."

"I am still not leaving with you" Harry answered angrily. "And give me my wand."

"Tell me potter, did you empty your stomach completely up there?" Snape said as he advanced on the boy with both the trunk and the broom hovering behind him.

"Yes, why?" Harry asked unconsciously stepping back against the wall.

"Perfect." Snape said as he grabbed Harry and threw him over his shoulder.

"Hey, put me down!" Harry shouted as Snape stepped out of the house and walked towards the road.

Harry tried to kick Snape and wiggle free but without success while shocked neighbours looked at them with open mouths. Snape grabbed Harry's legs to hold him still while his belongings were loaded into the trunk of the car. Snape then showed Harry into the car and went after him before he told the driver to start moving.

Harry immediately moved away from Snape on the seat and tried to open the door, but to his horror it was locked.

"Normal people don't open the doors of cars while these are still in motion." Snape said amused looking at the boy.

"Stop the car and let me out, and give me my wand!" Harry said angrily.

"You will get your wand when we reach my house, Potter."

"I DON'T WANT TO STAY AT YOUR HOUSE!" Harry shouted.

"I am perfectly well aware of that Potter; I am not exactly thrilled about the idea either, but the headmaster though it would be best."

"I don't care!"

"This has also come to my attention Potter; there is no need to tell me, and no need to shout either."

"I don't care, I…"

"Potter, get a hold on yourself, and stop shouting!" Snape inched closer to Harry while looking in the inner pockets of his robe for something. "Now sit still so I can get a better look on your wound."

Unfortunately for Harry there wasn't anywhere to go as Snape once again invaded his personal space. He didn't want Snape to tend to his wounds, but a throbbing headache was building up steadily behind his temples and he reluctantly let his teacher pull the last splinters out of his hand and look at the wound on the back of his head.

"Hmm, drink this Potter that should help heal it a bit faster." Snape said fishing out a small vile with a yellow liquid from his inner pocket, handing it to him.

Harry looked at it suspiciously then downed it.

"Now lie down and get some sleep, I will wake you up in a couple of hours." Snape said moving away a bit to make room for Harry to lie down.

"I don't want to sleep," Harry said suddenly feeling tired.

"Well, that was a sleeping draft, so you don't have much choice Potter." Snape chuckled evilly as Harry looked at the empty vile in horror. "And don't worry; I will wake you so you don't go into a coma with that concussion. It will take a good three hours before we're there. Now lay down."

Harry tried in vain to not fall asleep, but the world finally disappeared and darkness overtook him.

Snape gently grabbed Harry so he didn't fall of the seat. He pulled Harry up so he was lying on his side his legs pulled up a bit and he laid Harry's head on his thigh and took a newspaper.

After one and a half hour of driving Snape had planned to wake Harry for a bit, but he had to wake him a lot earlier than expected. Harry's nightmares caused him to whimper and Snape had to grab Harry several times to prevent him from falling.

Harry was angry and embarrassed every time his troubled sleep made Snape wake him, but every time he woke up he didn't make it to the arguing point before the sleeping potion started affecting him again and made him fall asleep.

It didn't take more that two nightmares to make Snape uneasy; he recognised the signs and knew something had to be done. When Harry started sobbing and trashing yelling for Sirius, Snape shook Harry awake once again. "Potter, I think you should take some of this too."

"Mhh" Harry murmured, he wanted to yell at Snape for giving him a sleeping draft in the first place and tell him that he definitely wasn't going to drink anything Snape gave him, but he once against lost consciousness. And Snape turned Harry a bit and tilted his head so he could pour a dreamless sleep potion down his throat.

It helped and Snape let Harry sleep until the driver pulled up in front of his house. Snape told him to bring up the trunk; Snape carried the sleeping Harry up to the house. He went directly to his bedroom. He conjured a bed beside his own with a wave of his wand and lay Harry down before enervating Harry.

Harry moaned as the sleepingdraft´s effect wore of.

"Did you sleep well?" Snape asked sarcastically.

"Ehh mmhh… what? Where am I?" Harry murmured trying to figure things out.

"You're in Snape manor, and don't get up, I need to heal your concussion."

"Give me my wand!"

Snape looked smug. "No potter, and stay in bed!"

Harry was trying to get out of bed, but felt his stomach turn as he sat up too quickly. He leaned back drawing breath.

"That's better, now turn on you stomach." Snape said looking through a cupboard finding healing potions then returning to the bed where Harry was still lying on his back defiantly.

"Potter I can't heal you like that!" Snape said sitting down on the edge of the bed looking at his potions trying figure out which was the best.

"I don't trust you, and I want my wand." Harry said looking up at his professor feeling small.

"I know you don't, but I don't care I have a job, now turn or I will make you." Snape smiled as he found the potion he was looking for.

Harry reluctantly turned. "I don't want to stay here."

"Not my problem, this might sting."

Harry drew in his breath and grabbed the pillow as the potion dripped to the wound on the back of his head.

"Fine," Snape said finding another vile, "you will have to drink this too."

"No I won't, I am not going to drink anything from you that I don't know what it is."

"You might as well get used to me giving you potions you don't know, because Dumbledore gave me more than one assignment with you, and it is probably not going to make you like me any more than you do now. Now drink it, if you want to heal properly so I don't have to wake you every second hour." Snape pushed the potion vile into Harry's hand. "Oh and speaking of sleep, if you behave nicely I might make you some dreamless sleep potion." Snape smirked and got of the bed to close the cupboard.

Harry looked up at Snape angrily and sniffed the potion.

"It's a normal healing potion, Potter, if you had been paying attention in my lessons you would recognise the smell of strawberry and…"

Harry downed the potion, and looked at his teacher sulking. Snape just smiled and went to his drawers finding a night shirt. "I recommend that you get a few hours of sleep before dinner, and after that we will discuss the plan for the rest of your summer, you can wear this." He threw the shirt to Harry and started casting locking spells on his drawers and cupboard before walking towards the door.

"My house elf will have your own clothes washed and clean by tomorrow morning."

"Give me my wand." Harry said, not putting the shirt on.

"We will discuss that after dinner too." Snape said opening the door. "And don't bother trying to escape, this place is very secure. Now try to get some more sleep." Snape went out the door and cast a locking spell on it.

Harry threw the shirt on the floor in anger and got of the bed, he had no intention of obeying Snape. He paced around the room for ten minutes, then he sat down on the bed again. Though the room was very cosy he didn't want to admit it, he could see that it was Snape's bedroom. Why hadn't Snape given him his own room? He didn't want to sleep in the same room as Snape; he didn't want to sleep in the same house as Snape.

Harry threw himself down on the bed in frustration. He was actually still tired, the healing potion was working in his body using its energy, and he yawned, then remembering that he was defying Snape's orders sat up again.

Harry couldn't stay awake though he realised this when he bolted upright in the bed screaming at the vision in his head of Cedric's, Sirius' and his parents' dead bodies accusing him, saying that it was his fault they were killed. Harry clutched his head and tried to catch his breath, less than 30 seconds later Snape burst through the door panting looking around the room pointing his wand in every direction. Seeing no one else in the room than a shocked Potter, he lowered his wand.

"Why did you scream, Potter?"

Harry remembering that he was angry at Snape quickly hid his surprise and went back to looking angry, still not answering he looked away from his professor.

Snape looked at the boy and started to get angry himself. "Another nightmare potter?" he said taking a step forward knowing that Harry wouldn't answer.

Silence…

And Snape grabbed Harry by the hair forcing the boy to look at him as he yanked at the hair. Harry involuntarily let out a yelp of pain and looked up at his professor. Harry was scared, then remembering that he was angry, tried to look away to prevent his teacher from reading the truth in his eyes, but Snape had already seen it.

Snape let go of Harry's hair pushing him violently back to a lying position on the bed. "Listen Potter, you have to learn that in this house, I am in command." He went to the door and gestured for Harry to follow. "We will have a talk about this during and after dinner. Which is served in 15 minutes so you might as well come along now."

Snape looked at potter with the same piercing glare he used in potions classes, and Harry found himself following Snape without objection.

They sat in opposite ends of the dinning table. Harry was rather hungry and tried to decide if he should go into a hunger strike and keep on defying Snape, or if he should eat. As soon as the delicious soup appeared in front of him he decided against the hunger strike, comforting himself with the thought that Snape probably would have force-fed him anyway.

Harry didn't want to talk to Snape, but when Snape addressed him in the middle of the steak Harry couldn't keep quiet.

"Potter, you have to come to terms with this situation." Harry didn't look up, he thought he wouldn't be able to hold his words back, and telling Snape what he thought of him and the stupid plans Dumbledore had made probably wouldn't make his stay any better.

"You are in my house under my protection, therefore you will do as I say, and you will stop sulking, because that's just the way it is!"

Harry looked up. "I want my wand!"

"For Christ's sake Potter! You can get it back when I say you can. And you won't have it before you have accepted the fact that you will stay here, and you won't have it before I decide you are ready." Snape seemed very angry but Harry didn't care.

"I don't trust you! I don't want to walk around here in your house unarmed, and sleep in your bedroom unarmed… why am I staying in your room anyway?"

Snape snapped his fingers and the leftovers from the meal disappeared, he got up and walked over to Harry who didn't know if he should get up too, but Snape grabbed him by the shoulder and dragged him from his chair before Harry decided.

Harry tried to get loose as he was dragged into the next room. "Let go of me!"

Snape pushed Harry down to a sofa very roughly and sat down next to him.

"Emmy!" Snape called. Harry looking puzzled and massaging his arm. Harry didn't know who Snape was talking to, and he found he didn't care. He was getting really tired of being in this house and Snape looked very angry too. He wanted to shout at Snape and cursed by the fact that he let Snape take his wand. What he wouldn't have paid to have it now.

Suddenly a house elf stood next to them.

"Yes master Snape, sir?"

"Get us some tea and place it on the desk, Emmy!" Snape said, not removing his eyes From Harry.

"Right away master." And the elf disappeared.

"Ok Potter, let's get this over and done with. You hate me and you want to shout at me, and before this little controversy is out of the way I am afraid we can't live under the same roof. We will now discuss this matter. You can get things of your chest so we can start on the plans. I can't teach you either potions or occlumency before this is settled."

Emmy appeared again placing the tea on the desk, then disappeared again.

Harry was a bit taken aback, but quickly recovered himself and looked at Snape. "You are right, I hate you and you have never given me a reason not to, and forcing me with you and giving me that sleeping draft didn't exactly make me trust you more." Harry said raising his voice. He had never been able to tell Snape what he felt about him, but now it seemed Snape allowed him too and Harry wasn't going to miss that chance.

Snape went to his table and picked up the two cups and carried them over to the little table next to the sofa and placed the cup next to Harry, while sitting down blowing on the hot liquid before taking a sip. He looked very calmly at Harry, and didn't seem like he intended on interrupting him.

Harry just went on. "Why do you have to be so mean anyway? I know you hated my father, and yes he was a prat, but that doesn't give you the right to hate me too and treat me like shit! And you knew that if you stopped teaching me occlumency Voldemort could get to me! And you know that when my father grew up he became a nice guy, he and siri…" Harry broke of looking down… it was painful to think about Sirius, he had tried to push his thoughts about his godfather away in the summer. Harry took his cup of tea and took a sip before he looked up at Snape trying to determine what to throw at him next.

To Harry's horror Snape didn't look calm anymore, he was holding his cup of tea like he was about to crush it and his eyes were merely slits. "Did you ever contemplate the idea that MAYBE if you had apologised for looking into my private memories I would have taught you again?" Snape spat raising his voice.

"Did you ever consider saying that you were sorry for invading my privacy? No you didn't. That would have been ordinary courtesy! And for your information I would have taught you again had you said those three tiny words. I-AM-SORRY."

Harry looked down and took another sip, he hadn't thought of that, and now that he tried to remember he realized that he hadn't actually apologised for his behaviour.

Snape leaned back and took a deep calming breath before trying to look calm again. He looked at Harry. "And another thing, I do not hate you potter. As you said I hated your father and his gang."

"Oh yes you do!" Harry blurted out, though he didn't mean to say it out loud. "You hated me from the day you laid eyes on me, and you have been humiliating me and picking on me ever since."

"No potter, I hate it when you behave like your father."

"I don't curse people in the halls just because I can, I don't bully people, that's Draco who does that! And you favour him all the time." Harry didn't mean to say that last bit either, but everything was just coming out now.

"I have to treat Draco like that, what do you think he will rapport at home if I favoured you like all the other teachers? And you DO behave like your father, not the cursing part, but you use time on breaking rules and quidditch when you should concentrate on studying so you can survive your next encounter with the dark lord. Your father was good at everything but could have been brilliant if he had done his homework and used time on studying, but YOU can't afford to waste time on fun and games, you NEED to study hard, your luck will fail you some day, potter and that's when the dark lord kills you if you are not prepared to fight him."

"You were a lousy and showed favouritism before I came too, the others told me!" Harry said angrily… why did he say that, Snape looked angry, he didn't want to provoke him, that wasn't wise.

"For your information potter I have been giving slytherins preferential treatment ever since I started teaching, because Dumbledore and I agreed that was the only way. We knew the dark lord would return, and he would check how I had behaved while he was out of power. And had I not been unjust and favoured slytherins all the time he would get suspicious. So I have always treated gryffindors and muggles poorly, and you in particular of course, but that wasn't difficult since you gave me lots of reasons."

Harry started to grow angry, and tried to hold back but he couldn't. "You're a slimy git! You didn't have to sabotage my work just because I looked in your stupid memories. You knew how my childhood was, and you know Draco is bullying and mocking me. You saw all those humiliating things from my childhood, you know it was as bad as yours, you could have been nicer to me, if not during potions then when the slytherins weren't there."

To Harry's surprise Snape didn't retort he leaned back and took one more sip from his tea, he looked like he had said what he wanted to say and now returned to letting Harry talk.

Harry downed the rest of his tea and slammed the cup down to the table. "you were mean to me before I looked in your pensive too, even though you could see my childhood was as rotten as yours!" why was he saying this, he didn't want to remind Snape of these personal things, it was bad enough that he had seen them back then… "You could have been nicer then, and you could have told me how to do it, but you provoked me so it would be even harder, just like you provoked siri…" Harry shut his mouth. It was painful to talk about his godfather and he didn't want to, he wanted to forget the whole thing, just like he had been trying to all summer.

Snape moved a bit forward in the sofa. "Do you miss your Godfather?" he asked calmly.

Why did he ask, why couldn't he just shut up and… "yes." Harry clapped a hand over his mouth; he hadn't meant to say it out loud.

"Do you think it was my fault he came to get you and fell through that veil?" 

"Yes… no" Harry said not sure.

"No? I know Dumbledore told you that I ordered him to stay at the HQ… but maybe you blame yourself too, is that right?" Snape said not looking evil, just slightly interested and a bit concerned.

"Yes." Harry whispered trying not to let the tears in his eyes pass. Why the hell was he saying this? It was none of Snape's business.

"But potter, you know it's not your fault. Black was the one who decided to leave, and the fact that you didn't practise occlumensy doesn't really change things, the dark lord would have found a way to lure you there sometime anyway. Everything goes back to the dark lord. He is the reason for your misery."

Harry now desperately tried to hold his tears back.

"he is the reason your parents died, he is the reason that you have to live with those horrible relatives, he is the one encouraging purebloods hatred to everyone else, he is the reason Draco was raised to mock you, he is the reason for your nightmares, and pains in your scar, and Cedrics death… Potter you have to understand that this war and its losses and sacrifices are all because of him, not you!"

Harry closed his eyes and felt a tear slide down, damn.

"You mustn't blame yourself. And it is ok that you are sad." Snape said soothingly. "Have you cried this summer?"

What kind of a question was that? That was DEFFENITELY not his business. "Not really." Harry heard himself sob.

"Why not?"

"Because I have been trying to forget what happened." Harry now felt the tears run freely, he wanted to leave, he didn't want to sit here in front of Snape and cry. Why was he saying all this?

"Potter you have to come to terms with this, you can't just repress the death of your Godfather. That won't work; it will make you weak and easy prey for the dark lord. If you want to survive you have to work with those losses. Haven't you talked to your friends… or written to them?"

"No, I don't want to bother them…" Harry whispered.

Harry didn't want to look at Snape so he looked at his teacup instead and suddenly he realized it. "You put something in my tea!"

"yes potter, one drop of veritat serum, it makes it easier for you to say the truth in your heart, it makes it easier for you to cry and work with your feelings, you can still lie though it is difficult, but that wouldn't work anyway I can still see in your eyes if you are telling me the truth."

"You did it again you bastard!" Harry sobbed moving forward trying to punch Snape but he was too quick and caught Harry's wrists and held them at chest level. "I don't want you to give me potions!"

"I know potter, and I know this doesn't exactly make you trust me more. But Dumbledore assigned me to be your psychiatrist this summer too, on top of the occlumensy and potions lessons, because he sensed that you would draw into yourself and not get on with your life."

"I didn't want to tell you those things you know enough as it is!" Harry half screamed half sobbed while still trying to get free and beat Snape. He was now on his knees in the sofa leaning over Snape who still held his hands still.

"Potter, you don't want to bother your friends even though they would love to help you. And I am probably the only person in the world who really can help you."

"No you can't!"

"Yes I can, I know more than your friends does about your miserable childhood, I know the feeling and understand you because my childhood was rotten too, I know your secrets and I have the time to help you, and the potion to get you started. After this month I am sure you will feel a lot better. You will realize that the pain caused by black's death will become easier to bear when you talk about it." Snape drew Harry into something of a hug and let go of Harry's wrists. He let the boy cry into his chest. He was softly beating his fists at Snape's chest, not very hard.

"I am sorry I didn't tell you about the potion, but it was the only way to get you to talk. And even though you don't want to talk to me, and rather wanted somebody else you will feel better soon. The pain will subdue. And you will learn to be happy for the time you knew black. I am sure you will agree that it was better to know him these two years and feel his affection and love him, than not to have known him at all… would you rather never have met him so you wouldn't have to feel the pain now?"

"No" Harry whimpered now just clutching Snape's robe.

Snape padded the boy on his back and drew him into a hug. "just cry now, and we will go up to bed, tomorrow you will already feel some of the weight has been lifted from your chest, and I promises I wont give you more potions before informing you. During your stay here we will talk more, and if you want veritat serum to make it easier I will give it to you, but only if you want it. And I will give you a dreamless sleep draft so you won't have any nightmares tonight."

Harry just cried.

+++++

Authors Note.

Well… do you want more? ^_^