1/17/03
It's Friday!
Yesterday and a little while after school today, I borrowed my mother's bible and read through some of it. I had to keep it hidden during school. It's against school policy to tote a bible or any other kind of religious literature around with you in our school. We're very diverse, I suppose. I wonder if they let you have a bible in schools in the south? I've heard it's not very diverse down there at all, so maybe no one would be offended at the sight of a bible. It's a very long book and very hard to read. My mother is Christian, but she doesn't pray or go to church or any of that. She has some holy cross necklaces and a bible too all given to her by Grandma. My mother would never spend money on something like that, so that's the only reason she has that. She invests most of her money on technology.
This bible is the King James edition. My aunt came over yesterday and saw me reading it. She made this snide little face at me and said. "I didn't even know you could read, let alone King James's version of the bible."
I can usually tolerate people, no matter how mean, selfish, or anything like that they may be. I don't really hate anyone... except my aunt. She's always been so cruel to me. She used to tell me that a stutter is a mental disease and that I'm very stupid. When I stopped talking four years ago, she yelled at me, accusing me of ignoring her. She spat hurtful words into my face. She swears a lot when she's mad. Sometimes, I feel sorry for dad, because he had to grow up with this. She doesn't speak very kindly to him either. In fact, my mother doesn't like her much either. My parents are just hospitable people, I guess. That's the only reason she can step foot in our home.
After my aunt attempted to insult me again, I got up and walked to my room. I wanted to write something in this notebook diary, but I was too mad to do it. I was mostly angry because she was right - I couldn't understand a thing in this bible. I pulled out a separate notebook and tried to jot down some notes. I still didn't understand. I skimmed through a lot of things. I don't understand it, but millions of other people do, so I must be doing something wrong.
Naelia told me she would write something for me to read about her religion, using the bible. She also started naming off different religions to look into on the Internet. She said the ones she listed off are all basic Eastern religions and philosophies. She wrote them down for me.
I haven't done any research on any of them yet. Like I said, I'm still trying to figure out Christianity. That means I'll have to learn about the difference between Catholics, Lutherans, Methodists, and whatever else there is. I'll also have to look into the Jewish religion. I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed by all these different beliefs.
Reading through this, I understand why so many people turn to the bible. The bible is like one big book of advice. Usually it says to confide in God, but it also tells you there are things you have to do yourself. You can't just pray for a million dollars and find it under your pillow the next day. I'm assuming you pray for little things, like "Lord, please help me study for the chapter finals next week." Then you study hard, pass and feel good about yourself. It's a chain from there. You keep studying, keep passing, go to college, get a good job, and then that million dollars will come with a lot of hard work and enough faith in not only God, but yourself. Even if you don't get a million dollars, which is the case in most situations, you'll be happier than ever in the after life, sitting with God. At least that's how I'm interpreting this.
I always thought the bible was sort of boring, and though I've never been to church, I've heard it's very, very boring as well. I can't say for sure if that's true or not. I see commercials for new Christian music. It seems to be bringing Christianity into current times. I suppose it's boring because of how people advertise it. There's a channel that's all Christian programming, and it's about as fun as an AM radio talk show.
There's a girl I know named Helen. She used to be friends with Naelia and Danielle. Naelia used to go to the same church as Helen before her beliefs really changed. Helen always talks about the things she's involved in. She's involved in theater, always getting the main roles in school plays, art, and a youth group at church. I'm not sure what that is, so maybe someone will explain it to me someday. I'm assuming it's just a group of youths... who go to church.
If I wasn't writing in pen, I would have erased that. No wonder people call me stupid.
Well, I think I'm going to go to bed. I had a really good dream last night, but I forgot what it was about. Tomorrow morning, I'll try to remember what I dream, good or bad. Forgetting good dreams is very annoying.
Goodnight.
Alysa