1/20/03
Hi again. It's Monday, and I have no homework. This happens rarely. Having all this free time on my hands, I decided to go to the library a few blocks from school and play on the computers. I don't really know much about computers or any of that, but I figured out how to work the Internet. My mother would be proud. She's really a tech expert... She thinks I need a computer to make my life whole. She's so weird... I love her.
I decided that since I already learned a little about Danielle's religion today (I'll get to that in a second), I'd look into Christianity. I think if I knew more on the matter, I'd be able to get along a little better with my aunt...
Conveniently, there's a web site called It has a lot of neat features on it. You can look for certain words or phrases in the book, and you can get moral advice there too. I learned a lot about evil and good as the Bible sees it. I haven't had time to read the whole Bible... it's... a really long book. I got some basic points out of it, and learned about Jesus's crucifixion and the Ten Commandments and such (that's the name of that movie!). The Old Testament seems to be one big lesson on morals and doing good. Some of it scared me a little, but I realize it was written a long... long... time ago and that maybe women aren't as worthless as the old testament made me feel. However, the New Testament made me feel better again, and I learned that God loves everyone, and he will forgive your wrongdoings because his son died for it. I also learned a bit about Judaism, and that they follow only the Old Testament, but they have some chapters the Christian bible doesn't. The thing Jewish people read from is called a Torah. I wonder if there's a Well, I'll look into that next time I have access to a computer. My mother hordes the one PC we have at home all for herself, and my dad uses his laptop for important work.
I don't really know if I'm getting the facts about Christianity right here, because there's so many different kinds of Christians and so many different interpretations of the Bible. I don't know which one to believe. The religion is very old, I guess, and so things have probably changed through word-of-mouth. Like playing "Telephone" maybe... I don't know, but I hope someone will explain it to me someday.
Naelia is the only person I know who really knows a lot about the Bible, but she is only an expert at finding all of it's little flaws and everything scary within the bible (like this thing that says if you wear two different types of cloth, you can be hung or something). She says it's her job to point out everything wrong with the Bible. She jokingly tells me it's because she's "a hater." She's so silly. I don't know when I should be taking her seriously...
Danielle, blissfully ignores anything the bible really has to say. Those two are really liberal feminists, and I, too, realized there's a lot of degrading of women in the Old Testament of the Bible. But, I think they might have missed that the Bible later goes on to tell men to treat their wives, lovers, and daughters with respect, and never to raise a fist to them. I think people in the old days would have done well to read those parts. It also tells men how important women should be in their lives.
Danielle has an aunt who apparently was a real hippie in the sixties. She's really interested in politics and such. Her name is also Danielle. I believe she's Zen Buddhist. I would like to ask her a million questions. Seriously. I have a list of questions and they almost number 60. My only problem, once again, is my voice. Maybe I could just give her the list.
However, today, sitting here in my room, writing vigorously in this diary, I feel slightly excited and slightly curious. I know every once in a while I'm laughing and chirping.
I've gone back, and tried to read the first paragraph of this entry out loud to myself, but I can't get through it in less than a minute. I still stutter, and my voice is... just... It's very ugly. I don't like my voice. I don't... I think I sound like I'm dying.
...Well, that moment of extreme confidence was short lived. I promise you, Diary, and you... Alysa myself... I will speak some day... I will tell people everything on my mind, just give me time to grow up, and give me time to learn how to speak pleasantly.
Maybe the Bible is influencing my logic right now... Do you think... God, if he exists... loves my voice? Maybe I'm hoping for too much.
Alysa