Disclaimer: Elves, hobbits, all those names? My mind is not capable of creating all of them. So I borrow.
A/N: ARRRGHHHH!!!! There is something wrong with fanfiction.net. At least, I think so. It won't let me upload, and yesterday it was offline, and the day before that!!!!! I am getting frustrated. Just thought you should know why the update was delayed. Damn it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's it, I give up! I don't know when this will be uploaded!
A/N: Explanations, angst, confusion, pain….
Ecthelion brought Glorfindel inside the fort. He and Elrond had yet to discover why the seneschal was grieving.
At first, Elrond worried that something had happened to Erestor. But they had seen the adviser standing at the gaping hole, calling someone. They were too far away to hear the name.
Now, Ecthelion sat with Glorfindel in a corner. Around them, the injured were being treated. The Mirkwood prince had earlier come to inquire how Glorfindel was doing. Once assured, he had left. The elf prince was also unable to explain Glorfindel's state.
The seneschal had told them nothing yet. He was still in shock.
"Why are you alive?" Glorfindel whispered to the elf who sat with him. "I saw you die."
He tried to stop the tears, but they fell anyway as remembered pain came crashing. He had been mourning Ecthelion's death for years. Now his lover was alive. Thoughts of Haldir were, for a moment, gone.
"I didn't. When I fell, I thought I would die to, but I didn't. When I woke up, I was in a cabin of some sort. And I had no memory."
Glorfindel looked at Ecthelion as he spoke.
"No memory?"
Ecthelion nodded, then reached over and clasped Glorfindel's hands in his.
"I hit my head in my fall, and it must have taken away my memory. Thankfully, the hermit who found me took me in and let me stay until I was well enough. Then I took leave and tried to find myself. But I got caught up in so many things. I did not know who I was for over three thousand years. Can you believe that? I thought I'd never regain my memory. Nothing helped."
Ecthelion reached a hand to tuck a stray lock of golden hair behind Glorfindel's ear.
"Then, about fifty years ago, I began to have flashbacks. I don't know what triggered them. Slowly, I regained my memory. But not all of it. I remembered the most important though."
Smiling, he cupped Glorfindel's face.
"I remembered you."
Glorfindel listened and tried to discern the information.
/Ecthelion never died!/
"And then I found out about your death. Grief consumed me and I almost died. I had nothing else to live for. I spent years grieving, waiting for Mandos to claim me. But he didn't. Then a few years ago, someone told me you had been reborn. I have been searching for you ever since, wondering if I'd recognize you, if you remembered me…If you still loved me." Ecthelion smiled. "And now, I've found you."
Glorfindel's eyes misted once again.
"Ecthelion, so many things have happened. I thought you were dead. I mourned…grieved for so long…"
Ecthelion gathered the seneschal into his arms, comforting him.
"It's okay, now. I didn't die. And we are together again. That's the important thing. Everything is going to be all right. I am never leaving you again."
Glorfindel closed his eyes and leaned against Ecthelion.
He was still confused. Why was this happening? Glorfindel did not know whether to rejoice or mourn.
"I am sorry to interrupt. But I have to speak to you, Ecthelion." Elrond did not want to disturb the two. But there are a few things he would like to know, and explanations were needed. The Rivendell lord also had just finished speaking to Erestor, and he found out about Haldir. He did not know if his seneschal would be able to take in everything that was happening.
When Ecthelion had arrived in Rivendell, Elrond had been shocked. But there was no time for explanations. The elf warrior was looking for Glorfindel. Elrond had gone to call his seneschal when he found the note left by Erestor. He had reacted quickly. They left Imladris in a hurry. There had been no time for explanations.
Elrond wasn't even able to finish the note Erestor had left for them to find, informing the Peredhels of their departure.
"It's okay." Glorfindel let Ecthelion go with his lord. He needed to be alone for now. He needed to sort out everything that had happened.
So he sat there, and everything came back.
/Haldir./
He closed his eyes, but the tears escaped yet again.
/Valar, what are you doing? You took Haldir away and now you return Ecthelion to me?/
"Glorfindel?"
The seneschal opened his eyes.
"Erestor! I am so sorry. I forgot…" He was going to say that he forgot his friend.
"It's okay. I understand, Ecthelion being back." But he wanted to ask his friend why he forgot even Haldir. Did he really not love the March Warden at all? Erestor was so sure that his friend had feelings for the Lorien elf. But now, he was not sure of anything.
"Haldir is gone." Glorfindel said in a pained tone.
Erestor frowned. Gone? He had seen the March Warden just moments ago. The Lorien elf would not just leave like that…would he?
"Gone? Did he leave?" Erestor wondered.
"No." It was difficult to even say the words. "He is dead. I saw him die." Glorfindel hugged himself again, trying to stop the pain.
"What are you talking about?! He is not dead! He's alive."
Glorfindel's head snapped up.
"What?"
"He is alive. He is somewhere here." Erestor looked about the crowded room.
"But, I saw him fall."
Erestor frowned.
"Fall? Oh, that must have been when I pushed him down to get him away from the blasted orc blade. Then we had to fight our way up. When we managed to stand, I looked to where you were but you were already gone."
"He…he's alive? Where is he?" Glorfindel's mind was reeling. Haldir was alive!
Erestor craned his neck, trying to locate Haldir. "He was here a moment ago."
Glorfindel stood up and scrambled through the crowd.
"Where are you going?" Erestor called out.
"I have to find him!"
/Haldir is alive!/ He didn't know what he would do once he found the March Warden. He didn't even know what to say. Ecthelion's presence had complicated things. But right now, Glorfindel did not think of that. He had to find Haldir. He needed to see for himself that his lover…other lover…was alive.
The confused elf weaved through the crowd, asking everyone who passed if they had seen the March Warden. He needed to find him.
Glorfindel's mind was too shocked. Grief, confusion, pain, relief and a myriad of other emotions clogged his mind and he was left in a vulnerable state.
Ecthelion. Haldir.
He could only think of one at a time. He could not yet handle thinking of both. And right now, he needed to find Haldir. Find him and hold him in his arms.
Haldir sat on the wall where he had almost fallen. If it had not been for the Rivendell adviser, he would be dead by now.
/Might as well be./
He hadn't even known Erestor was in the war.
But the adviser was there, and he had saved him. He had tackled Haldir away from harm when the orc had tried to kill him from behind. Erestor came out of nowhere. And so did the arrow that finally killed the orc. Haldir assumed it was from one of the surviving elves. He had no time to think too much about it, although there had been something familiar about the arrow. But before he could think of that, Erestor was dragging him away, towards the keep.
They ran into a little trouble when the orcs blocked their path towards the main keep. So they had to find another shelter. Erestor found a small room hidden at the bottom of the keep, where they sought refuge. There, they had waited for what seemed like hours.
"He loves you, you know." Erestor had told him while they were sitting inside the small room, waiting for a signal from outside that the attack had resumed. Somehow, the Imladris elf had gotten him to talking about Glorfindel.
The revelation stunned him. He did not believe the adviser. He couldn't afford to, but his heart listened and took it in like a thirsty man finding water in the desert.
"Glorfindel is stubborn sometimes. And stupid, too. But he loves you."
Haldir denied it, telling the adviser he was mistaken. Erestor had to be.
"He loves you. We came here for you, Haldir. He risked his life in coming here, just to save you."
To that, the March Warden had no answer.
"He loves you."
Before Haldir could reply, they heard a horn being blown, and knew the others were riding out.
They got out as well, but encountered many orcs that once again stopped them from rejoining the group.
They fought the orcs that were inside the fort, while the larger group had gone outside.
Then they heard it, the thunder of hooves. At first, Haldir feared it was more orcs. But they were not. They were the Rohirrim, and Gandalf rode with them.
With renewed vigor, he and Erestor fought. Then the victory cry, and they had won.
He rushed to the large hole in the wall, eager to look outside, to find Glorfindel and kiss him. He had finally begun to let himself believe Erestor's words.
'He loves you.'
/Maybe he does love me after all. Erestor is his friend. He would know./
He had even smiled.
/He loves me./
Just as he finally let himself think that, finally allowed himself to believe, he saw it…saw them.
His heart froze, stopped beating. Then immense pain seized him as a cold fist seemed to close around his heart, squeezing painfully, and he almost doubled over. But he didn't. The color drained from his face as his eyes registered what was happening in front of him, a few meters away from where he was standing.
An elf was kissing Glorfindel, and the eldar was responding. They had looked…like they were where they belonged. Like two lovers who had been torn apart, but their love was strong enough to bring them back together.
Haldir didn't even know who the elf was, but it did not really matter. At first, he thought it was the eldar's new lover, one who had replaced him when Glorfindel left him. But he heard Erestor's whispered words.
"What the…Ecthelion?"
It confused him. He thought the other elf was dead.
But again, it didn't matter.
From the way Glorfindel responded to the kiss, the way the seneschal wound his arms around the other elf, left no doubt in Haldir's mind what the eldar felt for the elf.
Love.
The kind he had wanted Glorfindel to feel for him. The one he had thought the eldar felt for him just moments ago in the keep, when Erestor had told him so.
But it was not his. It was Ecthelion's.
He turned away from the sight that was breaking his heart and walked away. Erestor called out, but he paid no heed. He needed to get away.
/Stupid!/
/When will you ever learn?/
/He does not love you!/
/You are nothing to him!/
/And I hoped that he loved me?!/ Haldir let the tears fall. Finally, he faced the truth.
/Lust. That's all you ever had with him. Lust./
The only thing he had ever been to the eldar was someone who could meet his body's needs.
/He will never love you! Ever!/
And as he walked away, Haldir's hope, the tiny flame that had been burning all these years, the small fire that had continued to burn despite everything, finally died. He had kept the hope alive for so long. But now, it was gone.
/There was never any chance that he would love me. I was just being stupid. Stupid./
/Stupid…stupid…stupid…stupid…./
Over and over he berated himself.
He locked himself in the small room where he and Erestor had sought refuge earlier. He had stayed there and cried until no tears were left. Until the pain had stopped. Until he felt nothing. His heart had gone numb. He hurt too much to feel anything anymore.
He had lost all hope.
Death was the only thing left to him. If not by the war, then by his grief.
He heaved. He was so tired. Tired of hoping, of fighting.
He closed his eyes and succumbed to the call of sleep.
Haldir woke up from a nightmare where Glorfindel kept telling him that he would never love him. The eldar even made love to Ecthelion in front of him and he was forced to watch. They were laughing at him.
Normally, he would have woken up panting and in pain. But this time, he felt nothing. He was too numb, too weary.
Besides, he had already accepted the fact that the two elves belonged together. He never had a chance.
His hope had died. And with it, his heart, his ability to feel anything.
When he finally got out of the room, Haldir stayed away from everyone. He did not want to talk to anyone.
A healing area was set up in the main hall. Haldir helped, but he could not bear watching Glorfindel, still in the elf's arms. So he left.
And now, here he was, sitting against the wall where the archers had made their stand. Alone. Feeling nothing, yet hurting so much.
/Glorfindel./
/I love you so much it hurts./
/I wished you would find him. And you did. But it hurts so much./
/Maybe I should have died. It would have been easier./
/Why did you come here? Did you ever really…/
/No. No, you don't. You never loved me. It's just my foolish thinking that made me believe otherwise./
/I should have died in the battle. I should have./
/I love you! Why can't I stop loving you?/
/I don't want to love you anymore. It hurts./
/But I still do./
/And now, Ecthelion is here. And you are finally happy./
/Lost memory, huh?/ He had overheard talks about Ecthelion having lost his memory for over three thousand years.
/Then his memory returned. And you have returned to him./
/Maybe I should be the one who should lose my memory now./
/Then I can forget the pain../
/Because I would rather forget that than live through this./
/You are back in his arms, melamin./
/And I will never know what it's like to feel your love./
Lost in his own grief, he did not hear the elf coming towards him from behind.
"I missed you, Haldir."
Haldir looked at the elf who spoke to him.
Rhyden.
What was the elf doing here?
"Surprised, March Warden?" The other elf sneered. "I came with Lord Elrond, you see. When they had discovered what the seneschal and the adviser had done, Lord Elrond was determined to come. Then, of course, there was Ecthelion. He came looking for your lover."
Pain flashed in the March Warden's eyes, but anger lingered.
Rhyden smiled. "Yes, Ecthelion came looking, and Lord Elrond went to their room, and they were gone. Had about eight hours head start. They traveled fast. We thought we'd lost them. But we are here now. And Glorfindel is with Ecthelion. Hear that? Your lover is with another."
"Leave me alone." Haldir got up and made to leave. He would not take this from the bastard.
Rhyden blocked his path.
"I don't think so, Haldir. We have unfinished business. Don't you remember?"
Haldir had not seen the infuriating elf for forty-nine years. The other elf had not dared to cross his path again ever since Glorfindel warned him to stay away. Now here he was, and nothing has changed.
"I do not want anything to do with you. Step aside, Rhyden." Haldir clenched his fists.
"Come now, Haldir. Everyone knows Glorfindel has left you. He is inside right now, with Ecthelion."
Haldir gritted his teeth. Despite his efforts, pain still stabbed him at the other elf's words.
"That's his lover from his past life. And they are still so in love. You should see them together. Why do you still pine after him, Haldir? He does not want you anymore. I can give you what he couldn't."
/He never wanted me…not the way he wanted Ecthelion./
Haldir could have laughed.
"I don't think so."
He moved to get as far away from the elf as he could. But Rhyden was not about to let Haldir get away again.
Everyone was busy inside, save for a few humans standing guard. Rhyden looked at them and knew they would not interfere with elven business. They were a little too far anyway.
Rhyden had waited a long time for this. He wanted the March Warden so badly, but could not have him since the damned elf belonged to the seneschal. But now that Glorfindel's lover is back, the one in the legends, then the March Warden is available. He waited for the perfect opportunity, and this was it. Everyone was either busy or injured. No one would interfere.
And after he did what he came here to do, he would leave. They would be too busy to come after him.
Haldir was about to pass when the other elf suddenly grabbed him and put a knife against his neck.
"You are not getting away again, March Warden."
"What are you doing?" Haldir could not struggle, not with the blade where it was.
"Taking what I want."
Rhyden dragged Haldir to a darkened corner of the keep, away from everyone's view, keeping the knife against the other elf's neck to make sure Haldir would not try anything.
"No tricks, March Warden. I will kill you if necessary. I can still take you while you bleed. But I'd rather take you while you are alive."
He pushed the March Warden against the wall, the blade holding the other captive. Rhyden hungrily touched Haldir.
Haldir stiffened, but the other elf paid no heed.
"I have waited years for this." Rhyden whispered in his ear as he licked it. Haldir closed his eyes in disgust. He was not going to let this elf touch him that way.
But did it matter? Rhyden was right. Glorfindel no longer wanted him.
/But I do not want Rhyden!/ Haldir would rather sleep with an orc, and that was saying much.
"You feel so good." Rhyden said as he pushed his body against Haldir. Growing impatient, he put his hands inside the March Warden's breeches and wrapped his fingers around Haldir's cock. The March Warden flinched and would have pushed the other elf away if Rhyden had not pressed the knife deeper on his neck. Haldir looked at him with blazing anger.
"So good." Rhyden breathed. He fondled the blond elf, oblivious to what was happening around them.
Glorfindel looked everywhere. He could not find Haldir. He was not where Legolas told the eldar he was. Glorfindel was about ready to give up when he saw them. Haldir was pinned to the wall in a far corner of the wall, a dark-haired elf pressed against him. There was no doubt what they were doing. Glorfindel felt jealousy course through him like wildfire. He made his way towards the two elves. Then he stopped.
Haldir had found someone else. Of course!
He had no right to stop the March Warden. He did not own him.
Perhaps it would be easier this way. Maybe the Valar had already made a choice for him.
/Haldir. Ecthelion./
But he wanted to hold Haldir in his arms, even just to say goodbye. Properly, this time.
Yet it hurt. He did not know what to do. He did not know anything anymore.
Glorfindel looked at the two elves again, intending to walk away. He could say goodbye later. Maybe. But anger still burned within, seeing the March Warden with another.
He saw the elf slide down until he was kneeling in front of Haldir, the elf's head now at the same level as Haldir's groin area.
Glorfindel tensed.
/His mine!/ The thought ran through his mind. He flet anger building and moved to turn away. He could not bear to see Haldir taking pleasure with someone else.
Suddenly, a flash of metal caught the eldar's eyes. A blade?
He walked closer, as quietly as he could, even for elves. When he was near enough, he realized that a knife was pressed against the March Warden's throat. Haldir was being forced!
Blind rage consumed him. He ran to where the two elves stood hidden in the shadows and he grabbed the dark-haired elf, pulling him away from his lover.
Rhyden was taken by surprise when strong hands pulled him away from Haldir. Before he could even identify who disturbed them, a fist hit his face and he was thrown back. His jaw throbbed where the fist connected. Another blow came, and another. Then he was being hauled to his feet, only to be beaten down again.
"You filthy bastard! How dare you!?"
The knife flew out of his hands as he was slammed against the wall. The force knocked his breath out. Another hit in the face. Then he was punched in the stomach. He doubled over. Hands grabbed him and pulled him upright, then he was on the ground again. Blood poured from a cut in his lip, and his eyebrows. His vision blurred, and he could hardly stand up.
Glorfindel's mind shut down and rage took over. He hit Rhyden over and over again, curses pouring out of his mouth. Vaguely, he heard Haldir asking him to stop, but he couldn't. This elf, this poor excuse of an elf violated his lover, Haldir, the elf that he loved more than anything! He was not going to let that pass. He slammed Rhyden against the wall, and hit him, over and over, until hands pulled him away.
After fixing himself, the March Warden realized that Glorfindel was not going to stop until Rhyden stopped breathing. Haldir grabbed his lover, trying to stop the eldar from killing the Rivendell elf.
"Stop it!" He cried. He did not care for Rhyden, but his lover could get hurt. Rhyden was not worth it. He pulled Glorfindel back. They stumbled and fell backwards. They were sprawled on the ground, Haldir behind Glorfindel, one arm wrapped around the eldar's chest, the other on Glorfindel's waist.
"That's enough. It's enough." He whispered.
Aragorn, Legolas, Erestor, Elrond and Ecthelion ran towards them.
"What happened?" demanded Aragorn, Anduril in hand.
"That…elf attacked Haldir!" Glorfindel spat out.
"I am fine." Haldir said as worried looks came his way.
Rhyden was taken away, unconscious and in serious need of medical attention.
Ecthelion helped the two elves stand up. An awkward silence descended upon them.
When he had stood up, Haldir still had one arm around Glorfindel's waist, while Ecthelion had the seneschal's hand in his as he pulled the eldar up. Obviously, the other elf did not know of Haldir.
"Are you alright?" Ecthelion placed a palm on Glorfindel's cheek, oblivious to the other's stares, or of Haldir standing behind the eldar, still holding the seneschal by the waist.
"Fine." Glorfindel whispered. Then reality hit him and he realized where he was.
He was between the two people he loved the most. Two whom he had thought dead. And both were holding him close.
He looked at Ecthelion, not sure how to tell him about Haldir. He was about to say something when he felt the March Warden's hands slip away from his waist.
Haldir felt awkward. He hurt again, but he knew he was the intruder here. Glorfindel and Ecthelion were in love. Him? He should not be there. But he realized this was probably the last time he would ever get to hold Glorfindel again, and he prolonged the experience. He could not let go, but knew he had to. When Ecthelion came closer and placed a hand on Glorfindel's face, Haldir knew he had to let go.
/I love you, Glorfindel./
Haldir moved to release his hold on Glorfindel's waist.
/Goodbye./
Haldir closed his eyes and bestowed a soft kiss upon Glorfindel's hair. It had been soft, and the eldar probably did not feel it. Ecthelion did not see what Haldir had done, as the March Warden had intended. The Lorien elf knew he had taken a stupid risk, but he could not help it.
/I just wanted to kiss him one last time. You are going to be kissing him forever./
Haldir would have liked to kiss the eldar properly before he left, but he had no right. Glorfindel belonged to Ecthelion. Always did.
Reluctantly, he released the eldar and stepped back.
"Thank you for your assistance, my lord. I am extremely grateful. Should there be anything you'd ever need, I would gladly be of assistance, to pay for what you had done for me. Thank you, my lord. If you will excuse me, I…I have duties to attend to." He said in a flat tone. Then, facing the other elves, he excused himself and turned to leave.
Glorfindel stiffened at the March Warden's formal voice.
/My lord./ Haldir had called him 'my lord'. He didn't want Haldir calling him that. It was wrong. Very wrong.
Ecthelion felt the tension in his lover's body as he was still standing close. He didn't know what was going on, but he knew that Glorfindel seemed upset by the other elf's formal expression of gratitude. But he did not say anything.
Glorfindel turned to Haldir, who was walking away from then, back rigid.
"Haldir," He softly called out. His voice slightly trembled.
/Everything is going wrong. Please, I am confused. I thought you were dead./
/I thought you were both dead!/
/Please understand. I am confused!! Please…/
Haldir paused for the barest of moments, but then continued walking, as if he did not hear anything. Glorfindel was with Ecthelion now. The March Warden had no place there anymore. He did not need the eldar to tell him that. He already knew.
Blinded by tears, Haldir stumbled away from the wall. He didn't think he had any tears left, but more came once again.
/Damn it! This has got to stop./
Glorfindel watched Haldir walk away.
/I am sorry. I do not know what to do./
/I don't know what's going on. I am confused as well. I love you, Haldir. But…/
"Glorfindel?" Ecthelion hesitantly asked, seeing the lost look on the blond elf's face.
/But Ecthelion…/
"Are you alright?" Ecthelion caressed Glorfindel's face, stepping closer.
Glorfindel closed his eyes.
"I…I..am fine." Glorifndel sighed, fighting tears. Everything was going wrong.
The King of men, prince of Mirwood, the Lord of Imladris and his adviser watched the events unfold.
Erestor looked at his friend and knew that the eldar must be terribly confused right now. Then at Haldir, whose heart was breaking even further. And Ecthelion, Erestor had no idea how the elf was going to take all this once the other elf found out everything.
Everything was going wrong.
TBC
A/N: Hmmm, I think I explained everything. Anything I missed? Pls. Review.
THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS. LOVE YOU ALL.