Disclaimer. Tolkien characters.

Warning: SLASH.

A/N: Oh well. Just read.

Haldir ate the food Glorfindel brought him in silence. No words were exchanged. Glorfindel wanted to say something, tried to, but Haldir would only shrug it away. In the end, the eldar settled for watching Haldir.

After the meal, Haldir had felt tired, so Glorfindel urged him to sleep. As the younger elf's breathing became deep and regular, Glorfindel gathered the tray and the leftover food and left the talan.

Glorfindel found Lord Celeborn, Elrond and Erestor in the kitchens eating. He placed the tray on a table.

"How is Haldir?" Celeborn asked quietly.

"He is sleeping."

Celeborn nodded and continued to eat.

The Lord of the Golden Woods had allowed Glorfindel to take care of Haldir. He knew that that was what Haldir needed. He had visited the March Warden earlier and was satisfied to find the other elf was resting.

Celeborn felt guilty that he did not see what was happening to Haldir. But there were only a few elves in the Golden Woods now. With rogue orcs running around, Celeborn had become busier. It was also for that reason that Orophin and Rumil were absent during Haldir's confrontation with Rhyden, and why they were also unable to realize that Haldir's health was failing. They were always on patrol. In fact, right now, Haldir's brothers were once again patrolling, together with the twins and Ecthelion. And the few hours they have for free, they spent resting, too tired to really realize anything. And the Golden Woods was wide, more so now that only a few of them occupy the place. Sometimes, weeks would pass without them seeing each other.

"Are you not going to eat, Glorfindel?" Erestor asked the eldar who was on his way back to the talan.

"Later. I want to sit with Haldir. He might need something."

"Then bring some food. I don't know why you didn't eat with him."

Glorfindel looked at the floor.

"I am not really that hungry." He said then went out the door.

The three elves looked at each other. Then Erestor stood up and followed his friend.

"Glorfindel, wait."

The seneschal paused at the foot of Haldir's talan.

"What's wrong?" Erestor asked. He knew there was something wrong with his friend, even though Glorfindel was trying to hide it.

Glorfindel hesitated for a moment.

"It's Haldir."

"I thought he was okay? Lord Elrond checked."

Glorfindel shook his head.

"I know. It was just something he said. When we arrived, he was…delirious. And he…he told me…" For some reason, tears welled up and he couldn't say the words.

Erestor placed a hand on Glorfindel's shoulder, and the eldar shook himself.

"He said he was dying. Said the Valar told him." He slowly exhaled after saying the words. Fear lingered in his heart.

Erestor looked shocked at first, but was able to recover quickly.

"The Valar?"

"Yes. He said they told him. He was telling Ecthelion, asking if…if he could just have the few days with me. Of course he thought he was dreaming." Glorfindel once again felt pain as he remembered Haldir's plea. It clawed at his heart.

/How could I have hurt you so badly, Haldir?/

Glorfindel looked at Erestor.

"Maybe it was just a dream. The Valar would not…I mean…No. He can't be dying. He just can't be. I won't let him."

"It must…could be just a…a…dream." The adviser whispered, but he sounded like he didn't believe a word of it.

"I know. I guess I am overreact…Erestor?" Glorfindel watched his friend's dazed eyes. "Erestor, what's wrong?"

"I.." Erestor closed his eyes and breathed deeply. "I…I don't know if it's the same…But it, it must be a dream."

Erestor was not sure he should tell the eldar. It might be an entirely different matter all together. But what if it was the same? It is very likely. Haldir was in deep pain.

"What's the same? Erestor, what do you know?"

"Let's sit down first." Erestor suggested. He needed to warn his friend at least. He could not risk losing the March Warden.

Glorfindel pulled him down to sit on the forest floor. Erestor sighed and allowed himself to be pulled down.

"What is it?"

"Look. I don't know if…it's the same. I could be wrong. Maybe it is something entirely different. It could really be just a dream with Haldir."

"Erestor? Please, start making sense."

"I once had dreams that the Valar visited me. Only they weren't dreams. They were real."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I really was dying."

"What? When? Are you…?"

"No. I am not. I…was. But not now."

"When? What happened?"

Erestor looked away. For a moment, he was tempted not to answer. But then Glorfindel would not leave it alone and may tell the others."

"You know I've…had feelings for Elrond….for a long time."

"You are in love with him." Glorfindel clarified. Erestor blushed. He did not feel comfortable when his feelings for Elrond were said aloud.

"Er…yes. Even before you came to Rivendell…"

"I know that."

"Glorfindel, stop interrupting."

"Sorry." The eldar mumbled.

"I have been in love with him even before he met Celebrian. I had hopes that maybe he'd develop the same feelings for me. For years, I waited, dropped hints, came extremely close to telling him, but fear kept me back." Erestor closed his eyes. "Actually, I did tell him." He drew a shaky breath and Glorfindel placed his hand on his friend's.

Erestor smiled and continued.

"He had just gotten back from Lothlorien after months of being away. I had missed him. Something was different, but I couldn't tell why then. He just seemed…happier for some reason. The Rivendell elves threw him a welcome party. He got drunk. He had indulged the other elves in a drinking game and he…lost, I guess you could say. He couldn't even stand on his own. So, as always, I brought him to his room. As I was laying him down…he wouldn't let go. I laughed it off. Then he pulled me down on the bed with him."

Erestor laughed, but it sounded hollow.

"It was a kiss that went out of hand. He was drunk, and I had some wine too, and I have…I was too weak to resist. I deluded myself into thinking he was in love with me and now he was finally showing it and, well, all that. We made love…no. We engaged in intercourse, but it was not really making love." He waved his hand in the air.

"It was the happiest moment of my life. I know I was smiling when I fell asleep. That night, more than once, I told him I loved him. The next morning, I woke up first, and went down to get him breakfast. I…I guess I took too long or something. When I returned, he was already awake. He smiled at me, I smiled back. He thanked me for breakfast, said I shouldn't have bothered. I said I wanted to. At first I didn't get it. When he turned to sit down, I almost kissed him. Almost."

Erestor's voice shook slightly.

"But then he spoke. And I am forever grateful that I didn't kiss him, or that he didn't see me almost do it. You see, he…told me he had a dream. I smiled, wanted to tell him it wasn't a dream."

Erestor's mind once again replayed the events of that day, so long ago, but forever engraved in his mind.

*"Erestor, I had the most wonderful dream."

"Oh?" Erestor smiled.

"You wonder why I've…changed. That's because I am happy. I think…I am in love."

Erestor's heart soared.

"And last night, I dreamed I was with her."

It took a moment for Elrond's words to sink in. Her. Erestor's happiness shattered and for a moment he could not see anything. The room spun and he almost fell. But he didn't. He stood there and pretended that nothing happened. Inside, his heart broke into a million pieces. But his face showed none of it.

Elrond continued to talk, but Erestor was no longer listening. Elrond was too distracted to notice that Erestor had become very still, and all color had gone from his adviser's face.*

Erestor shook his head and came back.

"Erestor. I am…I don't know what to say." Glorfindel couldn't believe what he had just learned. Erestor had never told him this before.

Erestor only shrugged.

"There's nothing to say. Look, don't say anything to anyone. I will kill you. Elrond doesn't remember. Until now. And I don't ever want him to know. I only told you because I need you to understand how…grave the situation could be. After it happened, I lived in a world of pain. I was able to mask it perfectly, but at night, when I was alone, I couldn't pretend. When Elrond married Celebrian, I couldn't handle it. Finally, I wasn't strong enough to fight it anymore. I collapsed, or at least that's what Lindir told me. He found me unconscious in my room. He wanted to call Elrond, but I wouldn't let him. A few weeks after that, I began having dreams. I dreamed I was in Mandos' Halls. I talked to Manwe, Vairye, a lot of them. I knew then that I was dying. Then Manwe confirmed it. Told me I was dying. And I was. He even told me how long I had to live. They were never dreams."

Glorfindel remembered Haldir's words. 'A few days…'

/No./

"And the day came, and I died. I stayed in my room, locked the door, and I waited. It came, and I welcomed it."

Glorfindel's brow furrowed.

"I didn't want anyone's help. I didn't want to be saved. All I wanted was to die. That was all. So I never told anyone. Glorfindel, Haldir may be feeling the same, that could be why he is hiding his condition, even from his brothers. That he told you could have only been an accident. You said yourself he thought it was nothing but a dream. Elrond could not detect it because it could not be detected."

Erestor sighed. "It was so easy. All I had to do was let go. Be happy for him, or accept that he couldn't love me. You see, an elf dies of a broken heart because he has lost all hope and his heart turns cold. My heart did. I could feel it. But…"

The adviser looked up at the sky. "But I couldn't let go completely. Obviously, I am still alive. For some reason, I wouldn't let go of something. I just…Suddenly, I didn't want to die. I can't explain it yet. But the point is, I had the will to live. Nobody even knew that I had died. I came back the same day. I don't know what happened. Whatever it was, the Valar had not allowed me to remember."

Erestor looked at Glorfindel.

"I do not know what happened in Mandos. But I was given a reason to live. By the Valar. But I know you can save Haldir. Give him a reason to live, Glorfindel. Or you will lose him. Don't let him shut you out."

"You mean…"

"Yes, Glorfindel. He is dying. The Valar does not visit just anyone. Seeing you kiss Ecthelion twice, thinking you have chosen Ecthelion, not knowing you love him, thinking that you never did…Honestly, I don't know how he was able to survive this long thinking you do not love him."

Glorfindel did not hear anything past Haldir dying.

"He is strong. But even the strong fall."

"No." The eldar whispered.

Glorfindel felt fear surge through him and he bolted up the stairs. Halfway, he paused and looked back. Erestor only smiled and waved, indicating him to go ahead.

"Will you be alright? I.."

"What happened to me happened a very long time ago, Glorfindel. There is nothing that could be done about it. I am fine. Go to Haldir and do not lose him."

"Thank you." Glorfindel nodded and continued on his way.

Erestor watched Glorfindel disappear into the talan.

"I hope you get to him in time, Glorfindel. Otherwise, all may be lost. I may have returned, but I have never been the same."

Erestor glanced at the sky again.

"Dying can change you. Make you believe things, or stop you from believing."

The adviser placed a palm over his heart.

"The heart grows cold. And when you pass the final stage, it will never warm again." Erestor continued to whisper into the wind.

"I still feel my love for Elrond, Glorfindel. But it's different."

Erestor returned his gaze to where Glorfindel had entered the talan.

"Where once being in love filled you with hope, you become hopeless. You can feel the pain, but never the luxury of happiness."

Indeed, for all the years that Erestor had grown closer to Elrond, for some reason he could not be happy, even when he was with the other elf. When normally, an elf in love would feel  great happiness in the smallest of things with someone he loves, Erestor could not. He could only feel the pain.

"Why did you send me back to this fate, Valar?" For the past thousands of years, Erestor had been asking that question. But he was never answered.

Erestor sighed. They would never answer, of course.

"Please, do not do this to Haldir. He is…he does not deserve this."

Glorfindel entered the room quietly. He carefully sat beside Haldir on the bed. Haldir was sleeping peacefully.

"I love you, Haldir." He whispered as he reached up to caress Haldir's face. The March Warden sighed and snuggled closer to the eldar.

"Please don't die. I..I won't let you." He continued.

"I am sorry for the pain I've caused you. I know this is because of me. And I am sorry, Haldir. So sorry. I am sorry I waited this long. I am sorry it TOOK me this long. I am sorry for hurting you. I never meant to. I swear. I…" Tears clogged his throat.

/I won't take any longer. I promise. We will talk, as soon as you wake up. I only hope I am not too late. I can't be./

He bestowed a gentle kiss on Haldir's lips.

/If I am, then I will follow you to Mandos' Halls./

Glorfindel suddenly needed to hear the beat of Haldir's heart. Maybe then, his fear would ease, assure him he still had a chance.

He leaned forward, careful not to press too hard, and placed his ear against the younger elf's chest. He closed his eyes and listened, the rhythm sending a calmness to the eldar's own heart.

The March Warden moved and Haldir's arms were suddenly around him. Glorfindel was startled, but welcomed them. Moving carefully, he repositioned until he was lying on the bed, Haldir's head on his shoulder, and their bodies pressed close together,

"I love you." He whispered once more, and held Haldir in his arms.

Haldir, responding to the familiar warmth, burrowed closer, hugging Glorfindel back.

"..findel.." The March Warden mumbled, pressing even closer, if possible.

After a while, Glorfindel fell asleep.

Haldir looked around him. He was still in Mandos, as he was a few minutes ago. But now, it was no longer cold.

"Vairye?" He called out, knowing that only the goddess could make the cold go away. But she was not there.

"Okay, what is going on now?" He muttered under is breath. He never knew what to expect everytime he came here, especially since he didn't fully remember the events of his…visits.

He was surrounded by the fog again, and he still wore the same robe as the last time. He walked around for a while, but all he could see was the white blanket covering everything. Finally, he stopped, and waited.

"Haldir."

He turned to see Vairye, smiling at him.

"I see you have warmed up. That is good."

Haldir frowned.

"I didn't do this. I thought you did."

Vairye laughed softly.

"No, Haldir. This is you. Your heart. It feels warm."

The March Warden doubted it. Although now that he thought about it, he did feel better. More…comfortable. At peace.

"I don't know why. Nothing has changed."

"Really, Haldir? Are you sure?" Vairye's eyes twinkled. Haldir knew she knew something. But of course. She was, after all, a goddess.

She touched his cheek. "Maybe you should wake up."

Before he could respond, the ground beneath him disappeared and he plunged downward.

Haldir opened his eyes slowly. Then he was awake enough to realize someone was holding him, in bed with him, and there was no mistaking who it was.

Glorfindel.

/Why…Oh no. Don't tell me I pulled him down with me./

He did not want to leave Glorfindel's arms, but he was afraid of what would happen if the eldar suddenly woke up. He didn't think he could bear Glorfindel's rejection, much worse, his understanding.

/Your kindness will be more painful than a rejection. I can't bear for you to look at me with sympathy, Glorfindel./

Carefully, he tried to disentangle himself. It was not easy. They were holding each other very closely. Then there was also the wound on his chest that was making it difficult for him to move.

As he made to push away from the eldar, the arms around him tightened, holding him in lace. Haldir let out a grunt as the action brought him closer, and pressure was put on his chest.

Glorfindel was awakened by the sound of pain Haldir made. He was suddenly looking into the eyes of the March Warden who froze when Glorfindel stirred awake.

They stared at each other, lovers lost in each other's eyes.

Finally, Glorfindel spoke.

"Where are you going?"

Haldir blushed and did not know what to say. Glorfindel was too close, and the eldar was looking at him like…like…

/No!/

The younger elf swallowed and tried to move away, but Glorfindel wouldn't let him.

Now Haldir was really in trouble, because the movements brought him closer, pressed him closer. Chest to chest, legs entwined, arousal to hip.

Haldir suddenly stopped resisting, stiffening. There was no way that Glorfindel could not know of Haldir's response to their closeness.

"I..I am sorry." Haldir stammered.

"Why?"

Haldir did not know how to answer that. He did not know what the eldar was asking him.

/Why? We are…/

"We are no longer lovers. I shouldn't…I…"

Glorfindel leaned forward, pushing until Haldir was flat on his back on the bed. Then he leaned forward and kissed Haldir softly. It was a gentle kiss, not sexual. He gently brushed their lips together. He let their lips continue to touch as his tongue snaked out to trace Haldir's top lip, then the lower, then he slipped between them. Haldir moaned and parted his mouth, allowing Glorfindel to enter. His arms wound around the eldar's neck.

But Glorfindel kept their contact minimum. He concentrated on the kiss, and didn't do anything else.

Haldir's mind went into chaos. All he could feel was Glorfindel. The world disappeared, and so did his pain. He forgot where they were, what they were not any longer.

Glorfindel continued to explore Haldir's mouth. He ran his tongue inside the roof of the moist cavern, pushed and danced with Haldir's tongue, and tried to get even closer to the March Warden.

Finally, Glorfindel drew back. Haldir protested and tried to pull Glorfindel back. The eldar only smiled and place a hand on Haldir's cheek.

"Haldir, we need to talk first." He whispered.

Glorfindel's words brought Haldir back to reality. His face flushed and he shrank back.

/What was I thinking?/

"I..I am sorry. I didn't mean to.." Haldir tried to move away, but Glorfindel wouldn't let him. "I know you didn't…mean anything…by it. I..

"Haldir, I kissed you. I definitely meant something by it."

Haldir fell silent. Puzzlement, fear, and a ray of hope shone in his eyes. Glorfindel swallowed the lump that formed in his throat.

"I love you, Haldir."

TBC

A/N: Tell me what you did not like. I'd rather know. Need a poll. Do you wanna know what happens to erestor here? The original plan was to have it as a one shot separate story. You know, I'll just mention that this happened to him and the explanation would be in another story, or do you want me to just integrate it all here? That's all.

A/N: What happened to erestor was actually based on an event that two friends of mine experienced. Until now, the other still cannot remember that something had happened that night, and the other one is not talking (neither is the rest of the group.). I had wanted to say something but it was years ago. You know why it's unforgettable aside from the obvious? It coincided with the Sept 11 attack. It was the very night after the attack. We had decided to skip classes and well, things happened. Moral: Let's not get too drunk.

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