Title: HarryHarry
Author: Kewen (k_kewen@hotmail.com)
Rating: um... PG-13?
Summary: You really don't want to know. Really.
Warnings: Ha ha ha ha ha!
:::Author notes:::
In my defence, this was written as part of the "Random Harry Potter pairing generator fanfic challenge" made by the evil ahriman_lives (on livejournal.com, not fanfiction.net). In which you take a pack of Harry potter themed playing cards, place them face down on a flat surface and pick up two of them. You will then write a fanfic about those characters. Well, at least I didn't get Sorting hat/Hermione *cough*Stevie*cough*
It also makes no sense.
This is only going on my account because I only have one other fic up at the moment, and it's getting lonely :P
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It had all began a while ago. A while ago being, for Harry, about three months. He had thought about girls, for a while. Ron was obsessed with a certain girl, Harry didn't know who, and somehow he had been roped into a conversation about them. He didn't like girls, not in that way. He never had. And he didn't like boys either. At least, not other boys.
It was then that Harry realised how attractive he was, and there was no-one he would ever love more than, well, himself.
He began looking at himself for hours on end, taking up the bathroom and staring wistfully at his reflection until Seamus nearly knocked the door down.
But that was only one time, and now Harry kept a mirror with him at all times, so he could see his love staring back at him.
Ron had caught him kissing his own reflection in the dormitory one time, when he thought everyone had gone to bed.
Harry had pretended he was asleep, and muttered Cho's name as he snogged the glass, trying to convince Ron that he was having a good dream. Why did everyone think he fancied Cho? Maybe it was all those times he had asked her out.
Halfway through last year he had stumbled across the mirror of Erised. It was as mysterious as it had always been, and he peered into it's glassy surface, hoping to catch one last glimpse of his relatives all together before it would surely be moved again.
But to his utter surprise and confusion, it had shown not his lost family, but himself... and another of himself. And they were doing things. Intimate things. Things he really wanted to do with himself.
It broke his heart that he would never be able to do that. He was in love with himself, and there was no-one else like him. He was unique, he was himself, he was one hundred percent Harry Potter, and he loved it.
He wasn't particularly good looking, and he wasn't all that clever. But he did have his good qualities, and he had friends, friends who he hoped would support him when the time came to tell them that he would never have a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend. Or anyone, for that matter. For there was no- one quite like himself, and no-one but his own body and his own hands could fill that empty spot within him.
And he would just have to accept that there was nothing that could be done about it. He would never have himself completely, body and soul. There was just no way...
Harry sat upright on the bed where he had been sitting for the last few hours trying to work things out. He gasped and sat up so quickly that he nearly hit his head on the headboard and went sprawling onto the floor.
Hermione!
Hermione's schedule had become ever more hectic at the beginning of the sixth year, and professor McGonagal had made the wise decision to bring back the time-turner. Or not so wise.
Harry rubbed his hands together gleefully, and plotted.
It would come true, he would fulfil hid dream, and he would do it that night. That very night.
But where?
He threw his invisibility cloak around his shoulders, and set off to find the perfect place to lose his virginity to himself.
He found lots of places that would suit his needs. That is, a warm and undisturbed place, where he could scream in raw ecstasy and no-one would be able to hear him.
It took a while, but three dungeons, a broom cupboard and the shrieking shack later, he found it hard to believe that he hadn't thought of it sooner.
The disused charms classroom on the seventh floor was no longer used because half the classroom was missing, having been blown to smithereens in an unsupervised wizard duel that went very badly wrong.
There was so much going on at the moment that Dumbledore hadn't bothered to get permission from the ministry and all the other useless things that came with repairing and building extensions with the use of magic.
This suited Harry perfectly.
He went back to his room and sat on his bed reading and making attempts at the divination assessment due in the next day, but was hardly surprised when his mind kept wandering over to other things.
Oh, the things he could do to himself. Would do to himself, he shivered at the thought, but tried to concentrate on his homework, until Ron got back. With Hermione. It didn't take a genius to work out what they were really doing on their so called 'prefect duties', and Harry really was quite happy for them.
He had it all worked out. How he would get the time turner, and how he would make his escape. It would work perfectly.
He pulled on the invisibility cloak and crept down the dormitory stairs, waiting at the bottom for his two friends to come in.
They weren't long, and he soon heard the sound of hushed whispers (Hermione's) and high pitched giggles (most undoubtedly Ron's)
Upon realising they were alone, and it was late and there was very little chance of anyone seeing them, Ron pounced on Hermione, throwing them both forward onto one of the oversized armchairs. Ron kissed Hermione thoroughly, and Hermione didn't seem to mind one bit.
It was when Ron began to touch her, that Harry moved in.
Ron's hands were going pretty much everywhere, so Hermione shouldn't notice if another, slightly more see-through, pair of hands slipped around her neck and gently tugged off the chain sporting the miniature hourglass.
He was right, and Hermione's only response was "Oh, Ron! Don't stop, it feels so gooooood!!!" and Ron proceeded to hump her leg, assuming naturally that she was directing the comment at him.
Harry was out of the room in a flash, neither Ron nor Hermione noticing the portrait hole opening.
Harry sprinted along the corridor, but was extra careful not to crash into anything. If he was caught, it would spoil all of his plans, and he didn't think he could live with himself if that happened.
He reached the classroom, went inside and locked it securely. It would take more than an "alohomorah" to open that lock.
He spread his blanket on the floor, along with other items he was likely to need, and sat down to wait.
The classroom wasn't that bad. A good corner of the room was missing, and a gently breeze was blowing through a large gap in the wall, but the night was warm and the stars were out. If he positioned the blanket a little to the left he could see the sky, and the infinite number of stars, all twinkling down at him encouragingly.
Or at least, he thought they looked encouraging. Some of them looked really angry, come to think of it. "Hey!" though Harry aloud to himself, "all that divination paid off! I can understand stars!" He pondered over the emotions of a blinking read one, before realising it was an aeroplane and saying bugger, loudly and clearly.
He waited on.
How long would he need? He thought he's wait two hours and then turn back. He would walk through that very door, and he would kiss and embrace himself like he never could before.
It seemed the two hours couldn't come fast enough, and it really wasn't fair.
Finally, after two and a little bit hours, he got up, took a deep breath and drew the time turner from his robes. He was nervous and exited. How many people could say they had done what he was about to? He barely had time to register that what he was about to do was illegal in more ways than one, then he turned the miniature hourglass and he felt the familiar sensation of being dragged back through time.
He appeared next to himself and after Harry number one had gotten over the first shock of seeing him, He grinned at him. He grinned back at himself and barely a second had passed before they were in each other's arms, kissing like there was no tomorrow.
Well, there wasn't. It would be a while before Harry could get hold of the time-turner again, and he really didn't want to go through the process of actually managing to get it off of Hermione first.
He slowly broke off the kiss and sat back to just look at himself. He was gorgeous, with his hair slightly mused, and his breath coming out is small gasps as Harry ran a thumb gently over his own flawless features and stared into his own eyes.
His own, beautiful eyes.
He knew he could stare at himself all day, as he had done once before, but the other Harry had other things on his mind.
Pushing Harry number two back onto the blanket, they resumed kissing, their pace quickening and their hearts beating ever faster.
Oh the things I could do with this time-turner, Harry thought to himself as he felt the front of his robe pulled open and the buttons ping across the room and a good many of them fly through the hole in the wall.
What's to stop me from having threesomes... with myself?
From the look in his eye, he could tell that Harry number one was thinking the exact same thing. But that's a story for another day. Or how about never?
~~Kewen
:::A/N::: This is so very wrong. So very sick, and twisted and WRONG. ... But I like wrong! Wrongness is fun fun fun!!!
Author: Kewen (k_kewen@hotmail.com)
Rating: um... PG-13?
Summary: You really don't want to know. Really.
Warnings: Ha ha ha ha ha!
:::Author notes:::
In my defence, this was written as part of the "Random Harry Potter pairing generator fanfic challenge" made by the evil ahriman_lives (on livejournal.com, not fanfiction.net). In which you take a pack of Harry potter themed playing cards, place them face down on a flat surface and pick up two of them. You will then write a fanfic about those characters. Well, at least I didn't get Sorting hat/Hermione *cough*Stevie*cough*
It also makes no sense.
This is only going on my account because I only have one other fic up at the moment, and it's getting lonely :P
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It had all began a while ago. A while ago being, for Harry, about three months. He had thought about girls, for a while. Ron was obsessed with a certain girl, Harry didn't know who, and somehow he had been roped into a conversation about them. He didn't like girls, not in that way. He never had. And he didn't like boys either. At least, not other boys.
It was then that Harry realised how attractive he was, and there was no-one he would ever love more than, well, himself.
He began looking at himself for hours on end, taking up the bathroom and staring wistfully at his reflection until Seamus nearly knocked the door down.
But that was only one time, and now Harry kept a mirror with him at all times, so he could see his love staring back at him.
Ron had caught him kissing his own reflection in the dormitory one time, when he thought everyone had gone to bed.
Harry had pretended he was asleep, and muttered Cho's name as he snogged the glass, trying to convince Ron that he was having a good dream. Why did everyone think he fancied Cho? Maybe it was all those times he had asked her out.
Halfway through last year he had stumbled across the mirror of Erised. It was as mysterious as it had always been, and he peered into it's glassy surface, hoping to catch one last glimpse of his relatives all together before it would surely be moved again.
But to his utter surprise and confusion, it had shown not his lost family, but himself... and another of himself. And they were doing things. Intimate things. Things he really wanted to do with himself.
It broke his heart that he would never be able to do that. He was in love with himself, and there was no-one else like him. He was unique, he was himself, he was one hundred percent Harry Potter, and he loved it.
He wasn't particularly good looking, and he wasn't all that clever. But he did have his good qualities, and he had friends, friends who he hoped would support him when the time came to tell them that he would never have a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend. Or anyone, for that matter. For there was no- one quite like himself, and no-one but his own body and his own hands could fill that empty spot within him.
And he would just have to accept that there was nothing that could be done about it. He would never have himself completely, body and soul. There was just no way...
Harry sat upright on the bed where he had been sitting for the last few hours trying to work things out. He gasped and sat up so quickly that he nearly hit his head on the headboard and went sprawling onto the floor.
Hermione!
Hermione's schedule had become ever more hectic at the beginning of the sixth year, and professor McGonagal had made the wise decision to bring back the time-turner. Or not so wise.
Harry rubbed his hands together gleefully, and plotted.
It would come true, he would fulfil hid dream, and he would do it that night. That very night.
But where?
He threw his invisibility cloak around his shoulders, and set off to find the perfect place to lose his virginity to himself.
He found lots of places that would suit his needs. That is, a warm and undisturbed place, where he could scream in raw ecstasy and no-one would be able to hear him.
It took a while, but three dungeons, a broom cupboard and the shrieking shack later, he found it hard to believe that he hadn't thought of it sooner.
The disused charms classroom on the seventh floor was no longer used because half the classroom was missing, having been blown to smithereens in an unsupervised wizard duel that went very badly wrong.
There was so much going on at the moment that Dumbledore hadn't bothered to get permission from the ministry and all the other useless things that came with repairing and building extensions with the use of magic.
This suited Harry perfectly.
He went back to his room and sat on his bed reading and making attempts at the divination assessment due in the next day, but was hardly surprised when his mind kept wandering over to other things.
Oh, the things he could do to himself. Would do to himself, he shivered at the thought, but tried to concentrate on his homework, until Ron got back. With Hermione. It didn't take a genius to work out what they were really doing on their so called 'prefect duties', and Harry really was quite happy for them.
He had it all worked out. How he would get the time turner, and how he would make his escape. It would work perfectly.
He pulled on the invisibility cloak and crept down the dormitory stairs, waiting at the bottom for his two friends to come in.
They weren't long, and he soon heard the sound of hushed whispers (Hermione's) and high pitched giggles (most undoubtedly Ron's)
Upon realising they were alone, and it was late and there was very little chance of anyone seeing them, Ron pounced on Hermione, throwing them both forward onto one of the oversized armchairs. Ron kissed Hermione thoroughly, and Hermione didn't seem to mind one bit.
It was when Ron began to touch her, that Harry moved in.
Ron's hands were going pretty much everywhere, so Hermione shouldn't notice if another, slightly more see-through, pair of hands slipped around her neck and gently tugged off the chain sporting the miniature hourglass.
He was right, and Hermione's only response was "Oh, Ron! Don't stop, it feels so gooooood!!!" and Ron proceeded to hump her leg, assuming naturally that she was directing the comment at him.
Harry was out of the room in a flash, neither Ron nor Hermione noticing the portrait hole opening.
Harry sprinted along the corridor, but was extra careful not to crash into anything. If he was caught, it would spoil all of his plans, and he didn't think he could live with himself if that happened.
He reached the classroom, went inside and locked it securely. It would take more than an "alohomorah" to open that lock.
He spread his blanket on the floor, along with other items he was likely to need, and sat down to wait.
The classroom wasn't that bad. A good corner of the room was missing, and a gently breeze was blowing through a large gap in the wall, but the night was warm and the stars were out. If he positioned the blanket a little to the left he could see the sky, and the infinite number of stars, all twinkling down at him encouragingly.
Or at least, he thought they looked encouraging. Some of them looked really angry, come to think of it. "Hey!" though Harry aloud to himself, "all that divination paid off! I can understand stars!" He pondered over the emotions of a blinking read one, before realising it was an aeroplane and saying bugger, loudly and clearly.
He waited on.
How long would he need? He thought he's wait two hours and then turn back. He would walk through that very door, and he would kiss and embrace himself like he never could before.
It seemed the two hours couldn't come fast enough, and it really wasn't fair.
Finally, after two and a little bit hours, he got up, took a deep breath and drew the time turner from his robes. He was nervous and exited. How many people could say they had done what he was about to? He barely had time to register that what he was about to do was illegal in more ways than one, then he turned the miniature hourglass and he felt the familiar sensation of being dragged back through time.
He appeared next to himself and after Harry number one had gotten over the first shock of seeing him, He grinned at him. He grinned back at himself and barely a second had passed before they were in each other's arms, kissing like there was no tomorrow.
Well, there wasn't. It would be a while before Harry could get hold of the time-turner again, and he really didn't want to go through the process of actually managing to get it off of Hermione first.
He slowly broke off the kiss and sat back to just look at himself. He was gorgeous, with his hair slightly mused, and his breath coming out is small gasps as Harry ran a thumb gently over his own flawless features and stared into his own eyes.
His own, beautiful eyes.
He knew he could stare at himself all day, as he had done once before, but the other Harry had other things on his mind.
Pushing Harry number two back onto the blanket, they resumed kissing, their pace quickening and their hearts beating ever faster.
Oh the things I could do with this time-turner, Harry thought to himself as he felt the front of his robe pulled open and the buttons ping across the room and a good many of them fly through the hole in the wall.
What's to stop me from having threesomes... with myself?
From the look in his eye, he could tell that Harry number one was thinking the exact same thing. But that's a story for another day. Or how about never?
~~Kewen
:::A/N::: This is so very wrong. So very sick, and twisted and WRONG. ... But I like wrong! Wrongness is fun fun fun!!!