Disclaimer: JRR's characters.

Warning: This is SLASH

A/N: It's good to be back. Just read. Not really edited much. And my sort of beta reader was not able to read it.

Warning 2: Centered more on Elrond and Erestor.

Glorfindel waited for Haldir to say something. He felt the younger elf tense every time he told the March Warden of his love. Glorfindel knew that Haldir still thought it was wrong…too late.

But it wasn't too late.

/It can't be./

Haldir sighed. Glorfindel was not going to give this up. He didn't know how much more he could take. It would be so much easier if the eldar would just let go.

/Or you could accept his love./ A tiny voice in his head told him. Haldir fought it off.

/No! He…does not really…love me./ But even to himself, his arguments were feeble and weak. His heart already believed what his mind was trying so hard to deny.

/I don't want to hurt him!/ Haldir was afraid. What if he killed Glorfindel?

/You are already hurting him./ The voice was back, and it was without mercy.

/Think about it. You deny his love for you. You push him away. You tell him you are dying. You won't even fight to stay alive for him! How do you think he feels?/

Haldir closed his eyes and tightened his hold on Glorfindel, holding on for sanity, and life.

Glorfindel felt the arms around his waist tighten. He glanced down and saw Haldir's tightly closed eyes. Tears wetted the younger elf's lashes, and Haldir's breathing was labored.

"Haldir? Please, talk to me." He caressed his lover's cheek.

Haldir opened his eyes and looked at Glorfindel, his expression utterly crushed.

"I am afraid, Glorfindel." He whispered.

"Afraid of what?" Glorfindel looked at Haldir with so much concern Haldir felt like crying. Glorfindel loved him.

"Afraid this might not be real. Afraid that you would change your mind. I cannot lose you again Glorfindel."

The eldar smiled. "You will never lose me again, Haldir."

"I have already found a way out, Glorfindel. And now I'm afraid to come back in. It hurt so much when you left."

Glorfindel hugged Haldir tighter. "I will never leave you again, Haldir. I swear."

"I am really afraid, Glorfindel."

"Don't be, Haldir. We are together now. And nothing will keep us apart. Everything will be fine from now on. I promise."

Yet Haldir could not stop the fear. Somehow, he still felt like it was too good to be true.

"Something will happen and I will lose you again." He mumbled against the eldar's chest, tears running down freely from his eyes.

"Nothing will happen, Haldir." Glorfindel reassured him.

The shadow hovering over Haldir refused to lift.

Erestor wandered around the Golden Woods alone, reminiscing. Talking to Glorfindel had opened a part of his past that he had locked away long ago. A part that he never really wanted to remember. He was not sure that it had been a good idea to bring it up now. But he felt that he had no choice. Glorfindel had needed to know for Haldir's sake.

Or maybe Erestor needed to finally talk about it.

/After all these years?/

He thought he had been able to let it go. He had not felt the pain this much for so long, Erestor had convinced himself that he was over it…that he had accepted.

He was wrong.

Now that he looked back, he knew that he had never really let go. He had simply…locked it all away. But the door had been opened, and there was no turning back.

He had been able to temper his love for Elrond, kept it at bay, stopped it from overwhelming him. But now, after thousands of years of building defenses around his heart, they were crumbling. For some reason, talking about it after all these years had made the emotions once again come to the surface.

And the pain. It was back.

It had never really gone away. Only suppressed. But now, it was once again in full force.

If this had happened a thousand years ago, Erestor would have crumbled. He would have been brought to his knees, tears in his eyes, for the pain was unbearable.

But he was stronger now.

No. That's not it.

He was not stronger.

He was…

Colder.

That was the right word. Colder.

Erestor smiled bitterly.

Unrequited love.

It would have killed a lesser elf. It killed him actually.

But apparently, he was not even good enough to die.

He was never really good enough.

His entire life.

He was not good enough for his parents to keep. They had left him to relatives. In fact, Erestor had never met his parents. He had grown up with his mother's sister, who had thrown him out when he was sixteen. He was not good enough for her, too.

He traveled on his own, then, not knowing where to go. Then he met a friend. Or so he thought.

Then his so called friend tried to force him to do things he did not wish to do. Things no elf should do. So he ran away.

He then lived his next four years as a human. He disguised himself, made sure no one could see him well enough to notice anything unusual about his "humanity."

Then he found the elven army.

And joined. Trained hard.

He had been the youngest, but no one knew his age. No one could even question it because they did not know who he was.

At last, something he had been good enough for.

Or so he thought.

He was assigned the lowliest of duties. It was more like being a servant than a soldier.

Still, it was better than what he had been doing.

That was where he first encountered Elrond.

The Lord of Imladris did not remember, of course.

Erestor smiled again at the memory.

/How could he remember? We were not really introduced./

It was more like a twenty-three year old elfling bumping into the half-elf, causing the Peredhel to lose balance and fall face first in the mud.

Of course Elrond was mad.

The half-elf had fallen into the mud in front of all his friends.

So he reacted naturally.

He clobbered the elf who felled him.

They were young. Foolish. Impatient. Violent.

Elrond almost lost control. In his anger, he did not realize that his opponent wasn't fighting back.

It was then that the High King saw the commotion and went there himself to stop the fight.

Erestor had let Elrond hit him. He did not even try to defend himself.

/Maybe even then, I had fallen in love./

Erestor still could not explain what happened to him, why he let Elrond hurt him like that and not try to defend himself.

But that encounter started his…attraction to the half-elf.

It was for this reason that, after the battle with Sauron many years later, Erestor had sought Elrond and helped him build Rivendell.

Elrond did not recognize him of course.

And he fell more in love with the Peredhel.

He had hoped that one day, Elrond would feel the same for him. His hope grew when Elrond had confessed to needing him. As an adviser. A friend.

That's where everything started, right?

Well, maybe. If you were good enough.

/I had forgotten that one important detail. Being good enough./

And Erestor wasn't.

Celebrian came along, and…well…he died.

The adviser of Imladris died. And no one ever knew.

Desolate.

He had come back to life, only to be so empty inside.

Elrond had stopped needing him. There was Celebrian now. The two spent all their time together. Of course. They were husband and wife!

The one thing he had with Elrond was gone.

Erestor had come back for nothing.

Then Glorfindel came along.

Someone who needed him.

A reason to live.

Glorfindel was not Elrond but,…he needed Erestor.

Erestor took it upon himself to be the one who helped Glorfindel.

He found the best friend he ever had in his life. Perhaps his one real friend.

Elrond did not count. He was Erestor's one real love. There was a difference.

Then the twins came. And Erestor felt the need to live again, if only to see Elrond's sons grow up.

Elrond's sons, who treated him like their ada, even more than they treat their real ada sometimes.

Erestor felt his throat tighten. He loved Elladan and Elrohir like he would his own sons.

But now, they were all grown up. Glorfindel was doing well. And Erestor was alone again.

He still was not good enough.

For the one thing he wanted the most.

Elrond's love.

Even after Celebrian, Elrond did not see him. Really see him. Erestor never sought to replace the elf lady in his lord's heart. He only wanted a small part. But even that he could not have.

/When will I ever learn?/

/I will never be good enough. Not because I can't be. It's because I'm…not./

He had tried. He became a good friend, a loyal adviser, someone who was always there. Yet it was not enough to even earn him a little attention.

Erestor smiled. He had not even realized he had wanted attention at the time. But he did. He wanted Elrond's attention.

/But I am not what he seeks. I am the kind who is always the friend, someone you never consider as lover./

The person who was always there, who embodied the perfect mate: caring, attentive, loyal, yet the one you never really fall for.

/And Elrond deserves someone better. Someone he loves./

That he was able to learn.

Erestor no longer hope to have Elrond's love. At least, that's what he thought. Well, he had already given up trying to win the half-elf's affections, or even get his attention. If he ever had a wish, it would be that Elrond be happy. He had already accepted that he would never be the one.

Erestor shivered as the coldness passed through his spine. He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes. He turned to go back.

And walked straight into Elrond.

Arms were around him in a flash.

First, no one said a word.

Then Elrond laughed.

"Hmmm, I guess old age makes us clumsy. Are you alright?" Elrond held Erestor by his arms, concern written on the lord's face.

Erestor swallowed the lump that clogged his throat.

Elrond was too near. He was too near and Erestor was too…vulnerable. His guards were down.

Instinct forced him to push his lord away, a little too roughly than he anticipated.

"Erestor?" Elrond immediately let go. But he remained close, only one foot away.

"I…I am sorry, Elrond. You…surprised me." Erestor managed to reply, the distance allowing him to put his invisible walls up once again.

"Oh. I am sorry. I did not mean to startle you." The lord apologized, although he did not look quite as sorry. In fact, he looked like he did not believe the lie his adviser just told him.

/Erestor, I have known you for thousands of years. You really think I would not know if you were lying to me?/

But the fact that he did not know why his friend was lying kept him from saying anything about the matter, deciding to play along.

"What are you doing out here in the woods?" Elrond asked.

"I was…just…er…walking." Erestor had been taken by surprise when the elf he had been thinking about appeared out of nowhere. He was having a hard time recovering. And Elrond was too near.

Elrond hid his amusement at his normally coolheaded adviser's actions.

"May I join you?" he requested.

"Actually, I was just on my…" Erestor did not think he could quite survive being alone with Elrond right now.

"Please."

Erestor swallowed. Something burned in Elrond's eyes. And the whispered words seemed to hold a hidden meaning.

/Yes. It's wishful thinking!/ Erestor's hidden self chastised him. /You call this being colder? Wiser? Not wishing? You melt at his merest touch! You will never learn!/

"Er…alright."

Elrond smiled. He took hold of Erestor's hands and tucked them under his, as he crossed both his hands across his chest, trapping Erestor's hands close to his chest, much to the adviser's surprise, and led them forward through the trees. Erestor knew there was no way he could disentangle without causing a fuss.

"So, Erestor. What is bothering you? You have been withdrawn lately. Is everything alright with you?" Elrond asked, still holding on to Erestor.

Erestor, meanwhile was to focused on where his hand was. The contact burned into his skin, all the way to his frozen heart, the heat melting the ice. He wanted to pull away, but was unsure how Elrond would take it. They were friends, after all. And friends do hold hands, and tuck it close to their…hearts. There was nothing strange about it.

Except when you were in love with your friend.

"Erestor?"

The adviser cleared his throat.

"I…everything is fine. I was just worried about Glorfindel and Haldir." Erestor's eyes darted to the side and Elrond knew that his adviser was lying. Again. Erestor's hand also twitched in his, as if the adviser wanted it to pull away. Elrond's grip tightened.

"I am sure they would be alright. Glorfindel has finally come around."

"Yes. Finally. It took him long enough." Erestor smiled.

"Hmmm. Now why don't you tell me what is really bothering you?"

Erestor stopped walking, keeping his head bowed. It was foolish to think he could lie to Elrond.

/What is bothering me? Let's see. I inform you of my feelings and you treat it like nothing. It is nothing, maybe, but as a friend you could have at least…said something. But I understand. Years ago we slept together and you did not even know it was me. You were thinking that you had been with Celebrian. You were drunk, so I understand it too. Then I died. Not that you know. But I understand. I just wish…well…/

Erestor sighed.

/I just wish someone would care for me the way Glorfindel cares for Haldir./

"It's…nothing."

/I wish that someone could be you./

Elrond frowned. His adviser's hesitation signified that it wasn't nothing.

"Erestor, talk to me. Please." Erestor was very important to Elrond, to the entire Peredhel family. He was always there to help. But he had never talked about his own problems. Not even the smallest. Elrond had let it pass, because Erestor had seemed to prefer it that way. But somehow, Elrond felt that he could not let this go.

"Elrond…"

"Please." Elrond moved closer, putting his hands on Erestor's shoulder.

Erestor stiffened and backed away, shrugging off Elrond's hands. This was getting dangerous. Elrond was getting too close. The Peredhel had never been this insistent. Erestor knew he was in trouble. Elrond would not let this go.

"Elrond, just…leave it alone. Please. This is…I get the message. I'm fine. I just need to…accept it more fully. I just thought…I just thought I was deserved more than this…nothing. But I am fine." Erestor turned and walked away, leaving a confused elf lord.

Celeborn looked up as five elves entered the kitchens, dragging their battered forms to the chairs around the table.

"Good to have you back."

"It's good to be back, ata'da. I don't get how there are still thousands of those vile creatures running around!" Elladan said with disgust, wiping orc slime off the front of his armor.

Celeborn smiled.

"It will take some time before the world is clean again, Elladan." He addressed his grandson. "Would you like baths first or do you prefer to eat?"

A chorus of "eat" prompted the Lord of the Golden Woods to bring out the stored food.

As he turned, Celeborn accidentally nudged something on the counter, and the object crashed to the floor.

"Oops." He let Elladan and Orophin pick it up as he placed the food on the table.

"It's okay. It's only ada's saddlebag. Why is it in here, anyway?" Elladan said.

"Oh, we were in here earlier and he brought it with him."

Elladan fixed the contents that fell out, and thanked Orophin for his help.

As he was stuffing everything back in, a particular object caught his eye.

"Hey! It's Glorfindel and Erestor's letter before they left for Helm's Deep. I never got to read it."

Elrohir noticed the piece of parchment in his twin's hands. "Oh yeah. Let's read it, then."

As Orophin and Elladan took a seat at the table, Celeborn joining them, Elladan read the letter out loud.

"Dear Elrond…" and Erestor's words filled the room.

"…both know he loves the damned elf…" Heads nodded in agreement. Ecthelion smiled.

"…We are too stubborn to die… That is so true." Elladan commented before he continued reading. The others only  laughed.

"…borrowed your extra sword, seeing as I don't have one…"

"Hmmm, we should get him one." Elrohir interrupted and Elladan replied in agreement.

"Maybe we could make one." Rumil suggested.

"I believe I still have some material." Celeborn supplied.

The discussion continued, everyone making plans for Erestor's sword.

Only Elladan was quiet.

Elrohir noticed his brother's silence.

"El? What's wrong?"

Elladan was gripping the paper tightly. He looked up at Elrohir. Then at Ecthelion.

"How did…ada act after reading the letter?" He inquired.

Ecthelion frowned as he tried to remember.

"Frantic, that his two friends rode to such danger. But he expected it, I think."

"That's all? Nothing else?" Elladan wasn't sure what to make of his father's reaction.

"El, what is it? Tell us."

Before Elladan could reply, Ecthelion spoke again.

"I don't think he finished reading beyond 'we are on our way to Helm's Deep', though, he was in a hurry. He had looked for his extra sword to lend to me when he thought I didn't have one."

Elladan snapped his mouth shut. Then he stood up abruptly.

"What?! You mean he didn't read…Damn it!"

"ELLADAN! WHAT THE HELL IS IT?!" Elrohir had gotten up as well. He was getting impatient and his curiosity had reached its peak. All eyes turned to Elladan.

Elladan looked at all of them. Then, taking a deep breath, he continued reading.

"…And Elrond, should we never see each other again…"

"…just thought you should know. Don't worry, you don't have to do anything. This is all. I love you. Your adviser, Erestor."

Silence fell as Elladan finished reading. Nobody said a word. Elrohir wanted to, but Elrond was still his father and he really should not say such things out loud.

Elladan slowly refolded the letter and placed it on the table.

Celeborn was about to break the silence, when Elrond entered the kitchens. All eyes turned to the lord.

"Ah, you have arrived. That is good. Have any of you seen Erestor? He seemed troubled and I am worried about him." Elrond could only wonder at the expressions on the faces looking at him. "What?"

"Ada," Elrohir spoke first, "if you were in love with a close friend and you decided to confess to said friend and he acted like nothing happened, how would you feel?"

Elrond wondered why Elrohir was asking him about such a thing, now, of all times, but he decided to answer.

"I would be…hurt, I suppose. Knowing that my friend does not have the same feelings. But in the end, I will have to accept it and move on."

"But you would stay away from your friend?" Elladan asked.

"Well, at first, while the pain of rejection is still strong."

"And you would be troubled?" Rumil supplied.

"Yes, of course." Has one of his sons fallen for one of the Galadhrim brothers? The four had always been close.

Celeborn smiled at where the conversation was going.

"Heartbroken?" Orophin added.

"Naturally." Elrond replied. /But who is in love with who?/

Elladan stood and picked up the letter as everyone else stood and picked up the bowls of food, except for Lord Celeborn who remained seated. As they made their way to the door, Elladan handed the letter to his father.

"Read it."

With that, the elves who had just come from patrolling exited, with them plates of food and a whole lot of frustration.

Even the wisest make the stupidest mistakes.

Elrond raised his brows as he looked at Celeborn. The other elf smiled.

"Read it." Celeborn repeated.

Elrond looked at the letter in his hand.

Erestor's.

He frowned. He was never able to finish it, but taking it with him. Why was it so important that he read it?

He took a seat across the older elf, and opened the letter.

'Dear Elrond…'

The Lord of Imladris remembered the fear that gripped his heart when he read Erestor's letter, telling him that his two friends were on their way to Helm's deep, to stop something that could not be stopped.

/But they did it./

'P.S. I borrowed…'

That was why he could not find the sword. He smiled at the thought. Ecthelion hadn't been too helpful either. Only when Elrond had almost turned his office upside down did the elf inform him he already had a sword.

'And Elrond, should we never see each other again, I want you to know that…I mean, I know this will come as a surprise, or maybe not but, I am in love with you, have been ever since we met, which was roughly three thousand years ago.'

The letter dropped to the floor as Elrond rushed outside, intent on finding his adviser even if he had to tear the Golden Woods apart.

He had to find Erestor.

TBC

A/N: Been a long time. And I had a slight accident. I sorta deleted some of my files, and accidentally trashed parts of this story. I was doing a little clean up and well…did I mention I was not very good at computers? Hehe. Now I have to rewrite the ending since I just found out I deleted it. So, that's that. I'll try to update as regularly as I can.

Please review.

I Love you all and thanks for the support.