~ Title: Usagi in DIC-Land (part 2 of 2)
~ Fandom: Sailormoon (first season)
~ Author: Tofumalfoy (tofumalfoy @ yahoo.com)
~ Rating: PG-13
~ Category: humor, parody-ish ~ Warnings: scattered profanity, utter confusion, hints of homosexuality (Kunzite x Zoicite, Nephrite x Jaedite), major character death (but come on, folks, it's supposed to be funny)
~ Archive: Ask and ye shall receive ~ Disclaimer: The story's mine, the characters aren't. How depressing. Except the members of "The Tuxedo Kamen Show." They _are_ mine, and that's depressing too. ~ Feedback: I am aching to know what people think of this one. Sooo . . . .pleeeeeeeeeease??? ^.^
~ Notes: This was my first-ever fic and it still manages to amuse me, though it's somewhat out-of-date now that up to SuperS has been dubbed. To anyone who didn't know, DIC was the original butcherer of Sailormoon for America and Canada.
Please also note that this fic is potentially confusing as hell, because it features the casts of both the original Japanese series _and_ the North American dub, with only slight variations as to spelling. My apologies if it's too anally spelling-dependent.
~ Vocabulary: Senshi: soldier/warrior
henshin: transform
fuku: clothes/uniform
Odango-atama: dumpling head (Mamoru's nickname for Usagi)
** **
Silence.
** **
Sailor V sat up and looked around. "Artemis, where are we? What happened?"
"I don't know, Sailor V."
She took off her mask. "Everyone else is still unconscious. We should look around."
"Right."
Tuxedo Kamen groaned, and slowly sat up. He picked up his mask, which was lying beside him, and put it back on. He got up and turned around, looking at Sailor V.
"You must be Sailor V," he said.
"Yeah," she said. (I hadn't noticed how SEXY he was before!) She bit her lip. "Artemis and I were just going to go scouting. Wanna, uh, come along?"
Behind the mask, an eyebrow was raised.
(Oh, no, he thinks I'm a total loser.)
"Artemis?"
"My cat." She pointed.
"Hi." Artemis waved.
"Hello."
(I wonder what color his eyes are!) "Huh?" She hadn't been paying attention!
"I said you should go on. I'll stay behind and watch over . . ." He was going to say Sailormoon. "The others."
(He doesn't want to come with me.) "Okay. C'mon, Artemis."
Tuxedo Kamen watched them go. (Another Senshi with a schoolgirl crush on me . . .at least this one has enough reason to go look around.) "This place looks familiar, though . . ."
"Tuxedo Kamen . . ."
He whirled around. Sailormoon was still unconscious, asleep now. He smiled. She could sleep, for now.
Sailorjupiter and Sailormercury got up, rubbing their heads.
"Tuxedo Kamen!" Mercury said.
"Sailormercury. Sailorjupiter."
"Wasn't Sailor V here, too?" Saiorjupiter asked, looking around.
"She went scouting."
". . .Tuxedo Kamen!" Sailormoon said.
Jupiter and Mercury turned around.
"She's asleep," Tuxedo Kamen said.
"Oh," Jupiter said.
"Aren't you embarrassed that she talks about you in her sleep?" Mercury asked.
"It's alright," he replied. "I don't mind."
"I hope Sailormars and Sailormoon get up soon," Jupiter said, eyeing the four other Tuxedo Men nervously. "Then we can get out of here!"
"Don't forget," Tuxedo Kamen said. "We still have to wait for Sailor V and Artemis to get back."
"Hey!" Sailormercury said suddenly. "Where's Luna?"
"Mraaaaow!" came a pitiful cry from underneath Sailormoon.
"Luna!" Sailormercury cried.
"Sailormercury! Help me get out from under here! I can't breathe!"
"Maybe we should just wake her up," Sailorjupiter suggested.
"Easier said than done," Mercury said. "But it's worth a try."
**
Queen Beryl was sitting on her throne. "Jedite! Nephlyte! Come before me!"
The two generals appeared.
"Yes, your majesty?" Jedite said.
"I've detected an unusual energy surge on the earth. I can't identify its source from here. You two go check it out."
"Yes, Queen Beryl," Nephlyte said.
The two bowed, then vanished.
**
Sailor V came back running, out of breath. Her eyes were abnormally wide (which was not altogether unusual) and her face was pale. Artemis, behind her, looked pretty much the same. Of course, being a white cat, that could be expected.
"What is it, Sailor V?" Sailormars asked. "Did you find something?"
Sailor V nodded. "WE'RE IN TOKYO NOW!!!"
Sailormercury got a sweat-drop. "Um, Sailor V, we were already in Tokyo!"
"Oh. Well, we're STILL in Tokyo!"
Everyone gasped, except the Tuxedo Men, who were still unconscious.
Tuxedo Top-hat began to stir.
Luna, noting this, said, "Let's continue this conversation elsewhere." She pointed to the Tuxedo Men, who were slowly rousing.
Everyone heartily agreed that it was a good idea.
They all went outside. It seemed they had been in a big warehouse on the edge of Tokyo.
"This LOOKS like Tokyo . . ." Sailorjupiter said.
"Something feels wrong," Mars said. "It's Tokyo, but . . .it's different."
"I find it hard to believe that Queen Beryl would just send us to a different part of Tokyo," Sailor V said.
"I agree," Sailormercury said. She activated her goggles and data computer. "My readings are back to normal, but I'm picking up some new energy readings that are almost exactly the same as the ones we give off! I don't understand it!"
"This calls for an investigation, Senshi!" Luna said.
"But Luna, I'm so TIRED!" Sailormoon said. "Tuxedo Kamen-" She turned. "What, where did he go?!? TUXEDO KAMEN!!!"
"He just . . ." Jupiter began.
"Oh, he always does that," Mars said. Sailormoon just likes to pretend he doesn't."
"But he loves me!" Sailormoon shrieked.
Meanwhile, Artemis and Sailor V had been arguing. Finally Sailor V stood up. She had a distant look on her face. "Artemis and I have decided that I am supposed to officially join the Sailor Team of Tokyo. I'm Sailorvenus now."
Everyone was silent for a moment. They all seemed to realize what a sacrifice she was making. Except . . .
WOW!! Sailor V on out team!?! We'll be invincible!" Sailormoon raved.
Jupiter, Luna, Mercury, and Mars fell over.
"I guess there ought to be introductions . . ." Sailorvenus said.
"But you just TOLD us you were Sailorvenus!" Sailormoon exclaimed.
Sailormars stuck out her hand. "I'm Hino Rei."
Venus accepted the hand. "Aino Minako."
"Mizuno Ami."
"Kino Makoto."
"Luna."
There was a silence momentarily.
"SAILORMOON!" Mars hissed.
There was a silence, momentarily.
"Oh!" Sailormoon said. "I'm Tsukino Usagi!"
"And I'm Artemis," the cat said.
"So, let's go after those energy signals!" Venus tried to sound cheerful. She picked the wrong topic.
Luna, Artemis, and the other Senshi looked at her strangely.
"Hey, what's going on?" a voice from inside the warehouse said.
"Uh, oh," Sailormars said.
"Those Tuxedo Men are conscious again! We'd better get away fast!" Jupiter whispered.
"Sailormoon, HURRY!" Luna panted as they ran.
"I'm COMING, Luna!"
"The signals are getting stronger!" Mercury cried as they ran farther away from the warehouse.
"STOP!" Sailormars yelled.
They were in front of Hikawa Shrine.
**
"Raye, I don't WANNA rake leaves! Luna, WHY do we have to rake LEAVES?" Serena wailed.
"Give it a rest, Serena," Lita sighed. "You've been going on like that for an hour! We told Raye we'd help out!"
"You're such a brat, Serena! It's not going to kill you!" Raye said.
"Come on, Serena, just ONE leaf and you can take a break, okay?" Luna cried, exasperated.
"Wait, everyone!" Raye said. "I feel a strange energy coming closer!"
"Is it the Negaverse, Raye?" Mina asked.
"No . . ." Raye said.
"Amy, what about your data computer?" Luna asked.
"It's definitely not the Negaverse!" Amy said. "It's . . .it's us!"
**
The Senshi stepped back into the shadows of a group of trees.
"We might as well transform down so we won't be so conspicuous," Sailorvenus said.
"Good idea!" Sailorjupiter replied.
**
"Queen Beryl, I have a report to make." Nephlyte appeared.
"Speak, then, Nephlyte. What did you find?"
"A new set of Sailor Scouts has appeared out of nowhere. They look exactly like the old ones, but their voices are different. They could not be the same ones."
"MORE Sailor Scouts to deal with? You can barely handle the ones that were already here!"
"I'm sorry, Queen Beryl."
"Never mind that for now. Keep them under observation."
"Yes, your Majesty."
**
Five normal-looking civilians and two cats stepped very inconspicuously out of the shadows. They headed to the temple that Rei had identified as her grandfather's.
"Look!" Luna hissed.
They all gasped.
Four normal-looking civilians stood raking leaves, one lay down fanning herself, and two cats sat looking exasperated.
". . .It's us!" Ami whispered.
Makoto counted them off. "Rei, Ami, Minako, Usagi . . .all of us!"
"I don't understand!" Usagi complained.
"We must have been teleported to a parallel world!" Ami cried.
"So the readings you got were actually from this dimension?" Rei asked.
"Sure looks like it," Minako said.
"They've seen us," Artemis hissed.
"Let's go," Makoto said firmly.
Slowly they began to walk towards the look-alikes, who were convening at the end of the walkway, by the temple.
"Who are you?" Raye asked.
"Hino Rei," Rei said.
"Aino Minako."
"Kino Makoto."
"Mizuno Ami."
"I'm Tsukino Usagi!"
Luna sighed. "Luna."
"Artemis."
The groups looked each other over for a while.
"And you?" Minako said finally.
"Raye."
"Amy."
"Lita."
"Luna."
"Mina."
"Artemis."
They all turned and looked at Serena. Raye gave her a light kick in the side.
"AAAAAAH!" She jumped up. "Don't DO that, Raye! Oh!" She saw the newcomers. "I'm Serena!"
Usagi drew in her breath sharply. That voice! The same as in her dreams!
"What are you doing here? Why do you look like us?" Lita demanded.
"I doubt you'd believe us . . ." Makoto began.
"No, Mako-chan," Ami said. "If they're us, they're probably Senshi too, right?"
"Senshi?" Raye asked.
"Yeah, you know . . .Sailor suits, love and justice...that kind of stuff!" Usagi exclaimed.
"Oh!" Mina said. "You mean Sailor Scouts! Yeah, we do that."
"'Scouts' is a stupid word . . ." Artemis said under his breath.
"Shut up!" Artemis said. "We could kick your little 'Senshi' butts all over Tokyo!"
"Artemis, don't!" Amy said. "Maybe they can help us in our fight against Queen Beryl!"
"Queen Beryl?!?" Rei said. The others were startled as well.
"Yes!" Ami exclaimed. "I understand now! We're in a parallel world!"
"You've told us THAT much already . . ." Makoto said.
Ami got a sweat-drop.
"What she means, Senshi," Luna began, "is that, if there are doubles of us here, we can assume that there will be a Queen Beryl here, too!"
"Ooooh!" Usagi squealed. "And another Tuxedo Kamen! I'll have TWO!"
"USAGI!!" Rei said.
"What do you mean, DOUBLES??" The other Luna said accusingly. "I'm old enough to be your MOTHER, at least! Doubles, indeed!"
"Yeah, I thought you looked like you were past your prime . . ."
The alternate universe Artemis looked from Luna to Luna as the elder began to hiss. "You have to admit, Luna," he said. "You HAVE been a bit frazzled lately . . ."
"ROWRRR!" The fur on Luna's back bristled. "I'd like to SEE you take me on, young one!"
"My treat," Luna said through her teeth.
"What the . . .?? Luna!" Usagi looked from cat to cat.
"Ummm . . .Luna, what's going on here?" Serena asked.
"Stay back, Serena," her cat said through gritted teeth. "This is MY fight!"
Suddenly the whole yard exploded into arguments.
"I BET YOUR FIRE READINGS AREN'T HALF AS ACCURATE AS MINE!!" Raye yelled.
"OH, YEAH?? Well, my Fire Soul can beat your Mars Fire ANY day!"
"My IQ test results actually came up 300.5!" Amy said.
"Mine were 300.75!" Ami exclaimed.
"I COOKED MY FIRST FIVE-LAYER CAKE WHEN I WAS IN 3RD GRADE!" Lita said, throwing a right hook.
Makoto blocked expertly. "I never made a measly five-layer! My first EIGHT-layer cake came out perfect when I was five!"
"I kicked more ass as Sailor V that you ever will!" Minako cried.
Mina gasped. "You said the 'A' word!"
Artemis was getting pissed off. "My Luna's sexier than your Luna!"
Parallel world Artemis was going to reply heatedly, but instead thought for a moment. "You know," he said, looking at the two Lunas fighting. "You're right." And he walked away. Artemis followed him.
**
"NEPHLYTE!!" Queen Beryl's eyes flashed.
"Yes, Queen Beryl?"
"WHAT IS GOING ON DOWN THERE???"
"It, uh, appears that the sets of Scouts are fighting each other in their civilian clothes at the Cherry Hill Temple. They'll probably end up killing each other!"
"Well, send a monster down there!"
"Yes, Queen Beryl."
**
A red rose landed in the middle of the fights. Then another crossed it. Usagi and Serena, who had been arguing over who could eat rice faster, looked up.
"Tuxedo Mask!" One shrieked and got heart eyes.
"Tuxedo Kamen!" The other shrieked and got heart eyes.
"Usagi, Senshi . . ." Tuxedo Kamen began.
"Serena, Scouts . . ." Tuxedo Mask began.
Suddenly, four other roses flashed by. A pitchpipe could be heard in the distance.
They sang: "Oh, we are tuxedo-suited AAAAAH!"
"TEACHEE!" The monster howled.
"It's that same youma!" Makoto said. "Let's transform!"
"Mercury Power . . .!!"
"Mars Power . . .!!"
"Jupiter Power . . .!!"
"Venus Power . . .!!"
"Moon Prism Power . . .!!"
"MAKE UP!" They all yelled in unison.
"We can't let them beat our own monster, can we?" Lita yelled.
"No way!" Raye said. "MARS . . .POWER!"
"VENUS POWER!"
"MERCURY POWER!"
"JUPITER POWER!"
"MOON PRISM POWER!"
"TRANSFORM!" They all yelled in unison.
"Wow," said Tuxedo Mask. "That monster took out those four guys with just one hit! But where are they now?"
". . .I didn't realize those transformations took so damn long!" Tuxedo Kamen said.
**
"I got this guy!" Sailormars said. "Fire . . ."
"Mars Fire IGNITE!" Sailor Mars' fire hit the monster.
"Fire SOULLL!"
"AAAAH!" Sailor Mars screamed as she was burnt to a crisp.
"That's for taking my shot," Sailormars said, blowing smoke off her fingers.
"RAYE!" Sailor Mercury screamed. "Why you . . .MERCURY BUBBLES . . .BLAST!"
The whole area fogged up.
"Dammit, even I'M not that dense!" Sailormercury said.
"I can't see!" Sailor Moon shrieked. "Tuxedo Mask!"
"SUPREME . . .THUNDER!"
"AAARGH!" The monster gurgled.
"Jupiter Thunder . . .Crash!"
"AAAAUGH!" Sailormars was electrocuted.
"Rei-chan!" Sailormercury yelled. "Shining Aqua ILLUSION!!"
"AAAUGH!" Sailor Jupiter froze to death.
"Sailormercury, you're not even supposed to have that power yet!" Luna yelled.
"Sorry, Luna! I was just tired of having those wimpy bubble powers! AAAA!"
The monster hit her hard. She died.
"Crescent Beam!" Sailorvenus hit the youma directly.
"I can do that!" Sailor Venus said. "Venus Crescent Beam . . .SMASH!!"
"AAAAAH!"
"Sailormercury!" Venus cried. "I KNEW I needed to work on my aim! I'll try again! Venus Crescent Beam Smash!"
"AAAA!" Sailorvenus fell to her knees. "You . . .BITCH!" Then she died.
"Oops!" Sailor Venus said. "I was actually going for the monster . . ."
"RRAOWRR!"
**CRUNCH**
"Luna!" cried Sailormoon.
"Luna!" cried Sailor Moon.
"TEACHEE!" The monster grinned. It had stepped on the two.
"Luna!" Sailorjupiter yelled. "SUPREME THUNDER!"
"AARGH!"
"And this is for Minako! SUPREME THUNDER!"
"AAAAAH!" Sailor Venus died.
"AND THIS IS FOR YOU NOT DOING ANYTHING TO STOP THEM! SUPREME THUNDER!"
"AAAH!" Sailor Moon was killed.
"Dammit, that was my girlfriend!" Tuxedo Mask said. He extended his cane and was about to bring it down on Sailorjupiter when another such cane greeted it.
"Tuxedo Kamen!" Sailorjupiter exclaimed gratefully. "AAAA!" The monster got her at last.
"DAMN YOU, DIE, BASTARD!" Tuxedo Kamen yelled.
Tuxedo Mask moved his mouth a lot, but no words came out.
Finally Tuxedo Kamen punched him with his free hand. He drew a rose from inside his cape and jabbed it into Tuxedo Mask's heart.
"Sailormoon, the youma!" Tuxedo Kamen yelled to her. Until that point she had been sitting absentmindedly on a tree stump. "It should be weak enough! NOW!"
"Right! MOON TIARA ACTION!"
"AAARGH! TEACHEE!!" It faded to dust.
**
"Sailormoon . . .?"
"Yes, Tuxedo Kamen?"
"We're alone now . . .and . . ." He took her into his arms.
Suddenly a voice called from the heavens.
"NOT IN MY DIMENSION!"
Sailormoon looked up at the sky. "Aw, shove it, DIC!"
**
The four Tuxedo Men stood in a dark area.
"Where are we?" Tuxedo Cape asked.
"No idea," said Tuxedo Top-hat, sniffing one of his roses.
"Well, what should we do?" asked Tuxedo Cane.
Suddenly they were practically blinded by numerous spotlights.
Queen Beryl glared at them. "WHO ARE YOU?!?"
All of her Negaverse minions stood behind them, growling menacingly.
"Let's sing the song!" Tuxedo Punchbowl suggested.
"Good idea!" Tuxedo Top-hat said, clapping Punchbowl on the shoulder.
"OOOOH . . .We are tuxedo-suited heroes!"
"What is this, Queen Beryl?" Malachite yelled.
"I can't explain it! It's too powerful to withstand!"
"As handsome as heroes e'er could be!"
"It's destroying us!" Jedite wailed.
"Out of suit, we could be geeky zeroes . . ."
"How did they get here?" Zoicite shrieked.
"But now no one is sexier than weeeeeee!"
**
Off in a corner of the Negaverse, Nephlyte sat calmly with earplugs in his ears.
FIN.
~ Author: Tofumalfoy (tofumalfoy @ yahoo.com)
~ Rating: PG-13
~ Category: humor, parody-ish ~ Warnings: scattered profanity, utter confusion, hints of homosexuality (Kunzite x Zoicite, Nephrite x Jaedite), major character death (but come on, folks, it's supposed to be funny)
~ Archive: Ask and ye shall receive ~ Disclaimer: The story's mine, the characters aren't. How depressing. Except the members of "The Tuxedo Kamen Show." They _are_ mine, and that's depressing too. ~ Feedback: I am aching to know what people think of this one. Sooo . . . .pleeeeeeeeeease??? ^.^
~ Notes: This was my first-ever fic and it still manages to amuse me, though it's somewhat out-of-date now that up to SuperS has been dubbed. To anyone who didn't know, DIC was the original butcherer of Sailormoon for America and Canada.
Please also note that this fic is potentially confusing as hell, because it features the casts of both the original Japanese series _and_ the North American dub, with only slight variations as to spelling. My apologies if it's too anally spelling-dependent.
~ Vocabulary: Senshi: soldier/warrior
henshin: transform
fuku: clothes/uniform
Odango-atama: dumpling head (Mamoru's nickname for Usagi)
** **
Silence.
** **
Sailor V sat up and looked around. "Artemis, where are we? What happened?"
"I don't know, Sailor V."
She took off her mask. "Everyone else is still unconscious. We should look around."
"Right."
Tuxedo Kamen groaned, and slowly sat up. He picked up his mask, which was lying beside him, and put it back on. He got up and turned around, looking at Sailor V.
"You must be Sailor V," he said.
"Yeah," she said. (I hadn't noticed how SEXY he was before!) She bit her lip. "Artemis and I were just going to go scouting. Wanna, uh, come along?"
Behind the mask, an eyebrow was raised.
(Oh, no, he thinks I'm a total loser.)
"Artemis?"
"My cat." She pointed.
"Hi." Artemis waved.
"Hello."
(I wonder what color his eyes are!) "Huh?" She hadn't been paying attention!
"I said you should go on. I'll stay behind and watch over . . ." He was going to say Sailormoon. "The others."
(He doesn't want to come with me.) "Okay. C'mon, Artemis."
Tuxedo Kamen watched them go. (Another Senshi with a schoolgirl crush on me . . .at least this one has enough reason to go look around.) "This place looks familiar, though . . ."
"Tuxedo Kamen . . ."
He whirled around. Sailormoon was still unconscious, asleep now. He smiled. She could sleep, for now.
Sailorjupiter and Sailormercury got up, rubbing their heads.
"Tuxedo Kamen!" Mercury said.
"Sailormercury. Sailorjupiter."
"Wasn't Sailor V here, too?" Saiorjupiter asked, looking around.
"She went scouting."
". . .Tuxedo Kamen!" Sailormoon said.
Jupiter and Mercury turned around.
"She's asleep," Tuxedo Kamen said.
"Oh," Jupiter said.
"Aren't you embarrassed that she talks about you in her sleep?" Mercury asked.
"It's alright," he replied. "I don't mind."
"I hope Sailormars and Sailormoon get up soon," Jupiter said, eyeing the four other Tuxedo Men nervously. "Then we can get out of here!"
"Don't forget," Tuxedo Kamen said. "We still have to wait for Sailor V and Artemis to get back."
"Hey!" Sailormercury said suddenly. "Where's Luna?"
"Mraaaaow!" came a pitiful cry from underneath Sailormoon.
"Luna!" Sailormercury cried.
"Sailormercury! Help me get out from under here! I can't breathe!"
"Maybe we should just wake her up," Sailorjupiter suggested.
"Easier said than done," Mercury said. "But it's worth a try."
**
Queen Beryl was sitting on her throne. "Jedite! Nephlyte! Come before me!"
The two generals appeared.
"Yes, your majesty?" Jedite said.
"I've detected an unusual energy surge on the earth. I can't identify its source from here. You two go check it out."
"Yes, Queen Beryl," Nephlyte said.
The two bowed, then vanished.
**
Sailor V came back running, out of breath. Her eyes were abnormally wide (which was not altogether unusual) and her face was pale. Artemis, behind her, looked pretty much the same. Of course, being a white cat, that could be expected.
"What is it, Sailor V?" Sailormars asked. "Did you find something?"
Sailor V nodded. "WE'RE IN TOKYO NOW!!!"
Sailormercury got a sweat-drop. "Um, Sailor V, we were already in Tokyo!"
"Oh. Well, we're STILL in Tokyo!"
Everyone gasped, except the Tuxedo Men, who were still unconscious.
Tuxedo Top-hat began to stir.
Luna, noting this, said, "Let's continue this conversation elsewhere." She pointed to the Tuxedo Men, who were slowly rousing.
Everyone heartily agreed that it was a good idea.
They all went outside. It seemed they had been in a big warehouse on the edge of Tokyo.
"This LOOKS like Tokyo . . ." Sailorjupiter said.
"Something feels wrong," Mars said. "It's Tokyo, but . . .it's different."
"I find it hard to believe that Queen Beryl would just send us to a different part of Tokyo," Sailor V said.
"I agree," Sailormercury said. She activated her goggles and data computer. "My readings are back to normal, but I'm picking up some new energy readings that are almost exactly the same as the ones we give off! I don't understand it!"
"This calls for an investigation, Senshi!" Luna said.
"But Luna, I'm so TIRED!" Sailormoon said. "Tuxedo Kamen-" She turned. "What, where did he go?!? TUXEDO KAMEN!!!"
"He just . . ." Jupiter began.
"Oh, he always does that," Mars said. Sailormoon just likes to pretend he doesn't."
"But he loves me!" Sailormoon shrieked.
Meanwhile, Artemis and Sailor V had been arguing. Finally Sailor V stood up. She had a distant look on her face. "Artemis and I have decided that I am supposed to officially join the Sailor Team of Tokyo. I'm Sailorvenus now."
Everyone was silent for a moment. They all seemed to realize what a sacrifice she was making. Except . . .
WOW!! Sailor V on out team!?! We'll be invincible!" Sailormoon raved.
Jupiter, Luna, Mercury, and Mars fell over.
"I guess there ought to be introductions . . ." Sailorvenus said.
"But you just TOLD us you were Sailorvenus!" Sailormoon exclaimed.
Sailormars stuck out her hand. "I'm Hino Rei."
Venus accepted the hand. "Aino Minako."
"Mizuno Ami."
"Kino Makoto."
"Luna."
There was a silence momentarily.
"SAILORMOON!" Mars hissed.
There was a silence, momentarily.
"Oh!" Sailormoon said. "I'm Tsukino Usagi!"
"And I'm Artemis," the cat said.
"So, let's go after those energy signals!" Venus tried to sound cheerful. She picked the wrong topic.
Luna, Artemis, and the other Senshi looked at her strangely.
"Hey, what's going on?" a voice from inside the warehouse said.
"Uh, oh," Sailormars said.
"Those Tuxedo Men are conscious again! We'd better get away fast!" Jupiter whispered.
"Sailormoon, HURRY!" Luna panted as they ran.
"I'm COMING, Luna!"
"The signals are getting stronger!" Mercury cried as they ran farther away from the warehouse.
"STOP!" Sailormars yelled.
They were in front of Hikawa Shrine.
**
"Raye, I don't WANNA rake leaves! Luna, WHY do we have to rake LEAVES?" Serena wailed.
"Give it a rest, Serena," Lita sighed. "You've been going on like that for an hour! We told Raye we'd help out!"
"You're such a brat, Serena! It's not going to kill you!" Raye said.
"Come on, Serena, just ONE leaf and you can take a break, okay?" Luna cried, exasperated.
"Wait, everyone!" Raye said. "I feel a strange energy coming closer!"
"Is it the Negaverse, Raye?" Mina asked.
"No . . ." Raye said.
"Amy, what about your data computer?" Luna asked.
"It's definitely not the Negaverse!" Amy said. "It's . . .it's us!"
**
The Senshi stepped back into the shadows of a group of trees.
"We might as well transform down so we won't be so conspicuous," Sailorvenus said.
"Good idea!" Sailorjupiter replied.
**
"Queen Beryl, I have a report to make." Nephlyte appeared.
"Speak, then, Nephlyte. What did you find?"
"A new set of Sailor Scouts has appeared out of nowhere. They look exactly like the old ones, but their voices are different. They could not be the same ones."
"MORE Sailor Scouts to deal with? You can barely handle the ones that were already here!"
"I'm sorry, Queen Beryl."
"Never mind that for now. Keep them under observation."
"Yes, your Majesty."
**
Five normal-looking civilians and two cats stepped very inconspicuously out of the shadows. They headed to the temple that Rei had identified as her grandfather's.
"Look!" Luna hissed.
They all gasped.
Four normal-looking civilians stood raking leaves, one lay down fanning herself, and two cats sat looking exasperated.
". . .It's us!" Ami whispered.
Makoto counted them off. "Rei, Ami, Minako, Usagi . . .all of us!"
"I don't understand!" Usagi complained.
"We must have been teleported to a parallel world!" Ami cried.
"So the readings you got were actually from this dimension?" Rei asked.
"Sure looks like it," Minako said.
"They've seen us," Artemis hissed.
"Let's go," Makoto said firmly.
Slowly they began to walk towards the look-alikes, who were convening at the end of the walkway, by the temple.
"Who are you?" Raye asked.
"Hino Rei," Rei said.
"Aino Minako."
"Kino Makoto."
"Mizuno Ami."
"I'm Tsukino Usagi!"
Luna sighed. "Luna."
"Artemis."
The groups looked each other over for a while.
"And you?" Minako said finally.
"Raye."
"Amy."
"Lita."
"Luna."
"Mina."
"Artemis."
They all turned and looked at Serena. Raye gave her a light kick in the side.
"AAAAAAH!" She jumped up. "Don't DO that, Raye! Oh!" She saw the newcomers. "I'm Serena!"
Usagi drew in her breath sharply. That voice! The same as in her dreams!
"What are you doing here? Why do you look like us?" Lita demanded.
"I doubt you'd believe us . . ." Makoto began.
"No, Mako-chan," Ami said. "If they're us, they're probably Senshi too, right?"
"Senshi?" Raye asked.
"Yeah, you know . . .Sailor suits, love and justice...that kind of stuff!" Usagi exclaimed.
"Oh!" Mina said. "You mean Sailor Scouts! Yeah, we do that."
"'Scouts' is a stupid word . . ." Artemis said under his breath.
"Shut up!" Artemis said. "We could kick your little 'Senshi' butts all over Tokyo!"
"Artemis, don't!" Amy said. "Maybe they can help us in our fight against Queen Beryl!"
"Queen Beryl?!?" Rei said. The others were startled as well.
"Yes!" Ami exclaimed. "I understand now! We're in a parallel world!"
"You've told us THAT much already . . ." Makoto said.
Ami got a sweat-drop.
"What she means, Senshi," Luna began, "is that, if there are doubles of us here, we can assume that there will be a Queen Beryl here, too!"
"Ooooh!" Usagi squealed. "And another Tuxedo Kamen! I'll have TWO!"
"USAGI!!" Rei said.
"What do you mean, DOUBLES??" The other Luna said accusingly. "I'm old enough to be your MOTHER, at least! Doubles, indeed!"
"Yeah, I thought you looked like you were past your prime . . ."
The alternate universe Artemis looked from Luna to Luna as the elder began to hiss. "You have to admit, Luna," he said. "You HAVE been a bit frazzled lately . . ."
"ROWRRR!" The fur on Luna's back bristled. "I'd like to SEE you take me on, young one!"
"My treat," Luna said through her teeth.
"What the . . .?? Luna!" Usagi looked from cat to cat.
"Ummm . . .Luna, what's going on here?" Serena asked.
"Stay back, Serena," her cat said through gritted teeth. "This is MY fight!"
Suddenly the whole yard exploded into arguments.
"I BET YOUR FIRE READINGS AREN'T HALF AS ACCURATE AS MINE!!" Raye yelled.
"OH, YEAH?? Well, my Fire Soul can beat your Mars Fire ANY day!"
"My IQ test results actually came up 300.5!" Amy said.
"Mine were 300.75!" Ami exclaimed.
"I COOKED MY FIRST FIVE-LAYER CAKE WHEN I WAS IN 3RD GRADE!" Lita said, throwing a right hook.
Makoto blocked expertly. "I never made a measly five-layer! My first EIGHT-layer cake came out perfect when I was five!"
"I kicked more ass as Sailor V that you ever will!" Minako cried.
Mina gasped. "You said the 'A' word!"
Artemis was getting pissed off. "My Luna's sexier than your Luna!"
Parallel world Artemis was going to reply heatedly, but instead thought for a moment. "You know," he said, looking at the two Lunas fighting. "You're right." And he walked away. Artemis followed him.
**
"NEPHLYTE!!" Queen Beryl's eyes flashed.
"Yes, Queen Beryl?"
"WHAT IS GOING ON DOWN THERE???"
"It, uh, appears that the sets of Scouts are fighting each other in their civilian clothes at the Cherry Hill Temple. They'll probably end up killing each other!"
"Well, send a monster down there!"
"Yes, Queen Beryl."
**
A red rose landed in the middle of the fights. Then another crossed it. Usagi and Serena, who had been arguing over who could eat rice faster, looked up.
"Tuxedo Mask!" One shrieked and got heart eyes.
"Tuxedo Kamen!" The other shrieked and got heart eyes.
"Usagi, Senshi . . ." Tuxedo Kamen began.
"Serena, Scouts . . ." Tuxedo Mask began.
Suddenly, four other roses flashed by. A pitchpipe could be heard in the distance.
They sang: "Oh, we are tuxedo-suited AAAAAH!"
"TEACHEE!" The monster howled.
"It's that same youma!" Makoto said. "Let's transform!"
"Mercury Power . . .!!"
"Mars Power . . .!!"
"Jupiter Power . . .!!"
"Venus Power . . .!!"
"Moon Prism Power . . .!!"
"MAKE UP!" They all yelled in unison.
"We can't let them beat our own monster, can we?" Lita yelled.
"No way!" Raye said. "MARS . . .POWER!"
"VENUS POWER!"
"MERCURY POWER!"
"JUPITER POWER!"
"MOON PRISM POWER!"
"TRANSFORM!" They all yelled in unison.
"Wow," said Tuxedo Mask. "That monster took out those four guys with just one hit! But where are they now?"
". . .I didn't realize those transformations took so damn long!" Tuxedo Kamen said.
**
"I got this guy!" Sailormars said. "Fire . . ."
"Mars Fire IGNITE!" Sailor Mars' fire hit the monster.
"Fire SOULLL!"
"AAAAH!" Sailor Mars screamed as she was burnt to a crisp.
"That's for taking my shot," Sailormars said, blowing smoke off her fingers.
"RAYE!" Sailor Mercury screamed. "Why you . . .MERCURY BUBBLES . . .BLAST!"
The whole area fogged up.
"Dammit, even I'M not that dense!" Sailormercury said.
"I can't see!" Sailor Moon shrieked. "Tuxedo Mask!"
"SUPREME . . .THUNDER!"
"AAARGH!" The monster gurgled.
"Jupiter Thunder . . .Crash!"
"AAAAUGH!" Sailormars was electrocuted.
"Rei-chan!" Sailormercury yelled. "Shining Aqua ILLUSION!!"
"AAAUGH!" Sailor Jupiter froze to death.
"Sailormercury, you're not even supposed to have that power yet!" Luna yelled.
"Sorry, Luna! I was just tired of having those wimpy bubble powers! AAAA!"
The monster hit her hard. She died.
"Crescent Beam!" Sailorvenus hit the youma directly.
"I can do that!" Sailor Venus said. "Venus Crescent Beam . . .SMASH!!"
"AAAAAH!"
"Sailormercury!" Venus cried. "I KNEW I needed to work on my aim! I'll try again! Venus Crescent Beam Smash!"
"AAAA!" Sailorvenus fell to her knees. "You . . .BITCH!" Then she died.
"Oops!" Sailor Venus said. "I was actually going for the monster . . ."
"RRAOWRR!"
**CRUNCH**
"Luna!" cried Sailormoon.
"Luna!" cried Sailor Moon.
"TEACHEE!" The monster grinned. It had stepped on the two.
"Luna!" Sailorjupiter yelled. "SUPREME THUNDER!"
"AARGH!"
"And this is for Minako! SUPREME THUNDER!"
"AAAAAH!" Sailor Venus died.
"AND THIS IS FOR YOU NOT DOING ANYTHING TO STOP THEM! SUPREME THUNDER!"
"AAAH!" Sailor Moon was killed.
"Dammit, that was my girlfriend!" Tuxedo Mask said. He extended his cane and was about to bring it down on Sailorjupiter when another such cane greeted it.
"Tuxedo Kamen!" Sailorjupiter exclaimed gratefully. "AAAA!" The monster got her at last.
"DAMN YOU, DIE, BASTARD!" Tuxedo Kamen yelled.
Tuxedo Mask moved his mouth a lot, but no words came out.
Finally Tuxedo Kamen punched him with his free hand. He drew a rose from inside his cape and jabbed it into Tuxedo Mask's heart.
"Sailormoon, the youma!" Tuxedo Kamen yelled to her. Until that point she had been sitting absentmindedly on a tree stump. "It should be weak enough! NOW!"
"Right! MOON TIARA ACTION!"
"AAARGH! TEACHEE!!" It faded to dust.
**
"Sailormoon . . .?"
"Yes, Tuxedo Kamen?"
"We're alone now . . .and . . ." He took her into his arms.
Suddenly a voice called from the heavens.
"NOT IN MY DIMENSION!"
Sailormoon looked up at the sky. "Aw, shove it, DIC!"
**
The four Tuxedo Men stood in a dark area.
"Where are we?" Tuxedo Cape asked.
"No idea," said Tuxedo Top-hat, sniffing one of his roses.
"Well, what should we do?" asked Tuxedo Cane.
Suddenly they were practically blinded by numerous spotlights.
Queen Beryl glared at them. "WHO ARE YOU?!?"
All of her Negaverse minions stood behind them, growling menacingly.
"Let's sing the song!" Tuxedo Punchbowl suggested.
"Good idea!" Tuxedo Top-hat said, clapping Punchbowl on the shoulder.
"OOOOH . . .We are tuxedo-suited heroes!"
"What is this, Queen Beryl?" Malachite yelled.
"I can't explain it! It's too powerful to withstand!"
"As handsome as heroes e'er could be!"
"It's destroying us!" Jedite wailed.
"Out of suit, we could be geeky zeroes . . ."
"How did they get here?" Zoicite shrieked.
"But now no one is sexier than weeeeeee!"
**
Off in a corner of the Negaverse, Nephlyte sat calmly with earplugs in his ears.
FIN.