Disclaimer: The characters are the property of jrr tolkien and company. I do not own them. Except maybe rhyden, but I am giving him away.
A/N: Sorry. Muse is dying.
"Ata'da?" Elrohir called out to his grandfather who stood by the lake, staring out into the horizon. The sun was setting and Arda was beginning to succumb to darkness.
Celeborn turned to look at his grandson. He offered a small smile, then returned his gaze back to the setting sun. "The world has changed a great deal." Celeborn spoke softly, sadness lingered in his voice. Elrohir did not say anything as his grandfather continued.
"There was a time when elves were everywhere. Now, there are but a few of us left."
"Our time has ended." Elrohir replied.
Celeborn smiled. "I know." He took a deep breath. "I never thought it would be like this, though. Somehow, the end is never quite what you pictured it."
"Things rarely are, ata'da."
The two elves became silent. Elrohir glanced at the lord of the Golden Woods.
"Do you miss grandma?" he asked hesitantly.
Celeborn nodded. "But I have made my choice. I have to live with it."
"Why did you not go with her?"
Celeborn hesitated, unsure how he could explain to his youngest grandson the reason for his choice.
"Do you not love her anymore?"
"Of course I love her. I will always love her, Elrohir. Nothing can change that."
Elrohir never understood why Celeborn chose to remain in Middle Earth when Galadriel chose to sail. The person Elrohir loved the most in the world was his twin, and what they had was brotherly love, yet he would not leave Elladan for anything. If Celeborn loved Galadriel, truly loved her, then would their connection not be deeper? Yet his grandfather chose to be parted with his wife.
"Then why did you stay?"
"Because this is where I belong. I have seen so many things happen here. It is where I was born, where I grew up, where I met your grandmother…." Celeborn looked at Elrohir, somehow willing him to understand. "This is where I started. It will be where I will end."
But Elrohir still did not understand.
"But shouldn't your love for grandma be where you begin and end?"
Celeborn laughed lightly. The young ones were always so romantic. Elrogir was not so young but, compared to Celeborn, he would seem a child.
"Your grandmother and I love each other, Elrohir. Very much. But the kind of love that makes a person your entire world is very rare. To find the person where everything starts and ends, is a special and rare gift. If in any lifetime you find it, then you very are lucky. But not everyone finds it. Oh, we find love. The way your grandmother and I did. But it was not as soul-deep as the one you have in mind. We loved, but we did not revolve around each other. And we both knew it." Celeborn took a deep breath. "In my lifetime which has been a very long time, I have rarely seen such love."
Elrohir nodded in understanding, finally seeing what his grandfather was telling him. He has also been in Arda for a long time. He has seen a lot of people in love, but he has rarely seen two people who held each other with so much love as to touch the hearts of everyone around them. Elrohir knew that very few people found a love that encompassed everything. He himself has not found such a love, and doubted that he ever will.
"I understand, ata'da."
"I remained because to me, this is where I belong."
The two elves continued to stare at the horizon until the sun disappeared behind the mountains, and Arda was plunged in darkness. Soon, the stars will come, and Ithil will rise to the skies.
"Ata'da?"
"Hmmm"
"Haldir and Glorfindel..?"
Celeborn nodded in agreement.
"As Aragorn and Legolas."
Without any further explanations, the two elves understood. They were fortunate to have witnessed two of the most sacred of all loves.
And, though he knew he shouldn't, Elohir could not help but ask. Perhaps he and Elladan were not the only one who wondered if…
"Ada and Erestor."
Celeborn hesitated. "You accept their relationship fully?"
Elrohir laughed. "Elladan and I always have. Ever since we were young, we had somehow sensed that there was something between them, but we were never able to name it."
Elrohir and Elladan were always smarter than people thought them to be at times, even when they had been very young. And more intuitive than Erestor and Elrond ever gave them credit for.
"Erestor was always there. Not once was he absent whenever we needed help. We were always his priority. And the way he would do just about everything for ada…"
"Hmm. That is true." Celeborn had noticed it as well. Added to that was the fact that Erestor seemed to only stay away whenever Elrond and Celebrian were together, yet not so far away as to be unavailable should he be needed. And Celeborn had seen Erestor's longing in the advisor's eyes at times when Erestor accidentally let his guard down.
"Do you think your father loves Erestor as much?"
The younger elf fell silent for a moment. "I do not know. All I know is that ada never looked at anyone the way he does Erestor."
Then he remembered that night so long ago, when his mother was still with them. Imladris was attacked, and Elrond got injured when he crossed the borders to help the elves who were unable to get to safety. It was Elrohir who had carried his father back to the house. On their way, Elrond had asked for Erestor, over and over. At the time, Elrohir had thought it odd, since Erestor was not even a healer, but he never gave it much thought, until now.
"He has never needed anyone like he did Erestor, though he never really realized it. In his direst moments of need, Erestor is the person he goes to."
Celeborn knew of this. He had always known that somehow, Celebrian wasn't the one who truly held Elrond's heart. The marriage had been convenient for all. It forged an alliance between Imladris and Lothlorien. And Elrond had loved Celebrian…just not the way he loved Erestor, which at the time the half-elf never realized he did.
"For the wisest elf, ada was certainly slow to pick up on Erestor, and what he felt for Erestor." Elrohir joked.
Celeborn laughed. "True. But your father and Erestor have always been close. Perhaps that closeness had caused him to miss the signs, even the promptings of his own heart."
"Do you think nana knew?" Elrohir asked.
Celeborn was not sure if he should answer. He had been worried, when he first realized that Elrond had feelings for the advisor even though the half-elf did not yet realize at the time. He had worried about how Celebrian would react should she realize it as well. As a father, he did not want his daughter hurt. Yet he needn't have worried.
"She did. In fact, she pointed it out to me once."
Elrohir looked at his grandfather in surprise. "And she did not say anything?"
"Your mother knew, and understood. Erestor was part of your ada's life long before she came into the picture. They were already married when she realized it, but she had known of the hidden feelings between your ada and Erestor."
Celeborn smiled at the memory of his daughter discussing Elrond's stupidity at not seeing how Erestor felt for him.
"She even thought about matchmaking them, since your father was obviously too blind to see."
Celebrian had accepted the fact, and she never held it against Elrond nor Erestor. It was enough that Elrond loved her as well.
Elrohir was stunned. But he understood. And now, he knew a part of his mother that made her all the more precious to him, not only because Celebrian was his mother, but because she was a wonderful person. Very few wives would have accepted such facts.
"Father is blind when it came to that. He almost lost Erestor."
"It was a good thing he had friends and family to help him."
Both elves laughed.
"I thought ada would never get around to courting Erestor."
"A lot has changed indeed." Celeborn said seriously. The time of the elves was ending. But such end had allowed for new beginnings.
Then again, maybe it wasn't quite the end yet.
After a while, moments spent in silence, Elrohir decided to go find his twin. Saying goodnight to Celeborn, he turned to leave.
"Elrohir?"
"Yes, ata'da?"
"Thank you for understanding."
Elrohir smiled. "It's not that difficult to."
With that, the half elf turned and left.
Celeborn watched his grandson disappear into the forest, then turned his gaze back to the horizon. He continued his musings, and his conversation, as he was wont to do.
"You were right, Galadriel. They are very special children. Elrond is finally with Erestor, by the way…"
Sometimes, even after they have left, loved ones would always be there.
Ecthelion watched the two elves talking from atop the tree he was on. After Elrohir left, Ecthelion could not help but smile when Celeborn went back to speaking with his wife, even though she was no longer there. Or maybe she was.
He had not meant to eavesdrop. He had been on the tree even before Celeborn came. But he did not have the heart to let his presence be known to the Lord of the Golden Woods, especially when the other elf began to speak to his wife. Then Elrohir came, and once again, he did not want to disturb grandfather and grandson. So he sat quietly.
He had come here to watch the sunset as well. He had always done so, ever since he started looking for Glorfindel. He had watched, because he wanted to share something with Glorfindel, should there be a chance that the other elf was watching the sunset as well.
Ecthelion sighed. He had never really thought about how their reunion would have been like. He had also entertained thoughts that Glorfindel would be with someone else. But he never really quite pictured it the way the events had played out.
Strangely, the hurt was not as painful as he thought it would be if he lost Glorfindel. He had seen Haldir's eyes. He knew without doubt that the March Warden loved Glorfindel very much. Could it be why it did not hurt so much to lose Glorfindel? Because he was losing his lover to someone worthy?
Maybe.
Or it could be the fact that he knew he already lost Glorfindel. In Rivendell, when Elrond had read the letter, he had known, in his heart, that something was different. And when he had seen Glorfindel in Helms Deep, on his knees and crying, he had known then. But he would not admit it at the time.
And he was right. Their kiss had been different. Very different.
They were different, but the kiss should not have changed. Not like that anyway.
Ecthelion shook his head.
/Why am I torturing myself?/
/Because there is nothing else I can do? And I need some closure?/
He had not really entertained thoughts on what he felt losing Glorfindel. And now that he did, he was surprised.
/I am a better elf than I thought I was./
He had let Glorfindel go, knowing that his lover was meant to be with Haldir, without harboring any hard feelings for both. Maybe he was a little envious of the March Warden. But that was it.
"Yes, I know that there is someone listening, Galadriel. But he seems to be in deep thought. I really do not want to disturb him." Celeborn's voice penetrated his thoughts and he nearly fell, surprised that the Lorien elf had known he was there all along. He looked down, but Celeborn was not looking at him. The elf lord was still talking.
"Now, now, love. You know that's not polite. Besides, he is a guest. I am sure he did not really mean to eavesdrop."
Ecthelion laughed quietly to himself.
"May as well go down." He climbed down the tree. When he was on the ground, Celeborn turned to face him. The Lorien elf smiled.
"Ecthelion." The elf lord said in greeting.
A little embarrassed at being caught, Ecthelion smiled a little uncertainly.
"Uh…Lord Celeborn."
"Celeborn. I am no longer lord." The Lorien elf corrected.
"I did not mean to listen…" Ecthelion wanted to explain but Celeborn cut him off.
"Oh, don't worry. I know you did not mean to. It's alright. Really."
Ecthelion nodded ,a little unsure, then moved to stand beside the elf lord.
"You…talk to her." He said a little uncertainly.
"Yes, I do." Celeborn offered no other explanation.
"Does she talk back?" The question was not meant to ridicule. It was really out of curiosity.
"Yes, in my mind. You see, when you have lived with someone for over seven thousand years, you get to know them so well, you would already know how they would reply to things that you say." Celeborn smiled. "That's how I talk to her."
Ecthelion smiled, the thought warmed his heart. "I see."
"Hmmm, the only thing different would be the fact that I will not be hearing her voice out loud. But even then, I can still hear it."
"You are very lucky to have found someone like that." Ecthelion said sincerely.
Celeborn looked at him, "Yes, I am."
The elf lord continued to look at the Balrog slayer.
"But we are immortal, it is not too late for you." Celeborn added.
Ecthelion shook his head.
"I have no real desire to find someone."
Both elves heard the unspoken word – 'else'
Ecthelion had tasted what forever was like with someone. Although he had accepted that he and Glorfindel were not meant to be, he knew that he no longer wanted anyone else to be with that way.
Celeborn contemplated the other elf's response, then nodded. He understood what it was like. Even now that he and his wife were parted, he had no desire nor need to find companionship in that way, even though Galadriel had given him permission to do so. Though he knew that to be with someone did not mean he was replacing his wife, Celeborn did not feel the need to.
They had experienced what it was like to be with someone that made them feel truly alive. Once was enough to last them a lifetime.
Erestor stood silently on the balcony of Elrond's talan, watching the sunset. Elrond lay sleeping on the bed, where a few hours ago they had made love several times. But while Elrond drifted off to reverie, Erestor found he could not sleep. After holding Elrond in his arms for a while, he went to the balcony where he now stood.
He still could not believe that he and Elrond were now lovers. Two days ago, he had been expecting to fade away, and now…
/and now he lays sleeping after making love to me./
Erestor was still reeling from everything that had happened. Everything had changed in one day. And all because of…
/Because of…chance?/
Why did it all happen suddenly, everything that he had ever dreamed of? Elrond loving him, making love to him?
It was all so overwhelming.
/And I am afraid that this could all be a dream./
But it couldn't be. It all felt so real. The pain, the pleasure. Not even in his most vivid dreams has Erestor been so satisfied or contented. It could not be a dream. He was not so imaginative as to recreate such startling reality.
/Elrond's touch…it is beyond any I have imagined. So much more. It cannot be a dream./
Erestor inhaled deeply.
Three thousand years. He spent millennia in pain, with unrequited love, never expecting it to be returned…thousands of years feeling numb inside, his hope that Elrond would ever love him long dead. And then, yesterday, in his most hopeless and painful moment, Elrond came and made all his dreams come true.
/I love him so much./
'I love you. Erestor.'
The words had brought a mixture of bittersweet emotions. Erestor could not believe it at first. But then… Elrond did what he did and Erestor was lost in a haze of pleasure and happiness. The pain had gone. In an instant, the pain he bore for thousands of years were wiped away by the only one who ever could.
/How long have you…we wasted so much time./
But no, Erestor would not dwell in the past. It was all behind them now. He would only think of tomorrow, and what lay ahead of them.
/Valinor./
The thought came unbidden, and Erestor inhaled deeply as the thought brought an ache to his heart.
/Valinor./
/I will lose you in Valinor./
Erestor closed his eyes. A sad smile formed on his lips as he made a decision.
/But I will not leave you. You will return to her, but I will be there when you need me. As a friend./
He would never come between Elrond and Celebrian, but he would not leave Elrond either.
Earlier, Erestor had decided to stay behind, thinking he could not bear to watch Elrond be reunited with Celebrian. But he had accepted the fact that Elrond and Celebrian were meant to be together. He would be there for Elrond, to be what he had been for the past thousands of years – a loyal friend.
/Who will always love you./
He knew that no matter what, his heart would always belong to the elf lord.
It was enough that once, Elrond had loved him, too. He would treasure these moments. No one would ever be able to take them away. Ever.
Erestor's musings were cut short as an arm snaked around his waist and he was pulled against a warm, naked body.
"What are you thinking?" Elrond asked as he nuzzled his lover's neck, making the other elf shiver.
Erestor relaxed into Elrond's arms.
"Nothing." He did not want Elrond to know what had been going on in his head. He knew that the half elf would be too noble to let Erestor make such a sacrifice, and might think of breaking off their new found relationship to spare Erestor pain. And the advisor could not afford that. He did not want to lose Elrond as they already have such a short time together as it is.
"It seemed you were deeply thinking of…nothing." Elrond teased Erestor. He knew his advisor, and he knew when the other elf was hiding something important. This was one of those times.
Erestor closed his eyes when Elrond began to nibble his ear. One of Elrond's hand found a way inside the robe he was wearing and began a slow descent towards the advisor's arousal. Erestor rested his head on Elrond's shoulder as his knees began to quiver.
"It…really is…nothing." His breath came in gasps.
"You forget I know you, Erestor. You don't think of nothing." Elrond replied as he continued to tease his lover.
Erestor let out a loud moan as Elrond's hand closed around his erection. He was having a hard time following the conversation with Elrond doing such things to him.
"I…it's…ah…a…first…time." He reasoned, just before all thought left him when Elrond began to move his hand up and down Erestor's arousal. Pleasure erupted from deep inside Erestor and he nearly screamed.
"Hmm…I do not think so."
Bestowing light kisses on his lover's neck, Elrond continued to move his hand.
"Maybe I could coax it out of you."
Elrond's hands began to move faster. Erestor was lost in spiralling sensations as he felt his climax build.
Erestor was no longer coherent. The only thing keeping him upright was Elrond's arms around him as he buckled.
And he came, with Elrond whispering words of love to him.
Spent and weak, Erestor did not protest when Elrond carried him back to bed.
The half-elf lay his lover on the bed. He got a piece of cloth and wiped away the evidence of what he had done. Not that the elf lord was trying to hide anything. Then he took his place beside Erestor. Propping himself up on one arm, Elrond used his other hand to caress Erestor's hair while the advisor calmed his breathing. Finally, Erestor's heartbeat slowed. But he kept his eyes closed, enjoying the feel of Elrond's fingers in his hair.
"Did you…" Erestor asked hesitantly, knowing that he had not done anything for Elrond.
"It's fine."
"But…"
"Erestor, I like to pleasure you. You do not have to do anything in return."
Looking down on his lover, Elrond smiled. "Besides, I came with you. You make the most arousing sounds."
Erestor blushed at his lover's words.
"So what were you thinking of?" Elrond asked.
Erestor smiled and shook his head. Elrond always had a one-track mind. He would not give up until he got what he wanted.
"I told you, it was nothing."
"It must be something important about us, then." Elrond stated matter-of-factly.
Erestor opened his eyes and looked at his lover.
"And why is that?"
"Well, you are hesitant to tell me about it, whereas we have spoken of everything except things that are about us, as…us. We are new lovers, so you are not sure how to bring it up, because we have never had such conversations before. You are probably worried of how I would react to it, as you are not sure of how I would react. It must be something important, because things that are of no importance do not keep you awake after having been exhausted by our lovemaking." Elrond grinned at Erestor's somewhat dumbfounded expression. Then the advisor laughed.
"We have spent too many years together, we can practically read each other's minds!"
Elrond looked away.
"Not enough. If I did, then it would not have taken me so long to court you."
The laughter died at the seriousness of Elrond's tone.
"And I would know what it is that is troubling you so I could help. I would not feel this fear that it could be something I had done wrong. I would not be afraid that you are regretting what has happened between us and do not-"
"Stop right there!" Erestor straightened to meet Elrond's eyes. "I am not regretting anything! This is what I have wanted for years. I love you, Elrond! I will never regret being with you! Don't ever think that!"
Elrond offered a shy smile.
"I am sorry. It was irrational, I know. But I've hurt you so much I was afraid that it was too late."
Erestor shook his head. He cupped Elrond's cheek and made sure that their eyes met. "It is not too late. I love you."
Erestor moved closer and the two elves kissed each other gently. Finally they pulled back and settled back on the bed, holding each other.
"So what is it, then?" Elrond persisted.
Erestor groaned. "Elrond, give it up. Please."
"No. Is it about my being too slow?"
"No, Elrond. Stop-"
"About the time we wasted?"
"No-"
"About getting back at me for the pain I caused you?"
"What? Of course not-"
"I was joking. Is it about making love outside the kitchen?"
"No-"
"Worried about Elladan and Elrohir's reaction? They are fine with it."
"That's not it. Elrond, just stop. I am not telling you."
Elrond inhaled deeply, but said nothing. Erestor closed his eyes. Maybe Elrond would finally let the subject go.
"Why not?"
Elrond's voice was soft, and a slight pain could be heard although he tried very hard to conceal it. Erestor sighed.
"Elrond, you would find out eventually. I just can't tell you. I…it's really not significant."
"Then why did you look so hurt?"
"I…I was just remembering. It was in the past. There is nothing we could do to change it. Everything just happened so fast and I…I still can't believe that we're really together." Erestor explained. It was not a lie. But it wasn't the whole truth either. He knew that if he told Elrond about his real thoughts, the elf lord would probably try to do the noble thing and stay with him. Elrond would probably feel guilty and volunteer to stay. And that Erestor could not allow. The half elf has to sail. It was what Elrond really wanted. Erestor was not going to hold him back.
"Elrond, it really was nothing. Trust me. I was just…remembering."
Elrond looked slightly doubtful, but he let it go. "Then stop remembering. I promise that I would never hurt you like that again. I hope that someday you will be able to forgive me."
"I have already forgiven you, melamin, the moment you kissed me." Erestor laughed.
Elrond smiled as well. Finally, the tension broke and they were teasing each other once again.
"So all I needed was to kiss you? Hmmm, then we still have a lot of kissing to do." Elrond brought his lips closer to Erestor. "About three thousand years worth."
Erestor chuckled. "Just kissing?" He whispered, watching Elrond lean closer, feeling the half-elf's hands caress his belly.
"And wherever else it leads." Elrond said, before silencing both of them with a kiss.
Glorfindel woke slowly. His arms reached out beside him for Haldir, and came up empty.
"Haldir?" When there was no reply, Glorfindel rose swiftly from the bed, looking around for his lover. Unable to find the elf, Glorfindel began to worry. "Haldir?" The seneschal went to the kitchens after putting on a robe. Searching the talan, he did not find Haldir anywhere. He began to panic. He rushed outside, calling out to his lover.
"Haldir!"
/Where are you?/
He tried his best to keep his calm. He rushed over to Rumil's talan, then Orophin's, hoping to find Haldir just visiting his brothers. But Haldir was not in either. The two elves joined in the search, but Glorfindel did not stop to wait for them as they rushed to ask for help from the others.
"Haldir!!"
Glorfindel could not understand why Haldir would leave.
/Everything was fine. I thought it was all going well. What did I do again, Haldir?/
He had sworn never to let Haldir go again. Yet now, he could not find his lover anywhere.
/Where did you go? Did you leave me?/
Glorfindel's heart froze at the possibility.
/Please, no. Haldir, I would do anything. Please come back./
For each call to Haldir's name and there was no answer, Glorfindel's fear grew until it threatened to overwhelm him.
/Not again. Please, not again./
"Haldir!!!"
TBC
I AM SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY!
A/n: probably two or three more chapters. I think. Depends. No definite ending yet. But an ending has been written. Not sure it will be "the one" anyway.
Thanks to all those who still believe that I had not completely abandoned the story even though I did not update for three months. Thanks for all your best wishes on my exam…it did not go well by the way ( a factor to the dying muse). Thanks for staying with.