Harry and Hermione crept slowly along a dark corridor. It wasn't normally
that dark, but for some reason, today it would have been pitch black if not
for the orange glow of randomly placed lanterns that had also never been
there before. The corridor had grown immencly long, and the two had been
searching through for about an hour. Every few minutes, they would point
their wands and find that they had been going in an entirely wrong
direction.
"Uh, 'Mione? Have you noticed anything weird lately?" Harry muttered. Hermione glanced over at him with eyes that were far more warmly cinnamon than they had been the day before.
"Like, that you are all calling me 'Mione? It's getting totally annoying." Hermione's voice was very high-pitched, and lilted up at the end. She had a vague British accent, but aside from that it would've been impossible to tell that she didn't spend most of her day in Southern Californian malls. Harry frowned, but then forgot why he thought this was strange.
"Oh, like, uh, no reason," said Harry. Then he coughed and cleared his throat, as his voice had been uncharacteristically deep. He glanced back at 'Mione, and noticed she had seemingly grown shorter. Or. . .perhaps he had grown taller? That seemed to be it. He suddenly also had a lot more chin and a lot more muscles.
"What's going on?" he asked in that deep voice. But he wasn't sure what was so strange. As soon as he thought about it, his mind went all blurry, and all he could think about was Quidditch. Hermione suddenly felt the urge to dash off and gossip about Harry's sudden change with Parvati and Lavender. Except she wasn't sure what had changed.
But before she could, the object of their search appeared before their very sparkly and pretty eyes. It was a basket of fruit. Or rather, a painting of a basket of fruit. 'Mione tickled the pear on the painting seductively. The pear giggled. She giggled. Harry did not giggle, but he laughed a very masculine laugh. They stepped into the kitchens.
The kitchens were different, too. There were house elves, but they didn't look somehow like Harry would've expected them to. Somehow, he pictured house elves as very small, with eyes like tennis balls and leathery skin, wearing a dirty pillowcase or a tea towel. But he couldn't imagine why, because these were the right house elves. They were also very small, with very pink, shiny skin, large sparkly blue eyes, cute button noses, pink cheeks, and a smile like a cherub. They had long ears, but they were not bat-like, just cute. Each elf had little blonde curls on their head and wore green leggings, little green hats, and lots of bells. They were also skipping and singing a song made up almost entirely of "la la la"
"Harry Potter, sir!" squealed the little skipping elf wearing the most bells and mis-matched socks. Harry stared at him curiously, then laughed.
"Oh, hi, Dobby! We came to ask you a favor. It was. . .um. . .uh. . ."
'Mione frowned, and brushed back her shiny, straight chestnut hair. "We need you to poison Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford's food."
Dobby gasped, and his little bells shook merrily. "I can't do that, 'Mione! Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford is my sister-in-law."
Harry and 'Mione blinked, confused, but then remembered that Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford had been raised by house elves. Harry sighed, and then adorned a quite pathetic sad-puppy face. "Pleeeeeease, Dobby? For me? I helped free you from the Malfoys, and I gave you socks, and. . ."
Dobby sighed. "Sorry, Harry Potter, sir. I can't kill my brother Globby's wife's little sister! How will I be able to talk to them next Thanksgiving?"
Harry shrugged. "Oh, well. Plan B. C'mon, 'Mione." Harry trundled out of the room slowly. 'Mione stood, staring at Dobby, looking confused by not sure what about. Finally, she opened her mouth.
"But. . .we're in England. . .Thanksgiving. . ."
"C'mon, 'Mione!" Harry snapped. 'Mione suddenly turned around, giggled, and dashed after Harry, who she was beginning to find incredibly attractive for some reason.
***
The ceiling of the Great Hall was warm and sunny. There were pale pink streaks running across the clouds, to signify the setting of the sun, but otherwise it looked like a lovely May afternoon. Brightly colored birds twittered past, and several students were wearing sunglasses.
Slowly, the faculty and students began to file in as the many golden plates began filling themselves with vast varieties of food- turkeys, steaks, and seafood dishes, salads, fruits, and vegetables of all kinds, an assortment of pies, pudding, and, as always, peppermint humbugs.
Harry and 'Mione sat at Gryffindor table, looking displeased. It was almost as if the damn little elves had put extra work into making the dinner nice for Dobby's sister-in-law. They were among the first seated- only Neville, some first years, and two surly seventh years were already seated. Most of the faculty were already there, but Snape had been avoiding the dinners since his demotion, and Sirius was once again missing.
Slowly, the tables began to fill. Gryffindor table, within a matter of five minutes, was suddenly alive with the chattering voices of students. Finally, it seemed that everyone had come. Dumbledore picked up his silverware and began carving a turkey, a sign that it was now time to eat.
But Sirius still hadn't arrived, and neither had Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford. Harry scowled- he was probably still busy serenading her stupid eyes. Once he killed her, he was going to stab them out like an angry phoenix.
However, Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford didn't enter the Great Hall with Harry's godfather. She flung open the doors, standing alone. She looked very dramatic, with the wind fluttering through her dark chocolate mane. But the effect was ruined when she began marching in, and Ron trailed behind her with a stupid expression and drew running down his chin. Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford didn't seem to notice- she walked up to the faculty table.
"Oh, Remy, darling," she said in a voice like soft-serve low fat frozen yoghurt. "Do you have a kiss for your Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smythiepoo?" She batted her eyelashes seductively, and Ron's drool output increased threefold.
Professor Lupin was currently cutting up a large portion of steak. When she first spoke, his look seemed rather like Ron's, but for a split second there was a look of deep alarm. Harry thought it was strange- he almost looked as though he was under the Imperius Curse and was fighting to resist. But he dismissed the thought when it occurred to him that this must mean Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford had broken up wth Sirius. One might've thought this would please Harry, but instead he was fuming. He may not have liked Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford and Sirius's relationship, but no one broke up with his godfather! Harry slowly reached for something in his robe pocket.
But he was interrupted from his goal when there was a shouted from the balcony. "Stand and fight, ye scurvy coward!" Harry glanced up to see Sirius. He was still dressed in his leather pants and dog collar, but he was also wearing a very girly blouse which had partially ripped, exposing his chest. He was holding a rope in one hand and a sword in the other, and he was clutching a rose in his teeth. Sirius seemed to be giving Professor Lupin a look which was an awful lot like the one Snape tended to give Harry.
"Erm, Sirius. . ." said Professor Lupin slowly. "Maybe you should get down. . ."
"Nay, foul rogue! Thou art going to die!" Sirius bellowed. Then, he swung on the rope at Professor Lupin, holding the sword straight out. Professor Lupin stood still, too shocked to move. With one swift motion, Sirius plunged the sword into Lupin's heart!
"Oh, no!" squealed 'Mione. She shielded her eyes from the gruesome sight. Harry watched in a manly way, but on impact coughed so that he could look down into the potatoes. Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford screamed, as well as several other people in the room. Harry shuddered, but slowly he looked up. . .
Sirius seemed to be having some difficulty. He was furiously stabbing Lupin, but the sword wouldn't go in. Instead, it bent in odd directions across the werewolf's chest. "Why! Won't! You! Die?!!!" screamed Sirius angrily.
"Well," said Lupin, in the voice usually saved for talking to the deranged, "You seemed to be using a fencing sword. They're only for training, see, they're made so they can't be used lethally. . ."
"Oh, screw it!" Sirius shouted, flinging the sword across the room. He tore off the ripped blouse, and began beating his chest. "You're going down, bitch!" He punched Lupin squarely on the jaw. Lupin looked around wildly, and began to edge away, reaching cautiously for his wand.
"Sirius," he said slowly. "You really need to relax. Think nice, happy thoughts, like the seashore, and little bunny rabbits, and unicorns and the like. Then, we can go to Madam Pomfrey, and she can fix you riiiight up. Okay?"
"No. I'm not gonna," said Sirius. He stuck out his tongue, and then began swinging wild punches. Remus managed to dodge most of them, due to the fact that wizards have very little training in fist fighting. "Die, you werewolf ho!" sobbed Sirius desperately.
"Sirius. . ." said Remus, backing out the door. "I don't want to hurt you, but I want you to calm down. Can you do that for me?"
Sirius ran after him, his eyes strangely unfocused. He was heaving like a rabid animal. "No. You stole my one true love! Now, you must pay!" In place of a man, there was suddenly a large, black dog. He was growling angrily. Remus began backing up faster, now looking a bit frightened himself. He could remain calm in most situations, but big, angry canines unsettled him.
Then, Sirius pounced and Remus turned and ran! The doors slammed shut behind them. Everyone in the Great Hall was staring at the doors. Then, Dumbledore picked up his fork. "Well, now that that's over. . ." Everyone began eating again. Suddenly, Harry stood up, and looked Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford straight in the eye. He pulled a jagged dagger out of his robe and charged.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!!" he shouted as he ran across the room, dagger outstretched, straight at her. But Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford put out her arm and pushed it against his head. Harry bent down, running but not moving, his arms flailing wildly.
"Harry," said Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford, her eyes wide with sadness. "What are you trying to do?"
Harry drew his dagger menacingly, pulling out of the running stance. "I want you dead!!"
Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford blinked, and Harry cowered. He knew how powerful she was. . .she could smite him down with a single blow. . .
But instead of using magic, Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford clasped her arms together in a pose like heroines in bad romance novels. She sighed, looking painfully dramatic, and said softly, "If only my true love were here to save me!" Harry stared at her. She frowned, glanced angrily at the double doors where Sirius had bounded after Remus, and shouted "If Only My True Love Was Here To Save Me! Wherever could he be?!" she screamed furiously.
A muffled cry came from beyond the double doors. "Erm. . .just a minute, dearest. . ." There was a barking growling sound, and the sound of footsteps dashing away swiftly.
"But Remy!!!!" shouted Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford. She turned to chase after him, and Harry suddenly struck upwards with the dagger into her stomach. One would've expected a bellow and a lot of mess, but instead, Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford's mouth formed and pretty O, and she swooned with a faint cry onto the ground while blood billowed in soft curling patterns along her robe front. But, Harry realized with delight, she was most definitely dead.
"Hermione!" he shouted at his friend as her hair transformed from sleek and shiny back to bushy. "It's over! She's gone!"
Hermione looked down at Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford's body. It was bathed in light that looked like gold, white, silver, or some form of lavender. She could've sworn she'd seen the girl's lips move. "No. . .I think it's just beginning. . ."
*~*~*~*
Author's Note~ Hey, you all! Sorry about the long break in updates. First, I was writing something for a school fiction contest, and then I had to do an English project.
Wow, thank you so much for all your reviews! Thank you, thank you, Thank you! *hugs everyone*
I wish I could thank you personally, but I have about 5 minutes before I have to go.
But I can say to all you loyal Remus fans- he's mine, back off, and yes, it was painful to set him up with that horrible little Mary Sue but it isn't his fault. More on that next chapter.
Happy holidays, all!
"Uh, 'Mione? Have you noticed anything weird lately?" Harry muttered. Hermione glanced over at him with eyes that were far more warmly cinnamon than they had been the day before.
"Like, that you are all calling me 'Mione? It's getting totally annoying." Hermione's voice was very high-pitched, and lilted up at the end. She had a vague British accent, but aside from that it would've been impossible to tell that she didn't spend most of her day in Southern Californian malls. Harry frowned, but then forgot why he thought this was strange.
"Oh, like, uh, no reason," said Harry. Then he coughed and cleared his throat, as his voice had been uncharacteristically deep. He glanced back at 'Mione, and noticed she had seemingly grown shorter. Or. . .perhaps he had grown taller? That seemed to be it. He suddenly also had a lot more chin and a lot more muscles.
"What's going on?" he asked in that deep voice. But he wasn't sure what was so strange. As soon as he thought about it, his mind went all blurry, and all he could think about was Quidditch. Hermione suddenly felt the urge to dash off and gossip about Harry's sudden change with Parvati and Lavender. Except she wasn't sure what had changed.
But before she could, the object of their search appeared before their very sparkly and pretty eyes. It was a basket of fruit. Or rather, a painting of a basket of fruit. 'Mione tickled the pear on the painting seductively. The pear giggled. She giggled. Harry did not giggle, but he laughed a very masculine laugh. They stepped into the kitchens.
The kitchens were different, too. There were house elves, but they didn't look somehow like Harry would've expected them to. Somehow, he pictured house elves as very small, with eyes like tennis balls and leathery skin, wearing a dirty pillowcase or a tea towel. But he couldn't imagine why, because these were the right house elves. They were also very small, with very pink, shiny skin, large sparkly blue eyes, cute button noses, pink cheeks, and a smile like a cherub. They had long ears, but they were not bat-like, just cute. Each elf had little blonde curls on their head and wore green leggings, little green hats, and lots of bells. They were also skipping and singing a song made up almost entirely of "la la la"
"Harry Potter, sir!" squealed the little skipping elf wearing the most bells and mis-matched socks. Harry stared at him curiously, then laughed.
"Oh, hi, Dobby! We came to ask you a favor. It was. . .um. . .uh. . ."
'Mione frowned, and brushed back her shiny, straight chestnut hair. "We need you to poison Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford's food."
Dobby gasped, and his little bells shook merrily. "I can't do that, 'Mione! Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford is my sister-in-law."
Harry and 'Mione blinked, confused, but then remembered that Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford had been raised by house elves. Harry sighed, and then adorned a quite pathetic sad-puppy face. "Pleeeeeease, Dobby? For me? I helped free you from the Malfoys, and I gave you socks, and. . ."
Dobby sighed. "Sorry, Harry Potter, sir. I can't kill my brother Globby's wife's little sister! How will I be able to talk to them next Thanksgiving?"
Harry shrugged. "Oh, well. Plan B. C'mon, 'Mione." Harry trundled out of the room slowly. 'Mione stood, staring at Dobby, looking confused by not sure what about. Finally, she opened her mouth.
"But. . .we're in England. . .Thanksgiving. . ."
"C'mon, 'Mione!" Harry snapped. 'Mione suddenly turned around, giggled, and dashed after Harry, who she was beginning to find incredibly attractive for some reason.
***
The ceiling of the Great Hall was warm and sunny. There were pale pink streaks running across the clouds, to signify the setting of the sun, but otherwise it looked like a lovely May afternoon. Brightly colored birds twittered past, and several students were wearing sunglasses.
Slowly, the faculty and students began to file in as the many golden plates began filling themselves with vast varieties of food- turkeys, steaks, and seafood dishes, salads, fruits, and vegetables of all kinds, an assortment of pies, pudding, and, as always, peppermint humbugs.
Harry and 'Mione sat at Gryffindor table, looking displeased. It was almost as if the damn little elves had put extra work into making the dinner nice for Dobby's sister-in-law. They were among the first seated- only Neville, some first years, and two surly seventh years were already seated. Most of the faculty were already there, but Snape had been avoiding the dinners since his demotion, and Sirius was once again missing.
Slowly, the tables began to fill. Gryffindor table, within a matter of five minutes, was suddenly alive with the chattering voices of students. Finally, it seemed that everyone had come. Dumbledore picked up his silverware and began carving a turkey, a sign that it was now time to eat.
But Sirius still hadn't arrived, and neither had Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford. Harry scowled- he was probably still busy serenading her stupid eyes. Once he killed her, he was going to stab them out like an angry phoenix.
However, Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford didn't enter the Great Hall with Harry's godfather. She flung open the doors, standing alone. She looked very dramatic, with the wind fluttering through her dark chocolate mane. But the effect was ruined when she began marching in, and Ron trailed behind her with a stupid expression and drew running down his chin. Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford didn't seem to notice- she walked up to the faculty table.
"Oh, Remy, darling," she said in a voice like soft-serve low fat frozen yoghurt. "Do you have a kiss for your Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smythiepoo?" She batted her eyelashes seductively, and Ron's drool output increased threefold.
Professor Lupin was currently cutting up a large portion of steak. When she first spoke, his look seemed rather like Ron's, but for a split second there was a look of deep alarm. Harry thought it was strange- he almost looked as though he was under the Imperius Curse and was fighting to resist. But he dismissed the thought when it occurred to him that this must mean Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford had broken up wth Sirius. One might've thought this would please Harry, but instead he was fuming. He may not have liked Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford and Sirius's relationship, but no one broke up with his godfather! Harry slowly reached for something in his robe pocket.
But he was interrupted from his goal when there was a shouted from the balcony. "Stand and fight, ye scurvy coward!" Harry glanced up to see Sirius. He was still dressed in his leather pants and dog collar, but he was also wearing a very girly blouse which had partially ripped, exposing his chest. He was holding a rope in one hand and a sword in the other, and he was clutching a rose in his teeth. Sirius seemed to be giving Professor Lupin a look which was an awful lot like the one Snape tended to give Harry.
"Erm, Sirius. . ." said Professor Lupin slowly. "Maybe you should get down. . ."
"Nay, foul rogue! Thou art going to die!" Sirius bellowed. Then, he swung on the rope at Professor Lupin, holding the sword straight out. Professor Lupin stood still, too shocked to move. With one swift motion, Sirius plunged the sword into Lupin's heart!
"Oh, no!" squealed 'Mione. She shielded her eyes from the gruesome sight. Harry watched in a manly way, but on impact coughed so that he could look down into the potatoes. Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford screamed, as well as several other people in the room. Harry shuddered, but slowly he looked up. . .
Sirius seemed to be having some difficulty. He was furiously stabbing Lupin, but the sword wouldn't go in. Instead, it bent in odd directions across the werewolf's chest. "Why! Won't! You! Die?!!!" screamed Sirius angrily.
"Well," said Lupin, in the voice usually saved for talking to the deranged, "You seemed to be using a fencing sword. They're only for training, see, they're made so they can't be used lethally. . ."
"Oh, screw it!" Sirius shouted, flinging the sword across the room. He tore off the ripped blouse, and began beating his chest. "You're going down, bitch!" He punched Lupin squarely on the jaw. Lupin looked around wildly, and began to edge away, reaching cautiously for his wand.
"Sirius," he said slowly. "You really need to relax. Think nice, happy thoughts, like the seashore, and little bunny rabbits, and unicorns and the like. Then, we can go to Madam Pomfrey, and she can fix you riiiight up. Okay?"
"No. I'm not gonna," said Sirius. He stuck out his tongue, and then began swinging wild punches. Remus managed to dodge most of them, due to the fact that wizards have very little training in fist fighting. "Die, you werewolf ho!" sobbed Sirius desperately.
"Sirius. . ." said Remus, backing out the door. "I don't want to hurt you, but I want you to calm down. Can you do that for me?"
Sirius ran after him, his eyes strangely unfocused. He was heaving like a rabid animal. "No. You stole my one true love! Now, you must pay!" In place of a man, there was suddenly a large, black dog. He was growling angrily. Remus began backing up faster, now looking a bit frightened himself. He could remain calm in most situations, but big, angry canines unsettled him.
Then, Sirius pounced and Remus turned and ran! The doors slammed shut behind them. Everyone in the Great Hall was staring at the doors. Then, Dumbledore picked up his fork. "Well, now that that's over. . ." Everyone began eating again. Suddenly, Harry stood up, and looked Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford straight in the eye. He pulled a jagged dagger out of his robe and charged.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!!" he shouted as he ran across the room, dagger outstretched, straight at her. But Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford put out her arm and pushed it against his head. Harry bent down, running but not moving, his arms flailing wildly.
"Harry," said Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford, her eyes wide with sadness. "What are you trying to do?"
Harry drew his dagger menacingly, pulling out of the running stance. "I want you dead!!"
Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford blinked, and Harry cowered. He knew how powerful she was. . .she could smite him down with a single blow. . .
But instead of using magic, Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford clasped her arms together in a pose like heroines in bad romance novels. She sighed, looking painfully dramatic, and said softly, "If only my true love were here to save me!" Harry stared at her. She frowned, glanced angrily at the double doors where Sirius had bounded after Remus, and shouted "If Only My True Love Was Here To Save Me! Wherever could he be?!" she screamed furiously.
A muffled cry came from beyond the double doors. "Erm. . .just a minute, dearest. . ." There was a barking growling sound, and the sound of footsteps dashing away swiftly.
"But Remy!!!!" shouted Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford. She turned to chase after him, and Harry suddenly struck upwards with the dagger into her stomach. One would've expected a bellow and a lot of mess, but instead, Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford's mouth formed and pretty O, and she swooned with a faint cry onto the ground while blood billowed in soft curling patterns along her robe front. But, Harry realized with delight, she was most definitely dead.
"Hermione!" he shouted at his friend as her hair transformed from sleek and shiny back to bushy. "It's over! She's gone!"
Hermione looked down at Destinee Violette Morningstarr de Smytheford's body. It was bathed in light that looked like gold, white, silver, or some form of lavender. She could've sworn she'd seen the girl's lips move. "No. . .I think it's just beginning. . ."
*~*~*~*
Author's Note~ Hey, you all! Sorry about the long break in updates. First, I was writing something for a school fiction contest, and then I had to do an English project.
Wow, thank you so much for all your reviews! Thank you, thank you, Thank you! *hugs everyone*
I wish I could thank you personally, but I have about 5 minutes before I have to go.
But I can say to all you loyal Remus fans- he's mine, back off, and yes, it was painful to set him up with that horrible little Mary Sue but it isn't his fault. More on that next chapter.
Happy holidays, all!