Title: Revealed
Summary: The jounins, with Tsunade and Jiraiya, come up with a most dreadful plan against one of their own... Genre: Humor/General Rating: G Disclaimer: The writer does not own any of the characters or anything involving the hit anime series, Naruto.
Chapter 1: The Conspiracy
*** Once upon a time...
...in a brightly lit room...
...a meeting was held...
...between a mismatched group of conspirators...
...and they have come up with a most dreadful plan against one of their own...
"I'VE GOT IT!!!!!!!!!!", shouted an ecstatic man wearing an incredibly horrid green jumpsuit. He looked around at the bewildered expressions of his fellow conspirators.
Silence...
.................
"Well...", said the man in the green jumpsuit, looking more than a bit peeved, "Aren't any of you going to ask me what it is?"
A purple haired woman looked up at him and sighed, somewhat exasperatedly, "Okay, fine. Why the hell did you just scream our ears off, Gai?"
"Yeah, this better be good or your dead.", said a wolfish looking man threateningly.
Gai sweat dropped then coughed importantly and struck an eye blinding pose,
"Well, as you all know, this meeting started half and hour ago and yet none of you have come up with a plan. But I, the Beautiful Green Beast of Konoha, has finally found the solution!!!"
Impatient glares from the people in the room immediately seared a hole in Gai's head.
Ignoring them, he continued, "There is going to be a tournament in three days, right? And the winner of the tournament will get to make his defeated opponent do whatever he wants him to do."
He looked absurdly proud and just about to explode with excitement...That is until someone decided to shoot down his bubble. That someone bearing the form of a brown-haired jounin whom looked the most normal of the lot.
"Great plan...except ", smirked Asuma, blowing a ring of smoke from his cigarette, "You forgot 3 things...."
He raised his hand and counted off as he talked, "One: There is no such rule. Two: You are insane. How do you think we'll beat him? And Three: Even if we come up with something for the above mentioned... You know he won't join the tournament."
"Yup. Last time I talked to him he said joining was a waste of time.", Kurenai commented, her eyebrow twitching, "He said he'd rather just relax and watch the fights."
Anko sighed exasperatedly as she hung her head, "That guy...sometimes I really want to strangle him to death."
"Get in line.", growled Asuma, looking more than ever determined to puffing his cigarette till nothing but ashes were left.
Someone coughed...
...Silence...
...another cough...
...more silence...
...Another cough, this time, though, the person coughing seemed ready to dislodge his esophagus...
"All right...What is it this time, Gai?", dead-panned the purple-haired jounin.
"Actually, I've worked out a plan around those problems. And there is but one solution...", Gai said proudly, puffing up his chest, horrible eyebrows included. "TSUNADE-SAMA!!!"
Not looking ruffled one bit at having someone shout her name at the top of his lungs, the blonde sennin looked up from the scandalous magazine she had been reading, "Yes?"
Every head in the room turned to Gai as if it were stupidly choreographed.
"The one and only solution to our dilemma is you, Hokage-sama. You who are the fruit of our nation. You who carry the weight of the entire village. You who are the most beautiful Hokage we have ever had. You—"
"Yes, yes, I know. Now cut the crap. What is it?", Tsunade said, rudely interrupting Gai's otherwise endless speech.
"All our problems can only be solved by you and only you. First: You have to authorize the rule that the Champion can make his defeated opponent do whatever the Champion wishes him to do."
Everybody actually started listening.
"Second: You have to issue an order that all jounins must compete. Willing or not."
Uh-hm. Uh-hm. Yes, yes this was a good plan. Everyone nodded enthusiastically.
Gai, seeing the reaction, struck a pose, "And third: You must defeat him in the championship round."
Tsunade, who had also joined in the nodding, did a double take, "Me? And why, pray tell, does it have to be me?"
"Because none of us can...", Gai muttered, almost seeming as if every word he uttered pained him, "And because even though I am his Eternal Rival...I...can't...um...um..." He trailed off looking as though he might be sick.
Anko smirked, "Yes, Gai, go on... It isn't too hard... He...he...he..."
Beads of sweat started sprouting out of Gai's forehead, "I. Can't. Beat. Him."
"What was that?", Jiraiya smiled evily, "We didn't hear you. Can you say it again?"
The other occupants in the room looked intently at Gai.
Sighing, Thick-Eyebrows closed his eyes, "I CAN'T BEAT HIM!!!"
The poor guy burst to tears, wailing as loud as an infant newly born. Quite a horrendous sight, really.
Tsunade, paying absolutely no mind to the earsplitting wailing coming from the man in the horrible green jumpsuit, asked, "And what about Jiraiya? He can fight... Right?"
Kurenai, the scarlet-eyed jounin, answered, "Well... He's kind of got the attention span of a 15-yr. old faced with the prospect of getting in a fight or peeping in some girl's bathroom forsaking all laws of nature which, by the way, dictates that women have the right to flay any disrespectful man alive to the end of his days."
Jiraiya stared slack-jawed at the raven-haired ninja. Speechless... looking more than ever like a deer caught in the headlights. An hour ago and he wouldn't even have thought it possible that the young jounin had such cruelty in her heart.
Tsunade chuckled, around her Gai only increased his exaggerated sobbing, " Ooohh... I like the way you think. Yeah... poor guy can barely keep his brains from melting when he meets some new kunoichi with the body of a soda bottle."
The white-haired leering pervert picked up his jaw from the floor and stared at the two women looking both annoyed and incredulous, "Hello? What am I? Invisible? I'm still right here you know."
Needless to say both women ignored him completely and carried on talking about Jiraiya's perverted tendencies.
In the background, Gai's continued sobbing started to recede. Well...just a bit.
Anko, getting bored, started throwing kunai's at the target board just above Asuma's head.
Asuma, deciding that the meeting had gone quite out of hand, cleared his throat, "Um...People?"
Everyone ignored him.
"PEOPLE!!!"
Suddenly sounds of head snapping up filled the room.
He looked around the headache-inducing brightly lit room, "It's decided then that Tsunade-sama will take care of everything?"
Nods around the room, although one in particular seemed more of a gesture of defeat.
"Well since we have solved our problem..."
Asuma, still smoking his cigarette, put out his hand, palms facing downward, and stood up.
A flurry of motion and the rest of the Conspirators joined in, putting their hands on top of the other.
"Ready?"
"READY!!!"
They threw their hands in the air and pumped their arms.
"OPERATION: REMOVE KAKASHI'S MASK!!!"
***
Author's Note: Next chapter may take a while to be uploaded since I am suffering a writer's block. Reviews are greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Summary: The jounins, with Tsunade and Jiraiya, come up with a most dreadful plan against one of their own... Genre: Humor/General Rating: G Disclaimer: The writer does not own any of the characters or anything involving the hit anime series, Naruto.
Chapter 1: The Conspiracy
*** Once upon a time...
...in a brightly lit room...
...a meeting was held...
...between a mismatched group of conspirators...
...and they have come up with a most dreadful plan against one of their own...
"I'VE GOT IT!!!!!!!!!!", shouted an ecstatic man wearing an incredibly horrid green jumpsuit. He looked around at the bewildered expressions of his fellow conspirators.
Silence...
.................
"Well...", said the man in the green jumpsuit, looking more than a bit peeved, "Aren't any of you going to ask me what it is?"
A purple haired woman looked up at him and sighed, somewhat exasperatedly, "Okay, fine. Why the hell did you just scream our ears off, Gai?"
"Yeah, this better be good or your dead.", said a wolfish looking man threateningly.
Gai sweat dropped then coughed importantly and struck an eye blinding pose,
"Well, as you all know, this meeting started half and hour ago and yet none of you have come up with a plan. But I, the Beautiful Green Beast of Konoha, has finally found the solution!!!"
Impatient glares from the people in the room immediately seared a hole in Gai's head.
Ignoring them, he continued, "There is going to be a tournament in three days, right? And the winner of the tournament will get to make his defeated opponent do whatever he wants him to do."
He looked absurdly proud and just about to explode with excitement...That is until someone decided to shoot down his bubble. That someone bearing the form of a brown-haired jounin whom looked the most normal of the lot.
"Great plan...except ", smirked Asuma, blowing a ring of smoke from his cigarette, "You forgot 3 things...."
He raised his hand and counted off as he talked, "One: There is no such rule. Two: You are insane. How do you think we'll beat him? And Three: Even if we come up with something for the above mentioned... You know he won't join the tournament."
"Yup. Last time I talked to him he said joining was a waste of time.", Kurenai commented, her eyebrow twitching, "He said he'd rather just relax and watch the fights."
Anko sighed exasperatedly as she hung her head, "That guy...sometimes I really want to strangle him to death."
"Get in line.", growled Asuma, looking more than ever determined to puffing his cigarette till nothing but ashes were left.
Someone coughed...
...Silence...
...another cough...
...more silence...
...Another cough, this time, though, the person coughing seemed ready to dislodge his esophagus...
"All right...What is it this time, Gai?", dead-panned the purple-haired jounin.
"Actually, I've worked out a plan around those problems. And there is but one solution...", Gai said proudly, puffing up his chest, horrible eyebrows included. "TSUNADE-SAMA!!!"
Not looking ruffled one bit at having someone shout her name at the top of his lungs, the blonde sennin looked up from the scandalous magazine she had been reading, "Yes?"
Every head in the room turned to Gai as if it were stupidly choreographed.
"The one and only solution to our dilemma is you, Hokage-sama. You who are the fruit of our nation. You who carry the weight of the entire village. You who are the most beautiful Hokage we have ever had. You—"
"Yes, yes, I know. Now cut the crap. What is it?", Tsunade said, rudely interrupting Gai's otherwise endless speech.
"All our problems can only be solved by you and only you. First: You have to authorize the rule that the Champion can make his defeated opponent do whatever the Champion wishes him to do."
Everybody actually started listening.
"Second: You have to issue an order that all jounins must compete. Willing or not."
Uh-hm. Uh-hm. Yes, yes this was a good plan. Everyone nodded enthusiastically.
Gai, seeing the reaction, struck a pose, "And third: You must defeat him in the championship round."
Tsunade, who had also joined in the nodding, did a double take, "Me? And why, pray tell, does it have to be me?"
"Because none of us can...", Gai muttered, almost seeming as if every word he uttered pained him, "And because even though I am his Eternal Rival...I...can't...um...um..." He trailed off looking as though he might be sick.
Anko smirked, "Yes, Gai, go on... It isn't too hard... He...he...he..."
Beads of sweat started sprouting out of Gai's forehead, "I. Can't. Beat. Him."
"What was that?", Jiraiya smiled evily, "We didn't hear you. Can you say it again?"
The other occupants in the room looked intently at Gai.
Sighing, Thick-Eyebrows closed his eyes, "I CAN'T BEAT HIM!!!"
The poor guy burst to tears, wailing as loud as an infant newly born. Quite a horrendous sight, really.
Tsunade, paying absolutely no mind to the earsplitting wailing coming from the man in the horrible green jumpsuit, asked, "And what about Jiraiya? He can fight... Right?"
Kurenai, the scarlet-eyed jounin, answered, "Well... He's kind of got the attention span of a 15-yr. old faced with the prospect of getting in a fight or peeping in some girl's bathroom forsaking all laws of nature which, by the way, dictates that women have the right to flay any disrespectful man alive to the end of his days."
Jiraiya stared slack-jawed at the raven-haired ninja. Speechless... looking more than ever like a deer caught in the headlights. An hour ago and he wouldn't even have thought it possible that the young jounin had such cruelty in her heart.
Tsunade chuckled, around her Gai only increased his exaggerated sobbing, " Ooohh... I like the way you think. Yeah... poor guy can barely keep his brains from melting when he meets some new kunoichi with the body of a soda bottle."
The white-haired leering pervert picked up his jaw from the floor and stared at the two women looking both annoyed and incredulous, "Hello? What am I? Invisible? I'm still right here you know."
Needless to say both women ignored him completely and carried on talking about Jiraiya's perverted tendencies.
In the background, Gai's continued sobbing started to recede. Well...just a bit.
Anko, getting bored, started throwing kunai's at the target board just above Asuma's head.
Asuma, deciding that the meeting had gone quite out of hand, cleared his throat, "Um...People?"
Everyone ignored him.
"PEOPLE!!!"
Suddenly sounds of head snapping up filled the room.
He looked around the headache-inducing brightly lit room, "It's decided then that Tsunade-sama will take care of everything?"
Nods around the room, although one in particular seemed more of a gesture of defeat.
"Well since we have solved our problem..."
Asuma, still smoking his cigarette, put out his hand, palms facing downward, and stood up.
A flurry of motion and the rest of the Conspirators joined in, putting their hands on top of the other.
"Ready?"
"READY!!!"
They threw their hands in the air and pumped their arms.
"OPERATION: REMOVE KAKASHI'S MASK!!!"
***
Author's Note: Next chapter may take a while to be uploaded since I am suffering a writer's block. Reviews are greatly appreciated. Thank you.