The Camping Trip of DOOM!!
By Umeko
Chapter Two: "Wimpy Akira and Shounen-Ai Implications" (Oh, hoorah!)

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!"

Akira, Waya, and Isumi crawled out of their tents, blinking in the early morning light. "What is it, Shindo?"

Hikaru pointed to the tree where his bag of ramen had been hanging the night before. "Someone stole my ramen!!" (HORRORS!!!!)

Waya slapped his head. "You should have known better than to leave it out! Some bears or raccoons probably got to it."

"I hung it in the tree so that the bears and raccoons COULDN'T get to it!!" (Bears can climb trees. I think raccoons can, too.)

"Just forget about it, Shindo-kun," sighed Akira.

Hikaru paused. "Did you ever call me 'Shindo-kun' before this trip?" (No, he did not!! ARGH!!)

"Uh…"

"I think that's just the author's idiocy," (YES!!!) Waya grumbled. "But jeez, you're slow, Shindo…"

Hikaru glared at Waya. "You're making no sense. (Waya is… a medium between the fanfic world and the real world.) And YOU!!" He turned back to Akira, pointing at him with his fan. "You will come with me to search for my ramen!"

"I'm WHAT?!"

"That's actually a good idea," Isumi commented, wanting to get the two younger pros out of the way in order to make breakfast without burning the entire campsite down. (I mean… of course!!) "So you two run along."

"Yaw-RIGHT!!" (An exclamation that originated from Yosei Nini [Ojamajo Doremi] attempting to say "All right!" in English.) Hikaru grabbed Akira's arm and began dragging him into the forest. "Let's go, Touya!!"

***

"Ow!" Akira cried, running into the third tree in a row. "Shindo, stop it!"

"I'm not doing anything!"

"Yes you are! You're dragging me into all these trees!" (Tee-hee.)

Hikaru growled. "I'm doing no such thing!" He whipped around to face Akira, but as he was still holding his wrist, Akira was swung into yet another tree. (Oww… poor Touya.)

"Ow! Shindo!" He pulled his arm away, rubbing his head. "You so did that on purpose." (I think… in the middle of writing this chapter, I decided that I was more used to calling Akira "Touya." But I'm a stickler for consistency, so I slaved over continuing to call him "Akira." No, this had nothing to do with this line.)

Scoffing, Hikaru answered, "Did not."

"Shut up."

"YOU shut up! We need to find my ramen."

Sighing, Akira followed Hikaru for a short while longer, managing to NOT run into any trees. Suddenly, he gasped. "GASP!! Shindo!!"

Hikaru ran to where Akira was standing. "What? Did you find my ramen?!" he begun scanning the ground, as if maybe, JUST maybe, his huge bag of ramen could be hiding under a leaf or a pebble or something. (It is SO possible!!!)

Akira pointed. "Look."

And sure enough, there it was. A cigarette. (GASP!!!)

Hikaru paused. "Okay… and…?" ("So, who do we know who smokes…?")

"How dare somebody litter our mother earth?!" he fumed. "I AM SO ANGRY NOW!!!" (Touya has become a nature-boy!!)

Still a little confused, Hikaru asked, "So… are you going to pick it up or anything?"

"NO WAY!!!" Akira screamed. "Cigarettes are EVIL!!!" (THAT'S RIGHT!!!)

Sighing, Hikaru picked up the cigarette. "Come on, Touya. Let's go back to the camp."

Akira followed, careful to keep a safe distance away from the stick of death. "Ew, Shindo, I can't believe you're touching that! It's all gross and disgusting! I'm not coming near you EVER again, Shindo!!" (He sounds like a girl. XD)

"Fine with me," Hikaru sighed.

"I bet you smoke ALL the time, Shindo!!!"

"Shut up."

"I WILL NOT SHUT UP! Shindo, you… you… DRUG ADDICT!!!" (WHAAATTTT???!!!)

***

Isumi and Waya looked up from the fire they were attempting to build. (Another fire! Hooray!!)

Waya poked Isumi. "Hey, Isumi-san, did you hear that?"

"Yeah." The taller boy nodded. "Touya said that Shindo's a drug addict." (I don't know why they randomly believed that, but…)

They paused.

"I'M GOING TO TEACH THAT KID A LESSON!" Waya yelled, standing up and punching his palm.

"No, Waya!" Isumi managed to hold him back. "No violence!! We need to convince Shindo that drugs are bad by TALKING to him!!" (Level-headed Isumi-san!!)

Waya calmed down. "You're right."

Sighing, Isumi let go of his grasp.

"BUT I'M STILL GOING AFTER HIM!!!" He stomped off into the woods, and a few minutes later, came back pulling the two boys by their ears. "SIT DOWN!!" he ordered.

"Ow, why'd ya do that, Waya?!" Hikaru moaned, rubbing his ear. "I didn't do anything!!"

"YOU LIE, SHINDO!!" Waya yelled, pointing at Hikaru. "You did something VERY bad!!" ("You TOUCHED a CIGARETTE!!!")

"I REALLY didn't do anything!" Akira cried. (Touya is suddenly… a wimp.) "Why did you pull MY ear?!"

"I just don't like you, Touya."

"Now, Shindo!" Isumi took over. "I will have you know that drugs are VERY unhealthy and you are NOT to touch ANY!! So get over your addiction!" (I don't know HOW this speech could be effective at all, but HEY!!)

Hikaru slapped his forehead. "I'm not a drug addict!"

Isumi and Waya turned to Akira. (Let's ALL believe Touya!!)

"He is!" he exclaimed.

Waya turned back to Hikaru, glaring. "We know you're lying, Shindo."

"No, no! I'm really not!"

"Then what is THAT?!" He pointed to the cigarette that Hikaru was holding. Isumi shook his head in shame. (YOU'VE BEEN FOUND OUT!!!)

"No, listen." Hikaru took a few breaths, trying to calm down. "Touya and I were in the woods looking for my ramen, right? Then Touya saw this cigarette on the ground and started freaking out because someone littered. But he refused to pick it up, so I did so that it could be thrown out. Then he accused me of doing drugs."

Again, Isumi and Waya turned to look at Akira.

"I wasn't going to pick it up!" he responded. "Cigarettes are gross!"

The two older pros groaned, realizing what had REALLY happened. (I don't know exactly HOW they figured that out… it made sense at the time.)

"Shindo, just… just throw it out," Isumi mumbled.

"THANK you!" Hikaru did so, then came back and hit Akira over the head with his fan. "You're such a wimp!" (Yeah, what's wrong with you, Touya?!"

"Ow!"

Waya walked over to Isumi's car, grumbling. Opening the trunk, he took out two cardboard boxes. "We're having dry cereal for breakfast."

Isumi cocked an eyebrow. "Why did we try to make a fire, then?" He gestured to their tiny, nanoscopic fire that went out a second later. (Technically, nanoscopic isn't a word, because "scopic" indicates that it can be seen and things on the nano-scale cannot be seen. But I don't care, I use the word ANYWAY!)

"Why not?" Waya shrugged. "So, we have two choices: Sugared Shougi Flakes or Granola Go O's!" (It… would be… SO awesome if they made Go O's!!)

"GO O'S!!" everyone shouted. "GO RULES!! SHOUGI DROOLS!!"

***

Back in Tokyo, Kaga's Spidey Shougi senses started tingling, but he paid no attention. (Spidey Shougi senses… yeah… I don't know where THAT came from.) (Hey, wait. Kaga smokes!! But he's in Tokyo, so I doubt that he littered the campgrounds.)

***

So everyone ate their Go O's and were happy because Go is the bomb. The were also very energized for the day ahead of them, because Go O's are a part of this complete breakfast!

Hikaru grabbed a handful of the cereal. "Touya, let's play a game with the Go O's!!"

"We don't have time!" Isumi quickly interjected. (Hoorah!! Isumi has prevented the apocalypse yet again!!) "We're going to hike up the mountain today!"

"What mountain?" the young 'uns asked. (Young 'uns… hehehe.)

"The one that nobody noticed until now, over there!" He pointed east, and - lo and behold! - there was a GIANT mountain and everyone wondered why they didn't notice it before. (Because… I only JUST decided that it was there!!)

"We're climbing up that in a day?" Akira asked incredulously (SAT word #1!!).

Isumi laughed. "No, in HALF a day! We'll spend the other half climbing DOWN. It isn't as big as it looks, so we'll be able to reach the top in time for lunch."

"YAY!!!" everyone cheered. (At this point my mind went blank and I abandoned mi cuaderno for a month. Observe my skills of breaking writers' block.)

So everyone packed up and went to the mountain. (HOO-RAH!!)

"All right!" Isumi exclaimed as everyone stood at the foot of the mountain. "Now, let's climb that mountain!!" (He's being WAY too excited about climbing a mountain.)

"YEAH!!" everyone cheered.

"Hold it!" said a voice. They all turned around to see a man with a long nose, big lips, eyelashes, and curly dark hair. He wore a cap, goggles, brown overalls, (Can you guess who it is?) and a nametag that read "Hello! My name is Captain Usopp-sama!!!!!!" (Yes, he NEEDED all six exclamation points!)

Everyone stared. Waya leaned towards Isumi. "Hey, Isumi-san. Is this becoming a crossover or something…?" (I swear, this is the ONLY time that I'll have a character from another series show up.)

Isumi shrugged. "I don't know. I think it's just a cameo." (Waya is a medium. Isumi is too, sort of, because of his magical powers that he learned in China.) Then he turned to Captain Usopp-sama. "Um… can we go up the mountain, please?"

Captain Usopp-sama shook his head. "You have to pay a toll to climb this mountain!"

He sighed. "All right, how much?"

"Ten berries each." (Berries ARE the currency in One Piece… right?)

Everyone stood there for a moment. "Um… we have yen, is that okay?"

"NO!! The payment MUST be in berries!!"

Everyone briefly considered challenging him to a game of Go for their right to go up the mountain (They're Go pros, what did you EXPECT?!), but they quickly disregarded the thought, since it would have SURELY taken too long.

Akira sighed. "Look, if you let us play in yen, we'll… ahh… bow to you like a king."

"Hmm…" Captain Usopp-sama rubbed his chin. "All right. Just because I'm the camp manager." (All right, THIS needs explanation. See, at the Girl Scout camp I mentioned in chapter 1, there was a camp manager. [That's sort of a given.] You couldn't really tell if she was male or female… anyway, I later saw Usopp and realized that the two of them look almost exactly alike. Thus, Usopp earned his title as camp manager. The end.)

"HOORAY!!" So everyone paid Captain Usopp-sama ten yen. (Believe it or not, I typed out "Captain Usopp-sama" each and every time. I didn't do copy and paste. It was excruciating.)

"Okay, now bow to me."

"NEVER!!" Then they all ran up the mountain, leaving Captain Usopp-sama in the dust. They laughed evilly the ENTIRE way up, because not only did they leave without bowing to Captain Usopp-sama, ten yen is only, like, eight cents. And that's pretty cheap. (At this point I was considering doing a little "What if I had NOT done a crossover?" thing, where I rewrote this part of the story, except Touya's dad was the one demanding a toll. I decided against it.)

Around noon they reached the summit (SAT word #2!! That's all the SAT words for this chapter… sob.). Then they realized that they had foolishly been laughing for about three hours, so they stopped and abruptly sat down.

"Well, let's set up our picnic, shall we?" said Isumi.

Hikaru blanched. "A… picnic? Ugh… Last picnic I had was when I was eight, and Akari…" He shuddered. "It was horrible…" (I have no idea what happened, either. It's a mystery.)

"I haven't had a picnic since I was four," sighed Akira wistfully. "Otousan took me to have lunch at the park…" (Warning: Touya remembers things… differently.)

"Akira," said Touya Kouyo as he packed away their food, (It took me… a LONG time to decide how to spell his name. I decided on this, even though both "o" sounds are supposed to be elongated, because it looks better.) "now that we are done with lunch, let us have a nice, rousing game of Go." ("Let us also brew a nice hot pot of tea and have a tea party!")

Akira nodded and took a giant goban out of a picnic basket that was surely too small to carry it. He and his father (Because of my indecisiveness regarding his name, I only used it ONCE.) began playing, but not three moves into the game a four-year-old Hikaru jumped out of the bushes. (GASP!!!)

"Go is stupid! It's for old men!!" He pointed at Akira's father. "Like you!!" (How rude!!) Then he kicked the goban over, scattering the stones everywhere.

"Hey!!" shouted little Akira, as Hikaru ran off cackling evilly. (Kouyo was also sobbing in the background for being called an old man, but I didn't mention that.)

"My memory!! That's not how it happened!!" (A subtle Kodomo no Omocha reference here… apparently… I guess… sort of…) Akira glared at Hikaru. "Shindo, why must you ALWAYS show up in my daydreams?!?" (…)

Isumi and Waya, in the process of setting up, froze, and Hikaru stared at Akira strangely. "…I'm in your daydreams, Touya…?" (XD)

A blush crept across Akira's face as he realized what he had said. "Not like that!! I mean that you are always messing up my thoughts!!" (Hehehe…)

Still, nobody moved. (I have a rather… simple writing style. -_-)

"…Touya…"

"Oh, just forget it, Shindo!!" He stomped off and sat facing a tree, fuming. (Hmm… déjà vu…)

"Touya!!" Hikaru stomped over to him. "I don't appreciate you copying me like that!!" (Oh, THAT'S right!!)

Akira glared up at the other boy. "I'm not copying you, Shindo!!"

"I'm the one with the moping tree!!"

"Well, I'm not moping!! I'm fuming, there's a difference!!!" (There most certainly IS!!!)

Isumi and Waya sighed, shaking their heads, and continued to set up for their picnic. (But once they get all that arguing out of their systems…)

***

"Shindo-kun, could you please pass the salt?"

"Why, certainly, Touya-kun!"

Hikaru and Akira chuckled warmly, flowers, hearts and bubbles surrounding them. (I drew a picture of this, actually. It's on my DeviantART account. You can find the URL in my ff.net profile if you so wish to see the very scary picture…) Isumi and Waya, observing this spectacle, fidgeted uncomfortably.

Hikaru sighed and gazed at the bright blue sky. "Isn't it just a lovely day, Touya-kun?"

"Yes, very much so, Shindo-kun!" Akira picked up a plate and held it out to Hikaru. "Have you tried the deviled eggs, Shindo-kun? They're absolutely devine, Shindo-kun!!" (This is actually kind of scaring me…)

"Uh, Touya," Isumi ventured, "those aren't deviled eggs. Those are just plain onigiri…" (Not onigiri as in Zoro's [One Piece] attack. Onigiri as in rice balls…)

"Oh, thank you, Touya-kun!" Hikaru took a 'deviled egg' and ate it happily. "Yes, Touya-kun, these ARE delicious! Have you tried the roast beef, Touya-kun?" He gestured towards a bag of potato chips.

"No, I have not, Shindo-kun!" Akira took a chip and ate it. "Oh, Shindo-kun, how delightful!"

Waya gritted his teeth. "All right, spill, you two! What the HELL is going on here?!" (That's what I'D like to know!!)

Hikaru and Akira turned to look at Waya, eyes glittering. (This is pretty scary-looking… when you imagine it…) "Whatever could you be talking about, Waya?"

He slapped his forehead. "Five minutes ago, you two were fighting about a damn tree. Now you're acting like you're the best of friends or something!!"

Akira giggled. "Why, that's because Shindo-kun and I are the best of friends, Waya!" ("DUH!!")

"Yes, yes," Hikaru nodded. "How correct you are, Touya-kun!"

"Aren't I always, Shindo-kun?"

"Of course, Touya-kun!"

"This is ridiculous," Waya grumbled. "What the hell did you put in their food, Isumi-san?"

Isumi put up his hands. "I had nothing to do with this. They were like this when they sat down to lunch." (Yeah, I doubt Isumi would be that evil…)

"Can't you fix it?!" (Of course!! Isumi-san can fix EVERYTHING!! From a broken heart… to a broken swing.)

Isumi paused, then walked over and took Hikaru's fan. (Only because it hadn't been mentioned in a while.)

Hikaru froze. "Oh, how dreadful, Touya-kun! Isumi-san has taken my fan, Touya-kun!"

"Fear not, Shindo-kun!" Akira stood up. "I'll get your fan back for you, Shindo-kun!!" (Akira the superhero!!) He slipped the fan back out of Isumi's hand and gave it to Hikaru. "For you, Shindo-kun!"

"Oh, Touya-kun! How can I ever repay you, Touya-kun?!" (It sounds pretty weird when they HAVE to say each other's names in EVERY sentence.)

"Just promise to be my best friend forever, Shindo-kun."

"Oh, I will, Touya-kun, of course!" (Heh… yeah right.)

Isumi shrugged and sat back down next to Waya as the two boys continued giggling.

"What was that supposed to do?" asked Waya.

"I thought that maybe, if I took Shindo's fan away, he'd break down and then Touya would start yelling at him that it's just a stupid fan." (It made sense at the TIME!!)

"Well, it didn't work." (Let's state the obvious!!)

"Obviously."

They sat there for a few more minutes, watching the hearts and bubbles, before Isumi stood up again, clapping his hands.

"Okay, everyone, let's climb down the mountain now!"

"Whaaaat?" Hikaru pouted. "I wanted to look at the beautiful scenery with Touya-kun some more!" (Make of it what you will.)

Akira nodded. "Yes, I wanted to look at the scenery with Shindo-kun as well!"

"Too bad!" Waya grabbed the two boys by their ears as Isumi packed up at lightspeed, using his magical powers that he learned in China. (HOORAH!!!!!!)

Or not. (Hmm… to have powers or to NOT have powers…)

"Oh, Touya-kun, isn't this just dreadful?" sighed Hikaru as he was dragged along the ground.

"Yes, it certainly is, Shindo-kun," Akira agreed. "But I don't mind as long as I'm being dragged with you, Shindo-kun!"

"I feel the same way, Touya-kun!"

And the two boys giggled happily. (EEHEHEHEHEHE!!!)

***

"Goddammit, Touya, that's MY side of the tent!!" (Well… you knew it couldn't last for TOO long…)

"Don't be an idiot, Shindo, your side is THAT one!"

Isumi and Waya sighed. "I can't decide which I liked better," Isumi groaned.

"This is really getting on my nerves, Isumi-san."

"Well, it's only…" Isumi counted on his fingers. "Five more days…" (It's a week-long camping trip!!)

Waya hung his head. "I want to go home."

"So do I, Waya… so do I…"

Akira suddenly fell out of the tent. "Ow!"

"Haha!!" Hikaru stuck his head out of the tent-flap. "Now the ENTIRE tent belongs to me! Sucks to be you, Touya!!"

"Shindo!!" Akira banged his fists on the tent, sobbing. "Let me in!!" (He COULD just open the flap by himself, but he's gone back into wimp mode.)

Isumi sighed again. "I'm getting to bed." (They decided to skip dinner, by the way.)

"Me too."

"SHINNNNNNNNNNNNNDOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (Actually… that ended kind of abruptly. But I think it's long enough.)