2.4.04 - You know, I COULD give some lame excuse as to why I haven't updated in over four months…
So I will. See, when I had posted up the second chapter, I already had quite a bit of the third chapter written on about… ten pieces of looseleaf. BUT I had to spend all my time writing college essays, as I am a HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR!!!!!!!, so I wasn't able to type it up. Finally, I get all my essays out, I get accepted to Bryn Mawr, which is good because that's the only college I applied to/considered applying to, and then I had to work on a lot of schoolwork. THEN come Winter Vacation, I decide to start writing this again. HOORAH!!
And… I SWEAR that I had filed those pieces of looseleaf away. I swear! But I couldn't find it anyway… so I had to rewrite it completely. ._. But I suppose it's better now. In the original version, Wimpy Akira was present about 99% of the time. Hahaha…
But, recently, I wrote out an outline of what I'm planning to be the rest of the fic, so I MIGHT be updating more often now… MAYBE. Knowing me, you wouldn't want to hold me to that. ^^;;
(PS- I'm trying to make a HikaGo roleplaying LJ thing. But so far I'm the only member. XD I have a link to my Hikaru journal in my profile if you're interested. ^^;;)

I attempt to bash Isumi throughout this entire chapter. Fear me.

"Disclaimer": I own Hikaru no Go!!

The Camping Trip of DOOM!!
By Umeko
Chapter One: "Canoeing and the Big City"

Fortunately, as soon as he calmed down, Akira figured out that it is fairly easy to open a cloth tent. So, he was able to go to bed as well, giving his goban a hug before drifting into sleep.

And everyone slept until noon the next day.

Unfortunately, sleeping until noon was not part of Isumi's plan.

"Wake up, everyone!!" Isumi kicked Hikaru and Akira's tent over, making them tumble out of their sleeping bags.

"Ow, Isumi-san!" Hikaru crawled out of the capsized tent, rubbing his head. "That hurt, ya know!"

"We slept LATE!!" Scowling, Isumi pointed up. The sun was high in the sky and - GASP!! NOTHING HAD A SHADOW!!!

Because it was noon.

Then Hikaru noticed something. "Hey, my ramen is back!!" With a cheer, he began shimmying up the tree to where his huge bag of ramen was hanging once again.

Waya appeared next to Isumi. "Okay… that was a little weird."

"Yeah…"

"Agh! Isumi-san!!" Akira rushed out of the tent, pointing an accusing finger at the older boy. "You made me lose my goban, didn't you?!"

Isumi stared at him. "…What?"

"My goban is gone! I bet it fell out of the tent when you kicked it!"

"I… I… No!!"

"I hate you, Isumi-san!!"

SHOCK!! There was… well, a shocked silence.

"You… hate me?"

"Yes!" Akira sobbed.

Hikaru, observing this ordeal from his perch in the tree, smirked. "Oi, Touya!" he called. "Are you crying over a stupid goban?!"

Akira glared up at his rival. "How can you say that, Shindo?! That was my goban!!"

"Well, jeez, I understand your passion for Go, because it's the same as mine." Hikaru laughed like a snooty rich person before continuing the taunting. "But still, it's just a goban!!"

"Shin-"

"Okay, you two, let's go!" Isumi suddenly called from a river that they hadn't noticed before. "The canoe is ready, so come on!"

The two stared. "Uh… what's going on?"

"We're going CANOEING!!!!" he replied, waaaaaayyy too enthusiastically.

Akira gaped at the river as Hikaru climbed back down to ground-level. "What about my goban?"

"Not now, we're behind schedule!"

"Okay!" Hikaru ran towards the canoe with his bag on his back.

Waya slapped his forehead. "Shindo, we're not taking your ramen."

"But… but… WHYYYY???"

"Because," Akira said, popping up behind Hikaru, "I can't bring my goban and it's not fair if you can bring your ramen."

"Um… yeah, it's also too big."

Hikaru rolled his eyes. "Touya, we can't help it if your goban spontaneously combusted."

Akira's face suddenly darkened. "It… what? YOU SET IT ON FIRE, SHINDO?!!"

"Um…" Hikaru dropped the ramen and held up his hands defensively. "No, I didn't! I said spontaneously…"

"Then Isumi-san burned it…"

"No, no! Dude, Touya, your goban did not burn up!"

"But you said-"

"I was kidding, jeez!!"

"If that's the case, that happened to it?"

"How the hell am I- Hey!" Hikaru looked around, noticing that he and the others were suddenly in the canoe, in the water. "What…?!"

Akira peered over the edge of the canoe. "How very odd… How did this happen?"

Grinning, Waya pointed to Isumi and himself. "While you two were busy arguing, we carried you into the canoe and pushed off. So just sit back and relax."

The two younger boys didn't do so, however, because they had noticed that an essential component in canoeing was missing.

"Waya… where are the oars?"

Isumi and Waya looked at each other, then shrugged. "We don't need oars. We're going downstream."

"What kind of logic is that?!" Akira slapped his forehead. "Shindo, use your fan as a paddle…"

"What? No!!" Hikaru hugged his fan close.

"Touya, relax!" Waya snapped. "It's just a straight route downstream!"

So they sat quietly for a while. Finally, Hikaru announced, "I'm hungry!"

"So am I!" Waya agreed.

Isumi thought about this. "Well, we haven't eaten at all today… but we don't have any food on the canoe…"

"WHAT?!"

Just then, by some freak coincidence, they ran up upon land, where there was a little shack. Everyone blinked.

"Um… Isumi-san?" Waya finally spoke up. "Where are we?"

"I… don't know…"

Akira climbed out of the boat and went to inspect a piece of posterboard that was stuck in the ground. "This sign says, 'Hot Dogs and Root Beer Floats Here!' "

"HOORAH!!!" Everyone cheered and ran into the little shack.

***

Kurata looked towards the door as four boys entered. "Oh! Shindo-kun!"

Hikaru jumped. "Ku… Kurata-san!! What are you here for?!"

"Well, this is my little shack of hot dogs and root beer floats!" He laughed like Kurata, because that's who he is.

"Uh…" Akira paused, then continued. "Why do you have a little shack in the middle of a river in the middle of nowhere?"

"It's a little shack of hot dogs and root beer floats, Touya-kun!"

"Um, right, but that still doesn't answer-"

"So! Are you boys hungry?!"

"YEAH!!!" Hikaru and Waya cheered.

So they all got hot dogs and root beer floats, but they couldn't get root beer without the ice cream because Kurata said so. And they didn't have to pay, either, because Kurata said that he would soon be a title holder and would get PLENTY of money then!!!

AND I'M A LAZY BUM!!!

Afterwards, the four pros left and went on their way down the river once again!!

***

Another half-hour down the river and the four boys were bored again. They had, quite stupidly, not taken anything on the canoe with them, after all, and had absolutely nothing to do. So they were forced to merely stare at the water, the shrubbery, or each other.

Finally, Akira broke the silence. "Hey, Isumi-san? What river is this that we're on?"

"Huh? What river?" Isumi blinked and thought for a moment. "Umm… this is the Sai River."

"SAI!?!!" the other three exclaimed.

"Uh… yeah… wh- oh, that…"

Waya flailed his arms. "You talk about it like it's nothing, Isumi-san!!"

"Well, I'm really not into that Net Go stuff, you know…"

"N- neither am I!!" Hikaru added quickly, gripping his fan.

"Hmm…" Akira put a finger to his cheek in thought. "Sai the legendary Internet player… and the Sai River… could there be some sort of connection…?"

"Hey, yeah…" Waya paused. "Maybe Sai lives on the Sai river…!!"

Hikaru let out a laugh, but looked away when they turned to him.

"So… we could be close to Sai right now!"

"Wow… that's rather eerie…"

"Oh, wait!" Waya pounded his fist into his palm. "Shindo said that he happened to pass by Sai in a Net Café, so that's probably not the case…"

Akira whipped around to look at his rival. "You passed by Sai, Shindo?!"

"Ah… ah, yeah, I guess I did… b- but I didn't see his face… or anything…"

Waya and Akira peered at Hikaru suspiciously for a moment.

"Uhh… hey, what's that?!" Hikaru pointed across the river with his fan. The other three turned to look, to see a man walking along the bank…

"Oh dear lord!" Isumi quickly blocked the eyes of the younger pros so as not to scar them for life. "Don't look!"

"H- hey! Isumi-san!!" Waya tried to push Isumi away, but to no avail. "What the heck is it?!"

"DON'T… LOOK!!!"

"What the hell is it, Isumi-san?!!"

"SHH!!" Isumi leaned his face closer to the others'. "It's some fat naked man just walking around on the edge of the river. Don't look!!"

Akira cocked an eyebrow. "You're obviously not telling the truth." So he pushed Isumi away and… "Oh god, my eyes!!"

"I told you not to look!!"

"Well, yeah, but you should KNOW that telling us that just makes us want to look more…"

Finally, the river began to be lined with shrubbery, obscuring the man from view. Sighing in relief, Isumi uncovered everyone's eyes.

Hikaru grunted. "That wasn't very fun, Isumi-san."

"Well, sorry."

"Hey, Touya…" Waya snickered, "wouldn't it be creepy if THAT was Sai?"

"Ew, don't say that…"

"It wasn't!!" Hikaru objected, then covered his mouth. "I mean… not that I'd know…"

There was a pause.

"Hey…" Akira spoke up, "when and how are we going to get back upstream?"

"Ah…" Isumi opened his mouth to talk, but stopped. "I… don't know."

"You don't know?!"

"…No."

Waya laughed nervously. "Well, let's just wait until we come across land and see how it goes from there!"

So the four sat around for a while more, listening to the river gently lapping against the outside of the canoe.

"Isumi-san, this is really boring," Hikaru whined after a few minutes.

Isumi sighed. "Well, sorry."

"Live with it," Waya added.

There was yet another pause. "Can me and Touya sing a song?"

"Yeah, yeah!!" Akira beamed. "I wanna sing a song with Shindo!"

Waya stared at them, perplexed. "…Go ahead…"

Grinning, Hikaru and Akira took a deep breath and then began screaming at the top of their lungs. "NINETY-NINE BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL! NINETY-NINE BOTTLES OF BEER!! TAKE ONE DOWN, PASS IT AROUND! NINETY-EIGHT BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL!! NINETY-EIGHT BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL…"

The older two groaned and attempted to concentrate on something besides their ruptured ear drums.

***

Twenty minutes later, Waya had (somehow) fallen asleep and Isumi was massaging a throbbing migraine.

"SEVENTEEN BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL! SEVENTEEN BOTTLES OF BEER!! TAKE ONE DOWN, PASS IT AROUND! SIXTEEN BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL!! SIXTEEN BOTTLES OF-"

"Okay, that's enough!" Isumi interrupted. "Do you have any idea how annoying that is?!"

"Aw, Isumi-san!!" Hikaru and Akira whined. "We were almost done!!"

"You were not almost done!"

Akira sighed. "Well, comparatively… anyway, you made us lose count, so we have to start all over again!"

"NO!" Isumi shouted urgently. "Just… please, just don't…"

"Stingy," Hikaru pouted.

"Wha…?!"

"Well… can we sing 'Five Little Ducks'?" Akira suggested.

"…Fine. You can sing 'Five Little Ducks.' "

"Hooray!!" the younger boys cheered before beginning their song. "Five little ducks went out one day, over the hills and far away! Mother Duck said QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK!!!… AND NINETY-NINE OF THE LITTLE BABY DUCKS CAME BACK!!!"

"WAIT A SECOND!" Isumi quickly cut off the screaming. "What's this 'ninety-nine little ducks came back' deal?!"

"Well, ACTUALLY…" Hikaru started, flailing his arms, "the song is ACTUALLY called 'A Hundred Little Ducks'!! So that's what we're singing!!"

Isumi was silent for a moment. "You can't sing that song. Sing something else."

There was a pause before Hikaru and Akira started screaming again. "THIS IS THE SONG THAT DOESN'T END!! YES IT-"

"Different song!"

"I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NER-"

"No!"

"IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER-"

"Dear God, no!"

Akira sighed exasperatedly. "Well, what are we SUPPOSED to sing?!"

"I changed my mind!" Isumi snapped. "You two are not allowed to sing!"

Suddenly, there was a large jolt and the four boys were nearly thrown out of the canoe. Actually, Waya WAS thrown out of the canoe, because he was in a state of unconsciousness at the time.

"Ow!!" Waya, who was roughly awakened by landing on a rocky shore, rubbed his head. "What the hell happened?!"

"Whee, we're on land!" Hikaru jumped out of the canoe and looked around. "Isumi-san, where are we?"

Isumi pulled a map out of nowhere and inspected it carefully. "…I think we're in Nagano."

Climbing out as well, Akira looked at the sky, which had until that point been blocked out by trees and such. "Wow… it's getting pretty late. The sun is setting already."

"That's obvious, Touya!!"

"Waya, get your face out of the rocks, I can't take you seriously like that."

Waya pushed himself into a sitting position, grunting irritably. "Okay, so what? We're in Nagano, what are we gonna do?"

"Let's get dinner!" Hikaru declared, raising his fist in the air.

"Actually, first, we should check into a hotel," Isumi said, folding up his map that may or may not appear again. "Okay, you three, let's go!!"

The four Go pros marched off into the city and spent all their money renting a GRAND room at a five-star hotel! Well, it wasn't TOO grand… it was a room with two queen-sized beds that they'd have to share. And a huge color television with cable and a huge bathroom and a vending machine RIGHT OUTSIDE!! AND… there was a beautiful view of the Sai River.

Okay, so it WAS a grand room.

Then they decided to eat dinner, but that was when the realized that they had very little money left. So, they went to the FAVORITE food chain of ALL Insei and Go pros…

NcDonald's!!! WOO!!!

Waya sighed wistfully, looking around the fast-food restaurant. "Oh, Shindo, Isumi-san, this brings back great memories of our Insei days, doesn't it?"

"Yes, indeed," Isumi answered, wiping a tear from his eye.

Hikaru stared at the two for a minute before shaking his head in shame. "Well, it looks like me and you are the only sane ones here, Touya…" He turned to his rival, only to notice that Akira was tugging on his sleeve, smiling brightly. "…What the hell?"

"Shindo, Shindo, look!!" Akira pointed to the Playplace, which was full of snot-nosed two-and-three-year-olds. "Shindo, go into the balls with me!!"

Hikaru nearly fell to the floor. "You're kidding, right?! You want to go in there?!"

Akira nodded cheerfully. "Yup!"

"You realize that we're almost sixteen, right?"

"So?"

"Argh! Waya, Isumi-san, help me out here!!" He spun on his heel, only to see that Waya and Isumi were in line to order food, reminiscing with each other about being Insei and going to NcDonald's. "Agh!!"

"Come on, Shindo!!" Akira dragged Hikaru into the Playplace area, knocking down a few screaming kids on the way. But he didn't care, and neither did the little kids. They were too preoccupied with screaming their lungs out.

"Uh-uh, no way, Touya!" Hikaru wrenched his arm from the other boy's grasp and glared at the tiny children, for they offended him so. "I am NOT going into that… that… THING with you!"

Akira blinked. "No colored balls?"

"No!"

"Then how about the tubes?" He pointed to the colored plastic tube structure that reached to the SKY!!!!… but really only to the top of their heads, since they were oh-so-much too old to be in the Playplace.

Hikaru glared at the tubes, since they offended him as well. Heck, everything in the Playplace offended him! "YOU can go into the tubes by yourself if you really want to, because frankly, that would be hilarious. But there is no way in HELL that you're getting ME up there."

Akira pouted. "Aww… but…"

"Hey, you two!!" Waya called into the Playplace, obviously trying to suppress his laughter. "What are you doing in there? We have your food!!"

"Yay!!" Akira exited the Playplace and Hikaru silently thanked all the holy figures in Heaven for preventing him from any further humiliation.

"So what did you order for us?" Hikaru asked as the four of them sat down at a horribly greasy table covered in crumbs.

"We knew what you wanted, since you were an Insei with us," Isumi said, wiping away another tear. "But we didn't know what Touya wanted…"

"So we got him a kids' meal," Waya finished, grinning smugly.

Akira glared at him. "You got me a what?"

"What, you're back to normal now?" Waya asked, amusement evident on his face.

"When was I ever NOT normal?"

"Um, try two minutes ago," Hikaru answered. "You tried to drag ME into that retarded Playplace with you."

"B-but Shindo!!" Akira exclaimed, eyes shimmering. "The Playplace is such a WONDERFUL place!"

Groaning, Hikaru turned away from his rival. "Just shut up and eat, Touya."

So they all ate and they had a GRAND ol' time! Waya and Isumi continued to reminisce about being Insei, and Hikaru joined in every so often. Akira didn't, however, since his was so ABOVE them Insei. He just played with the cheap toy that he got with his food.

***

"Okay, everyone, let's get to bed!" Isumi announced as soon as they returned to their room. "Shindo, Touya, you're both sharing a bed, so please try to get along. You have such a good record going for today. And NO ONE is going to sleep until noon tomorrow!!"

"Yes, Isumi-san…" the younger three droned tonelessly.

"OKAYLIGHTSOUT!!" Isumi pounded the light switch and the room was plunged into darkness. "Everyone to bed!!"

"Uh… Isumi-san?" Waya's voice said. "We still have to get ready for bed. Now we can't see. Turn the light back on."

"Oh, right." There was a pause before Isumi said, "Um, actually, I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"I think I broke the light switch."

"…Oh, whatever. We'll just not be hygienic tonight and go to bed with our clothes on and our teeth not brushed, then?"

"Yeah, that sounds good." There was a pause. "How come Shindo and Touya are so quiet?"

"Uh… I guess they fell asleep already?"

"Probably. Well, we should turn in as well, then."

And with that, they went to bed.

Little did Isumi know, however, that Hikaru and Akira were certainly NOT asleep. And the next morning he would be very surprised to find a huge bill for late-night room service and Pay-Per-View.

Reviews, reviews!!!

kireira- Indeed, it took another few months… sigh. I'd say to not expect that for chapter four, but I don't trust myself anymore. ._.

Lauren-sama- *beams* I'm glad people don't mind the long breaks. ^^;; And that cigarette? Hmm… I don't know. We might find out next chapter, but maybe not…

magnhild- Shush, you!

Halcyon Clouds- Geh… they actually didn't fight much in this chapter!! :O That wasn't on purpose. And Hikaru got his ramen back, as you know. :3

The Merciless Torturer- ^^ Thanks!

Hitori- Wow, I got a review only a month ago? :O Congrats, you were probably the one who got me back on track! XD