Jess
I wanted to fall into a slouch in her arms. I shook my head in hopelessness, not knowing what to do. I suddenly regretted opening this stupid can of worms. I turned and wrapped my arms around her, kissing her head, as I had used to do when we were together.
Her voice came as a muffle, "What now?"
I shut my eyes tight; knowing how much what I was about to say was going to hurt the both of us. I let her go and put my hands to my face because I didn't want to see her reaction, "Now, nothing."
However, I still heard it in her voice, "What do you mean?" The question was wobbly, just like my stance when I dared to look up at her.
"Think about this logically, Rory."
"But you're not logical. I'm supposed to worry about everything else."
"Then you must be rubbing off on me." I looked at her and smiled a bit. Then I realized my position, and took another step back. I couldn't stand too close to her, especially with the way the both of us were feeling.
And despite everything, I started to speak, "What do you think is going to happen to us, Rory? You'll be in Yale, and what will I do? Mooch off Ma-Huen until he kicks me out? I can't stay here. I have nothing to offer you, Rory."
"I don't want anything from you!" she cried suddenly, making me jump. Tears started to gather in her eyes, and I suddenly hated myself ten times worse. "I don't want… anything. I just want you."
I lowered my eyes at that, and for the first time in a very long while, I felt that small feeling in my chest flare up. I wanted to lash out, angry with myself for not handling things better. And what was worse, Rory blamed herself for my failure.
Now she stood before me, her composure crumbling by the second. My throat closed in on itself as I uttered the words, "But you need everything. You deserve… everything. Do you understand the difference, Rory?"
The words hit her right then. Rory took a step back, widening the space between us even more, and hugged herself. All the while she was looking at me, her eyes glazed with tears.
After a moment of staring at each other, daring one another to speak, Rory slowly nodded and said in the softest voice, "Fine."
That was it. Total and complete surrender in its most naked form.
"I'm sorry," I offered hoarsely.
She returned my apology with a brave smile and a shrug, "Hey, at least I tried, right?"
This time it was my turn to nod, "I'm glad you did." I then bent down and grabbed my bag, slinging it once again over my shoulder. I took another step towards the door, when I heard Rory clear her throat.
"Um…"
I slowly turned, raising my eyebrows in question.
"What if I wait for you?" Her voice sounded so hopeful, so small, that I just had to let out a chuckle.
"Can you wait that long?"
She squirmed slightly at the thought, "How long are we talking about?"
"Nobody knows, least of all me."
"Oh," she conceded, looking down at her feet. When she looked back up at me, she had that wobbly smile on her face once again, "Worth a shot, right?"
Oddly enough, when Rory said that, I suddenly didn't care. Every logical thought ran away from me, leaving me with nothing but my unmasked feelings for the girl who stood before me. It was clear, so very blinding, and a huge pump of impulse took over.
Without a word, I threw my bag to the floor and ran to her, taking less than two seconds to reach her. Rory backed up a bit in surprise, but as soon as my hands touched her face, she stood perfectly still. A small moment's hesitation came upon me, but then Rory licked her lips, and we both knew that this regretful thing was going to be so worth it.
I pressed my lips against hers, savouring everything about her.
I kissed her like I've never kissed anyone before. This was nothing compared to the million others we've shared, because this wasn't just a kiss. It was surrender, a concession, a display of every fiber of my being to Rory Gilmore.
It was a goodbye to Rory Gilmore.
"Jess," she whispered, her voice touching my cheeks.
But before she could say anything else, before I could muster a hiccup of a cry, I tore myself away from her and ran to the door, my bag trailing behind me.
I just hoped that she would wait for me.
Rory
I stood in the middle of his empty room, in a daze. I touched my lips; they were wet from tears. I touched my eyelids; there were none trailing to my mouth.
Jess always had a problem with crying.
I looked around the space, nothing reminding me of Jess, but the scent of him.
In a corner, a modest bed lay, haphazardly made. The bookshelf was empty, as was the desktop, except for an envelope marked, "Ma-Huen."
I sat on the bed wordlessly and cried. That was it. The end of Rory and Jess.
The next day happened upon me without much of recognition. Paris was off with Jaime, and I was doing my best to ignore Tanna, who had somehow turned into a gab machine in the last two hours, as we both sat in the common area, watching C-Span.
Suddenly, I got up and walked into my room (to Tanna's surprise). I charged towards my phone and dialed the number to my mother.
"Hey, babe. What's new?" She sounded so nonchalant, so chipper. I loved my mother.
"Hi, Mom. Nothing much; I just missed you."
"So did you finally figure out that Jordan Bancroft kid?"
I smiled at the thought of Joe, "Yeah."
I didn't know how else to get through such a heavy night as last night, but all I knew was that hearing my mother's voice always made me forget the horrors of my life. I wasn't sure if I'd ever get through this break up, but at least there was closure this time around.
Maybe I'll just wait a while. Because for once, Jess catered to my logical side, instead of my impulsive one.
END.