Eventually, everything is brought back to ground zero, the bottom, the beginning, and we are forced to start again. Some people get right back up without a second thought. Others never get back on their feet at all, struggling the rest of their lives to even begin to live again. And then...there are the rest of us. Day by day, we fight to be ourselves again, even after the most horrific of disasters, but a part of us will never be the same. Loved ones mourn for the darkness spread over our lives, but we pay no mind, because we are still alive, and we will find a way to live until tomorrow. That is all any of us can hope for.
Breathing easily now, Hakkai sleeps soundlessly in his bed, having passed out soon after his transformation from youkai back to human. The room has been cleaned and the bedding replaced, with most of the customers and staff back inside, believing the attacking youkai to have been driven away by the Sanzo-ikkou.
Another explanation couldn't be closer to the truth.
Gojyo is restless, unable to find a comfortable position in the chair he has placed next to Hakkai's bedside. His eyes never once leave the sight in that bed--Hakkai's sweet face, at peace, so tender and lovely--and he longs for the moment when the slumbering brunette will awake.
Tap. Tap.
Not a knock, but a quick rhythm, as if someone were only rapping a single finger. Gojyo curiously gets out of the chair and goes to the door, opening it with obvious frustration at being intruded upon.
"Kyu! Kyu!" Hakuryuu chirps, rushing into the room and fluttering madly around Gojyo's head. "Kyuu!!"
"Keep it down!" Gojyo hisses, gesturing to Hakkai in the bed.
Hakuryuu looks where Gojyo has pointed, and instantly flies over to land next to his owner's pillow. He keeps his beak shut, but sniffs lightly around Hakkai's head, looking at least a little content at having finally discovered what he had been looking for.
"What happened to you, anyway?" Gojyo whispers, reclaiming his seat beside the bed. "Get locked in a room somewhere?"
Hakuryuu flaps his wings indignantly and nods.
The dragon had instinctively flown to the area with the most action, assuming Hakkai would be there, but in all the commotion, he couldn't catch enough of Hakkai's scent to head the right direction. By the time Hakuryuu realized he was in the wrong place, someone had locked a door behind him, trapping him for almost an hour.
"You missed seeing him all demoned-up, but I guess that's a good thing." Gojyo explains, leaning back in his chair as comfortably as he can. "He'll be doing the whole angsting thing when he wakes, you can bet on that."
"Kyu?" Hakuryuu chirps softly, having fluttered his way from the bed to perch on Gojyo's shoulder.
Gojyo finds his ability to understand the dragon a little unnerving, but figures it isn't worth worrying over. "You heard them say he attacked Goku, right? Well...he attacked Sanzo before we could get to him. Drove his claws clean through the monk's stomach."
Hakuryuu's eyes widen in disbelief.
"Would've killed him AND the saru if he hadn't suddenly seen me. Actually...he probably would've killed me, too, if Sanzo had taken any longer chanting for new limiters. It was freaky. Hakkai could barely hold himself together. I don't think I've been that scared in my whole life..."
With a gentle nudge, Hakuryuu digs his head into Gojyo's neck, affectionately offering his own sympathies and regrets for what has happened. Gojyo reaches up to stroke the dragon's head and somehow ends up with Hakuryuu sitting in his lap, curling up into a contented, white ball while Gojyo pets him.
"He's gonna be okay, Hakuryuu. You'll see." Gojyo soothes, running his hand gently over Hakuryuu's wings, producing an adorable, snore-like purr.
Turning his attention to the bed, Gojyo continues petting the dragon--half asleep in his lap now--and watches, ever vigilant, for signs of Hakkai coming to.
"Be okay, Hakkai. Please, be okay..."
-----
The only sounds Goku can hear through the door are light mumblings from Gojyo and the occasional chirp out of Hakuryuu, so he presses his ear closer, hoping to hear evidence of Hakkai waking up.
"What are you doing?" booms an accusing voice--a familiar voice that has accused him often, of many things.
Goku spins around, coming face to face with his guardian, and plasters on his most innocent expression, as if to reply, 'Who? Me? I'm not doing anything.'
After years of practice with reading the monkey's guises, Sanzo has no trouble deciphering what is actually going on. "Leave them be." he instructs sternly, guiding Goku down the hallway with gentle pressure at his back--surprisingly gentle, even after all the revelations that have passed between them.
They continue until reaching their own door, and once there, Sanzo pauses, holding Goku in place as he carefully checks the younger man's temperature with a palm that moves fluidly from his forehead to his neck.
"You're warm again. Stupid monkey. You should be resting, not eavesdropping." the monk scolds, and then turns to the door, ushering them both inside before closing it behind him. "I don't want to stay here any longer than we have to."
Upon entering the room, Goku immediately goes for his whiteboard, left to rest on the end table beside the bed.
Sanzo stops him. "No." he orders. "Go to sleep. It's almost dawn and none of us have slept for more than an hour all night."
But Goku is unmovable--stubborn. He holds his ground, crossing his arms over his chest with that same old pout that always manages to crumble a little of Sanzo's walls.
"Yes, I am still going to sleep with you, so you can stop worrying." Sanzo states openly, having easily guessed what the monkey had intended to write about. "Will you just get into bed already?"
This time, Goku complies, beaming brightly as he bounds over to his side of the bed and pulls the covers back. He is already dressed for sleep--shorts and an oversized T-shirt--and crawls in comfortably, waiting for Sanzo to join him.
Ignoring Goku's jubilance, Sanzo walks to the other side of the room where his things are laid. His robe is slung over a chair beside the window, fully mended after some careful chanting--the sutra untouched and safe. At present, Sanzo is dressed in his jeans and leathers, barefoot.
He exchanges his pants first, deciding on a more comfortable pair of sweats, and then removes his arm covers, before slowly pealing off the skin-tight layer of black leather from his chest.
Usually, Sanzo is content to sleep in his undershirt and jeans, though the others all have variations for slumber. But tonight--this morning, rather--after so grueling a trial and so little rest, he would prefer to indulge in whatever pleasures he can.
What he doesn't realize is that Goku is thinking the very same thing.
When Sanzo turns around to face the bed, he sees that Goku is looking at him very intensely. The boy has been watching him the entire time, and Sanzo is forced to repress a blush that runs clean down his chest. He has never seen a look quite like that in Goku's eyes, not even when the boy had demanded a more passionate good night kiss.
"What?"
Goku merely grins and pulls the covers back in invitation.
"Don't get any ideas, monkey." Sanzo warns, though he obeys and is soon snuggled under the covers with Goku curled in against his chest.
They lay there a few moments, neither really thinking about sleep. Sanzo doesn't offer a good night kiss this time, but oddly enough, Goku doesn't ask for one. It isn't all that odd, actually, considering what he has decided to do instead. Ever so gently, the young brunette begins to trail his fingers up and down Sanzo's chest, and eventually, is caressing the smooth skin with the entirety of his palm.
"Quit it." Sanzo hisses, sounding very groggy, but still stern.
Goku listens...at first...but soon begins to trail his hand again, this time bringing it low enough to run horizontally along the waistline of Sanzo's low-riding pants.
"Goku..." growls a warning tone, betraying itself in the forcefulness it takes to speak without sounding breathless.
But Goku does not seem to hear his guardian, for his hand stays put, and soon, he is shifting his weight to better reach Sanzo's chest with his lips.
Butterfly wing kisses flutter along the monk's collarbone and lower to his thin but firm pecs, which causes Sanzo to hiss unexpectedly between his teeth, though he does not protest. Goku grins within his assaulting kisses and travels upwards, making the kisses deeper with darts of his tongue as he climbs the curves of Sanzo's neck. Soon, Goku reaches the more delicate skin of Sanzo's ears, his tongue flicking lightly at first, teasing, with his teeth occasionally nipping at the lobe. Then he begins to lap at the curves of cartilage just inside the main shell--deeply, perfectly.
Sanzo's eyes close in expectant wonder at the ache pulsing in his groin. How something so simple done to something so seemingly unsexual could cause such intense pleasure...matters not when it feels as good as this. Sanzo finds himself clutching at Goku's back, the young man having climbed on top of him while working his tongue with such unlearned expertise.
"Baka...s-stop...before...you get into something...you can't handle..."
Goku would have laughed if his voice was in full form, but instead, his heart speaks for him. 'It seems like you're the one who can't handle the heat, Sanzo.'
"Uru...s-sai..."
And Goku DOES laugh--a soundless vibration that pushes the sensation of Goku's nips and licks even further. Lifting up at last, Goku looks down heatedly into Sanzo's face, enjoying his current position immensely, before diving down to capture the blonde's parted and panting lips. It is like the kiss they shared earlier that night--so long ago, yet only hours in the past--but the more intimate position of them pressed into each other causes more than flushed skin.
Goku gasps at the sudden feel of hardness pressing into his own, and once broken from their kiss, the expression on Sanzo's face causes him to laugh again--silently, with tingling vibration. Sanzo looks...scared, unsure. Goku, however, is very, VERY sure.
Grinding his hips slowly, deeply, borderline brutally against Sanzo's, Goku has to bite his bottom lip to keep from squealing at the glorious feel of it, and struggles to keep his eyes open to take in Sanzo's reaction.
The monk is reeling. His own eyes roll back, mouth wide, with an expression caught somewhere between agony and impossible bliss clinging to his features. Oh! He gasps aloud, unable to keep himself silent. Again, the act is so simple, but for someone who has never experienced anything even remotely...sexual...who never indulges himself in such a way on ANY level...it is carnality at its best.
Goku worships that image--the image of Sanzo beneath him, completely under his thrall--and grinds again, straddling Sanzo's waist for the most possible friction between them.
Again. Sanzo is shuddering.
Again. He can't even keep his eyes open.
Again. His body is limp at Goku's touch save the reciprocating thrusts of his hips.
Again. Again. Again.
Sanzo suddenly wraps his arms tightly around Goku's back, pulling the boy flush against his chest, and rolls, flipping their positions. Their thrusts stop, and Goku takes a moment to recognize that he is no longer in the dominant spot. Sanzo is holding him down, though the boy's legs are still wrapped around Sanzo's waist, and the monk looks into those golden eyes with as much serious emotion as he can muster.
"Do you know what you're doing?" he breathes, his stomach muscles tight with the force of willing himself from reacting to the continued pressure of Goku's firmness against his. "Do you REALLY know...?"
This is the reversal, the reversal of roles. Sanzo may be dominant in most aspects, and may yet prove to take over the night's events, but Goku holds all the true power, with no apprehension and no regrets.
The flushed brunette nods once and grins, reaching up a hand to pull Sanzo's face down into a slow kiss.
Try as he may, Sanzo cannot suppress his body's reactions and he thanks the gods he changed into sweats from his jeans, because he would be in agony right now if he hadn't.
Strengthening his legs' grip on Sanzo's hips, Goku bucks up, loving the shooting spasms of pleasure the act creates. Now that Sanzo is on top, however, the monk is in control of the amount of pressure delivered, and with his immediate concerns lost in the haze of firing hormones, he reclaims his position as dominant keeper.
Lifting Goku's arms above the boy's head, Sanzo pins them their with a hand on either wrist, lifting himself just enough to gain the leverage he is hoping for. His eyes are not closed now. Violet looks deep into gold as Sanzo pumps down and slightly up, brushing their loosely separated erections hard against each other. Harder than Goku could manage. Harder than both might be able to stand without that separating cloth removed.
Sanzo pumps again, trembling more fiercely than before with every rush of sensation, and finds mild irritation in how Goku is so composed. He vows to do something about that--soon.
Pumping harder, Sanzo grinds Goku back into the headboard, wanting to see the younger body beneath him squirm, shudder, cry out--okay, maybe not cry out, since it would be more of a pain for Goku than a pure expression of approval, but still. Sanzo wants control in his hands so undoubtedly, Goku would obey his every whim.
Again. Again. Again. And they are both seeing stars. It is too much, not enough, everything either has ever wanted and not dared to ask for or seek.
Sanzo gasps, gripping Goku's wrists tightly as their hips move, fighting fiercely to maintain that same shivering pleasure as their bodies work feverishly against each other.
Staring heatedly down into Goku's eyes, Sanzo can tell the monkey wants more, more than this, more than friction. Goku wants skin--skin against skin, sweat, heat--but Sanzo isn't sure he can offer that. Since when is Goku such a slave to his hormones, anyway? The whole concept of Goku being more forceful about this than Sanzo sets the monk on edge. He should be in control, he should be the one to push things from one level to the next, he should be the one who is confident and unafraid.
But none of that is true.
"Goku, stop." Sanzo instructs, ceasing his own movements and applying more of his full weight to force the monkey to stop as well. "We...we should stop."
Goku replies to this with obvious hurt flashing through his eyes, but he allows Sanzo to still him. When Sanzo rolls away, back to his own side of the bed, Goku props himself up on his side, refusing to merely leave things be, even if he isn't going to protest such a cruel secession.
Slowly, Sanzo's breathing returns to normal, and when the monk finally seems to have cooled himself down, he turns to address Goku's expectant attention. "Don't look at me like that. It's just...I've never done this before. I've never even FELT this before." he admits. Goku has always assumed as much, and Sanzo knows the same is true for Goku, but...to admit being a novice at anything is a blow to Sanzo's pride. "I've never touched anyone. I've never loved anyone...like this. I...love you, Goku. I do love you..."
The understanding expression on Goku's face melts into shock. Sanzo has never said that to him. Never. Not after his own confession. Not after their more heated kiss. Not until now.
"And...I don't want to spoil this." Sanzo finishes, not masking that he has just declared love, but not lingering, either, for fear of feeling trapped by it. "It's different with us than with Gojyo and Hakkai. For us, it's a beginning. For them...well, it's about time. But we need MORE time. I need more time...alright?"
Hormones and fantasies aside, Goku understands where Sanzo is coming from. Wherever they had been about to go, there will be plenty more opportunities to get there. Their love is still new, unfamiliar, and both would hate to ruin the adventure before it even begins.
Settling in beside each other, both are already exhausted with lack of sleep the night before--the sun just beginning to rise now--and they are content to lay in each other's arms.
They are silent for a moment, until Goku's heart can no longer keep quiet. 'Thank you, Sanzo, for saying...you love me. I've wanted to hear it for so long.'
With Goku's head tucked under his chin, Sanzo allows a small smile, knowing the saru can't see it.
'I didn't expect to hear it back when I first said it to you, but...but I wanted to hear it. I know you said you felt the same way, but...that's not the same as actually saying it. It just...means so much to me.'
"You're so noisy." Sanzo comments, without even the smallest touch of annoyance or anger in his tone. "So noisy...even when you can't speak. How did I get stuck with hearing your call, hmm? Must be some form of punishment."
Goku raises his head just enough to stick his tongue out in Sanzo's face, and then curls back into his cozy position. 'Meanie...'
Sanzo's smile broadens. It is more than enough for them to merely drift asleep, their passions stilled, and their hearts full of possibility.
That is all they can ask for.
tbc...
A/N: K, next chapter will be for Gojyo and Hakkai and then I will wrap things up. Hope you're still enjoying, and thanks so much to EVERYONE. You have no idea how much you make my day.
Crim