Disclaimer: Harry Potter and other related material belongs to J.K. Rowling.
100 ways to torture Bellatrix Lestrange
by Padfoot the Marauder
Chapter Two: Starring Bellatrix as Barney
2/100
"Barney!" squealed a three year old, as he saw Bellatrix Lestrange in her new uniform, a stupid replica of a purple dinosaur, without the smiling Barney head.
"I'm not Barney, you son of a b****!" she screamed at him.
"You sound like Mummy when she plays with Daddy 'Throw Plates'," noted a five year old.
"Aren't you too old for Barney?" Bellatrix asked the five year old.
"No," she replied.
A two year old girl walked up to Bellatrix, and wrapped herself around Bellatrix's fat, purple leg.
"I love Barney!" she said, and sucked her thumb.
Bellatrix shook her leg, hard, and sent the girl flying all the way across the room. The girl was screaming hysterically. A small crowd of kids gathered around her, and the five year old screamed "Somebody call a Mummy!" as the director ran into the room.
He turned to Bellatrix.
"What happened, Bellatrix?" he asked, concerned.
"The girl was running around, screaming 'Barney' and she bumped into the wall," she fibbed.
"That happens once in a while," the director said. "Get over-excited from meeting their hero."
"She's lying!" the five year old screamed. "She ran to Barney and Barney kicked her."
"She's got quite a vocabulary," Bellatrix noted. "And a big imagination to match."
"Don't worry, I believe you, you're the adult here. Think I'd believe a kid?" the director laughed. "Now we better rush her to a hospital. Her nose is broken."
"Dear, dear," Bellatrix said, putting on her Barney hat. When the hat was rested on her shoulders, she grinned widely.
"We air in thirty seconds," the director said, as he gave the girl to her mother, who was sobbing uncontrollably.
Bellatrix ran to the stage.
"Thirty. Twenty-Nine. Twenty-Eight."
Three teenagers slowly crept into the audience. Bellatrix saw jet black, messy hair, flaming red hair, and bushy, brown hair.
It's Potter and his stupid friends, Bellatrix thought. I'll kill them after the show, Master will be pleased.
"Three. Two. One. We're airing the show!"
"Hi! I'm Bar-" Bellatrix's words were cut short by the two wizards and a witch, who were throwing tomatoes and onions at her.
"Avada Kedavra!" she screamed at them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was no flash of green light. Her wand was in Dumbledore's office in Hogwarts, how could she forget?
The audience stared at her, open-mouthed. Dumbledore had arrived, and he was scolding Potter and his friends.
The director ran up to the stage.
"This episode of 'Barney Live!' has been canceled. If you want to be Barney in next week's 'Barney Live', call I LOVE BARNEY."
The director turned to face Bellatrix.
"Dear, dear," he mocked. "You did hit the girl. You are crazy, mad and insane. I've seen nutters that yelled 'Avada Kedavra' before. Said that I'm a 'muggle', whatever that is. Now, to St. Brutus's Center for the Incurably Insane."
He ordered a taxi to take Bellatrix (who kept smacking him in the face) there, and shoved her into the taxi. Bellatrix gasped when she saw who the taxi driver was.
"Mad-Eye Moody!" she gasped
A/N: Bad cliffhanger. I know. R&R. Next chapter will be more interesting, I promise. -Padfoot the Marauder