Dawn couldn't find a calendar anywhere in the damned apartment. She had finished her bottle of vodka and was officially out of liquor. She was hoping that she could find something stashed somewhere in her search for a calendar. God, if she missed her baby's birthday, he'd never forgive her.
He'd be sixteen, no seventeen today. She remembered when he was born, god, she and David were so happy. She thought that Ryan would save her marriage, she had told David that getting pregnant was an accident but she had planned it. He was fucking around on her and Trey was an all out terror to live with and she needed something to bring happiness back into the house. Something to keep David home more.
Who would have known that Ryan would turn out to be such a fucking angel. He was the best baby ever. He walked months earlier than Trey and he could fend for himself before he started school. Ryan was a low maintenance kid.
But when Trey got out of juvie the last time, things had changed. Ryan had stopped talking to her after one of her ex's had broken his arm and he had to quit soccer or whatever he was playing back then. She knew that AJ didn't mean it, it was just an accident and Ryan shouldn't have taken it personal, but he had. When Trey moved back in, Ryan went bad, too. It was Trey's fault.
Dawn gave up on the calendar and sat back down on the loveseat. Even if it was his birthday, she couldn't call him. He might not want to talk to her. She hadn't even said goodbye to him the last time she left. But she did send him a Christmas present.
He wouldn't want to talk to her. She lit a cigarette. He was happy with his new life. He had a new, improved family that could take care of him…he belonged to them now. Surely they would be celebrating his birthday in style. They would probably dress up in their expensive clothes and drink champagne and talk about ways they could spend their money.
She wouldn't call him because it would make her cry. Damned rain brought her down and talking to Ryan would only bring her down further. He always brought her down. She loved him, but he always thought he was better than her, smarter than her. The way he would look at her, like she was worthless, it used to piss her off. He stopped looking at her in her eyes when he was younger, he had felt the back of her hand enough times to learn not to meet her gaze. He shouldn't look at his mother like that. He should be respectful. God, Dawn was his mother for god's sake, he shouldn't look at her like she was trash.
She wouldn't call him. It was for the best. He could have a good birthday with his new family and Jakey would be bringing home fresh gin for her. She'd make it through this rainy day.