Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything related to him in any possible way, so be a dear and leave me alone.

100 ways to torture Bellatrix Lestrange

3/100

Baby Bellatrix

A/N: Bellatrix will have a lisp here, so if you see words that seem gibberish, turn the "th" into a soft "c" or "s".

"No more Mr. Nice Guy," Bellatrix muttered under her breath, she slowly took her hand out, and gently pulled Moody's wand from his pocket. She raised it behind her head.

"Avada Kedav-" but the wand turned into an old, short, wooden stick.

"No!!!" she wailed like a five year old.

Mad-Eye chuckled. "The fine wandwork of the Weasley twins… fake wands."

"What?" Bellatrix yelled. "You mean I was outsmarted by a pair of blood traiting Weasleys who didn't even finish school?"

"I believe you were."

"Wah!!!!!!! I want home!"

"Well, soon you'll be in your new home. St. Brutus's Center for Incurably Insane. Do a good job on Muggles, those faithful people in white robes. You'll be the first witch there."

"Only muglels and no withes? I wan Mummy!"

"Muglels? Withes? Wan?"

"Yeah, wath wrong with it?"

"Nothing."

"I wan MUMMY!"

"Mummy's visiting her son in law in Azkaban today."

"Uncle Luthy?"

"Us. Lucius."

"No. He'th Luthy. That'th what my big brother Narthitha callth him"

"Brother?"

"Oopth, I meant thithter."

"Ah, I see. So your sister calls him Lucy?"

"Yeth, but my hot blond nephew callth him father and I will call him father too."

"Oh."

"But that Tonkth babe (they thay she'th my neithe) callth him thinking baboon."

"Thinking?"

"NO! I meant thmelly thinking."

"Aha."

"And that cute guy, Siriuth, he callth him f***ing son of a b****."

"So you like Sirius and Draco?"

"Yep. They're hot."

"And you call Tonks a babe?"

"Yep."

"I see."

"Well, when are we going to my new home?"

"Here we are."

"Oh I love you Ken."

Moody walked out of the car, took Bellatrix's hand and started toward St. Brutus's, Bellatrix drooling over the thought of Draco (Malfoy).

A/N: Review! I had an urge to make Bellatrix Incurably Insane, so I did so. Next chappie: Bellatrix in St. Brutus's. Something you won't want to miss. And: the thank yous to reviewers: the wonderful Caranardaiel, the magnificent Lebbie Black, the superb Ocean Goddess, Luna Quibbler the great, the wonderful kantoman, the magnificent girlygirl415, the superb anonymous radiogrrl, and (anonymous) Hywel (don't ask) the great.