*****
Dawn was pissed. Jakey had come home drunk as fuck with no liquor. She had just made a fucking wet-ass dash to the liquor store and was soaked. Fucking rain. Jakey was worthless. He had come in with grabby hands and no money. Bastard. He was just like David, he didn't appreciate her, he didn't appreciate everything that she had done for him.
She took a swallow from the bottle and appreciated the warmth that it brought to her stomach. The rain had been cold. She changed into a fresh t-shirt and jeans and sat down on the couch. Fucking Jakey was passed out in the bedroom and she had splurged and even bought mixer to go with her vodka. Ryan had always told her that drinking liquor without a mixer would kill her stomach lining but she didn't believe him. The last time he mentioned it to her, she had slapped him across the face.
She didn't mean to hurt him, but he never knew when to shut up. He'd back talk to her and AJ and it was none of his business, he didn't know what was right for her, he was just a fucking kid.
She'd felt bad about that time, though. Trey had even yelled at her and he never defended the kid. Turned out that Ry had gotten beat down pretty bad a few days before and when she slapped him it had ripped open a gash in his face and it took a while for it to stop bleeding. AJ had ended up punishing the kid for bleeding on the furniture and Ry had taken off for a few days.
He was a good kid but he wasn't good for her. She had enough to worry about without having to worry about all the trouble he kept getting into. Cops, fights, restraining orders and tears, she had left all that behind when Dave got sent away.
Fuck Trey and Ryan for bringing that back into her life. She wanted a nice calm life, no police, no fucking violence but no, they were their father's sons, unable to survive without their fists, unable to solve any problems without inflicting pain…she shouldn't be thinking like this. It was her baby's birthday. He was almost a man.
Fuck it, Ry had been a man since his dad got sent away. She could remember him staring out the window when she was driving home from the courthouse. Trey had been bitching about how shitty a father Dave was but Ryan hadn't said anything. He had been dead silent, which wasn't unusual but it was unusual for this day. Trey had been David's favorite, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't make David love Ryan. Not the way she loved him. David only had eyes for Trey, he was his protegee, his firstborn and Ryan…well, Ryan was always her responsibility, he had never lived up to David's expectations. She had expected Ryan to be happy that his dad was gone, he should have been overjoyed that David was out of his life, but he wasn't. The kid had been devastated.
When the first letter came from jail, Dawn had read it. It was addressed to both her boys but it was written to Trey. David had never known what to say to Ryan and it showed through in the letters. She had given the letters to Trey and after the first couple, she noticed that Ryan wouldn't even open them when he'd bring home the mail, he'd just give them to Trey.
She wondered if it hurt Ryan to read the letters. She didn't know if they had stopped coming, Ry always took care of the mail, she'd just write the checks for the bills when she had the money. She'd always meant to ask but they never mentioned David, not in the past few years. Ryan rarely mentioned anything.
He'd told her about a play he was in once, said that he'd like it if she'd come and see him but AJ had scored some good smack that day and she'd forgotten. After that, he'd rarely talk to her at all. She knew he understood, Ryan always forgave her for being such a fuck up. He knew how she was. Ryan always knew that she loved him, that he was everything to her…he knew that she fucked up sometimes but he knew that she loved him. He had to know.
Maybe she should call him. She had the number around here somewhere. She needed to talk to her baby. She had to make sure he knew.