*****

Kirsten was sitting at the counter when she saw Sandy close the door to the poolhouse. It was early in the morning now but she couldn't sleep without Sandy beside her. Well, that wasn't exactly true. She couldn't sleep knowing Sandy was angry with her.

Ryan had changed everything. Her stable home had been turned upside down when Sandy first brought him home. Nothing was the way she was used to. Instead of being wholly focused on Seth and Sandy, she had another person to consider.

God, she couldn't complain, he was a great kid. He basically took care of himself, he wouldn't dream of asking them for anything but it was her job to offer. She should offer. She should take better care of him. She should be a better mother. Even though he had a mother, she should be one for him too. It was her responsibility to show him how a real mother acted.

"Still up?" Sandy asked, closing the door to the patio behind him.

"Stop it, Sandy," Kirsten sighed. He sat down beside her. "How is he?"

"He woke up. Still burning up. He said that his dad called."

"What did he say?" She asked.

"Ryan told him that he'd already called the cops and if he came near him that he'd have him arrested. He didn't say exactly when he smashed the phone, but considering the circumstances…"

"He said more than I expected," She nodded. They sat in silence. "Coffee?"

"Sure."

She busied herself with making him a cup of coffee. She set it in front of him and sat down again at the counter.

"He's not my son, Sandy," Kirsten stated quietly. "He'll never be my son."

"I know."

"That doesn't mean that I don't love him. It doesn't mean anything, Sandy," Kirsten said, meeting his piercing gaze.

"It does mean something if you're scared of him…"

"I'm not scared of him, I know he'd never hurt me…" Kirsten said.

"Then what?"

Kirsten sighed. Sandy put his arm around her. She loved him more than anything else in the world, not counting Seth. "He's not a child, Sandy. He's a man. I don't know what you expect from me…"

"I don't expect anything from you, honey…"

"He's not my son. He's done so much for Seth, so much for Marissa, he's like…he's more mature than any sixteen year old that I've ever met but…"

"Everyone has baggage…"

"I know, but I have no idea what kind of home life he's had. I don't know how to talk to him, what to say to him…when you told me that his father was out of jail…I thought…I thought that he'd want to see him, that he'd want to leave us…"

"I thought the same thing. Ryan's a smart kid. He knows that he's better off here. But if you're not sure about him being here…"

"I am sure. I'm not going to put him out on the street…"

"Have you told him that? Have you talked to him, Kirsten? Because…"

"How am I supposed to talk to him? God, Sandy, it's like talking to a wall…" Kirsten said in frustration. Sandy wanted her to take him under her wing and make him okay, but he wouldn't talk to her, he wouldn't talk to anyone. The most she'd seen him open up to anyone was Seth and she couldn't expect her son to rehabilitate Ryan.

"Kirsten," Sandy breathed.

"I'm not scared of him, Sandy, I just…I don't know how to talk to him. Every time I try and reach out to him, he pulls further away." Kirsten met her husband's eyes and was relieved to see understanding in his eyes. "I don't want him to leave. I don't want to lose him. I don't want to push him away but I don't think that I'll ever be able to be there for him the way you want me to be."

Sandy nodded. "Okay, Kirsten. I can't ask you for anything more."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. We're both doing the best that we can. Let's go try and get some sleep," Sandy said.

"Is Ryan going to be okay?" Kirsten asked.

"He said that he'd come to us if he needed us. We have to believe him."

"Let's go to bed," Kirsten agreed. She needed her rest. She'd worry more about Ryan tomorrow.

*****